


Cardboard Mother

by ESawyer



Series: Cardboard Mother [1]
Category: The Book of Mormon - Ambiguous Fandom, The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Angst, Connor plays Whizzer Brown, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Is this one big Falsettos reference? Maybe, Kevin and Connor start a family, Kevin is a Doctor, M/M, Married Life, Post-Uganda (Book of Mormon Musical), Sexual Content, Surrogacy, They have a dog called Fiyero because that just made sense to me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 92,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21863533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ESawyer/pseuds/ESawyer
Summary: Kevin Price had meant to have a completely normal yet wildly successful mission, go to BYU, find a girl, marry her, be a Doctor and live in Utah for the rest of his life.Instead, he had a completely abnormal mission, went to Harvard, didn’t find a girl because he had aboy, married that boy, was a Doctor, lived in New York and planned to stay there for the rest of his life.All that was missing was aproperfamily; one that wasn't the cardboard mother and emotionless father he had instead.
Relationships: Arnold Cunningham/Nabulungi Hatimbi, Elder "Connor" McKinley/Kevin Price, Elder Church/Elder Thomas (Book of Mormon Musical)
Series: Cardboard Mother [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1978453
Comments: 208
Kudos: 212





	1. Prologue - Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! The title is based of a poem by Chen Chen called _I Invite My Parents to a Dinner Party_. Please read it, it's one of my favourites!

Kevin Price had never meant to be gay, it was just something that he had always been uncomfortably aware of. He had first known it when he had watched Grease and realised that whilst everyone else was enraptured by Olivia Newton John in those tight black pants, he was enraptured by John Travolta - and for all the wrong reasons.

“Gay men can still marry women, Kevin,” his mom had told him when he’d tearfully admitted his feelings to his parents, “If you study hard and do exactly what the Church tells you, you’ll be just fine,”

“In fact, why don’t you have a chat with Eric at Church?” his dad said, “He’ll explain everything,”

And Eric did explain everything; he explained how he too had struggled with unclean thoughts and how he had managed to put it all behind him. He was now married to the lovely Francine and they had three children together. All it took was two years of a mission to work on himself before he became the man that Heavenly Father had wanted him to be.

“But - do you still have...do you still have thoughts?”

“There’s nothing wrong with _having_ gay thoughts, just as long as you don’t _act_ upon them,”

“Oh,” Kevin said, “Oh. Okay. Thank-you,”

“Do you think you’ll be able to do that?” Eric asked seriously.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I think I’ll be fine,”

And it would have been fine until a red-headed missionary pranced into his life. And ‘prance’ was the only way to describe how Connor McKinley walked through life; happy, energetic and seemingly in time to music that only he could hear. Kevin did not believe in love at first sight, he was too pragmatic, too realistic for that sort of nonsense, but he definitely felt _something_ the first time he laid eyes on Connor McKinley.

When McKinley showed him and Cunningham to their room, Kevin found himself hoping that Cunningham would go to the bathroom just so he could have time alone with McKinely and - _no, Elder Price, turn it off. It’s not allowed_.

“I’ve heard a lot of great things about you, Elder Price. I’m really hoping you can turn things around here,” McKinley said, staring straight into Kevin’s eyes.

For perhaps the first time in his life, Kevin Price was left speechless and was saved by Cunningham saying something ridiculous and loud.

“Elders,” McKinley said, still staring straight at Kevin, “I’m really glad you’re here,”

 _Oh, gosh._ Kevin thought to himself, his heart beating out of control. _Eric didn’t warn me about this._

* * *

Uganda had not been what Kevin had expected, though he maybe should have known that it wouldn’t be anything like _The Lion King_ \- not that this stopped him from looking out for a singing Meerkat and Warthog. 

He had definitely not expected to spend so much time in Connor’s room to seek refuge from Arnold and Nabulungi’s non-stop make out sessions.

Kevin was halfway through his weekly rant about them because _why do they have to always make out? Do they even speak to each other? I don’t think they speak to each other!_ Connor was ever patient; he sat with his back resting against the headboard of his bed and just nodded along to whatever it was he saying.

“Are you jealous, Kevin?” Connor asked with a smirk.

“Jealous? Of who?”

“Arnold and Nabulungi,”

Kevin scoffed and folded his arms, “No,”

Connor tutted, “Unfold your arms. You look like a petulant child,”

Kevin responded by sticking his tongue out at Connor, and he started laughing; a great big, loud laugh where he threw his head back and clutched his stomach. And Kevin couldn’t help but think that he’d quite like to put his arms around Connor’s stomach because it looked soft.

“I’m going to kiss you,” Kevin blurted.

“Pardon?”

“I’m going to kiss you,” Kevin repeated, and then he did.

He lurched forward and grabbed Connor’s face - because that’s why people did in the movies - and crashed their lips together. When Kevin pulled away, he realised what he had just done: he’d had his _first kiss_ with his _district leader_ who was a _man_. That wasn’t how it was meant to be, but when he looked back up at Connor who was grinning like a child on Christmas morning, he realised that maybe this wasn’t so bad, and maybe this was OK.

“Well,” Connor said, “I’ve been waiting for that for far too long,”

“I need to speak to Arnold,” Kevin said, before running out of the room and shouting his best friends name.

Even after Kevin had kicked Nabulungi out of the room because _he’s done being your boyfriend for today, he’s being my best friend now_ , he could hear Connor laughing hysterically from his bedroom.

* * *

Their mission ended early, only six months after everything happened. It was expected, but it made it no less difficult to leave. Kevin sat in Connor’s office, sobbing into his boyfriend's shirt, not wanting to leave. Because leaving meant leaving home and going back to a place where he didn’t belong.

“I can’t go back, I can’t go back,” Kevin sobbed, gripping onto the back of Connor’s shirt, “I’ll have to - I’ll have to see Eric again,”

Connnor’s hands froze in the act of rubbing his back, “Um, _Eric_?”

“He’s gay but he’s married to a woman and told me that if I went on my mission, I’d come back straight,” Kevin sobbed, “and here I am, six months into my mission and sobbing into my _boyfriends_ shirt,”

“Oh, Kev,” Connor whispered, holding him tighter and stroking the back of his head, “You know you don’t have to go back, right?”

“W-What?”

“Um...well, I wasn’t going to - I wasn’t going to mention it like now but...my parents managed to get me an apartment back home in New York and well...if you don’t want to get back to Utah you can...you can move in,”

Kevin jerked away from Connor, his eyes wide and mouth hanging open. Connor gave him a small smile, running his thumb over his cheek.

“Sorry, Kev, I shouldn’t have - I shouldn’t have asked. You probably want to-”

“Yes,” Kevin said quickly, “Yes. Yes, I will move in with you,”

“What are you going to tell your parents?” Connor asked.

“I don’t know. I don’t care.” Kevin said, “They can’t be any more disappointed in me than they already are, can they?”

Connor sighed and kissed him softly, “Want help with college applications? Do you have any idea what-”

“Biology at NYU and then Harvard Med School,” Kevin replied promptly, “I want to do my residency in the ER because I’d rather work in the ER then just-” he broke off when Connor burst into laughter.

“What?” Kevin asked frowning, “What’s so funny?”

“You,” Connor giggled, “How long have you had that planned for?”

Kevin shrugged, “When I watched ER for the first time when I was like 10,”

“Ridiculous,”

“Hey! It’s the exact same thing as you wanting to be in musicals because you watched Les Mis that one time!”

* * *

Kevin and Connor were in their sophomore year of college when they got engaged.

In hindsight, Kevin should have probably put more thought into it and probably shouldn’t have proposed on a plane, of all places.

In his defence, he had been in a ridiculously good mood. They were on the way back from a reuinion trip in Uganda that had brought nothing but good news: James and Poptarts had announced that they were moving in together, Elder Schrader had excitedly told everyone that he had gotten engaged and Arnold and Nabulungi were moving to New York in the new year. (Kevin had sobbed like a baby when Arnold told him that, and was so elated he didn’t even snap at Elder Neeley for generally being a dickhead).

Connor, like the old man that he was, was reading the newspaper whilst Kevin was trying to work out how to get the TV screen on the back of the seats working.

“Huh,” Connor said, “Look at this, gay marriage has been legalised in New York. Can't believe we missed it,”

Kevin glanced over at the newspaper in Connor’s hand and a smile tugged on his lips, “Let’s get married, then,”

“Excuse me?”

“Let’s get married,”

Connor dropped the newspaper to his lap and turned to look at Kevin with raised eyebrows, “Just because we can do something, doesn’t mean have to,”

“We’ve been together two years, Connor, don’t act like you don’t want to get married,”

“Are you being serious?”

“Yes,”

“Kevin Price, you absolute - I am _not_ being proposed to on a plane!” Connor hissed.

“Pretty sure you are,”

“No, I am not! You are going to wait until we get to New York and then you’re going to get down on one knee like a sophisticated gentleman,” Connor snapped, “God, I can’t tell my mother that I got engaged on a plane! We’re sat too close to the toilets and I’m almost certain I can hear someone have sex in there,”

“It’s Chris and James,”

“Oh, for the love of - see!” Connor whispered, “I’m not getting engaged whilst my best friend is screwing his boyfriend that close to me!”

Kevin sighed, “Fine. We’ll wait,”

The moment they stepped foot outside of the Airport, Kevin got down on one knee.

* * *

The task of explaining that he would be marrying a man to his parents loomed over Kevin’s head. He knew that he couldn’t avoid it, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t at least _try_. He was not stupid; he was more than aware of the fact that they would hate it, that they would try and convince him otherwise, that they would tell him about a girl in their ward who would be more than happy to marry him, but that wasn’t the thing that was hurting him most.

No, the thing that hurt more than anything was the _embarrassment_. He wasn’t embarassed about being gay, he wasn’t embarassed that Connor was the person he was marrying. No, he was embarrassed that his parents were caricatures of Mormons; so conservative it was almost funny, so homophobic that it was unbelievable and so religious that they came off more like cult members than Christians.

“It’s not embarrassing, Kevin,” Sandra, Connor’s mom, told him gently after he had confided in her, “you don’t choose your parents,”

Kevin sniffled slightly and wiped his eyes that were flickering over to the clock on the wall. Connor was due home in half an hour, and the last thing he wanted was for his fiance to see him so upset at a time that was supposed to be the happiest of their lives.

“It is,” he muttered, “You and Jeff are so supportive and my parents...my parents still tell the rest of the family that I’m single! My little sister didn’t even know I had a boyfriend until we went over for Thanksgiving!”

Sandra sighed and handed him a box of tissues, “I know it’s hard, I know you want them to be there for you, but you might have to give them some time. Jeff and I weren’t thrilled when Connor first-”

“But you’re here now, aren’t you?” Kevin said, “And Jeff is going to walk Connor down the aisle! Who’s gonna walk me down the aisle?”

“You’re getting worked up over the tiniest details,” Sandra said, “Believe me, when the wedding happens, you’re not going to care about any of that. I threw a hissy fit a week before my wedding because my bouquet was slightly wrong. I completely forgot about it when the day came. All I cared about was marrying Jeff. When you get to the aisle, whether it’s with your dad or on your own, you’re not going to care about anything but getting to Connor. I promise,”

“I just want them to be there for me like you’re here for Connor,”

“We’re here for both of you, Kevin. You’re part of the family, too,”

* * *

Kevin decided to host a dinner party for his parents and siblings - it was the least offensive thing he could think of and set about making the flat as _heterosexual_ as possible. He moved the picture of him and Connor at New York Pride to the bedroom and replaced it with a less gay picture of them from Uganda. It was a picture from before they were dating, before they were even _friends;_ just two Mission Brothers spreading the Good Word.

“I don’t like this,” Connor said.

“We have to get on their good side,” Kevin reminded him as he carefully took down James’ housewarming gift to them. It was handrawn portraits of gay icons and, incidentally, one of Kevin’s favourite things.

“You are not taking that down!”

“Yes, I am,” Kevin said, “I’ll just move it to the bedroom, I think-”

“No!” Connor exclaimed, snatching it out of his hands and putting it back on, “What would Alan Turing say if he knew that you were taking his picture down?”

“This isn’t about what Alan Turing would say! This is about my parents not disowning me?”

“Kevin, we can’t pretend to be straight! We’re gay! They know we’re gay and they know we’re living together and they're going to know that we’re getting married,” Connor said, “You can’t hide who we are! We’re way passed that!”

It soon turned out that they were nowhere near passed that. When Kevin had told them the happy news and Connor had started talking about colour schemes, his mom didn’t say a word and Jack wouldn’t look him in the eye.

“You’re really going through with this?” his father asked him, his voice steady.

“Yeah,” Kevin said, gripping Connor’s hand under the table, “Yeah. I am,”

“You really think you’re a homosexual?”

“I...I wouldn’t have proposed to him if I didn’t think I was gay, dad,” Kevin said, “So...are you...are you going to come to the wedding?”

The silence that followed this lasted both five years and five seconds.

“I don’t know,” his dad said.

“I’d like to,” Abby said - 18 years old and wise beyond her years, “But only if I’m bridesmaid. Or, well...groomsmaid. What is it that I’d be?”

 _My favourite sister_ , is what Kevin wanted to say to her. Instead he just laughed and said, “Groomsmaid, I think,”

The meal ended very soon after this, and Kevin had never felt so empty.

* * *

“It’s so shitty, Arn,” Kevin groaned, “just so shitty,”

“I know, bud,” Arnold said soothingly, his face slightly blurred on Kevin’s laptop screen thanks to abysmal WiFi at both NYU and Kampala University, “It sucks. I’m sorry,”

“I don’t know why I thought that inviting them to dinner would be a good thing,”

“Because you still love them,” Arnold said, “and that’s OK,”

“But I want them to love me! I want them to love _Connor_.”

“You know, there’s a poem for this,”

Kevin rolled his eyes at Arnold. Since deciding that he was going to study English and take writing more seriously, Arnold had become something of a poetry snob. Whenever Kevin went to him with a problem - which was often - he’d come back with a poem.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me! I’ll text it you, hang on!”

“‘I Invite My Parents to a Dinner Party’” Kevin read out loud, “Thanks, bud.”

“I expect you to read it, Price!”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever,” Kevin muttered.

He decided to read the poem when he was bored out of his mind thanks to his ever present insomnia. He had not realised how much poetry could make him cry until he found himself sobbing into Connor’s shoulder at 3 in the morning.

“Maybe you shouldn’t read poems anymore,” Connor whispered, holding him tighter.

* * *

Sandra had suggested that Kevin give him his parents some space, to let them wrap the idea of him getting married on their own. And he thought that this idea was good until his mom texted him.

** Mom **   
  
**Yesterday** 10:15 AM  
**Mom:** Your father and I won't be at the wedding.  
  
**Kevin:** What about Jack, Abby and Isabel?  
**Mom:** No  
**Mom:** Abby said she might go  
  
**Kevin:** What does 'might' mean? Is she or isn't she?  
**Kevin:** I wanted Dad to walk me down the aisle  
**Today** 5:30 PM  
**Kevin:** Is anyone going to come from our side of the family?  
**Kevin:** Can you at least come to the reception?  
**Kevin:** I really want you there  
**Kevin:** Mom?  
**Read** 5:50 PM

It wasn’t as though Kevin had never been left on read before, but there was something about his own mother doing it after he had invited her to his wedding that broke him in half. He lashed out; throwing his phone across the room and watching as it slid under the television stand before kicking the coffee table and knocking his textbooks to the floor.

“Kevin, why on Earth are you making so much noise? I’m trying to - Kev?”

He turned around to see Connor coming out of their bedroom, frowning slightly.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, hurrying over to him.

“They aren’t coming to the wedding!” Kevin yelled, throwing himself down onto the sofa, “My own _parents!_ ”

“Oh, baby, I’m - I’m sorry,” Connor said quietly, pulling him into his chest, “It isn’t fair, they should be there for you,”

“I wanted my dad to walk me down the aisle,” Kevin sobbed, “I wanted them all there. Why can’t they just be there for me? Who’s gonna walk me down the aisle now? I don’t want to do it alone!”

Arnold was perhaps over enthusiastic when walking Kevin down the aisle, but he wouldn’t change it for the world.

* * *

They might not have been the most traditional couple in they eyes of the Church, but they still saved themselves for marriage. Kevin couldn’t remember exactly why they had decided to do this, but it had seemed like a nice idea - no matter how much Chris and James had made fun of them for it.

On their wedding night, however, Kevin was beginning to think that maybe they should have just done it earlier; his heart was beating so fast, he was sure that Connor would be able to hear it if he got too close.

He closed their bedroom door behind him and turned to look at Connor. Suddenly, it hit him all at once: he was _married_ and he was looking at his _husband_ and he never thought that he could feel so much love for a person in his life.

“Hi,” Kevin said breathlessly.

Connor smiled, “Hi,”

“Um, so...you...you OK?”

“C’mere,” Connor said softly, patting the bed next to him.

“Sorry for being so awkward,” Kevin said quietly.

Connor didn’t say anything, he just picked Kevin’s hand up and ran his thumb over the wedding ring, “We’re married, Kevin,”

“Yeah, I know,” Kevin laughed, “I was there,”

“I love you,” Connor said before kissing him in a way that he’d never been kissed before.

“I love you, too,” Kevin whispered, pushing Connor’s jacket down his arms, “So much. I love you so much, Con,”

It was awkward and quick and neither of them really knew what they were doing, but god if it wasn’t the most amazing that Kevin had ever felt. There was a lot of, _‘like this?’, “No, sort of - sort of move your hand - no not like that! Maybe like - shit, no, like that, yeah_ ,” and a whole lot of, ‘ _I don’t think you’re meant to thrust like that, it doesn’t feel like you’re doing anything. Maybe move from your hips more?”, “Jeez, Kev, that’s easy for you to say! All you have to do is lie there and look pretty_ ,”.

Finally, they got it right and Kevin didn’t ever want it to end. Connor collapsed bonelessly on top of him and giggled into his neck as Kevin threaded his fingers in his hair.

“It’s nice to know you like having your hair pulled,” Connor laughed.

Kevin felt his face flush, “Oh, my - _no._ Shut up.”

Connor snorted and rolled off of him, breathing heavily, “Kevin McKinley,”

“What?”

“Nothing,” Connor said, “I just like saying your name. Kevin McKinley,”

Kevin rolled his eyes, “You’re such a dork, Connor,”

“I know,” Connor sighed, “Round 2?”

“I need to be able to walk tomorrow,”

“Alright then, Round 2 but the other way around?”

Kevin clambered on top of his husband without a second thought.

* * *

When Kevin had gotten into Harvard Med School - like he had always planned - he decided that he would just be one hundred percent _cool_ about the whole thing, because everyone around him seemed _cool_ about the whole thing. All his classmates seemed like sophisticated and put together human beings, which was the exact opposite of Kevin, but they didn’t need to know that.

And he _was_ cool until he was halfway through a lecture and got a text off Connor.

“Fucking hell,” Kevin muttered to himself, completely forgetting where he was, “Fucking hell. Fucking hell. Fucking hell.”

“Dude, what the Hell? Can you shut up?” the person next to him hissed, “I’m trying to listen,”

“I’m sorry, I need to - I need to go,” Kevin muttered, shovelling his things into his bag, “I need to go. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,”

“Excuse me? Is everything OK?” the lecturer called, “I’m sort of in the middle of-”

“My husbands going to be in _Wicked_!” Kevin exclaimed before bursting into laughter, “Oh my - _Wicked_! Can you believe it? God, he’s amazing! I’m sorry, I’ll catch up on everything, I promise but I need to go and see him! I’m sorry!”

Kevin might have been biased, but he really did think that Connor was much better than the green one when he saw his first show.

* * *

  
It really was strange how life didn’t look at all the way Kevin thought it would. He had expected to become just like Eric: married to a woman he didn’t love and very obviously depressed.

Sometimes, Kevin couldn’t work out what he had done to deserve such a life; he couldn’t work out why he was lucky enough to watch Arnold and Nabulungi write ridiculously successful children's books that James illustrated, or why he was lucky enough to be friends with Chris Thomas who just happened to own a five star bakery. 

Most of all, though, Kevin couldn’t work out what he had done to deserve to wake up to Connor McKinley every morning.


	2. Opening Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for Falsettos in this chapter but if you haven't watched it/listened to it yet, thats your problem

Kevin McKinley’s favourite things about hospitals were the things that others hated most; he liked the blindingly bright lights, the sound of gurney wheels squeaking against the polished floors and the incessant beeping of the machines. Chris thought that he was a phycopath for this, Kevin just thought it made him a good doctor.

He understood where Chris’ hatred of hospitals stemmed from. Hell, he felt it too sometimes, especially when he lost a patient or had to deliver the sort of news that no one should ever hear. But he had learned to look for the positives; yes, sometimes he was helpless and could do nothing but watch someone slip away, but sometimes he _saved lives_. He would never forget the first time he successfully resuscitated someone. It kept him going, even on the days when he would have liked nothing more than to curl up in a ball and cry.

“McKinley, you’ve got a patient in Room 1,”

“And a very good morning to you too, Katie, how was your evening?”

Katie, the head nurse, glared at him, “I hate it when you’re in a good mood,”

“Connor’s opening in-”

“Falsettos tonight, yes, I know,”

Kevin grinned, “I’m just excited for him! Do you know how much he’s wanted this for-”

“You have a patient in Room 1, remember?” she interrupted, clicking her fingers in his face, “Rectal blockage,”

“I’m not the newest resident anymore, why do you keep on giving me the worst patients?”

“Because you’ve been annoying me all week,” Katie said, handing him the patient's chart, “Now go, you have a dildo to dislodge,”

Kevin groaned, “Why is it always sex toys?”

“Because people don’t use enough lube,” Katie said knowingly.

“True that,” Kevin sighed before making his way over to Room 1 and trying not to show too much amusement on his face.

When he got into the room, the damn thing was still vibrating and it was a lovely reminder that being a Doctor wasn’t always the dignified profession that he had always imagined it to be.

“How long has that been in there for?” Kevin asked.

“I don’t - _ah_ \- I don’t know!” the patient groaned, curled up on his side and gripping his very amused boyfriends arms, “Maybe - maybe an hour?”

“I’m gonna send you for an X-Ray to find out how, ah, _far up_ , it is and then we’ll go from there,” Kevin said, “Hopefully, the battery should run out. I imagine it’ll run out in another hour or-”

“Another _hour?_ ” he snapped, “I can’t - I can’t carry on!”

If it weren’t for the fact that he was a Doctor, he might have made a joke about using a safeword but instead just smiled, gently patted his arm and promised that he would do whatever he could to help.

The rest of the day was tame, or as tame as a day in the ER could be. There were three cases of appendicitis, which Kevin thought was a _bit_ excessive, a minor heart attack followed by a major one and a very nice old woman who had taken a nasty fall in her house.

“Mrs Owens in Room 3, had a bit of a fall in her house. Her husband brought her in,” Katie said to Kevin, “She might just need stitches,”

“Oooh, fun,” Kevin said happily, “I haven’t stitched anyone up in ages,”

Katie tutted, “Stop being weird and go treat her,”

Kevin mock saluted her and all but skipped into Room 3 before reminding himself that he should at least _try_ to look professional. He took a moment to smooth his hair into place and straighten his stethoscope before knocking on the door.

“Mrs Owens, hello, my name is Doctor McKinley. How are you feeling?” Kevin asked, fixing her with his best smile.

“Not too bad. I told Bert here that he didn’t need to take me to the hospital, but he insisted,” she said, gesturing to the man sat beside her bed.

“He did the right thing, Mrs Owens,” Kevin said, unravelling the bandage from around her head, “Where abouts did you fall?”

“The living room,” Mrs Owens told him, “I hit my head on the side of the table,”

"Do you fall often?"

"Never,"

“Alright, I’m just going to clean the cut, make sure that there’s nothing hanging around in there that shouldn’t be and then stitch you up, OK? You shouldn’t be here much longer,”

“You’re a very cheerful Doctor,” Mrs Owens said, “A lot of the ones I’ve met are very moody,”

Kevin laughed slightly as he cleaned the cut, “I’m just in a very good mood. My husband is opening in a show on Broadway tonight,”

“Husband?” Bert asked.

Kevin clenched his jaw, waiting for the inevitable homophobic abuse.

“Um...yes,” Kevin said quietly.

“Huh,” Bert said, “You just look a little young, that’s all,”

“We were married when we’re 18!” Mrs Owens exclaimed, “We can hardly talk!”

Kevin felt himself smile. Sometimes, he still had to remind himself that not everyone was like his family.

“We were quite young to be fair,” Kevin said reasonably, “We were 23. It’s been 3 years. I proposed to him on a plane,”

“How did he take that?”

“Not well, surprisingly,”

It was patients like Mr and Mrs Owen that made Kevin truly love his job. He didn’t do what did for praise or thanks, but it was nice when patients weren’t constantly abusing him. He would not soon forget the first time a patient called him a Fag. Now, he just brushed the insults off and focused on trying to make them better - however much of a dickhead they might be.

It was also patients like Mr and Mrs Owens that made Kevin wish he could swap his parents for some a bit more like them. After Mr Owens had told that Kevin that they would look into getting Falsettos tickets (“ _because I’m sure your husband is a lovely man! I don’t think someone like you would have married him if not!_ ”) he could have burst into tears. His mom had never replied to Kevin’s text inviting them to see the show.

“Are you alright, dear?” Mrs Owens asked him, “You’re looking a little teary,”

“Fine,” Kevin laughed, hurriedly wiping his eyes, “Just allergies. I washed my scrubs with the wrong stuff. That’s what happens when my husbands in rehearsals all week. I can’t look after myself! I'll go and get your discharge papers,"

The dildo was still vibrating, even after Mr and Mr Owens had gone, leaving Kevin with little to do. When Katie told him she had no other patients for him, he fished his phone out of his pocket and quickly text Connor. 

Con❤️   
  
**Kevin:** How are you feeling?   
  
**Con:** Like I'm going to throw up   
  
**Kevin:** Stop it!! Youre gonna be amazing!!!   
**Con:** You dont know that you've never seen the show   
**Kevin:** because you wouldn't let me come and see previews!!!   
**Con:** Still on the fence of letting you come tonight   
**Kevin:** 👀   
**Kevin:** Kinky   
**Kevin:** Behave.   
**Kevin:** Still kinky   
**Con:** dont think I won't uninvite you   
**Kevin:** Can't wait to see you though   
**Kevin:** Can't wait to see you either   
**Kevin:** Three hours of my shift left!!! And I have a great story about sex toys for you   
**Con:** Of course you do   
**Con:** I love you   
**Kevin:** I love you too   
  


Smiling to himself, Kevin dropped his phone back into his pocket and quickly hurried back over to Room 1 where his patient had started throwing up. 

* * *

You only had to be in a room with Connor McKinley for three seconds to learn that his favourite musical in the world was Falsettos and that he’d die before never getting to play Whizzer Brown on stage. Likewise, you only had to be in a room with Kevin McKinley for three seconds to know that his favourite musical in the world was Falsettos and that he’d die before never seeing Connor play Whizzer Brown on stage.

He all but ran from the Hospital when his shift ended desperate to get home on time. He knew that Connor would already be at the theatre, but Arnold, Nabulungi, Chris and James were waiting for him in their apartment along with Connor’s parents.

“How was work?” Nabulungi asked him.

“Fine. I had to pull a sex toy out of someones butt,” Kevin said, stooping down to pick up the dog - a tiny pomeranian by the name of Fiyero who just might have been the love of Kevin’s life, “Hello, baby, have you missed me? I’ve missed you!”

Fiyero barked at him and nuzzled his face against Kevin’s.

“Stop flirting with your dog. It makes us all uncomfortable,” James said with a shudder.

“You had to pull a what out of where?” Jeff asked.

Kevin looked over at his Father-in-Law and grimaced slightly, “A sex toy out of someone’s butt,”

“How do you even get-”

“I want _all_ the details, Price. Male or female? Was it a masturbation sort of situation or sex gone horrifically wrong? How did it even get up there? How funny did the patient find it? How funny did _you_ find it?” Chris interrupted.

“Male. Sex gone horrifically wrong. Him and his boyfriend were doing some sort of weird sex game - I didn’t ask - and it was on the highest vibration level with not nearly enough lube. The patient didn’t find it funny at all, the patients boyfriend almost choked from trying not to laugh. I found it hilarious, but because I’m a professional, I did not let it show,”

“How much lube was involved?” Chris asked.

“I asked, and the boyfriend said that he only used a little bit because the patient liked a bit of pain,” Kevin said, “Which is, you know-”

“-horrific?” Nabulungi suggested.

“Completely OK if consensual?” James said, “I don’t believe in kink shaming,”

“It is OK if consensual, but I had to explain that they have to use a little bit more lube or else they’re going to get into situations like this all the time,” Kevin explained, “and then I realised that neither of them knew anything about gay sex so I had to give them a sex ed lesson. Diagrams and everything,”

“Because you’re an expert in gay sex,” Arnold said, “We’ve all heard you at one point or another,”

“Not in front of the inlaws!” Kevin exclaimed.

“We _have_ all heard you at one point or another, Kev, darling,” Sandra sighed, “but as long as you’re both happy and safe, we don’t mind,”

“Whenever I’ve heard them Kevin is very happy,” James muttered, “Especially when Connor pulls his-”

“Alright!” Kevin yelled, “I’m going to get changed and then we’re all going to stop talking about my sex life!”

* * *

When they took their seats in the theatre, it suddenly occurred to Kevin that he was about to watch Connor play the role he’d been dreaming about playing for years and promptly burst into tears. Arnold sighed and put his arms around his shoulder.

“It’s alright, Kev, it’s alright,”

“I know it is!” Kevin exclaimed, “That’s why I’m crying! He’s wanted this forever!”

“And now he’s got it,”

“I know!” Kevin cried, “Oh, god, I hope he’s not panicking. Do you think I have time to go and see him?”

“The last thing he needs right now is to see you crying and-”

“ _Shhhh_!” Kevin hissed, poking Arnold in the side when the lights went down, “It’s starting!”

“You’re the one who started the conversation,” Arnold mumbled.

Connor had spent the majority of their relationship talking about a song called the Thrill of First Love, and had begged Kevin to sing it with him on numerous karaoke nights (numerous karaoke nights that Kevin never remembered, because there was _no way_ he was going to do that without help from Tequila). So really, Kevin shouldn’t have been surprised when it turned out to be so...sexual. Personally, Kevin thought that there was a bit too much ass grabbing and wondered if it was more appropriate to talk to the director about it or just punch Connor’s costar.

“You alright, Kev?” James asked, leaning over to him as Connor ripped the tie from his costars neck, “You’re looking a bit stressed,”

“Shut up, dickhead,” Kevin muttered, hitting him with his playbill that earned a very angry _shhhhh_ off Nabulungi.

It was quite something, to watch your husband shine so brightly. To know that the laughter and applause ringing around the theatre was because of him. Kevin couldn’t quite find the right word to adequately describe what he was feeling, so instead of trying to voice how he felt, he sobbed into his hands.

And despite knowing the musical quite well, Kevin had completely forgotten that Connor’s character died of AIDs. Even though he was more than aware of the fact that it wasn’t real and that Connor wasn’t dying, it was not something he particularly enjoyed. It seemed a little too real after everything that they’d seen in Uganda, and he cried so much that the woman in front of him turned around to ask if he was OK.

“He’s OK,” Nabulungi whispered with a giggle, “He’s always been a crier,”

“Understatement,” James muttered, earning another hit over the head with playbill.

Kevin lead the standing ovation at the end of the show, cheering so loudly that he was quite sure that he wouldn’t be able to speak the next morning. At least he had had the foresight to book the next day off work.

“He’s gonna get an Oscar!” Arnold giggled when they walked backstage.

“Tony,” Chris corrected.

“No, I’m called Arnold,”

“No, the award is called a - it doesn’t matter,” Chris sighed.

“Please don’t ever die of AIDs,” was the first thing Kevin said to Connor upon bursting into his dressing room after the show and throwing his arms around him.

“Kev, I’m not gonna die of - are you OK? Why are you sobbing? Babe?”

“He’s been crying on and off the entire show,” Chris sighed, “You walked onto stage and he was gone,”

“Was I really that bad?” Connor asked lightly.

“No, you were really that good,” Kevin sobbed, “Like really, _really_ good,”

“You don’t need to cry so much,” Connor laughed, “it’s ok,”

Only Kevin started crying even more when the kid who played Jason, Michael, ran into the room, shouting for Connor. At once, Connor ran over to him and high fived him before enveloping him in a massive hug.

“Oh, no,” Kevin whispered.

“What?” Arnold asked, “What is it?”

“Look at Connor and Michael,”

Kevin found that he could not quite tear his eyes away from them. They were sat cross legged on the couch, laughing about something and the sight tugged at Kevin’s heart strings.

“I think I want kids, Arn,” Kevin said, “Oh, god. I think I want kids,”

“I feel like you should be having this conversation with Connor and not me,” Arnold said helpfully, rubbing his back, “and also maybe not when you’re still crying,”

And talk they would- though it would be much later on because Connor wearing those tiny white shorts sent him wild.

* * *

When Kevin had told Connor that he wanted to be a doctor, he had been very supportive; he had helped him study for tests, consoled him on the rare occasion that he failed them and happily supplied him with all the coffee in the world to get through his long shifts.

Now that he had achieved that dream, however, Kevin was starting to think that there might have been an ulterior motive behind the support.

Connor was lay sprawled out in bed after a particularly wild opening night party, moaning that _my head is pounding, Kev, pounding! It’s like satan himself is hitting me in the head over and over again!_ Alcohol did not agree with Connor McKinley, but it did agree with Kevin McKinley who very rarely had to nurse a hangover the morning after the night before.

“Knock, knock,” Kevin said, slowly opening their bedroom door with a tray of breakfast and a box of aspirin, “How are you feeling?”

“I’m dying, Kev, _dying_ ,” Connor moaned.

“Well, you gotta die sometime, haven’t you?”

“Oh my god, shut up,” Connor groaned, “Why am I dying?”

“You aren’t, my love,” Kevin laughed, placing the breakfast on the bedside table and crouching down in front of the bed, “You’re just hungover,”

“No, no. This isn’t just a hangover,” Connnor said, “this is death,”

“I can assure you that this is just a hangover,” Kevin promised, running a hand through his hair and kissing the tip of his nose, “You’ll survive,”

“I need a doctor,”

“I’m not putting the coat on,”

“But I need a doctor,”

Kevin sighed and stood up from the bed, “I swear you do this on purpose,”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about it,” Connor mumbled.

Rolling his eyes, Kevin opened their closet and rummaged through it until he found what he was looking for; a white labocat that Connor had bought him for their first Christmas together. It had been a joke that had lead to some great sex over the years - less so now. After a 60 hour work week, it was the last thing that he wanted to do - no matter how much pleasure he’d get from it.

And yet on days like today when Connor was feeling ill and sorry for himself, Kevin was happy to indulge. He shrugged the lab coat on over his pyjamas and turned around to face a now smirking Connor.

“Hey, Doctor,”

“How can I help you today?” Kevin asked, walking back over to him.

“The problem is that I’m dying, you see,” Connor said, “And I need someone to give me the kiss of life,”

“Well,” Kevin said, sitting on the edge of the bed and leaning closer to him, “I will see what I can do,”

“Why are you pinching my nose?”

“If you’re having trouble breathing, Mr McKinley, I have to follow procedures properly and-”

Connor tutted and batted Kevin’s arm away, “Kiss me properly you weirdo,”

“That’s no way to talk to your doctor,”

“Sorry,” Connor said, picking up Kevin’s hand and kissing his knuckles, “Please, kiss me properly you very strange, yet dashingly handsome Doctor,”

Kevin found himself getting almost angry at how good Connor looked despite the fact that he had barely had any sleep. He tilted his head to the side slightly as he eyes roamed over his husbands face. It was hard to believe that Connor still didn’t think he had the dazzling good looks of a leading man.

“You’re handsome,” Kevin said.

“I’m quite sure flirting with your patients is against the Code of Ethics,” Connor said lightly, though his cheeks had turned pink.

“You’re worth it,” Kevin whispered, his lips now inches from Connors.

“You’re such a dork, Kevin,”

“That’s Doctor McKinley to you,” Kevin murmured, finally leaning down to kiss him.

Connor sighed happily into the kiss and immediately brought his hands to Kevin’s hair, tugging slightly. Kevin slid his arms underneath Connor’s back and pulled him closer before nibbling at his neck.

“Ah, ah, ah! No hickeys when I’m in a show,” Connor said, poking him in the side, “You know the rules,”

“Spoil sport,” Kevin muttered.

They lay like this for a while, just lazily kissing without a care in the world. It was mornings like this that Kevin lived for: there were no Code Blue’s to attend to and Connor wasn’t locked away in a theatre. It was as though they were only two people in the world, and Kevin couldn’t think of a better way to live.

“This is lovely, but I do want my aspirin,” Connor said, still running his hands through Kevin’s hair.

“And I want kids,” Kevin said before he could stop himself.

Connor froze, staring up at him with wide eyes and his mouth hanging open slightly. Kevin dropped his head to Connor’s chest, inwardly cursing himself. Whilst he wasn’t an expert on having discussions like this, he was quite sure that he wasn’t meant to do it when they were mid-make out session.

“Sorry,” Kevin mumbled into his chest, “I shouldn’t have - bad timing. It doesn’t matter. We can talk about it a different time,”

“No, no,” Connor said quickly, “No, it isn’t bad timing. It’s just...it’s weird timing. But at least...at least we aren’t on a plane,”

Kevin rolled off of Connor and lay on his side, propping himself up on his elbow, “I’ve always wanted kids, and yesterday when I was watching you with Michael, I just...I really want this, Con,”

“Kevin...” Connor breathed, his eyes a little glassy as he stroked Kevin’s cheek.

“I saw the kind of dad that you might be and I want that. So much, but...if you aren’t ready, I can - I can wait,”

“I don’t want to wait,” Connor said, “I want it too. I’ve always wanted kids, you know that,”

“Really?”

“Really,” Connor said, “Really, really, really,”

Kevin burst into laughter and kissed Connor again, a tear slipping down his cheek.

“Here’s the plan,” Connor said softly, “I’m gonna take some aspirin, and then we’re going to celebrate,”

And celebrate they did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These text messages are the bane of my fucking life but I've committed now so they're staying - also theres like...one group chat name that I can't bring myself to let go of so I'm going to suffer through it all for one terrible joke 
> 
> thanks for reading!


	3. Thanksgiving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: homophobia, also a sliiight mention of the book incident

In the spirit of keeping some sort of peace with his parents, Kevin always agreed to go back to Utah for Thanksgiving. Really, he had no idea why. Every year was the same: 5 days of his mom dropping hints about some of the _lovely girls_ in their ward, his Grandpa being generally awful, Abby constantly fighting his corner and Jack being somewhere in between. And every year, he felt like the worlds worst husband for putting Connor through it. 

“I booked those tickets to your parents,” Connor said one night when they were getting ready for bed, "And Arnold and Naba said they'd look after Fiyero for us," 

Kevin groaned and crawled into bed, curling up at Connor’s side, “We’re going to have to tell them about wanting kids,” 

“Are we?”

“Your parents know!” 

“My parents also aren’t homophobic,” 

Kevin tutted and poked Connor’s thigh, “Yeah, but if they find out that your parents know and they don’t, they’ll lose their shit. Remember when my mom realised that your mom knew we were engaged six months before she did? She cried down the phone for like two hours!”

“I still don’t understand that,” Connor muttered, “They never even came to the wedding!”

“Yeah, well, my family have never made sense,” 

One look at the Prices told you they were the perfect Mormon family: two loving parents in the shape of Thomas and Olive with four darling children who never put a foot wrong. It was only with a closer look that the cracks became visible and it became apparent that the Prices were less than perfect - and it was mainly Kevin’s fault. Had it not been for the fact that he was a raging homosexual, he might have still been the golden child. His youngest sister, Isabel, seemed happy enough to have taken that title from him. She was at Med School and on course to be a doctor. It was all their mom ever posted about on Facebook and it was as though Kevin didn’t even exist - as though he hadn’t _already_ become a doctor. 

“Jack's wife is pregnant,” Kevin said. 

“ _Very_ pregnant,” Connor muttered, “Have you seen those pictures on Facebook? It looks like she's swallowed the moon!”

“And Abby’s getting married in the spring,” Kevin continued, though this was perhaps the only family event he wasn’t angry about. 

“I know,” Connor said. 

“And mom and dad have made a massive deal about all that. They never make a big deal about me,” Kevin continued, “they didn’t go to my graduations, didn’t come to our wedding, didn’t even send me a text to say ‘well done!’ when I got matched for my residency. They just don’t care about me. It’s like I don’t even exist,”

Connor sighed and pulled him closer, kissing the top of his head. Kevin knew he sounded like a broken record; whenever a trip home was looming, he repeated this same rant over and over again. 

“We don’t have to go if you don’t want to, Kev,” Connor whispered. 

“No, it’s fine. I don’t want to make things even worse,” Kevin said, nuzzling his face into Connor’s neck, “Good-night,”

“Night, love,”

* * *

Going back to Salt Lake City never felt like going home. The ED felt more like home than Utah ever did and whenever he was there, Kevin found himself missing patients vomiting on him. 

“Is this your way of telling me you have a vomit kink?” Connor asked when Kevin told him this, “because if that’s what gets you going, I want a divorce,” 

Kevin rolled his eyes as he hailed a taxi, “No, what I’m saying is that I hate Utah and I wish I was working,”

“I can’t believe I married a workaholic,” Connor sighed.

“Mhmm, because you _hate_ your job, don’t you?”

“Can’t stand it,” Connor said, “I hate my dreams coming true,” 

“ _You’re_ a dream come true,” Kevin said, just because he knew it would annoy him. 

"Ugh, carry on with that and _I’ll_ be sick on you,” 

“My dad would probably be sick on me if I said that in front of him,” Kevin muttered, “Saying that, he’d probably be sick on me if I so much as _looked_ at you,”

“We can’t be _too_ gay now can we, dear?” Connor said.

Kevin glanced at Connor’s pastel pink shirt but decided not to mention it. He could deal with the disapproving looks and the passive aggressive comments, but what he couldn’t deal with was not being able to kiss Connor or hold his hand in front of his family.

He had tried to act like the normal couple that they were at the last Thanksgiving; Connor had helped his Aunt Lilith cook the turkey and after the meal, Kevin had thanked Connor with a perfectly innocent kiss on the cheek. Just this simple act was enough to send his very republican, very Mormon Grandpa into a fit of rage that had ended with him throwing a Book of Mormon at Kevin’s face. When Kevin woke up with a black eye the next morning, Connor managed to make things considerably worse at breakfast. 

“Do you want ice for your eye, Kev?” Abby had asked anxiously, “it looks sore,”

Before Kevin could even answer, Connor had said, “I think he looks sexy with a black eye. He’s got that superhero who’s just saved the world look, don’t you think? Like James Bond or Captain America or - oh, gosh. I meant to say that in my head,”

It was painfully awkward, but Kevin had at least managed to deflect the Book of Mormon that was heading towards Connor’s face. 

Jack had joked that this was the reason Grandpa Joe had a heart attack two days later. Kevin had joked (in private and only ever to Connor and Arnold) that he wished he hadn’t have resuscitated him so well. 

“It’s not too late to cancel,” Connor said to Kevin as they walked up the driveway of his parents - standing a respectable distance apart. 

“Pretty sure it is,” Kevin sighed, “Let’s just try and not have any Holy Books thrown at us this year. No calling me sexy,” 

“But you _are_ sexy, Kev,” 

Kevin rolled his eyes, “Do you think they’ll let us sleep in the same room?” 

“Do I think that your parents will let us, two married adults, sleep in the same _bed_? Of course not! We might do something ridiculous, like have sex!” Connor exclaimed sarcastically. 

“Please don’t talk about sex when we’re stood on my parents doortstep. Gay people don’t have sex, remember?” 

“Then what were we doing last night?” Connor asked, “because I’m pretty sure we had sex like three -“

“Hi, Grandpa Joe!” Kevin said loudly when the door opened. 

“Still queer, then?” he asked, jerking his head towards Connor. 

“Um...yes,” Kevin said, “It isn’t going to change,” 

Grandpa Joe sighed and moved to the side, “I told your parents they needed to be firmer with you growing up. I always knew you’d be a fairy,”

“Hey Grandpa!” Connor said cheerily, “How's the heart?” 

“Good as new,” Grandpa Joe grumbled, as though such a thing was a disappointment. 

“You’re welcome,” Kevin muttered. 

“What was that?” Grandpa Joe barked at him. 

“Nothing, Grandpa,” Kevin said, walking into the living room to find more family members than he would have liked, “Hey guys,” 

Two of his aunts stared at him as though he had just said something terribly offensive, and his uncles barely even looked at him. Only Jack said hello back, leaving Kevin rather confused about where the two of them stood - one minute Jack acted like they were best buds, and the next he barely acknowledged him.

“Where’s mom and dad?” Kevin asked, trying to mask the awkwardness. 

“Kitchen. Cooking, I think,” Jack replied, “I like your shirt, Connor,” 

“Oh,” Connor said, glancing down at his shirt, “Um - thank-you,” 

The smell of his favourite food cooking momentarily made Kevin forget about how much he hated coming back to his parents. He practically skipped into the kitchen, grinning like a madman. 

“Hello, Kevin,” his mom said, glancing over at him and completely ignoring Connor. 

“Carbonara!” Kevin exclaimed, bypassing his mother in favour of hurrying over to the stove, “Can I have some now?”

“No,” she snapped, shoving him away from the pan, “It’s for the whole family, Kevin, not just you,” 

Kevin pouted and turned to smile at his dad, “Hey, dad,” 

Thomas Price, ever the affectionate father, did not even look up from his newspaper when he raised a hand in greeting. Kevin fought the urge to roll his eyes and turned back round to face his mom, determined to stay in her good books until dropping the baby bombshell on her. 

“Abby’s going to be here soon,” she said, turning back to the stove, “Isabel couldn’t make it. She couldn’t get away from school,” 

“Shame,” Kevin said, though he was inwardly jumping for joy, “Where are we staying?”

“You’re in your old room, he’s next door,”

Usually, Kevin would try and argue their case of staying in the same room, but in the spirit of trying not to be disowned, he simply smiled at them and left the kitchen. The moment he was sure they were out of earshot, he turned to Connor and groaned who burst into laughter. 

“I can’t believe you value pasta over your own mother,”

“If you had my mother, you would too,” Kevin muttered, kicking open his bedroom door, “She realliy is made of carboard, isn't she? She hasn’t seen me for a fucking year and she doesn’t even hug me! All I get is the coldest ‘ _Hello, Kevin_ ,’ in the world!”

“This room is still the funniest place in the world,” Connor said happily, looking around it, “it’s just so... _Mormon._ Why do you have fifteen copies of the Book of Mormon? You know they all say the same thing?”

“Shut up,” Kevin said, dropping down onto his bed, “You’re not meant to be in here,” 

“Please, it’s not like I’m going to suck your dick or anything,” 

“You’re not?” Kevin asked, “You just shattered my heart,”

“No, I’m not - is that a picture of Joseph Smith?” Connor asked, “I’ve never noticed that before,” 

“There’s a picture of Jesus somewhere,” Kevin said, “Next to that picture of me at the MTC,”

“God, Elder Price was annoying,” Connor sighed, looking down at the picture. 

“ _Hey!_ ” Kevin exclaimed, “You still went out with me, didn’t you?”

“That missionary uniform did wonders for your ass. How could I not?”

Kevin raised his eyebrows, “I’m sure I could sneak a couple of my old uniforms home,” 

“I would not hate that,” Connor grinned, leaning forward to kiss him. 

Making out in his parents house was never a great idea, but that wasn’t going to stop him. Kevin tugged Connor forward, gently massaging the flesh at Connor’s hips. He felt Connor smile into the kiss, his arms hanging limply around Kevin’s shoulders. 

“Kevin! Your sister is here!” 

Kevin sighed and pulled away from Connor, “I hate Thanksgiving,” 

“Me too,” Connor said, kissing his forehead.

As always, Abby was much more excited about seeing Kevin than the rest of the family. She actually screamed and threw her arms around him whilst her Fiancé, John, actually gave Connor the time of the day - something that Jack’s wife, Eleanor, was not always the best at. 

“I’ve missed you, Kev! You need to visit more,”

“It’s not that easy,” he whispered. 

Abby pulled away with a sigh, “I know, but we are gonna try and come to New York soon. We want to see Connor in Falsettos!” 

He heard his dad tut at the mention of the show and was about to snap at him before Abby quickly shook her head and stomped on his foot. 

“Not worth it,” she whispered. 

“Tell me what dates you’ll be in town and I’ll get tickets for you,” Connor said, kissing her on the cheek and shooting his father-in-law a wary look. 

“We’re thinking around Christmas,” John said, “a little pre-wedding trip,” 

“Fun!” Kevin exclaimed, “I’ll try and book time off work.”

The presence of Abby and John made for a slightly easier day; the rest of the family were so excited for their wedding, that they barely had the time to be generally cruel about Kevin and Connor. It was so much of an easier day, in fact, that Kevin wasn't nearly in as much of a bad mood as he expected to be when he crawled into bed that evening. 

* * *

Kevin was unceremoniously pulled out of an otherwise peaceful sleep but his phone pinging incessantly. He blinked the sleep out of his eyes and grabbed his phone off the floor, not at all surprised to see the group chat bursting to life. 

** Latter Day Satanists **   
  
** James **  
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!  
What are we all thankful for?  
You don't have to say being friends with me, I already know  
** Con❤️ **  
Ill be thankful when you stop texting at 8 in the fucking morning  
** Arn **  
Its not our fault ur in the promise land is it  
Im thankful to not be in utah  
** Poptarts **  
Same  
and thankful for you guys I guess  
** Naba **  
****Try and sound a bit more convincing Chris

****and im thankful to spend the holiday with my really homophobic family  
** James **  
****I love how optimistic you are in the morning Kevin  
****Warms my heart it does

Kevin replied to James with a simple middle finger emoji before putting his phone on silent. Just as he was about to lie down to go back to sleep again, there was a knock on his door. 

“Who is it?” 

“Me,” came Connor’s voice, “Let me in,” 

“Connor, you’re not meant to-”

“Your parents aren’t here. They’ve left for Church. I heard them go. I don’t know why they’re going so early though,"

“Sorry,” Kevin said, opening the door and letting him, “I didn’t want them thinking we were doing anything... _inappropriate_ ,” 

Connor shook his head and dropped down onto the bed, “It’s OK. I get it. You don’t have to apologise for anything,” 

“I know, I just - I feel bad,” Kevin whispered, sitting next to him, “You don’t deserve this, Connor. You deserve better in-laws,” 

“No, no. This isn’t about me. This is about _you. You_ deserve better parents,” Connor said softly, brushing his fingers through Kevin’s hair. 

Kevin felt his throat constrict and dropped his head to Connor’s shoulder. Connor sighed and wrapped his arms around him, kissing the top of his head. 

“I’m sorry, love,” Connor whispered, “I didn’t mean to make you cry,” 

“I just _hate_ it, Con,” Kevin said quietly, his arms snaking around Connor’s waist, “My dad won’t even _look_ at me and whenever my mom does, I can just see how disappointed she is in me,”

“I know, I know,” Connor said, running his fingers through Kevin’s hair, “I know. It’s horrible,” 

“There was a time when me and Grandpa Joe used to be really close. Even - Even after I told my parents I was gay before Uganda, he was still - he was still nice to me and he was still...still a _Grandad._ But now-” Kevin’s voice broke, “and last year when he threw that Book of Mormon at me...why do people always use the Book against me? Why do they use it to hurt me?” 

He felt Connor’s arms tightened around him at this. It was very rare that they spoke about the incident with the General. It was in the past and Kevin would very much like to keep it that way. After years of therapy, he barely even thought about it anymore. He didn’t even know what had happened to the General after they left Uganda. 

“And it’s not even like I can _tell_ them any of that!” Kevin exclaimed, pulling away from Connor, “Can you imagine if I did? They’d probably tell me that it was my own fault for trying to convert him in the first place! And it probably was my fault anyway because who would be so stupid to even _try_ and-”

“Hey, no, stop,” Connor said, cupping his cheek, “You’re spiralling, Kev. What happened with the General, that _wasn’t_ your fault. And the way your family treat you _isn’t_ your fault. You can’t control any of this, you know you can’t,” 

"I just want to have a real family," Kevin cried, "After - After all that happened in Uganda, I just wanted them to be there for me! I wanted my mom to hug me and tell me that it'd be OK and for my dad to act like a dad instead of...instead of treating me like I'm an inconvenience!" 

“You _do_ have a real family, Kevin," Connor said gently, "You have me and my parents and Arnold and Naba and Chris and James. Hell, you even have Arnold's parents. Who was it who made the Father of the Groom speech at the wedding?"

Kevin chuckled slightly, "Well, Arnold and his dad did have a bit of an argument about who should do it," 

"Look, Kev, I know that you want your parents to be there for you. _I_ want your parents to be there for you, but just because they aren't doesn't mean you don't have a family," 

"I know," Kevin muttered, "I don't not think that you're my family, Con. I'm sorry. I know I do this every year, it's-"

“It’s fine,” Connor interjected, “It’s OK,” 

They spent the morning cuddled on the sofa in the living room; the curtains kept firmly shut in case anyone looked through the window and Kevin eye’s flickered over to the door every thirty seconds to make sure that no one would walk through and catch them together. As innocent as it was, Kevin would not put it passed his dad to twist cuddling into something horrible. 

When the front door opened, Kevin launched himself over to the window and wrenched the curtains open before dropping down onto the sofa opposite to Connor and pretending to scroll through his phone. 

“Morning, Kev. Happy Thanksgiving,” Jack said, walking through the door, “Hey, Connor,” 

“Happy Thanksgiving,” Kevin said, keeping his eyes firmly on his phone, “How was Church?”

“I don’t know. Holy, I guess,” Jack said, “I got you something,” 

Kevin rolled his eyes as he turned around to face his brother, “If it’s a Book of Mormon, I have more than - oh,”

“It’s coffee. We passed Starbucks on the way home. Eleanors been craving iced teas whilst she’s been pregnant. I thought I’d get you one,”

“Oh,” Kevin said, taking the cup off him, “Uh...thanks, man,” 

Jack shrugged, “It’s nothing. I just- have you been crying?” 

“Allergies,” 

“I didn’t know you were allergic to anything,” Jack said with a frown. 

“Why would you?” Kevin asked harshly, “When was the last time we had a real conversation?” 

“Kevin,” Connor said quietly, “Maybe now isn’t - maybe now isn’t the best time,” 

Part of Kevin wanted an argument, but the other part just wanted his brother back. Jack seemingly wanted neither; he just shook his head and walked out of the living room. 

“I hate this fucking family,” was all Kevin had to say. 

* * *

Kevin had planned on telling his parents about wanting a baby the day affter Thanksgiving. But before he could even plan what he was going to say, Jack's wife went into labor and he felt it would be rude to rain on their parade.   
  
“Is now not the best time? Everyone’s distracted,” Connor muttered when they were sat in the waiting room.  
  
“No,” Kevin snapped, “they’d kill us,”  
  
“At least we’re in a hospital,”  
  
Kevin sighed and slouched down in his seat, “I wonder where the ER is, do you think they’d let me jump on a shift?”  
  
“Highly doubt it,” Connor said, “and you’re not leaving me with your Grandparents,”  
  
Kevin glanced over to see Grandpa Joe and Grandma Val, not at all surprised to see them looking at the two of them as though they were the scum of the earth.  
  
“The way their looking at us you’d think I was riding your-“  
  
“ _Connor_!” Kevin hissed, “do not finish that sentence,”

“Yeah,” Abby said from the other side of Kevin, “ _Please,_ don’t,”  
  
Connor snorted and went to rest his head on Kevin’s shoulder, but he quickly moved out of the way with a quick shake of his head. Tutting, Connor folded his arms and glared at him.  
  
“Not in public. Not when my Grandparents are here,” he said quietly, “I’m sorry. I wish it wasn’t like this,”  
  
Connor’s glare softened and he gave Kevin the tiniest of smiles, “I know. I’m not mad at you.”  
  
Kevin bit his lip and glanced over at his Grandparents. Neither of them were staring anymore and seemed engrossed in the newspaper that was spread along their laps. He turned back to Connor and grinned, who stared back at him like he was mad.  
  
“What are you-“  
  
As quick as anything, Kevin leant forward and kissed him, pulling away as quick as he had leaned in. He glanced back over at his Grandparents who were still (thankfully) distracted by the newspaper.  
  
“What was that for?” Connor asked.  
  
Kevin shrugged, “Felt bad,”  
  
“I told you, I wasn’t mad,”  
  
“Are you complaining?”  
  
“Well no but-“  
  
“Shush then,”

It was hours before the baby was born, and Kevin was quite sure he’d never been so bored in his life; hospitals weren’t nearly as fun when you weren’t working. And they definitely weren’t fun when you had only your Grandparents for company. When Grandpa Joe started complaining about immigrants, Kevin started contemplating murder. 

“His Grandad was literally an immigrant!” Kevin muttered angrily to Connor, “He was _Welsh._ God, that man infuriates me,”

“Oh, so you’re not the _All-American_ you claimed to be?” Connor asked with a smirk.

“At least I don’t have that Irish ghostly paleness that you do,” 

Connor tutted, “Yes, because the Welsh are known for being dark skinned, aren’t they?”  
  
“It’s a girl. Lily,” a very breathless and rather tearful Jack announced, coming out of the labor ward, cutting their bickering short, “Want to come and meet her?”  
  
Grandpa Joe and Grandma Val jumped up immediately, followed by Abby and John, but Kevin and Connor held back.  
  
“Kev? Are you coming?” Jack asked, looking over his shoulder with a frown, “You have a niece to meet,”  
  
“Oh.” Kevin said, awkwardly standing up. He had assumed he wouldn’t be welcome, “Oh. Right. Yeah. Obviously.”  
  
“I’ll wait here,” Connor said.  
  
“Why?” Jack asked, “Don’t you want to meet her?”  
  
“I just - I thought you wouldn’t want me to,” Connor said.  
  
Jack frowned, “You’re her Uncles. Come on.”  
  
“I think I might be having a stroke,” Connor whispered to Kevin, “Why is he being nice to us?”  
  
“I’m not entirely sure,” Kevin whispered back, “maybe _he’s_ having a stroke?”  
  
“You're the doctor, you should know,” Connor muttered.  
  
Kevin felt bad for Eleanor the moment he stepped foot in the delivery ward; she looked absolutely exhausted and he had a feeling that the last thing she wanted was to be surrounded by what probably felt like millions of people. Still, Kevin found that he didn’t really care much for all that the moment he laid eyes on the baby. Tears immediately sprang to his eyes, taking him by surprise.  
  
“Want to hold her, Kevin?” Eleanor asked kindly.  
  
Kevin nodded and hurried forward, taking the tiny baby in his arms. She was adorable with surprisingly thick hair for a newborn and massive blue eyes that were staring into his own.  
  
“Hello, you,” Kevin whispered, “oh, gosh, you’re adorable,”  
  
He turned around to face Connor, shocked to find tears running down his face. He frowned, suddenly realising that they weren’t happy tears.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Connor whispered, “I think - I think I should just wait outside,” and he all but ran from the room, his face in his hands.  
  
“What’s up with the drama queen today?” Grandpa Joe grunted.  
  
“Grandpa, don’t be awful!” Jack snapped, “he looked really upset!”  
  
“I’ll go and speak to him,” Kevin sighed, handing Lily back over to Jack and rushing out of the room.  
  
It took Kevin almost five minutes to find Connor. He was sitting on a bench in the parking lot, staring down at his hands. Kevin hesitantly sat down next to him and picked up his hand, rubbing circles into it with his thumb.  
  
“I know Grandpa is a nightmare but-“  
  
Connor shook his head, sniffling slightly, “It’s not him,”  
  
“It isn’t?” Kevin asked, surprised, “What is it then?”  
  
“I just really want kids, Kev,” he whispered, “and I don’t think it’s gonna be easy. It’s not like one of us is just going to get pregnant, is it?”  
  
Kevin sighed and wiped away a tear that had fallen down Connor’s cheek.  
  
“No, it isn’t going to be easy,” Kevin agreed, “but we’ll get there. It’s just going to take time,”  
  
“Can I sleep in your room tonight? I’m sad,”  
  
Kevin laughed, “If you’re prepared to face the wrath of my mother, yes.”  
  
Connor snorted, “I love that I have to sneak around to sleep in the same bed as my own husband,”  
  


* * *

In the years that Kevin had not been on his mission, he had forgotten how difficult sleeping on a single bed with another person was. He had also forgotten that Connor’s solution to this problem was to just lie on top of Kevin with no regard for his need to breathe.  
  
Groaning, Kevin poked Connor in the side in an attempt to wake him up. Only it didn’t quite go as planned because Connor just nuzzled his face into Kevin’s neck and clung onto him a bit tighter. Kevin tutted and tried to move out from beneath Connor, but found that he had him completely pinned down.  
  
“Connor,” Kevin whispered, “You need to move,”  
  
“Don’t wanna. Not gonna.”  
  
“We’re not even meant to be in here together, please just-“  
  
“ _Nooo_ ,” he whined, “You’re warm,”  
  
“I’m struggling to breathe,” Kevin countered, “Come on. Move it.”

Connor groaned and rolled off of him, almost tumbling straight off the bed. 

“See?” he mumbled, clambering back on, “This is why you shouldn’t wake me up. I could have _died_ , Kevin! How could you live knowing you almost killed your husband?”

“Peacefully, probably,” Kevin shrugged, getting out of bed and pulling some clothes on. 

“You’re the fucking worst,” Connor said, “I’m going back to sleep,” 

“No, you’re not,” Kevin said, grabbing his hand and trying to pull him out of bed, “We’re not meant to be sleeping in the same room, remember? Go to your room if you want to sleep,” 

“I just want to sleep in the same bed as my husband. Is that too much to ask?” Connor asked, struggling to his feet, “It’s not like we’re sex fiends!”

“We’re not?” Kevin asked, throwing some clothes at him. 

“Have I ever mentioned you’re annoying?” Connor said, his voice muffled as he pulled a jumper over his head.

“At least three times a day,”

Not for the first time in his life, Kevin was grateful to find the kitchen devoid of Grandparents and any other extended family. Only Abby and John were sitting at the breakfast table with their dad whilst their mom finished up cooking waffles. 

“I’m going to tell them now,” Kevin whispered to Connor as they took their seats. 

Connor’s eyes widened in a way that was almost comical, “Like... _now_ now?”

“Yeah,” Kevin said, “We can’t put it off any longer, can we?”

Connor smiled at him slightly and joined their hands underneath the table, squeezing slightly. When he went to let go, Kevin held on tighter and shook his head, a silent plea to _please just hold on._

“Um, we...we have an announcement,” Kevin said carefully, and only looking at Abby. 

“An announcement?” his dad repeated. 

“Yeah, an announcement,” Kevin said, “It’s...um, well...it’s a pretty big deal,”

“Oh, my gosh,” his mother said softly, “You’re getting a divorce, aren’t you?”

“What? No!” Connor exclaimed, “Why would we - no!”

She looked visibly upset at this, and Kevin tried not to let it get to him too much. 

“No, um...we’re...well, we’re going to have a baby,” Kevin said, “Or, well, we _want_ to have a baby. We’ve been looking into it, obviously we’ll have to either adopt or get a surrogate because neither of us are just going to get-”

“You two can’t _possibly_ bring up a child!” his dad exclaimed, looking quite amused by the whole thing, “A child needs a mother _and_ a father! Not two dads!”

“Dad, this is - this is serious!” Kevin said, tears springing to his eyes, “We actually want to do this! And we _are_ going to do it!”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Kevin,” his mom scoffed, “Two men can’t have a baby! If you want a child, go and find a wife!”

“But I don’t want a wife, I have Connor!” Kevin exclaimed, "We've been together seven years! How can you still not understand that?"

“I think it’s great,” Abby said loudly, whilst John nodded along enthusiastically, “You’ll be great dads!”

“Look, son, we could look passed you getting married to him, but having a _family_? Come on, now,” his dad sighed, “You’d ruin the poor kid!”

Kevin looked away from his father and down at the table, tears blurring his vision. Connor’s grip on his hand tightened, and it was the only thing keeping him from lashing out and throwing waffles around the kitchen. He took deep, calming breaths and looked back up at his dad, determined to get through the conversation without crying. 

“I’m not telling you this because I’m asking for permission,” Kevin said slowly, “because I don’t actually need your permission for anything. I just wanted you to know because Connor’s parents know, and I thought that it’d be unfair if you didn’t. We are going to go through with this, no matter what you think,” 

His mom sighed and put her head in her hands, “I think you should speak to Eric, see what he has to-”

“I’m not speaking to Eric!” Kevin yelled, “Gosh, mom, I don’t know why you think I should model myself off someone who’s _clearly_ severely depressed! It’s like you’d rather me be depressed but married to a woman instead of happy and married to Connor!”

When neither of his parents spoke, Kevin laughed and stood up from the table so quickly that he knocked his chair over. 

“I wish I never told you,” he snapped, “You do this to me all the time! Every time something great happens to me, you just ruin it! You can never be happy for me, can you?”

“Babe,” Connor said quietly, tugging on his hand, “maybe we should just leave, there’s no point in trying to argue-”

“I wish you’d just disown me,” Kevin said, “Every day, I wish that you would just call me or text me and tell me that you don’t want anything to do with me anymore. It’d be so much easier than having to keep all this ‘happy family’ crap up!”

“Kev, baby, come on. Let’s just go,” Connor said, “Come on, it’s OK, you’ve said everything you’ve needed to. We can buy plane tickets-"

“You don’t have to worry about coming to your sister's wedding,” his father said, “not that they usually let your kind into temples, anyway,”

“Dad!” Abby exclaimed, “You can’t just uninvite people from my wedding!”

“I’m paying for it,” 

“That isn’t the point! I want Kev to be-”

“It doesn’t matter, Abby,” Kevin said, “It’s obvious _my kind_ aren’t welcome in this family,” 

They packed their bags quickly - and left even quicker - but Kevin still managed to grab a couple of his old missionary uniforms from his closet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even if you didn't find 'Latter Day Satanists' funny, can you please just pretend you did? I started writing this thing just because I wanted that groupchat name 
> 
> (thankyou for reading and all that comments/kudos/etc/etc/etc)


	4. Been Here Before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw/ depressive episode.

“Have you heard from your parents?” 

Kevin tensed slightly and held Fiyero closer to his chest, stroking him more firmly. Trying to avoid both the question and eye contact with Arnold was proving quite difficult; they were sat facing each other with their backs against the arms of the sofa and Kevin knew better than to think that Arnold would let him drop the subject. 

“Buddy?” 

Kevin looked up from the dog and over at Arnold. 

“No,” he said finally, “They didn’t text me. They got Jack to,”

“As they always do when you have an argument,” 

“As they always do indeed,” Kevin said, fishing his phone out of his pocket and handing it over to Arnold, “Tell me that isn’t the most depressing conversation between two siblings that you’ve ever read,"

Jack  
  
**Jack:** Sorry about what mom and dad said, I think you'll be great parents, I just don't think it's the sort of thing they need to know  
**Kevin:** You don't think they should know theyre going to have another grandkid???  
**Jack:** I know but its different when its you   
**Kevin:** Its only different because they’re homophobic!!! Connors parents dont care  
**Jack:** I don't know what you want me to say Kev  
**Jack:** maybe its best you don't mention it again?  
**Kevin:** What about Abbys wedding?  
**Jack:** We want you there, its just mom and dad  
**Jack:** Im really sorry  
**Kevin:** The worst thing about this is that neither mom or dad have the balls to talk to me about it themselves  
**Jack:** I know  
**Jack:** Im sorry  
**Jack:** Abby said shes gonna ring you about the wedding

“I’m sorry, buddy,” Arnold sighed, handing the phone back to him, “Where are you and Jack at, anyway?” 

“God knows,” Kevin sighed, “He was really nice to me and Connor when we were in Utah and he really wants us to be around for Lily but he’s still happy to do all _this_ -” he waved his phone around, “for mom and dad,” 

“This is it though, right?” Arnold asked hopefully, “You’re not going to have anything to do with them from here on out, are you?”

Kevin looked away from him again, turning his attention back to Fiyero who was now drooling on his t-shirt. 

“Kev, you can’t seriously-”

“I can’t turn my back on my own family, Arnold!” Kevin exclaimed, “' _Honor thy Father and Mother’_ and all that,” 

“This is why I don’t like you going back to Utah,” Arnold grumbled, “You come back with that old Mormon guilt,” 

Kevin glared, “I’m being serious! I can’t just - I can’t never speak to them again!” 

“ _Why_?” Arnold asked, “You say it yourself all the time, they’d rather you be depressed like Eric than happy like you are! Why do you want to surround yourself with those sorts of people?” 

“Because for some fucked up reason, I still love them,” 

“I know,” Arnold said quietly, “I know you do,” 

“It’s just _insane_ to me, how much they don’t give a shit. We're going to the Fertility Clinic next week, and I haven't even told them because I just know they couldn't care less! Like, there was a time when I couldn’t do _anything_ without asking for permission! I couldn’t even be friends with someone unless they were vetted by my mom but now...I could be friends with _anyone,_ Arn! For all they know, you're a drug lord, Naba is a bank robber, Chris is a convicted serial killer and James is an arsonist! What if I’d have gotten into the wrong crowd after Uganda? They probably would have just left me to...left me to...” he trailed off, not wanting to say exactly what his parents would have left him to do if Connor hadn’t asked him to move in. 

“ _One would be in less danger from the wiles of a stranger if one's own kin and kith were more fun to be with_ ,” Arnold said. 

“Huh?” 

“It’s a poem,” 

“Of course it is,” 

Arnold tutted, “Look, Kev, I know you still love them. I don’t understand why, but you do, and that’s ok. And you still want them to be in your life, and that’s also ok. But you can’t force a relationship. You’ll just make yourself ill,” 

The word ‘ _again_ ’ was not spoken but Kevin still heard it. His second year of med school did not end with a well deserved break or a vacation like he and Connor had planned. Instead, he got a week in the hospital after insomnia, exhaustion, depression and god knows what else caught up with him after he tried to repair his relationship with his family. There had been a terrible moment when he had actually _agreed_ to let Eric help him before Connor swooped in at the last moment. 

“Who made you my therapist?”

“You did, at some point in Uganda,” Arnold said. 

“My nineteen year old problems suddenly don’t seem as bad as my almost twenty-seven year old problems,” 

Arnold rolled his eyes, “You’re being overdramatic, Kev. Your life is _amazing!_ You’ve got a great job, married to your dream guy, got the _greatest_ best friend in the world - I mean, you really hit the jackpot there and-”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it, Arn,” Kevin laughed, nudging Arnold with his foot, “My life is great, except for my shitty parents,”

“You have shitty parents, but you have an adorable dog,” 

“I _do_ have an adorable dog, don’t I?” Kevin said, smiling down at the sleeping dog on his chest, “Yes, there is no dog better than my Fiyero is there? No there isn’t!”

Arnold tutted, “I can’t believe that you’re the one who didn’t want a dog in the first place,” 

“I didn’t want any old dog,” Kevin corrected him, “Fiyero is sophisticated,” 

“Fiyero is drooling on you,”

"You say that like _you_ don't drool on me when you use me as a cushion to nap,”

“Are you leaving me for a dog?”

“I’d never leave you, pal!”

“You did that one time, remember?”

* * *

Kevin had gone out of his way to avoid the maternity ward after a very stressful and near catastrophic 6 weeks he spent working there during his time in Med School. It was so bad, in fact, that he very nearly gave up on his dreams of becoming a doctor. 

Still, he was stragenly calm as he sat in the fertility clinic with Connor. He wasn't entirely sure what he was feeling. 

After weeks and weeks of intense discussion that almost always left him with a headache, he and Connor and decided on surrogacy. Adoption seemed a little too stressful for the two of them after one of Kevin’s colleagues, Craig, told them all about his and his wife's failed adoption attempts. 

“It’s _totally_ worth it though!” Craig assured them, bouncing one year old Esme on his knee to her general amusement, “when you get your kid in your arms for the first time, I mean - I can’t even _describe_ the feeling,”

And it was a feeling that Kevin and Connor longed to experience, but it just seemed so far away. The fact that Jack was sending him so many pictures of Lily wasn’t helping, either. Kevin was beyond thankful that Jack seemed so intent on keeping him and Connor in Lily’s life, but he could never quite shake an awful feeling of jealousy every time he opened a text from his brother.

“You alright, love?” Connor asked quietly, nudging him with his elbow. 

“Yeah,” Kevin muttered, "You?"

“Nervous,” Connor admitted, “We’ll be fine though, whatever they say. We’re only discussing things today,” 

Kevin nodded and rested his head on Connor’s shoulder, “I just feel like something is going to go completely wrong,” 

“It won’t,” Connor promised, picking up his hand and kissing it lightly, “We’ll be OK,” 

“Mr and Mr McKinley?” a Doctor called out, “Come through, please,” 

* * *

Kevin felt as though the meeting went well. When he and Connor were walking back to the car, he felt like he had a spring in his step and Connor could not stop laughing - though that was less to do with the fact that they were one step closer to having a baby and more to do with Kevin’s stupidity. 

When the doctor had asked whos sperm they were planning on using, Kevin had almost fallen out of his seat. 

“I can’t believe you didn’t realise they’d ask us that, _Doctor McKinley_ ,” Connor snorted, “How else do you think we’d make a baby?”

“I’m not a fertility doctor!” Kevin exclaimed, “I work in the ER! How often do you think I have to worry about sperm? My sperm worries usually only stretch as far as ‘should I swallow this?’ and ‘how are we gonna get this out of the bedsheets?’” 

Connor scrunched up his nose, “You’re disgusting,” 

“It’s your sperm, love,” Kevin said. 

“I still can’t believe you didn’t think we need sperm,” Connor sighed as they got in the car, “do we need to have the talk?” 

“You can just show me if you want,” 

“We’re not having sex in the car, I just got it cleaned,” 

Kevin tutted, “Heartbreaking,” 

“Hey, I only said we’re not having sex in the car, I didn’t say we couldn’t at home!”

* * *

Long, boring shifts with nothing to do were the work of the devil, Kevin decided. He sat in the break room, staring down at his fifth cup of coffee of the day, wondering if he would actually ever make it home. He glanced down at his watch and sighed; it was still 6 PM and he was quite sure that it had been 6 PM for the last five hours. 

Just when he was considering texting Connor to tell him to start looking for a new husband because he’d never make it home, the break room door burst open. 

“Patient for you, McKinley. 10 year old boy fell down the stairs, suspected broken leg, Treatment 3.” Katie said. 

“OK," 

Katie raised her eyebrows at him, "Try and sound a bit more enthusiastic, Kev," 

"Yeah, yeah," Kevin muttered, brushing passed her and going over to Treatment 3, trying to find it in himself to be the chipper Doctor that he usually was, “Hello! I’m Doctor McKinley, and I’m going to be treating you this evening. What happened exactly?” 

“He was walking downstairs to get a snack or something and I think he just slipped!” the dad exclaimed, “I heard him fall,” 

“Does he fall often? Broken any bones before? Is there any medical history you think I need to know? Allergies?” Kevin asked. 

“No, no, nothing,” 

“OK,” Kevin said, “I’m just going to get an X-Ray and see what we’re dealing with,” 

The mom reached out and grabbed Kevin’s arm as a Nurse sorted out the X-Ray, “Are you going to have to set it?”

“Um, I - yes,” Kevin said, glancing over at the X-Ray.

“Can you give him some pain meds?” she asked anxiously, “I don’t want him to be in too much pain.” 

Kevin would have liked to point out that setting bones generally hurts but just nodded and turned to one of the Nurses, “Get me 5 of morphine, please?” He turned back to the parents and their daughter, “Sorry, can you just give me a bit of space, please?” 

The parents moved back almost immediately, but their daughter stayed exactly where she was - right under Kevin’s feet - staring straight up at him with wide eyes. 

“Can you just move back for me, sweetie?” he asked patiently, “I need to help your brother,” 

“I like your hair,” she said. 

Kevin was taken aback for a moment before her dad dragged her back, with a quick, “Sorry, she’s only seven. She likes talking to everyone. All the time,” 

“Hey, bud,” Kevin said to the boy, “What’s your name?”

“Freddy,” 

“That’s a great name. I’m Doctor McKinley. I’m going to fix your leg now, OK?” Kevin said, “Are you ready?”

“Wait! Is it going to hurt?” 

“A little bit, but if you focus on me, you’ll be fine,” Kevin said, “Are you in school?” 

“Uh, yeah,” 

“Cool. What's your favourite subject?” Kevin asked, “Mine was Science,” 

Freddy looked thoughtful for a moment, “ I don’t like Science. I think....I think history. Or maybe gym....it depends what we’re doing in gym though, because sometimes it’s boring but I like playing things like dodgeball. Especially when my friends are on the other team because - _ow_ \- because it’s always funny to throw things at them,” 

Kevin grinned at him and took a step back, “There you go, kid. All done,”

Freddy looked down at his leg and then back up at Kevin, “Done?”

“Done,” Kevin said, “I’ll be back in soon to put your cast on, OK? Just stay still and don’t move.” 

“You’re good with kids, Kev,” Katie said to him when he walked over to the Nurses station. 

“Mormon,” Kevin shrugged. 

“Huh?”

“I grew up Mormon, there was always someone pregnant, always someone giving birth, always someone with a kid,” Kevin explained, “You have to be good with kids because you have to babysit three hundred of your cousins at once,” 

“You don’t have three hundred cousins though, do you?”

Kevin stopped and thought about it for a moment, “I think I have like...forty? Forty five? I don’t know, I stopped keeping track when I was fifteen. And that isn’t counting the babies my cousins are having,” 

“And you’re going to add to all those babies,”

“Hopefully,”

An hour later, Freddy was still waiting for his cast, so Kevin paged for one and went to check on him. He seemed surprisingly calm for a kid who’d just broken his leg. Most kids were still screaming in pain even after their bone had been set. If anything, he looked bored. 

“Doctor, Doctor, Doctor, Doctor,” 

He felt something tug at his coat and he looked down to see the little girl, staring intently at him. 

“Hello,” he said, crouching down in front of her, “What’s your name?”

“Olivia!” she said happily, “I like your mouse!”

“Pardon?”

“Your mouse!”

Kevin frowned, “My...mouse?”

“Your mouse!”

“She means your pin,” the mom said, pointing at a pin that sat on the lapel of his coat. It was a rainbow Mickey Mouse head that Arnold had bought him one Christmas - and he had cried a _completely_ normal amount when he had opened it. 

“Oh,” Kevin said, “Thank-you! My best friend bought it for me,” 

“I have a best friend, too! She’s called Rosie!”

“And my best friend is called Arnold,” Kevin told her, “He’s funny. Is Rosie funny?”

Olivia looked thoughtful for a moment before shaking her head, “No, she’s weird.” 

“So is Arnold,” 

“Cast for you, Doctor McKinley,” a Nurse said, popping his head in the room, “Do you want me to do it?”

“No, it’s fine,” Kevin said, “I’ll do it,” 

Olivia stayed glued to his side, even when her parents tried to get her to give him some space. Kevin simply waved them down and pulled up a chair next to him for her to sit on. 

“What’s that?” she asked, pointing at the cast. 

"It’ll help your brothers leg get better,” 

“When?”

“6-8 weeks,” 

“That’s a long time,” 

“It’ll fly by,”

In the 20 minutes that it took Kevin to put the cast on, Olivia asked him every question under the sun. Some were related to what he was actually doing, whilst others were pointless. They covered how bones break, how they get fixed, who Kevin’s favourite Disney Princess is (Mulan, he had taste) and what Disney Prince he would marry. 

“Well, I’m not sure if my husband would be too thrilled if I married a Prince,” Kevin said thoughtfully, “but between you and me? Definitely Prince Eric,”

“I’d marry Prince Charming,” 

" _Please_ , he’s the most boring one,” Kevin scoffed before turning back to Freddy, “there you go, you’re all done. How are you feeling?” 

"Tired.” Freddy yawned. 

"I'm going to sort out your discharge papers and then we can get you to bed, OK?"

Olivia followed him all the way over to the desk, chattering about something or other whilst he filled out Freddy’s discharge papers.

“Yeah, I’ve been to DisneyLand,” he said after she had asked, “A few times,

She gasped so violently that she almost toppled over, “What’s it like?” 

“It’s like the most magical place in the world,” Kevin told her. 

”We’re going!”

“I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful time,” he said, “Come on, let’s get you back to your parents. It’s time for you to go home,”

Freddy seemed quite happy to finally get out of bed and walk around with the aid of his crutches. Kevin thought he looked a bit like a baby giraffe when he walked, but decided to keep that thought to himself. 

“No gym for you for a while I’m afraid, kid,” Kevin said, “you’ll be as good as new soon,” 

“Yeah, I can’t wait for my friends to make fun of me for 8 weeks,” he muttered. 

“Don’t tell them you fell down the stairs. Tell them you heroically saved an old woman from muggers. They’ll never have to know what really happened,” 

Freddy grinned at him, “Thanks, Doctor McKinley,”

“Yes, thank-you so much,” the mom said, shaking his hand, “You’ve been amazing. Especially with Olivia and constantly talking about Disney,”

“Ah, it’s nothing,” Kevin said, “I love me some Disney. Which I’m sure you picked up on,”

“I had a hunch,” the mom said. 

“Bye, bye, Doctor McKinley. When I meet Mulan and Prince Eric, I’ll tell them all about you!” Olivia said, throwing her arms around his legs - the highest point she could reach. 

“Bye, Olivia. Have fun at Disney,”

Kevin waved them off and turned back to Katie who pressed a clipboard into his chest, "You have a patient in Treatment 2, she's-"

"I can't," 

Katie stared at him, "Pardon?"

"I can't," he said, passing the clipboard back to her, "I'm sorry. I - I can't,"

"Kevin, you're a _Doctor._ This is your job," 

"I can't," he repeated again, "I don't - I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm sorry. I can't do it. I need - I need to go home. I'm sorry," 

He wasn't sure what was happening to him, or _why_ it was happening. All he knew was that he needed to go home. His heart was unbearably heavy, and if the way his shoulders were slumping was anything to go by, it was physcially weighing him down. Katie frowned at him, and Kevin couldn't tell if she was anxious or angry. He wasn't sure if he cared either way. 

"Alright," she said softly, "Go home. Take tomorrow off, OK? I'll talk to your attending," 

"Yeah. OK," 

"Oh, and Kev?" Katie called to him when he walked away, "If you need anything, just give me a call," 

"Sure," 

Instead of driving home like he probably should have done, he drove to the theatre. The doorman looked slightly shocked to see Kevin turn up unannounced, but he waved him backstage anyway.

"You'll have to wait for Connor though," he told him, "they've only just started the second act," 

"I don't mind," 

Kevin threw himself onto the sofa in Connor's dressing room, stretching his legs out and nuzzling his face into one of the cushions. And even though it smelt strongly of Connor, it didn't make him feel any better. Sighing, he rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling, humming along to the show as it played over the speakers.

"Jesus, Kev, you scared the shit out of me!" Connor exclaimed when he walked into the dressing room when the show finished, "Why aren't you in work?"

"I left early," 

"Nice for some," Connor said, leaning over the back of the sofa to kiss him, "When did you get here?" 

"Start of Act 2,"

Connor frowned at him, "And you _aren't_ sobbing? Did I fuck up _What Would I Do_ or something?"

"No," Kevin said, sitting up to give him room to sit down, "You were great. You always are," 

"OK..." Connor said, slowly sitting next to him, "Did you have a bad day?"

Kevin shook his head, "No. It was OK. There was a really nice family in. There was this little girl, Olivia, she was _adorable._ Her brother was sweet, too," 

"And everything was OK with them?" 

"Yep," 

Connor sighed and took one of Kevin's hands in his, "OK. I think you need to take some time off work," 

"Why would I do that?" Kevin asked. 

"You're in a depressive episode, Kev," Connor said quietly, cupping his cheek, "it's OK. I'll take a week off and you-"

Kevin jerked away from him, suddenly wanting nothing more than to be as far away from his husband as humanly possible - a sure sign that something wasn't quite right. Connor sighed and leaned towards him again, gently placing his hand on his knee and squeezing it ever so slightly. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to upset you, but it's best that we see it now then-" 

"Stop it, stop it!" Kevin yelled, shoving Connor's hand away, "Stop! I'm not - it isn't - _no_!" 

Connor leant back against the arm of the sofa and ran a hand through his hair, his eyes sparkling with tears. Kevin stared at him, wondering why the sight wasn't tugging on his heart strings. He looked away, looking down at his bitten and bleeding fingernails. He had barely slept the night before, too busy worrying about things that were completely beyond his control. Maybe Connor was right.

"I'm _scared,_ " Kevin whispered, picking at the already ragged skin around his nails, "I don't like feeling like this. I can't - I don't feel _anything_ ," 

"I'll call work for you tomorrow, OK? I'll call out of the show for the next week, and we can just have a week to ourselves with nothing to worry about," Connor said gently, "We've been here before, and we've gotten out of it every single time," 

Kevin nodded, the words not quite sinking in.

"Can I hug you?" 

Kevin nodded again. 

Connor wrapped his arms around Kevin's waist, hooking his chin over his shoulder and slowly kissed along his neck. Kevin felt himself relax into his husbands grip, his head lolling to the side slightly as what might have been a smile crept onto his face when Connor started quietly singing into his ear. 

" _He's my doctor, and I love him. He's got passion, he's intelligent, and Jesus Christ, a doctor. Very wealthy, and I love him,"_

"Dork," Kevin muttered. 

Connor laughed quietly, placing a careful kiss underneath his jaw, "Why don't we go home and watch a Disney movie? À la Uganda when we couldn't sleep," 

"Who'd have thought we'd end up here?" Kevin asked. His nineteen year old self would probably have been furious to know that he still fell into states like this, though would perhaps be happy to know that he'd somehow managed to cling on to Connor for so long. 

"Me," Connor said promptly, "I knew this would be for good. The moment I saw you, I was like, 'that ones mine,'. The Hell Dreams weren't great, but your ass in those trousers made it worth it. It's the eighth wonder of the world, Kev, I don't think you realise," 

Not for the first time in his life, Kevin wondered what on Earth he had done to deserve Connor McKinley. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I make Kevin a doctor just so Connor could sing that to him? Maybe I did, maybe I didn't  
> (I did)


	5. Two Things Mormons Shouldn't Be

Kevin had never been so happy to see the back end of a year in his life. His depressive episode lasted for the entirety of December. After weeks of feeling nothing but hopelessness and more therapy sessions than he would have liked, it finally ended with him breaking down in Connor’s arms, apologising because _I really don’t mean to be like this, babe, I didn’t mean to upset you and snap at you all the time._

They had had a quiet Christmas Day: just the two of them and Fiyero, curled up on the sofa, eating too much junk food and planning out their new year. They discussed when Kevin would go back to work, if Connor should start auditioning for new shows, what they were looking for in an egg donor and what they were looking for in a surrogate. They flicked through the files that the Fertility Clinic had provided them with, bookmarking the ones they liked the look of and ignoring the ones that were just plain weird - and some of them were _very_ weird. 

They had planned to at least have a surrogate before Abby’s wedding, but Spring had very quickly rolled around and it had not brought a suitable surrogate with it. Connor was managing to be patient about the whole thing, Kevin was not. 

Still, it might have been a blessing that they didn’t have a surrogate yet (they had an egg donor, but that was quite useless without a surrogate) because they still hadn’t decided on who’s sperm to use. Kevin so desperately wanted to use his own, but didn’t want to appear like his old selfish nineteen year old self by telling Connor this. 

He glanced down at Connor who had fallen asleep on his shoulder fifteen minutes into the flight to Utah, and wondered if he would be upset at the thought of using Kevin’s and not his. Sighing, Kevin slumped down his seat and rested his head on top of Connor’s, entwining their fingers. 

“Con,” Kevin whispered, nudging him slightly, “Con!”

“Ugh - what?” Connor groaned, “‘m sleeping,” 

Kevin opened his mouth to start a conversation about sperm, but quickly closed it again. If his proposal was anything to go by, he probably should keep this conversation for another time and _not_ whilst they were on a plane. 

“Um, I was just...I was just wondering if you wanted to go in In-’n’-Out for dinner?” Kevin asked. 

“You woke me up for that?”

“Uh...yes?”

Connor laughed quietly and sleepily kissed Kevin’s cheek, “Sure, Kev. We can go to In-’n’-Out,”

“OK. You can go back to sleep now,”

“You’re so weird, Kevin,”

“I know,”

“Are you sure there’s nothing else bothering you?”

“No,” Kevin said, resting his head on top of Connor’s, “No. I’m fine. Just hungry,” 

* * *

Kevin rolled a blob of hair wax around his palm, staring at himself in the mirror of their hotel room in Salt Lake City. Sighing, he ran his hands through his hair and tried his best to look as presentable as possible. If it weren’t for the fact that it was Abby’s wedding, he probably wouldn’t have put in such an effort. And he _certainly_ wouldn’t have spent so much money on the suits. He supposed that he should have at least been grateful that his dad had agreed to let them come - even if they weren’t invited to the whole thing. 

“Ready, babe?” Connor asked, walking out of the bathroom with two hip flasks that definitely weren’t filled with gin. 

Technically, they had two hours before they had to be anywhere, but the last thing that Kevin wanted was to be late and give his father an excuse to complain about him all night. 

“Unfortunately,” Kevin sighed. He twirled around on the stool to face Connor and smiled, “You look nice,” 

Connor smirked and leant forward, “So do you,” 

Against his better judgement, Kevin tugged Connor forward and pulled him onto his lap. 

“I thought you said you didn’t want to be late?” Connor asked, resting his forehead on Kevin’s.

“We aren’t even invited to the meal. We have an hour,” 

“An hour to do...?”

“You know what,” Kevin grinned, pushing Connor off his lap and towards the bed, “We aren’t even fully ready yet,”

“I am,” Connor countered. 

Kevin rolled his eyes and undid Connor’s tie, discarding it to the side. 

“You were saying?”

“Dork,” Connor muttered. 

By the time they were finished and ready again, they were almost an hour late and Kevin had received the dreaded, “ _Dads in a bad mood,”_ text from Jack and Kevin was in the usual state of anxiety that he felt before family functions. The fifteen scared face emojis that followed didn’t make him feel great, either. 

“We’re dead,” Kevin muttered as they hurried from the hotel, “Very, very dead,”

“Sorry, who was it who decided to suck my dick twice?”

“Sorry, who was it who decided to get hard twice?” Kevin countered, “You owe me a blowjob, by the way,” 

“Well, sucking you off in the middle of the street in Utah isn’t ideal, but if you-”

Kevin tutted and shoved Connor’s shoulder, “Stop that. We’re about to go to a _Mormon_ wedding. Mormon’s don’t suck dick,” 

“And that is the exact reason I left the Church!” Connor said brightly. 

When they reached where the reception was being held - a hotel that Kevin had point blank refused to stay in - he and Connor took a moment to stand outside the doors and prepare themselves (by taking a swig of gin and promising to stay for _at least_ two hours, but no longer than five.)

“And neither of us are getting drunk,” Kevin said, prodding Connor in the chest, “because we’re not having a repeat of-”

“-your cousin’s wedding when I started an argument with your Uncle Tom about gay rights. Yeah, yeah, I know. You don’t have to always bring it up,” Connor mumbled, ''It's not my fault I’m a lightweight!”

The wedding was even more depressing than Kevin had thought it was going to be: he was happy for Abby, and more than thrilled to see how happy she clearly was, but that wasn’t even enough to put him in a good mood. Grandpa Joe had somehow become even more conservative and his hatred for both Kevin and Connor seemed to have increased tenfold. Jack, at least, was still being strangely nice to him but Isabel’s head seemed to have inflated to twice its size since the last time he had seen her; she told him all about how she was already volunteering in a hospital, all whilst doing work within the Church and doing three extra-curriculars. 

“I’m also top of my class!” she told him excitedly. 

“You know that doesn’t really mean anything, don’t you?” Kevin said, “I mean, it’s great and everything but being top of your class doesn’t mean you’re going to be a good doctor,”

“You’re just saying that because you weren’t top of your class,” 

“No, but the person who _was_ top of my class isn’t a doctor. I am,” Kevin said.

“Gosh, Kevin, can’t you just give me this? It’s not my fault you’re not the favourite anymore!” 

Kevin rolled his eyes, “Hey, I’m not saying it isn’t a good thing! I’m proud of you for being top of your class, just don’t let it inflate your ego too much, OK? No one likes an inflated ego _and_ you have more to lose. Believe me. I know.”

“I’m not going to become the family disappointment, Kevin. We aren’t _that_ alike,” she snapped before storming away. 

Kevin poured more gin into his lemonade when she had disappeared off into the crowd. He wasn’t sure how he had managed to come off as the villain after giving advice on something that he’d been through himself, but had long since resigned himself to the fact that he’d always be the bad guy in the eyes of the family. 

“I don’t know why you insist on antagonising your sister every time you see her,” 

Kevin looked over his shoulder to see his mom glaring at him, and caught himself just before he rolled his eyes at her. 

“So she went crying to you?” Kevin asked, “that’s a shock,” 

“She’s the top of her class at a _very_ good Med School and-”

“I was in the top 2 percent of my class at Harvard!” Kevin exclaimed, “ _Harvard!_ And when I told you that, you shouted at me because being prideful is a sin!”

“Don’t interrupt me, Kevin,” she said sternly, taking a seat beside him. 

“I was just trying to give her advice,” Kevin said as calmly as he could, “there’s nothing wrong with being top of the class, she just shouldn’t rely on that to get her a good residency. There’s more to be a good doctor than just good grades. Anyone can stitch a cut if they read how too in a text book, but not everyone can stitch a cut when the patient is a 10 year old kid who’s crying because they’re in pain and their parents aren’t there yet,” 

“Why didn’t you tell her that instead of saying that her marks don’t matter?”

“I didn’t say that her marks don’t-” Kevin broke off in a sigh, realising that as long as Isabel was involved, he’d be in the wrong, “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll speak to her about it later,” 

“That’s all you had to say,” 

Kevin didn’t reply to this, he just took another sip of his drink. He’d put too much gin in it, but was more than happy to drink if it made the rest of the night bearable. At least he had a blowjob to look forward too. 

“Are you still going through with having a baby?” his mom asked, taking him by surprise. 

“Uh...yeah,” he said carefully, “It’s not happening as fast as we’d like, but we’re still going through with it. It’s hard to find a suitable surrogate,”

“You’re struggling?”

“That’s one way to phrase it,” 

“Clearly, this is a sign from Heavenly Father,” 

Kevin frowned into his drink, “It is?”

“Couples like you and him shouldn’t have children,” 

“Mom...” 

“It’s true, Kevin!” 

“I thought you wanted Grandkids?” Kevin asked impatiently. 

“Yes, but your father and I would like them the real way. The _proper_ way,” 

“We’re doing it through surrogacy! So, the baby will still be half of me or Co-”

“Can’t you just marry that girl?”

“No, because I’m _married_ remember? Only you probably won’t remember because you never bothered to turn up in the first place!” Kevin snapped, the gin egging him on, “I know that you hate that I’m gay, and I know that you can’t stand Connor, and I know that you’d rather me be like Eric and think about killing myself every day - which I’m sure the poor guy does - but I don’t hate it! I’m happy with Connor! I _love_ him, and I’m also going to love our child!”

His mom sighed and shook her head, though her expression was sympathetic. Kevin took another swig of his drink, bracing himself for what would probably be a quite impressive guilt trip. 

“I don’t think you understand what love is, Kevin, and that upsets me,” she said, “you’re still my son, and I want you to be happy. Every mother’s worst nightmare is that their child is unhappy, and I think you’re dangerously unhappy. He doesn’t love you, you just think he does,” 

“What do you know about our marriage, mom?” Kevin exclaimed, “You barely know him. Not once have you been to see him on Broadway or-”

“I don’t think _Falsettos_ is the type of show I want to see!"

“No, it probably isn’t! But what about _Wicked_ ? That’s the most tame show out there!” Kevin said, “I asked you if you wanted to come, and you said no. I asked if you wanted to come when he started playing Boq first time, and you said no. I asked if you wanted to come when he was in the tour of _Jersey Boys_ \- a band that you _like_ \- and you said no! I asked when he was in _Little Shop_! You always say no! I just wish you would just come out and tell me that you hate him. I really, really do!”

“ _Fine_ ,” she hissed, slamming her hand down on the table, “I do hate him! I hate what he’s done to you! You were _normal_ before you met him! Before you went to Uganda!”

“If you hate him, you hate me,” Kevin snapped. 

“Sometimes I do,” she admitted, “you turned your back on our family, Kevin. You were everything we wanted in a son and-”

“-and I was also depressed because you’d told me that being gay was wrong!” Kevin interrupted, somewhat aware of the fact that he was starting to slur his words. 

His mom leaned closer to him with narrowed eyes, “Are you _drunk_?”

Kevin scoffed, “Who fucking cares if I am?”

“Kevin Thomas Price, I did _not_ raise you to speak or act like that!”

“That’s not...that’s not my name,” he mumbled, “McKinley. Kevin _McKinley_ ,”

“You need _help,_ darling,” his mom said tearfully, grabbing his hands in her own, “and we can get you that help, okay? Just stay with us for a while, don’t go back to New York, don’t go back with him,” 

“You can’t even say his _name_ ,” Kevin whispered, equally as tearfully, “Have you even said hello to him today?”

“No, Kevin, I haven’t, because I think that he’s _hurting_ you and I think that you’re hurting yourself by staying with him,” she said, cupping his cheek. Kevin found himself leaning into her touch, not because he agreed with what she was saying, but because it was the most maternal she’d been with him in years, “I love you, Kevin, and I want you to ge happy. I haven’t seen you smile properly in years,”

“Connor makes me smile. Every day, mom, he makes me _so_ happy. Why can’t you understand that?” Kevin asked quietly. 

“You’re so handsome, Kevin. There’s so many girls who would love to go on just one date with you.” she said, completely ignoring him, “You can do so much better than him!”

“No, I can’t!” Kevin exclaimed, “I don’t - I don’t want anyone else!”

“There’s a girl at Church, Catherine. She really is a lovely girl, wants to settle down and-“

Kevin jerked away from her and stood up, stumbling slightly as he did so. If it weren’t for the alcohol that was clouding his brain, he might have been mortified that he had sworn at his mother and was drunk at a Mormon wedding. 

“You’re making me hate you,” Kevin mumbled, “I don’t - I don’t like it. I don’t want to hate you, you’re my _mom_ ,” 

“Kevin, you don’t know what you’re saying. You’re drunk,” 

“I’m sorry for not being the son that you wanted me to be. I’m sorry for messing my mission up. I’m sorry for moving so far away from home. I’m sorry for falling in love with Connor. I’m sorry for not really being sorry about any of that because all of those things are the best things that ever happened to me. Connor, most of all,” 

White hot tears streaming down his face, Kevin stumbled away from his mom and tried to find Connor in the crowd, but he was nowhere to be seen. A sob tumbling out of his mouth, he staggered outside and fell to the ground next to the trash cans. He drew his knees up to his chest and rested his forehead against them. It had been a long time since he had cried or felt like this. It was like the days after the incident with the General - terrifying, suffocating and lonely.

He tried to text Connor, but his phone had ran out of battery and he was too scared to go back inside. He didn’t want to face the wrath of his dad or his Grandpa or _Abby_ for ruining her wedding. Instead, he reached into his jacket pocket and took out his hip flask. There was no point in letting good gin go to waste. 

“Are you sure you saw him come out here?”

“Jack, if you ask me that one more time I'm going to beat you to death with my bouqet,”

“Why the heck would he come out here? It’s smelly!”

“I don’t know! I just saw him and he looked sad and - Kevin!”

Kevin’s head snapped up to see Jack and Abby stood in front of him, both wearing matching expressions of concern. 

“What’s going on?” Abby asked. 

“Nothin’,” he mumbled, dropping his chin to his chest, “‘s nothin’. ‘M fine. Go away, ‘s your weddin’,” 

“Jeez, Kev, how much have you had to drink?” Jack asked, crouching down in front of him. 

“‘Ve not!” Kevin protested, “Mormon wedding! We don’ -” he broke off in a hiccup, “We don’ drink!”

“Right...” Jack said, “So if I had a drink out of your hip flask, it’d just be orange juice, would it?”

“Jack,” Kevin said seriously, putting his hand on his younger brothers shoulder, “Smart asses are annoying. No one likes a smartass,” 

“Kevin,” Jack said, just as seriously and putting his hand over Kevin’s, “Drunks are annoying. No one likes someone being so drunk,”

“I - I know!” Kevin exclaimed. Before he knew what he was doing, he had thrown his arms around Jack and was sobbing into his shoulder, “I know! I know! I’m - I’m sorry!”

“Um, Kev, I - I was only joking,” Jack said, “I don’t - dude, seriously, what is it? Why have you drank so much?”

“Mom,” he sobbed, “‘s mom! She hates me and - and I hate her! And I - I hate Grandpa and Grandma and Isabel and sometimes I hate you and, well, Abby doesn’ care that ‘m gay and she likes Connor and...and I _love_ Connor! Like, really, _really_ love Connor! He’s just - he’s the best person in the whole world and he’s so funny and talented and handsome and caring and...and...” he trailed off, completely forgetting what he had been talking about in the first place. Sighing, he let go of Jack and slumped against the wall. 

“Don’ know what ‘m saying...” he mumbled, scrubbing a hand over his face, “think I was coming out to you...” he frowned at his knees and then looked up at his siblings, “’m gay,” 

“We know,” Abby said gently, “I don’t think that’s what you were trying to say to us, dude,” 

“Do you really hate me?” Jack asked quietly.

Kevin looked over at his brother, “Sometimes? Don’ know. Sometimes I think you hate me,” 

“You’re my brother, Kevin. I don’t hate you. I love you, man. I just - I struggled with the gay thing but I...I don’t care. Not anymore,” Jack said, “I know I’ve not been great but...I’m gonna be there for you, alright? You _and_ Connor and the little one when they come,” 

“Sorry,” Kevin muttered, “Didn’ mean to say I hate you. Only hate mom and dad. Am I bad person?”

“No,” Abby said firmly, “No. You’re not a bad person, Kev. You just - mom and dad they - they haven’t made it easy for you,” 

“Sorry,” Kevin said, “‘ve ruined the wedding. ‘M drunk. Sorry.” 

“We know you’re drunk,” 

“Oh.” Kevin said, “d’you know I’m gay?”

“Yeah,” 

“‘Kay.” Kevin said, “wasn’ sure because I don’ think mom knows. She tried to set me up with some girl from Church,”

“It wasn’t Catherine was it?” Jack asked. 

“Think so,”

Jack shuddered, “Be thankful you’re gay, Kev, she’s _weird._ ”

“At least she hasn’ ruined her sister's weddin,” Kevin groaned, “Sorry, Abby,” 

“You haven’t ruined anything, Kev. Don’t worry,” she said, “I’ll go and find Connor,”

Kevin groaned and hung his head, squeezing his eyes shut as the floor began spinning. He felt Jack reach out and grab his hand, squeezing it slightly. 

“Everything will be OK, Kevin,” he whispered, “I promise,”

“I never meant to be gay,” Kevin said, looking back up at Jack, “I swear, never meant to be gay. Or drunk,” he frowned, “how did I end up bein’ the two things Mormons aren’t meant to be? Drunk and gay.”

Jack laughed, “It’s alright. There’s nothing wrong with be gay or drunk,”

“I don’ think I like being this drunk,” Kevin mumbled, “I like being gay, though,” 

“I’m glad,” 

“Sorry for saying I hated you,” 

“It doesn’t matter,” 

The sound of footsteps and hushed voices tore Kevin’s eyes away from his brother and over to where Connor was stood with Abby, his eyes wide. 

“Connor,” Kevin said, struggling to his feet with the aid of Jack, “‘m drunk and gay,”

“Uh...yes, you are,” Connor said, steadying him as he stumbled. 

“I didn’ mean to be,” Kevin told him, “drunk _or_ gay,”

“Did you drink that gin straight?” Connor asked. 

“Had no lemonade. What could I do?” Kevin asked, leaning against him, “couldn’ not drink it. Be a waste. Bad for the environment.”

“I don’t think that’s how the environment works, love,” 

“It isn’t?” Kevin frowned, “oh. I don’ understand how to save the environment then,” he gasped and tears sprang to his eyes, “oh no. I don’ know how to save the environment,” 

“Hey, hey, Kev. That’s not something you need to worry about it. You don’t need to cry. It’s OK. We’ll figure out how to save it, you don’t have to do it on your own,” Connor said softly, ''It's ok.”

“‘Kay,” Kevin mumbled into Connor’s shoulder, “‘m tired,”

“I’ll give you a ride home,” Jack offered. 

Kevin’s eyes shot open, “ _No!_ You are _drunk_ , Jack! You can’t drive! D’you know how many car crashes are caused by drink driving? How many patients I treat who’ve been in car crashes caused by-“

“You’re the one who’s drunk, Kevin, not me,” Jack reminded him, “I don’t drink, remember?” 

“Oh, yeah. Mormon,” Kevin muttered, “ _You’re_ Mormon but me and Connor _aren’t_ because Mormons don’t suck dick and me and Connor do!” 

Abby and Jack both burst into laughter at this, but Kevin couldn’t quite work out why. There was nothing remotely funny about what he had just said.

“Why are you laughing?” Kevin asked, “I’m telling the truth! Connor left the Church because Mormons don’t-” he broke off in a gasp and pointed at Connor, “You owe me a blowjob! I blew you two ti-“

“Alright, Kevin!” Connor said loudly, “Be quiet now. Where are you parked, Jack?” 

Kevin vomited in Lily’s car seat the moment he got in the car. Thankfully, she wasn’t there. 

* * *

Whoever was running their hands through Kevin’s hair weren’t doing very well at staving off his headache, but he appreciated it all the same. He wrapped his arms around the body next to his and scooted closer. It took him a minute to realise that the body next to him was Connor, and another minute to realise that the reason he felt so bad was because he was hungover. 

He groaned and rolled away from Connor, his arm flopping over his face. 

“Connor?”

“Yes, dear?”

“I think I’m dying,” 

“You’re just hungover, love,” Connor said, kissing his cheek. 

“We’re not flying home today, are we?”

“No. I changed the tickets and booked the room for another day so you don’t have to worry about moving,” 

Kevin smiled and rolled back over to Connor, “Thank-you,” 

“Wanna talk about yesterday?”

“No,” Kevin mumbled, “Not yet. Later, maybe.”

“Whatever you need,”

“Aspirin,” Kevin said, “I need Aspirin. All of it. All at once. For the rest of my life,” he frowned as a few hazy memories swam to the front of his mind, “we also need to buy Lily a new car seat, don’t we?” 

“I already transferred Jack some money. Don’t worry about it,” Connor said, dropping a box of Aspirin onto his chest, “I think you have a text off Abby as well, your phone pinged before,” 

“Oh, god,” Kevin groaned, picking up his phone, “I can’t believe I ruined my sisters wedding. She’s the only sister that I like!” 

** 3 People **   
  
** Abby **  
Not gonna sugar coat it Kev, mom and dad are beyond angry at you   
They aren't going to disown you, I asked them. They just think you're confused.  
Im not angry at you and neither is John  
** Jack **  
Yeah, Im not angry either  
They said youre invited to Christmas next year  
I honestly didn't mean to get so drunk, I'm sorry Sorry for whatever I said I dont actually remember Abby  
Just give them some space  
But if you dont want to see them ever again, thats fine. Mom told me what she said to you  
Jack  
We can start coming to new york if you want  
Instead of you always coming here  
Thanks guys I have a feeling we'll be giving Thanksgiving a miss You can come to us if you want Abby  
Sounds great!  
I'll just say that me and john want to spend our first thanksgiving together alone  
Jack  
I'll make Lily ill  
That came out worse than I wanted it to  
I meant I'll just say that shes ill

“Everything OK?” Connor asked. 

“Fine,” Kevin said, “they aren’t mad. Well, mom and dad are but Abby and Jack aren’t,” 

“Good,” Connor replied, “Do you want that blowjob now?”

“I thought you were never gonna ask,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I went out with work just before New Years, got (quite) drunk, panicked because I couldn't remember if I'd come out to them (I had) and then proceeded to tell the owner of the company that im gay, it was awkward for all involved, but probably him more than me 
> 
> (thanks for reading!)


	6. First Date (Sort Of)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw/ cancer

Kevin sang along to the Falsettos cast recording as it blasted in his ears whilst he took Fiyero on his morning walk, not caring about the fact that he was probably singing far too loud for someone who had no musical talent. Thankfully, it was six in the morning and the streets were almost deserted - though he did almost sorry for his fellow New Yorkers who were missing out on a rather fantastic rendition of I’m Breaking Down.

The shrill ring of his cell interrupted him and he glowered as he stuck his hand into his pocket.

“Oh no, oh no, oh no,” he muttered to himself, the caller ID showing his mom ringing him. They had not spoken since Abby’s wedding and he had been hoping to keep it that way, “ _Why_ are you ringing -” he cleared his throat and answered it, “Hello, mom,”

“Your father has cancer,”

The phone very nearly slipped from Kevin’s fingers and he stumbled slightly on the sidewalk, almost kicking poor Fiyero who barked indignantly at him.

“C-Cancer?” Kevin stuttered, “what type?”

“Lung. He has less than a year,” his mom's voice cracked and he didn’t know what to do.

“I don’t...I don’t know what to say,” Kevin said, unclipping Fiyero’s lead and watching as he zoomed around the dog park with a ridiculous amount of energy for such a small dog, “Do you want us to fly over?”

“No,” his mom said, “No, I just need to ask a favour,”

Kevin frowned and dropped down onto a bench, “A favour?”

“Our health insurance won’t cover the cost of treatment. Can we use yours?”

“Um, I don’t know if it’s possible-“

“It is. We’ve looked into it. Please, Kevin, this is your _father_ ,”

“I, um, yes. I guess I can....yeah. If it’s possible, I’ll talk to the, uh, the insurance people,”

“Thank-you, Kevin.”

The line went dead and Kevin dropped his phone to his lap, still frowning.

“What the fuck,” he said to no one in particular.

* * *

“Sorry about your dad, Kev,” Chris said, squeezing his shoulder and covering him in flour as he did so.

“I don’t - I don’t know if I am,” Kevin said, brushing the flour from his shirt, “does that make me a bad person?”

Chris didn’t say anything and instead focused his attention on icing the cupcakes he had just baked. They were sat in the kitchen of his bakery - a place that Kevin went when he was in desperate need of a sugar rush or just needed a cake to make him feel better.

“No,” James said, slowly but surely eating his way through a massive cookie that Chris had made.

“James, that was meant to be for tonight,” Chris sighed, flicking icing at him, “you’re a fucking nightmare,”

“I’m struggling through artists block, leave me be,” James said before turning back to Kevin, “you’re not a bad person, Kev. _He’s_ a bad person,”

“I know but I don’t...I don’t know if I feel even slightly sympathetic,” Kevin said, “and I know what Lung cancer is like, I have patients who have it and it’s fucking awful,” he glanced over at Chris who was determinedly staring down at his pipe bag though not doing anything, “Sorry, dude. I shouldn’t - I shouldn’t talk about it,”

Chris shook his head, “It’s OK. You can talk about it. I can handle it,”

“My mom asked if they could be added to my health insurance,”

James scoffed, “Of course she did. You said no, right?”

“You can’t add parents to health insurance, anyway,” Chris said, “which my mom learned the hard way when she wanted to add my Grandma to hers,”

“You can on some,” Kevin said, “and Doctors usually have the best insurance,”

“Right, but you said no, didn’t you?” James asked, “I mean, obviously you said no,”

Kevin muttered something under his breath and broke off a bit of cookie, shovelling it into his mouth.

“Oh my god,” Chris said softly, “you said yes, didn’t you?”

“He’s my dad,”

“You’re a bigger nightmare than James,” Chris snapped, “I can’t believe you - fuck me, Kev. Why would you even agree to that?”

“Because it’s my dad, Chris!”

Chris sighed, “How much do you pay now?”

“I don’t know...like $850-ish,”

“So your and Connor’s hard earned money is going to go on your dad's healthcare?”

“He’s dying!” Kevin exclaimed, “he’s dying and he’s still my dad, Chris! I thought - I thought you would understand!”

“I’d understand if it was Arnold or Abby but not - not your dad! When was the last time he spoke to you?”

“I don’t know. Thanksgiving, I think,”

“Right. Thanksgiving. It’s _May_ , Kevin,”

Kevin looked away from him, “I can’t sit back and let my own dad die,”

“Kev, bud, in terms of ‘bad dads’ me and you won out,” James said, still eating the cookie, “I wouldn’t give my dad health insurance. I wouldn’t even give him a dollar,”

Chris sighed again and nudged James out of his seat so he could sit next to Kevin, “I get it, dude, I really do. Cancer it - it fucking sucks but this is Thomas Price, we’re talking about. When was the last time he did something good for you? He sent you to conversion therapy, he abandoned you in Uganda-”

“I know,” Kevin interrupted, “I know but...don’t you think he’d do the same for me?”

Chris didn’t say anything, he simply stood up and dropped a basket of pastries in front of Kevin, “Comfort food. You’ll need it,”

When Kevin got home, Connor wasn’t there. With Tony nominations being so close, the producers had him here, there and everywhere, interviewing and performing on any shower that would have him and the cast. Kevin sort of hated it - it meant that their already limited time together was even more limited, but he also loved knowing that Connor was living the very dreams he used to talk about for hours on end in Uganda.

“Let’s see what your other dad had to say today, eh?” Kevin said, scratching Fiyero behind his ear as he brought up Connor’s interview from that morning on his laptop, “Oh, look at that, he was on GMA. Very famous is your other dad,”

Fiyero just barked and burrowed his head underneath Kevin’s shirt, his breath tickling his stomach.

“You weird fucking dog,” Kevin muttered, pressing play and getting comfortable.

“ _So_ ,” the interviewer said in that weird, faux-cheery voice that made Kevin’s skin crawl, “I saw the show last night and it made me _bawl_ , but apparently not as much as your husband cries at the show?”

“Oh, god,” Kevin groaned, bracing himself to be made fun of on national television.

Connor laughed, “Listen, he cries at everything. He cried when I was ensemble in Wicked so I sort of knew that he most likely wouldn’t survive Falsettos,”

“How bad was he?”

“My best friend told me that he cried as soon as they sat down in the theatre,” Connor shrugged, “And to anyone who knows him, it’s not that much of a surprise,”

“Good to have such a supportive husband though,”

Connor beamed, “Yeah, I lucked out with him,”

Kevin slammed his laptop shut and shoved it away from him, feeling like the world's worst husband. He didn't even want to think about how angry Connor was going to be when he found out about their health insurance.

Arn   
  
**Kevin:** Do you think theres a way to switch to single payer healthcare before Connor gets home?   
  
**Arn:** revolution?   
**Arn:** i dont know if im up for revolution right now my knees hurting   
**Arn:** I still havent told Connor about the whole health insurance thing   
**Arn:** oof   
**Arn:** youre gonna be the first for the guillotine   
**Kevin:** Guillotining myself would be easier   
**Arn:** i love you bud   
**Arn:** but this really is the stupidest thing youve ever done   
**Arn:** like this is beyond anything    
**Kevin:** You'd do the same for your dad   
**Arn:** my dad doesn't hate the person I married or the life i live   
**Arn:** just saying   
**Kevin:** This might change things   
**Kevin:** How angry do you think Connor is gonna be?   
**Arn:** youre just gonna have to be honest with him kev   
**Arn:** he'll understand   
**Kevin:** Or ask for a divorce   
**Arn:** i doubt that   
  


Kevin dropped his phone to the sofa when he heard the jingle of Connor’s keys in the front door.

“Hi, love,” Connor said, “I’m _starving._ Anything good in?”

“Chris gave me some food before,” Kevin said, following him into the kitchen.

“Oh, did you go to the bakery? How is he?”

“Fine,” Kevin said, “James was there. Apparently he has artists block,”

“So he was just eating?”

“He was just eating,” Kevin confirmed, sitting on the counter as he watched Connor potter around the kitchen, “How was your day?”

“Fine,” Connor shrugged, “Interviews are a bit _blergh_ , you know? Do you want a coffee? You look tired,”

“Please,” Kevin said, “this thing with my dad, I just...”

“I know,” Connor said gently, pouring him his coffee, “I know, babe, we’ll be OK,”

Kevin smiled, “I need to talk to you about something,”

“What is it?” Connor asked, still pottering around.

“It’s serious,” Kevin said, “don’t - don’t be mad,”

Connor turned around to face him, leaning back against the refrigerator, “What have you done?”

“Well, you know like - you know like my dad has cancer?”

“...yes,”

“And you know how I’m a Doctor and we get good health insurance?”

“You want to put your dad on our health insurance, don’t you?”

“Mom asked,”

“Well, at least we have time to discuss-“

“I agreed,”

Connor’s expression changed from neutral to angry in seconds, “Sorry, you _what_?”

“I agreed,”

“Without asking?” Connor asked, “you’re unbelievable sometimes,”

“It’s my insurance!” Kevin snapped, “If it weren’t for the fact that I was a Doctor, we wouldn’t have it!”

“Oh, right, OK, so because of that, I don’t have a say in it? Yeah, that makes perfect sense because it’s not as though I also pay for it or anything, is it?”

Kevin sighed and put his coffee mug down, “I didn’t - I didn’t mean it like that. I can’t leave him to die, Connor,”

“They have health insurance, I’m sure,"

“I know, but it’s not very good. They still haven’t paid off their mortgage, they paid for both Jack and Abby's wedding and everyone’s college-“

“Remind me, Kevin, who’s wedding did they _not_ pay for? Who had to put himself through NYU _and_ Harvard?” Connor asked impatiently, “who was dropped from their health insurance the _moment_ he moved out? Who was that, I wonder? Who was left completely on their own? I can’t quite remember, can you?”

“Connor-”

“You have had to do _everything_ on your own, Kev!” he exclaimed, “Where were they when you graduated college? Where were they when you started working? Where were they when we got married? Where are they now we want to start a family?”

“I know!” Kevin yelled, “Jesus Christ, Connor, don’t you think I know that my own fucking family haven’t been there for me?”

“Then _why_ are you agreeing to this?”

“Because they might change,” Kevin said, his voice softening, “This might be the start of them accepting us. Jack changed his mind,”

“They aren’t going to change, Kevin!” Connor yelled.

“We don’t - we don’t know that,” Kevin said quietly, feeling the beginning of tears boil behind his eyes.

“You can’t just - you can’t just go and put someone on our health insurance!” Connor snapped, “what does that mean for us? What if one of us gets ill and then we have to pay even more? We’re still paying off all your student debt!”

“I know that, Connor!” Kevin exclaimed, “but this is - it’s my _dad_! I can’t leave him to die. I can’t - it’s against everything I believe in as a doctor and...I’m still his son!”

Connor tutted, “They wouldn’t do the same for you,”

“Don’t say that,” Kevin whispered, “Don’t - don’t say that they’d just leave me to die. Please, don’t,”

“Oh, baby, I’m sorry,” Connor said, rushing forward and placing his hands on Kevin’s hips, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that,”

“You’re probably right though,”

Connor kissed his forehead, “Fighting isn’t helping,”

“I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t be so impulsive,”

Connor laughed quietly and pulled Kevin into his chest, stroking the back of his head, “You know I love your impulsiveness, Kev,”

“I know I shouldn’t have said yes but...I-”

“You can’t say no,” Connor said, “because you’re too nice,”

“Because I’m a coward, more like,”

“No, you’re not,” Connor said firmly, lifting his chin, “You just need to start putting yourself first,”

“And then turn back into the most selfish person in the world? No thanks,”

“ _Elder Price_ is selfish, but _Kevin McKinley_ is not,” Connor said, booping his nose, “Kevin McKinley is kind and caring and needs to start putting himself first, but if you...if you really want to put your dad on our insurance then we can. If it makes you feel better,”

Kevin felt his bottom lip began to tremble,“I’ll call the insurance people on Wednesday,”

“It’s your birthday on Wednesday,”

“I know, but it won’t take all day and I’m working tomorrow and-”

Connor put a finger to his lips, “Nope. You’re going to work tomorrow, and then you’re going to come home, and we’re going to spend the morning together, like we always do on our birthdays, and then we’ll spend the rest of the day with the others. You can call the insurance people on Thursday, OK?”

Kevin nodded, “I’m sorry,”

“It’s fine,” Connor promised, “You’re just...you’re too good, Kev. Even to people who wouldn’t do the same,”

“I’m just an idiot,” Kevin said, resting his forehead against Connor’s chest.

“Yeah, but you’re my idiot,” Connor said.

“It’s a good job we’re rich, isn’t it?” Kevin mumbled.

“A relatively good job, yes,”

* * *

They got the phone call that they had been waiting for at the worst possible time: during sex.

Connor woke him up how he always did; softly kissing his neck and running his fingers through his hair. Kevin sighed happily and opened his eyes.

“Morning, Connor,”

“Morning, love,” Connor whispered, “Happy Birthday,”

Kevin gasped when Connor simultaneously bit down on his neck and pulled his hair, though his moans of pleasure quickly turned into sounds of confusion when he felt something clatter against his teeth.

“Did you just put a mint in my mouth?”

“You know how I feel about morning breath,” Connor said, “and you ate a ridiculous amount of garlic bread last night,”

“We were at an Italian restaurant, what did you want me to do?”

“Your breath _stinks_ , Kev.” Connor said as he shuffled down the bed, gently tugging Kevin’s boxer shorts down as he did.

“I think what you’re meant to be saying is, ‘Happy birthday, Kevin, I love you so much’,”

Connor winked and took him in his mouth without much warning. Kevin gasped and bucked his hips upwards, his hands scrabbling at Connor’s hair, “F-Fuck. A bit of warning would be nice,”

“Wouldn’t be as fun though, would it?” Connor said, looking far too innocent for someone with a dick in his hand, “would you like me to carry on?”

“Very much so,” Kevin said, lying back in bed and closing his eyes as waves of pleasure consumed his very being, “Ah, Jesus - fuck - oh, Con will you -” he broke off, “is that your phone ringing?”

“Ignore it,” Connor said.

“It might be importa- _ah_ -nt,” Kevin moaned, though he wasn’t even sure what he was saying because Connor’s tongue was doing _something_ and it was making it very difficult to think, “Jesus, Connor, Connor - your fucking phone is still ringing!”

Connor sat up and groaned, “What’s more important to you right now? Your dick in my mouth, or whoever is trying to call me?”

“Actually, the most important thing right now is for your dick to be in me,”

“Should have just said that then, shouldn’t you?”

Kevin rolled his eyes, “Hey, it’s my birthday. You should be nice to me,”

“I’ve just been sucking your dick, is that not being nice?” Connor asked, wiping his mouth, “Where’s the lube?”

“Bedside table,”

“No, it isn’t,”

“Yes, it is,” Kevin said, rolling over to face him, “it’s always on the bedside - oh, no. We had sex in the kitchen the last night, remember?”

“Ohhh yeah,” Connor said, “pre-birthday sex, how could I forget? I’ll go and get it,”

“No, no, I will,” Kevin said, clambering out of bed and pulling his underwear back on, “it’s on one of the top shelves, you’re too short,”

“Fuck you,”

“That’s what I’m aiming for, bab - will you answer that damn phone?” Kevin groaned when it started ringing again.

The lube ended up not being on one of the top shelves, but underneath the table. He wasn’t entirely sure how it ended up there, but had the strangest feeling that it was his doing.

“Found it!” Kevin said brightly, walking back into the bedroom, “Now, how do you want to do this? I’m all for riding you - as always - but if you want to-” he broke off, “Con? What - why are you crying? Sorry, did I...have I said something?”

Connor turned to look at him, his face red and blotchy, “It’s, uh- that was Dr Freel from the clinic. He was just...he was just calling to say that...to say that we have a surrogate,”

“A...A surrogate?”

“Yes,”

“Sorry, just to clarify - a surrogate. Like...like a woman who will carry our baby for us?” Kevin asked.

Connor laughed, “Yes,”

“Huh,” Kevin said, throwing the bottle of lube from one hand to the other as his brain tried to keep up with what was happening, “So...we’re going to...we’re going to have a baby?”

“We’re going to have a baby,” Connor said.

Kevin screamed and launched himself at Connor, grabbing him and twirling him around the bedroom before flopping back down onto the bed, bringing Connor with him

“A baby!” Kevin exclaimed, clinging onto him like his family depended on it, “We’re going to be dads, Connor!”

“I know,” Connor whispered, “Dads! Me and you!”

“This might just be the best birthday of my life,” Kevin grinned.

“Want to make it even better?”

“Yes, but I dropped the lube and lost it again,”

“For fucks sake, Kevin,”

* * *

Waiting to meet Laura for the first time was like waiting for a first date. Or Kevin _assumed_ that how he was feeling was how most people felt before first dates. He had never actually been on one. He and Connor had never had a ‘first date’ they had just had a first kiss, followed by not really looking each other in the eye the next day and an eventual conversation where Connor had asked whether Kevin actually wanted to be his boyfriend, or if he had just wanted someone to kiss. (“Can I not want both?” was Kevin’s reply to the question, followed by a very long makeout session - the sort that only sexually repressed teenagers could have).

What he was feeling was _definitely_ what people felt before first dates. Only this wasn’t waiting for an awkward conversation in a bar where music was playing too loud, but waiting for an awkward conversation with a woman who might be able to give them everything they wanted. He felt like there was a lot more riding on this first meeting than most first dates, and it didn’t really do much to calm his nerves.

Connor was doing what he always did when he was nervous; pacing the floor and singing under his breath. He had already burned through the entire score to Hello Dolly and was making good progress on Phantom of the Opera.

“Oh, god,” Kevin groaned when there was a knock on the door. 

“It’ll be fine, babe,” Connor said quietly, grabbing Kevin’s hand and pulling him towards the door.

“Can you try and sound a bit more convincing?” Kevin asked, “How do we even speak to her?”

“Like a normal person, I think,” Connor said, “Because I’m pretty sure that’s what she is,” he took a deep breath and placed his hand on the door handle, “Ready?”

“Ready,” Kevin said, putting on his best missionary smile.

Connor opened the door to reveal a young woman who couldn’t have been much older than the two of them. She raised her hand and smiled.

“Hey,”

“Hello!” Connor said, and Kevin thought that he sounded like Elder McKinley again, “Come on in! Can I get you a drink of anything?”

Kevin decided that it would be best for him to not turn back into Elder Price. There was only one person in the whole world who liked Elder Price, and Kevin had already locked that down.

* * *

The moment the door shut behind Laura - who might have been one of the loveliest people that Kevin had ever met - Kevin burst into laughter as Connor squealed and threw his arms around his neck.

“I don’t think I could be happier than I am right now,” Kevin laughed as a tear slipped down his cheek.

“Me neither,” Connor whispered, wiping his tears away.

But that was before they woke up the next morning and heard the words, “Tony nominee, Connor McKinley,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> america, please switch to single payer healthcare, your current system is a fucking nightmare   
> (thanks for reading)


	7. In The Room, With You

Kevin had thought that inviting everyone around to watch the Tony nominations would be a good idea. It had been Connor's idea, after all, but as he watched his husband pace up and down, he was starting to think that they should have just done this alone. In the spirit of bonding, they had even invited Laura but Kevin was starting to regret that, too. He didn’t want to scare her off by sobbing hysterically if Connor was actually nominated.

“Connor, darling, why don’t you sit down?” his mom suggested tentatively.

Connor dropped down next to Kevin, his head in his hands.

“I think I’m gonna throw up,”

Kevin sighed and gently ran his hand up and down his back, “You’re overthinking,”

“I think I’m dying,”

“You’re not,” Kevin said, biting back a laugh.

He lasted until the first commercial break, which Kevin was quite impressed by. When the presenters cheerfully informed them that they would be announcing the nominees for Best Featured Actor in a Musical next, Connor jumped up from the sofa and ran into the kitchen, slamming the door shut behind him.

“How do you think he’s gonna be on the actual night if he's nominated?” Nabulungi asked.

“A wreck,” Kevin sighed.

“You say that like you won’t be,” James said lightly.

“Shut up, James,” Kevin muttered, getting up from the sofa, “I’ll go and make sure that he’s OK,”

In the kitchen, Connor was sat where he always was when he was panicking - on the floor. Kevin carefully shut the door and joined him on the floor, nudging his knee with his own.

“It was around this time last year that we sat here when you were waiting for your agent to call to see if you got the part, wasn’t it?” Kevin said quietly, “and you cried for about five hours when he told you you’d got it,”

Connor laughed and rested his head on Kevin’s shoulder, “I know it’s not all about the awards, but...I really want this, Kev. I’ve been dreaming about it since I saw-“

“-John Lloyd Young win for Jersey Boys, yeah, I know,” Kevin said, picking up Connor’s hand and kissing his knuckles, “whatever happens today, I’m proud of you. You’re my favourite actor,”

Connor looked up at him, “You’re a dork,”

“As you tell me everyday,” Kevin grinned, softly kissing him.

They sat in silence after this, Kevin trying his best to listen to the television in the living room, but he could hear nothing but the muffled chatter from the others. He rubbed circles onto the back of Connor’s hand with his thumb, trying not to let on how nervous he was.

Finally, the door opened and the others walked in, all wearing unreadable expressions on their faces. At once, Connor jumped up, dragging Kevin with him.

“Oh, god. I got my hopes up for nothing, didn’t I?” Connor groaned.

“Tony nominee, Connor McKinley,” Jeff said.

“What?” Connor asked.

“Tony nominee, Connor McKinley,” Jeff repeated, “you did it, son,”

Connor gasped and turned to look at Kevin, his eyes wide.

“Tony nominee,” he said, his voice slightly strained, “I’m a...I’m a Tony nominee,”

Kevin was frozen, staring at Connor with his mouth hanging open. He wasn’t sure how many conversations he and Connor had had in Uganda about this moment, but he remembered every single one. It was always late at night when they were sat under the stars. Kevin would ask what Connor wanted in life, and he’d tell the same story about how he watched the Tonys every year - “I don’t even think it’s about winning, it’s just about being in the room, you know?” and Kevin would smile, kiss his cheek and say in his nineteen year old naivety, “I want to be in the room with you,”.

“I think he’s broken,” Laura said.

“Give him a minute,” Arnold sighed, “he’s a bit slow sometimes. He’s the stupidest person you’ll ever meet, but also the most intelligent,”

“Tony nominee,” Kevin said blankly.

“Wait for it...” Nabulungi said. 

“Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.” Kevin babbled, “oh my god. You’re a Tony nominee. Oh my god. Connor! You’re gonna - oh my god,”

“Here we go,” James said, “this should be fun,”

Kevin launched himself at Connor and twirled him around the kitchen, hysterical laughter very quickly turning into hysterical sobs. He set Connor back down onto the floor and held him as tightly as he could, deciding that he would probably never let go of him again.

“Kev, babe, I need to - I need to breathe,” Connor said, “you’re making it difficult,”

“Sorry!” Kevin exclaimed, pulling back from him, “you’re a Tony nominee!”

Connor giggled, tears sparkling in his eyes, “Is that all you can say?”

Later, when they were on their own and curled up in bed after _celebrating_ , the two of them were still crying, with no sign of stopping.

“Can you believe we used to talk about this all the time in Uganda?” Kevin asked, stroking his thumb along Connor’s cheek.

“And you always told me you’d be in the room with me,” Connor said.

“I wish I could find Elder McKinley and tell him it’ll all work out,”

“I don’t,” Connor said, “the surprise is better,”

Kevin grinned, “I can’t wait till you win,”

“I might not. Don’t jinx it.”

“You will.”

“And you know that because...?”

“I’m a Doctor. I’m smart.”

“So smart you didn’t even know we needed sperm to make a baby?”

“We need to talk about that,” Kevin whispered.

“I know,”

“But not right now,”

Connor looked at him for a moment and then smiled, “Not right now,”

* * *

The stress of trying to decide who’s sperm to use coupled with Connor’s stress of not messing up a show when there were Tony voters in the audience lead to more snapping over things that didn’t matter and to Kevin taking Fiyero on more walks that was probably necessary to get out of the apartment.

“He’s driving me insane, Arn!” Kevin grumbled down the phone as Fiyero ran around the dog park, “ _Insane_!”

“I think you both need to chill out,” Arnold said, “You two never fight.”

“But he’s driving me-”

“Insane, yes, I know,” Arnold said, “You’ve mentioned,”

Kevin groaned, “Everything is just happening all at once. I wouldn’t mind as much if everything was a little bit more spread out, you know?”

“When do you have to go the sperm shop?”

“Arnold, please, stop calling it that. It’s called a Fertility Clinic,” Kevin sighed, “we have an appointment two days after the Tony’s, but we’ve barely talked about it! And the Tony’s are in three days! We have less than a week! But whenever Connor gets home from work he’s tired, and whenever I get home from work I’m tired and I’ve had to work more shifts than usual so I can actually be off for the Tonys and - _for fucks sake,_ ”

“What?”

“Fiyero just shit in a woman's bag,”

“Run,”

“Already on it,” Kevin muttered, scooping Fiyero into his arms and rushing out of the park.

“Your life is a bit tragic sometimes, Kev,”

“Don’t I know it,”

* * *

The night before the Tony Awards, Kevin and Connor sat facing each other on the hammock that Connor had insisted on putting up on their balcony, their legs tangled together with Fiyero curled up on Connor’s stomach. It was the first time that they had finished work at the same time in weeks, and Kevin had almost forgotten how nice it was to just spend time together.

“More wine?” Connor asked, reaching over the side of the hammock to pick up the almost bottle empty of wine.

“More wine,” Kevin said, handing him his glass.

“We need to talk about sperm,”

Kevin snorted, “Sorry. It still sounds so weird when you say it. I never thought that I’d spend so much of my adult life talking about sperm,”

“You and me both,” Connor laughed.

“We do need to talk about it though,” Kevin said.

Connor sighed, “I know. You first,”

“Me?” Kevin asked, “I don’t want to go first!”

“Neither do I,” Connor shrugged, “Go on. Say what you want to say,”

Kevin took a sip of his wine, “I, um, I’d - I’d like to use mine,” his eyes flickered up to Connor’s, who’s facial expression had barely changed, “because, um...well...” he cleared his throat, “Look, you know I’ve always wanted kids. Since forever. And when - when I used to imagine having kids, it was always a mini me, you know? Like a little Kevin running around,”

Connor looked away from him for a moment before very quietly saying, “Don’t you think I’ve always wanted the same? A mini Connor?”

“No, I - I know,” Kevin said hurriedly, “I get that, I do but-”

“But?”

“Don’t you think it would be better for my parents? If the kid had my DNA instead of - oh, no, Con, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to - don’t cry!” Kevin said hurriedly, “I’m not - I’m sorry,”

Connor shook his head as he wiped his eyes, “Why do you care what's better for your parents? This is your life, Kevin. _Our_ life,”

“I know,”

“So why are you still trying to please them?” Connor snapped, “It’s never going to happen, Kev! You’re letting them leech off our health insurance and they’re still dicks to you! No matter what you do, they’ll never be pleased! It doesn’t matter if the kid is a carbon copy of you, because they don’t even like you!”

“Thank-you for reminding me that my mother and father hate me, babe,” Kevin said coldly.

“I didn’t mean it like that!” Connor exclaimed, “I just meant -” he groaned, “You’re being selfish,”

“Never heard that one before,”

“But you are!” Connor said, “You’re not thinking about us! You’re still trying to be the perfect son, and it’s _exhausting_ , Kevin. I’m tired of having to go to your parents and having to act like we’re friends! Sometimes we don’t even act like friends, more like - more like work acquaintances who’ve been sent on the same work trip even though they never speak to each other in the office!”

“What’s that got to do with anything we’re talking about?” Kevin snapped, “and I don’t know why you’re acting like I enjoy going back to my parents! It’s not as though I drag you there! It’s usually me who gets dragged there by my parents!”

“It’s got everything to do with what we’re talking about!” Connor exclaimed, “because you’re still trying to model yourself off your dad! Which is sort of strange considering you don’t even like him!”

“Why’s it OK for you to want a mini Connor, but not OK for me to want a mini Kevin?”

“I never said it wasn’t OK!” Connor said, “I’m just saying that you aren’t thinking about what _you_ want, you’re thinking about what your parents-”

“Not everything I do is because of my parents, Connor!” Kevin yelled, “I just want to use my sperm, OK? I’ve always wanted a kid and I’ve always wanted them to look like me!”

“Maybe we should just rearrange the appointment on Tuesday. Or maybe just...wait until the new year. We’re not going to come to an agreement anytime soon, are we?”

“No,” Kevin said, “Postpone it.”

“I’ll call tomorrow,” Connor muttered, “On what should be one of the happiest days of my life,”

“Con...” Kevin whispered, “Don’t...don’t let it ruin this for you,”

Connor didn’t say anything, he just picked Fiyero up and gently placed him on the floor before swinging his legs over the side of the hammock.

“Hey!” Kevin exclaimed, “Where are you going?”

Connor stared at him, “To bed?”

“We’ve not finished the wine,”

“It really doesn’t matter, Kev, we can just drink it tomorrow or something,”

“You’re not leaving me here,” Kevin said, “You’re not meant to go to bed angry, remember? Isn’t that like the number one relationship rule?”

“We always forget about it in the morning,” Connor sighed.

Kevin simply shook his head and crawled over to Connor, and lay on his side, holding his arms out. And even though he had his back to him, Kevin knew that Connor had rolled his eyes at him.

“C’mon!” Kevin laughed, “You want to cuddle. You know you do,”

“You’re annoying,” Connor muttered, lying back down next to him.

“We’ll work something out,” Kevin whispered, kissing the top of Connor’s head, “We always do,”

Connor nuzzled his face into Kevin’s neck, “I know we will. We always do,”

* * *

The entire time that they were on the red carpet, Kevin had been gripped with the panic that he would look terrible in all the pictures. For the twenty minutes that he suffered through the carpet, he was reminded of why Connor was the actor and he was, well, not.

“I’m sure you look handsome in all the pictures, Kev,” Connor said when they took their seats, “You always look handsome. I’ve never seen a picture where you look terrible,”

“Check the group chat,” Kevin groaned, as texts started to flood in, “Oh, god. No one is ever going to let me live this down,”

“What?” Connor asked, taking his phone out of his pocket, “I’m sure it’s not that - ah. Yeah, no, no one is ever going to let you live this down,

** Latter Day Satanists **   
  
** James **  
Kev, why do you look so awkward?  
You look like you've got something stuck up your ass  
** Poptarts **  
Have you and Connor been experimenting again?  
** Naba **  
I can't tell if you've had too much coffee or not enough  
** Arn **  
I think you look great bud  
** Tony Nominee, Connor McKinley **  
****😂😂😂  
I can't deal with cameras leave me alone

You better win so they’re too distracted by that to bully me,” Kevin muttered, his eyes scanning the theatre to make sure that there was no cameras pointing at him.

“Ah, yes, I’ll just tell the American Theatre Wing that I have to win because if I don’t, my poor husband will be bullied by our friends,” Connor said, “I’m sure they’ll understand,”

“You’ll win anyway. Everyone else is shit,”

“Shhh!” Connor hissed, swatting his arm, “The person sat right in front of you is also nominated with me!”

“Well, he’s shit,” Kevin muttered, “he must know by this-”

“Just be quiet,”

It was perhaps naive of Kevin to think that his friends wouldn’t continue to bully him throughout the night; when the cameras panned to the audience after the Falsettos cast performance, there was a lovely shot of Kevin sobbing into his hands - and they hadn’t even performed a depressing song. Kevin had known that he had been caught sobbing on camera the moment his phone had started pinging non-stop.

“I’m going to be sick,” Connor muttered, returning to his seat after the performance, “Two more categories, Kev, two more!”

“Don’t panic,” Kevin said quietly, kissing Connor’s cheek and picking up his hand, “Whatever happens, you’re amazing,”

“I still want to win though,” Connor muttered, squeezing Kevin’s hand.

“Yeah. I still want you to win,”

The day after Connor had been nominated for the Tony, Kevin had decided that when Connor won, he would be the cool, supportive spouse. He would simply give Connor a quick peck on the lips and applaud as he walked up to the stage.

Instead, he screamed, kissed Connor like the entire country _wasn’t_ watching and sobbed the entire time that he walked up to the stage.

The rest of the show went by without incident - not that Kevin would know if anything did happen, he was too busy crying to notice anything that was happening around him - and he felt like this was a good thing. Had he known that he had accidentally gone viral, he might have tried to leave the country.

“Have you seen this?” Kevin said at the after party, showing Connor the article that Chris had sent him titled, ‘ _Spouse of Actor has ADORABLE reaction to husband winning Tony_ ’.

“It was a cute reaction,” Connor shrugged.

Kevin groaned when his phone pinged, showing another notification off Chris, “I’m being bullied, Con, bullied!”

** Latter Day Satanists **   
  
** Poptarts **  
I can't believe you've gone viral Kevin  
Are you gonna get bullied for this in work?  
Amongst one thousand other things

**James **   
Do you know that you're not the one who won the Tony?   
I've never known someone to cry as much as you   
** Naba **   
Shut up you two I think it's cute   
** Arn **   
I don't know if 'cute' is the word that i'd use   
Unstable, maybe?   
ARNOLD YOU'RE MEANT TO BE ON MY SIDE

** Tony Winner, Connor McKinley **  
You are over emotional, love  
Fuck you  
** Tony Winner, Connor McKinley**  
Yes please  
 ** James **  
NOT ON THE GROUPCHAT

“So,” Connor whispered, dropping his phone back into his pocket, “wanna head home early?”

Kevin smirked, “Why? Got something planned?”

“Maybe,” he said, with a delicate shrug of his shoulders.

They didn’t bother saying goodbye and instead bundled themselves into a taxi. Usually, Kevin was a big believer in not making out in the back of cabs for the drivers sake, but he found it in himself to make an exception for once. Connor certainly didn’t seem to mind; he clambered onto Kevin’s lap like they were in the privacy of their own home.

Once they were actually in the privacy of their own home, Connor pushed Kevin down onto the bed and crawled on top of him, his hand going straight to his crotch.

“Ah, ah, no,” Kevin said quickly, his hand encircling Connor’s wrist.

“What?” Connor asked, withdrawing his hand.

“Let me take care of you tonight,” Kevin murmured, flipping them over, “please,”

Connor beamed, “Well, I’m not gonna say no to that, am I?”

Kevin grinned and dropped his lips to Connor’s neck. And judging by the way he was arching up into him, the no-hickey rule was temporarily suspended. Deciding to worry about how Connor would hide them in the show closer to the time, Kevin carried on biting and sucking whilst his hand drifted into Connor’s trousers.

“Ah! Jesus! At least tell me when you’re gonna start jerking me off, Kev!”

“Start paying more attention,” Kevin said before sitting up so that he was sat on top of his thighs, “You’re handsome”,

“I’m horny,” Connor countered, bucking his hips impatiently, “Can you hurry up and do something before I fucking burst?”

Kevin sniggered and slid off the bed, pulling Connor up by the hand and gently nudging his legs apart so he could kneel between them. Connor groaned slightly as he pulled his trousers further down, leaning back on an elbow.

“Don’t forget to pull my - _ah_ ,” Kevin moaned as Connor tangled his fingers into his hair and pulled slightly.

“You say that every time, yet I’ve never forgotten,” Connor mumbled, “if I forgot all the time I’d understa - _oh, fuck_ ,”

Kevin shut Connor up by taking him in his mouth, his tongue swirling. The grip on his hair tightened, and Kevin couldn’t help but moan as it did. He looked up at Connor through his eyelashes; his eyes were squeezed shut and his mouth hanging open slightly.

“Fuck, Kev, keep on - oh, god-“ he broke off in a moan, “I’m gonna start winning Tony’s more often if this is how I get congratulated,”

“What about my poor, aching jaw?” Kevin asked, idly pumping his hand.

“You don’t seem - _oh_ \- to bothered about it right now,” Connor groaned as Kevin’s mouth sunk down again and he hollowed his cheeks, “Ah, fuck, _Kevin,_ Jesus - oh, I’m gonna come, I- oh, fuck you,”

Kevin pulled away with a flourish, grinning up at Connor and wiping his mouth on the back of his hand.

“I’m pretty sure you’re not meant to say that to your husband when he’s sucking your dick,”

“Just hurry up and fuck me,” Connor said, grabbing Kevin’s hand and tugging him onto the bed.

“Impatient,” Kevin sniggered, crawling on top of him and very quickly stripping the two of them of their clothes.

Kevin very quickly learned just how impatient Connor was when he practically threw the box of condoms at his head and told him to _get on with it, dammit!_

As Kevin thrust in and out of his husband, he realised that there was no one he loved more, and there was no one quite as pretty as a turned on Connor McKinley. Kevin loved the way he writhed around underneath him, squeezing his eyes shut and biting his lip as tiny moans escaped his mouth.

“Fuck,” Connor moaned, wrapping his arms and legs around Kevin’s body, “ _Ah_ , god, I love you,”

“I love you too,” Kevin mumbled into his neck, “Ah, fuck, foot cramp,”

Connor burst into laughter as Kevin collapsed against him, “Every time you top, this happens,”

“Because you’re better at it!” Kevin exclaimed, bracing himself on his forearms on either side of Connor’s head as he stretched his foot out, “Right, I’m ready. Sorry about that,”

“You’re the one who wanted to ‘take care of me’ tonight,” Connor snorted as Kevin slowly began to move his hips again.

“Should have just ridden you instead,” Kevin muttered.

“There’s still time,”

When Kevin collapsed on the bed after they’d finished, Connor immediately rolled over to him.

“Jeez, Con, I’m happy to go again but you’re gonna have to give me a minute,” Kevin laughed, running a hand through his sweat-drenched hair, “my foots still aching,”

“No, it’s not that,” Connor said, “Well, it _is_ that in a minute, but not right now,”

“What is it then?”

“Yours,”

“Is this some sex thing or-"

“I want to use yours,” Connor said, “Your sperm, I mean,”

Kevin turned to look at the ceiling. He didn’t really want to have another fight. Not at that moment.

“Con, we don’t...we don’t have to talk about it now,”

“Look at me, Kevin,” Connor whispered, “Please,”

Kevin turned his head to look back at Connor, eyes sparkling with tears. He couldn’t tell if they were happy tears or not.

“I love you, Kevin, and I - I want you to be happy. And I know how much you want this baby and I know how much you want a mini Kevin,” Connor said softly, caressing his cheek, “it was wrong of me to bring up your parents. I don’t think you do everything because of your parents. I was stressed and tired and probably a bit drunk,”

Kevin cleared his throat slightly, “You were probably right, you know...about my parents. I do still try to please them. Even though I know they’ll never be proud of me,”

“Well, _I’m_ proud of you,” Connor said, “I was proud of you after everything you overcame in Uganda, after you came out to your parents, when you got in NYU, when you got into _Harvard_. And I’m proud to call you my husband, and I know that I’m also going to be proud to call you the father of my child - the _biological_ father,”

“Are you sure?” Kevin asked quietly.

“Of course I’m sure, baby,” Connor said, “I wouldn’t have said if it wasn’t. Besides, I think the world needs more Kevin McKinley’s in it,”

“Won’t you...won’t you feel left out?” Kevin asked, “if the kid isn’t half of you?”

Connor shook his head, “No. I don’t care if they don’t have my DNA. They’ll have my love, won’t they?”

For the hundredth time that night, tears boiled behind Kevin’s eyes. He pulled Connor’s face towards his, his hand tangling in his hair. He felt Connor smirk and hands tugging at his waist. Kevin took that as an invitation to climb on top of him.

“If you’re going to ride me, you need to stop crying first,” Connor chuckled, reaching up to wipe the tears from his eyes, “I did not marry someone who cries whilst we’re having sex,”

“You’re crying as well!” Kevin exclaimed, poking him in the stomach.

“I’m allowed. I just won a Tony,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!


	8. Holding to the Ground

“You realise this isn’t very Mormon friendly, don’t you?” Kevin whispered to his siblings and their spouses as they took their seats in the theatre.

Jack rolled his eyes, “You’re not very Mormon friendly, but we still love you, don’t we?”

“No, I know, but...whatever,” Kevin muttered, “I’m just...warning you, I guess,”

Jack and Abby had surprised Kevin when they had asked if they could get tickets to Falsettos. Abby had already been to see it once, but Kevin had assumed that it wouldn’t be Jack’s cup of tea. The fact that both he and his wife were so excited about it was both heartwarming and terrifying. He hoped they knew what they were getting themselves into.

“I listened to the cast recording,” Eleanor shrugged, “I liked it. I liked that song that Connor sings with that guy. You know the one I mean? Sort of near the start,”

“I don’t,” Kevin muttered darkly, slumping down in his seat, “I don’t know if you’ve ever had to sit and watch your husband make out with someone who isn’t you, but it isn’t nice,”

Eleanor frowned at him, “I thought you said you didn’t care if Connor had to kiss someone else,”

“He’s only ever had to kiss women until this point!” Kevin exclaimed, “but now he’s all over another guy and the other guy is _all_ over him, I mean...he pinches his ass so many times! Why does he have to constantly touch his butt? I understand that it’s a nice butt but come on, dude! Touch someone else's!”

“Aw, Kev, are you a little bit jealous?” Abby asked.

“No!” Kevin snapped, though his cheeks turned red, “I just - you know - I don’t _care_ , I just think sometimes it’s a bit unnecessary! Even _I_ don’t touch his butt that much,”

“Sure you don’t, pal,” Jack said.

“Shut up,”

For the first time ever, Kevin could not focus on what was happening on the stage, and could only cast furitive looks at his family anytime something slightly gay happened. Jack might have claimed that he was OK with being Kevin gay, but he wasn’t convinced that he’d be OK with seeing a show like Falsettos. Maybe he was overthinking it, or maybe a devout Mormon watching a show that tears apart the very notion of the ‘traditional’ family was a terrible idea.

He was surprised, however, when they got to the end of Act 1 and Jack was wiping tears from his eyes.

“Are you crying, dude?” Kevin asked quietly.

“Shut up,” Jack muttered, hastily wiping his eyes, “I’m going to the bar, are you coming?”

“Oh,” Kevin said, “Uh - sure. Yeah,”

When Kevin stood up, Abby’s hand shot up out of nowhere and grabbed him by the wrist, yanking him back towards her.

“He’s having a crisis,” she whispered, “be kind,”

“Wha-”

“There’s just a lot going on, don’t freak out if he randomly bursts into tears,” she said quickly, "I've gotten three phone calls in the past week of him just freaking out about everything," 

"But...Jack never cries," 

"He does now," 

It was with some trepidation that Kevin followed Jack to the bar. Had he known that his brother wasn’t in the best headspace, he might have suggested they go and see a musical that wasn’t so...depressing. He wasn’t entirely sure that Jack would make it through You Gotta Die Sometimes and was half considering texting Connor and asking him to try and somehow skip it.

“Gin and Lemonade?” Jack asked when they were stood in the bar.

“Oh, Lord, no. I can’t drink it after Abby’s wedding,” Kevin shuddered, “even the smell knocks me sick. I’ll just have a beer,”

“Uh, yeah, same,” Jack said to the barman, “two beers, please,”

“Beer?” Kevin asked, “that’s, um...odd,”

“I’m an adult, I think I’m allowed alcohol,”

Kevin frowned at him for a moment and then nodded, deciding to ignore the fact that his very Mormon brother was suddenly drinking, “Yeah. Guess you are,”

They stood in silence for a minute before Jack spoke again.

“That song at the end of the first act, what’s it called?”

“Father to Son,” Kevin said, “Why?”

Jack shook his head, “I just like it, that’s all,”

“I don’t,” Kevin said, “it depresses me,”

“I wish...I wish dad would have a conversation like that with you,”

Kevin looked away from him, silently willing the second act to start early so that he could avoid this conversation.

“Yeah,” Kevin said, “Yeah. Me too,”

“There’s time though, right?” Jack asked, a hopeful note in his voice.

“I don’t know. Maybe.” Kevin paused for a moment, “maybe before...maybe before he dies,”

“He’s in a really bad way, Kev,” Jack said, his voice cracking, “it’s...it’s horrible,”

“I know,” Kevin said, “I’m sorry,”

“The illness it’s, um, it’s changed him. He's like a completely different man. So maybe...maybe it’ll...maybe it’ll make him realise that you and Connor aren’t - that there’s nothing wrong with you being married to him,”

Deep down, Kevin knew that Thomas Price would never change the way he felt about homosexuality but he still liked to pretend that one day he might.

“I am sorry, you know,” Jack continued, “about the way they treat you and Connor. It isn’t fair,”

“You don’t have to keep on apologising to me, Jack,”

“I feel like I sort of do, though. When you first came out, I damned you to hell as well! I called you a - a....well, I called you things I shouldn’t have done and-”

“I know you’re sorry. It’s ok,”

“I almost told Bishop Weltz about it, you know,” he snorted, “about how horrible I’ve been to you but there’s no point in telling him, is there? After he convinced Eric to marry Francine,”

“I hated Bishop Weltz,” Kevin said, “when I told him I was having ‘unclean thoughts’, he made me pray for twelve hours straight. My knees have never quite been the same,”

Jack’s neck snapped towards him so fast, Kevin was sure that he heard it snap.

“ _What?_ ”

“In his office,” Kevin shrugged, “Didn’t work. Obviously,”

“I didn’t know that,” Jack said quietly.

“It isn’t really the sort of conversation you want to have, is it?”

“The Church is confusing, isn’t it?” Jack said, his voice barely audible, “and religion in general. I don’t understand how Bishop Wentz can call himself a man of God and then make you do that. I mean...Heavenly Father is all loving, isn’t he? So why would - why would He want you to - why wouldn’t He want you to love who you love? Would He not prefer Eric to be married to a man?”

“I, um, I don’t know,” Kevin said. He was far too sober to be having this sort of conversation, “I think that...I think that Eric should think about what he wants instead of thinking about Heavenly Father,”

“I guess,” Jack muttered, “Mom was talking about baptising Lily last week,”

Kevin frowned, “Dude, she’s not even a year old! We were baptised when we were eight!”

“I know, I know,” Jack said hurriedly, “She’s just trying to distract herself from dad, I think. And, well...you know how excited she gets about stuff like that,”

“You don’t sound very excited,”

“I don’t - I don’t know if I want her to be baptised into the Church,”

Before Kevin could ask exactly why Jack was suddenly so opposed to the idea of his daughter being baptised into the Church, Act 2 started. When they both started bawling watching Holding to the Ground, Kevin wondered if Jack would get offended if he suggested he go to therapy. 

* * *

“So, what did you think?” Connor asked excitedly when they were back home; Arnold and Nabulungi had babysat Lily and it seemed like neither of them wanted to give her back.

“That she’s the cutest baby in the whole wide-”

“No, Arnold, not of Lily,” Connor sighed, “I meant what did they think of the show,”

“She _is_ the cutest baby in the whole wide world though, isn’t she?” Arnold cooed to Lily’s general amusement, “Yes she is, yes she is!”

“Not nearly as cute as _my_ baby though,” Kevin said, scooping Fiyero into his arms and cradling him like a human baby, “because you are adorable, aren’t you, Fiyero? The _greatest_ dog in the whole world, there’s no one better than my Fiyero, is there? No there-”

“I thought the show was great, Connor,” Jack said loudly, giving Kevin a funny look, “You were great. Although, I think you need to talk to the director about something,”

“I do?” Connor asked, looking troubled, “What is it?”

“Kevin has an issue with that duet you have,”

“ _Jack_! Stop it! No I don’t!”

“Does the ass grabbing upset you, Kev?” Connor smirked.

“No!” Kevin exclaimed, his face bright red, “No! The ass grabbing does not upset me!”

“I believe you,” Connor laughed.

“I don’t,” Nabulungi said.

“Uh, Kev, buddy, can I speak to you?” Arnold asked suddenly, passing Lily over to Eleanor.

“Sure thing, pal,” Kevin said slowly, “Everything...everything OK?”

“Yeah, I just - privately? Please?”

Arnold didn’t even give him the chance to reply, he grabbed Kevin by the t-shirt and yanked him off the sofa, pushing him towards the kitchen.

“Watch it!” Kevin yelled as Arnold slammed the door shut behind them, “I’m holding Fiyero!”

“I’m pregnant,”

“What?”

“Sorry. I meant Nabulungi’s pregnant. Sorry. I’m panicking. Nabulungi’s pregnant,”

Kevin slowly set Fiyero down on the floor and leant back against the counter, “What?”

“Pregnant,” Arnold repeated, sticking his stomach out and pointing to it, “Nabulungi has a baby in her stomach. Our baby,”

“Pregnant?” Kevin whispered.

“Pregnant. With child. Knocked up. Expecting. Preggo. Got a bun in the oven. However you want to say it,” Arnold said, wringing his hands together, “I’m gonna be a dad, Kevin! _Me_! A dad! I mean, it’s not really - it wasn’t really in the plan, not that we even had a plan, I just - jesus, Kevin, I’m going to have a baby,”

Kevin didn’t speak. He wasn’t sure what he was meant to say. He was of that awkward age where he wasn’t sure if his friends expecting children was a good thing or not. He was almost sure that it wasn’t a good thing because they weren’t even _married_ and - he quickly stopped that thought process, reminding himself that he had a husband and that he didn’t think like that anymore.

But then the worst feeling hit - _jealousy_.

When Elder Price had first met Elder Cunningham, he had sneered at him, rolled his eyes at the back of his head and prayed to Heavenly Father for a new companion. But then he had become jealous of him - it was Elder Cunningham who felt normal feelings about girls, it was Elder Cunningham who got the girl, it was Elder Cunningham who baptised the entire village and it certainly hadn’t been Elder Cunningham who had ended up with a Book of Mormon in a place where a Book of Mormon should never be.

But then they had become best friends, and Kevin Price wasn’t jealous of Arnold Cunningham because that was stupid and childish and he was happy that his best friend had accidentally become a prophet.

But 27 year old Kevin McKinley was very jealous and he’d never hated anything more.

“Buddy?” Arnold said quietly, “Why aren’t you - why aren’t you saying anything?”

Kevin cleared his throat and smiled, “I’m happy for you, bud. You and Naba,”

Arnold sighed, “Look, I wasn’t going to - I didn’t really want to tell you because of - I know you and Connor want kids and it’s not as...it’s not as easy but I...I just needed to tell someone. We’re only 9 weeks in and I should have waited a little bit longer but you’re my best friend and I wanted to tell you!"

“No, no, Arn, I’m - I’m happy for you! Really!” Kevin said hurriedly, “I am, I swear. It’s just...it’s been a weird few months, you know? But this is...this is good news. I’m happy for you. You’ll be a great dad,”

“Do you think?” Arnold asked quietly, “because I’m not so-”

“For fucks sake, Arnold, you were all the kids favourite in Uganda!” Kevin laughed, "your job is literally to make kids happy. I think you'll be fine," 

“Are you sure you’re OK?”

“Course I am,” Kevin assured him, “I, um...I’m going to the Fertility Clinic tomorrow,”

Arnold stared at him, “...OK?”

“Because we have a surrogate,”

“And...?”

“Think about it, Arn,”

There was a few seconds of silence and then Arnold gasped, “You’re using your sperm?”

“Yeah,”

Arnold screamed and threw his arms around Kevin’s middle, laughing maniacally.

“Oh my god,” Kevin said suddenly, “Arnold, our kids - they’re gonna be best friends!”

Arnold gasped, “They’re gonna be like us! A mini Kevin and Arnold!”

They both burst into tears and neither stopped for a while. When Connor walked into the kitchen to find them in a heap on the floor, sobbing into each other’s arms, he simply stepped over them and got another bottle of wine out of the fridge.

* * *

“What if I can’t do it?”

“Can’t do what?” Connor’s voice rang out from the Bluetooth in the car.

“You know... _it_ ,” Kevin said, gesturing vaguely to his crotch, “what if can’t come?”

“You’ve never had an issue in the past, have you?”

“Well, no but - but that’s because of you!” Kevin exclaimed, “you’re always there to, you know-“

“Fuck you?”

Kevin wrinkled his nose, “I was going to say _help_ but also yes. You are always there to fuck me.”

“Well, sometimes we do it the other way round and you still manage,”

“But you’re still there!” Kevin exclaimed.

“I don’t know why you’re acting like you’ve never jerked off before,” Connor said with a sigh.

“I’ve never jerked off in a sterile room,” Kevin snapped, “god, it’s gonna be so weird,”

“You’ll be fine, Kev, just think of me and my tiny white shorts,”

“Right.” Kevin muttered when he pulled up outside the fertility clinic, “I’m here. See you later,”

“Have fun!”

The room ended up being a lot less sterile and more comfortable. Kevin dropped his coat onto a sofa and glanced around, maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

Stacked neatly on a coffee table was a collection of porn magazines. Kevin hurried over to them only to realise that every single one of them contained nothing but straight porn. Tutting, Kevin dropped to the couch and twirled the pot around in his hand. He wasn’t feeling even slightly aroused.

Tony Winner, Connor McKinley  
  
**Kevin:** Send me a pic?  
  
**Con:** Of what?  
  
**Kevin:** Stop being purposely ignorant,   
**Kevin:** I need help! There's only straight porn magazines  
**Con:** ohhh you want something to get you going?  
**Kevin:** Do you expect me to get off to straight porn????  
**Con:** can I facetime you in a sec? I can't be bothered taking a picture  
**Kevin:** Do whatever just be quick  
**Kevin:** I don't know if there's a time limit for these things  
**Kevin:** Can you wear the white shorts?  
**Con:** IM NOT MASTURBATING IN COSTUME KEVIN  
**Kevin:** :(

Kevin answered his phone embarrassingly quickly when Connor FaceTimed him, but he didn’t really care.

“How long till your show?” Kevin asked, trying to get comfortable and convince himself that this wasn’t at all weird.

“Uh...an hour?” Connor said, “Something like that. I don’t know. I have time. How are you feeling?”

“Extremely turned on,”

“Really?”

“No, not in the slightest,”

Connor snorted, “Let me lock the door before someone comes in,”

Kevin leant his phone against the stack of porn magazines and tapped his foot impatiently. He hated phone sex. Or FaceTime sex. Or whatever this was. When Connor had been on tour, it was the only thing that they could do for months at a time, but Kevin had never properly warmed up to it. He always managed to convince himself that his phone was secretly recording him and that someone somewhere could one day blackmail him with heaps of videos of him jerking off.

“Hey, do you think that-”

“No one is recording you, Kevin. How many times do we have to have this conversation?” Connor sighed.

“It’s just...it’s weird,”

“I promise you, we’re not the only couple in the world who do this,” Connor said, shimmying himself out of his trousers, “You always forget how awkward you find this when we get started, anyway,”

“Do I?” Kevin muttered, unbuckling his belt, “because I still feel awkward,”

Connor rolled his eyes, “You’re the kinkiest one out of the two of us!”

“I am not!” Kevin exclaimed.

Connor raised his eyebrows, “Do you really want to start this argument right now? Because I will win,”

Kevin glared before his expression turned thoughtful, “It might help, actually,”

Connor smirked, “Oh, really?”

Kevin felt his cheeks heat up, “Please just get on with it. I want to go home,”

Connor chuckled slightly as he sat back on the sofa, lazily stroking himself.

“You know what really gets you going?” Connor asked, dropping his voice into a tone that always made the hairs on the back of Kevin’s neck stand up.

“What?” he asked, already breathless as he matched his movements with Connor’s.

“When you’ve had a long day at work and everything’s gotten on top of you. You get home, and you’re moody and you need something to take your mind off everything....”

Kevin bit back a moan. Stressed sex was his favourite type of sex.

“And you come into the bedroom, ready to be taken care of, and I’m already ready because I just know when you need it, Kev. You don’t even have to tell me...” Connor continued, “you don’t even need to tell me that all you want is to....cuddle and watch The Lion King,”

Kevin stops the movement of his hand immediately, furiously glaring at Connor who’s now rolling around on the sofa, clutching his stomach.

“ _Connor_!” Kevin yelled, “stop making it sound like I have a Disney kink! I don’t have a Disney kink!”

“Sorry, love,” Connor sniggered, “I couldn’t help myself. I know you don’t have a Disney kink.”

“Are you going to take this seriously or not? I’ll just find some porn to watch,”

“Sorry, Sorry,” Connor said hastily, still wiping tears of laughter from his eyes, “Sorry. Do you want me to talk about how you’ve been a _bad boy, Elder Price?_ ” he tutted, "You should have worn the uniform," 

"Hey, thats your kink, not mine," 

"Yeah, because you _hate_ it, don't you?"

"Get on with it, Connor!" Kevin exclaimed. 

Fifteen minutes later, Kevin managed to get all of it in the pot and was quite proud of himself.

“Not a single drop outside of it!” Kevin grinned at Connor who was sat slumped on his sofa.

“Please stop waving your sperm at me, it’s making me feel slightly sick,”

Kevin tutted as he screwed the lid on the pot, “How much of this have you swallowed since we've been married?”

“I still don’t want it waved in my face, Kev,”

“But I got it all in the pot!”

“Wanna get it in me instead?”

Kevin shrugged, “Sure,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kevin McKinley hug your brother challenge


	9. The Future Can't Come Quick Enough

It seemed that Arnold Cunningham had finally and officially lost his mind. Kevin had been enjoying an otherwise peaceful day at home alone when he got a phone call off Arnold demanding that he go and sit with Nabulungi whilst he did the grocery shopping. 

“Arn, she’s pregnant not ill, she can sit in the apartment on her own for an hour,”

“But I have loads of stuff to buy!” Arnold whined down the phone, “and what if something happens to her or the baby whilst I’m gone?”

Kevin sighed, “Bud, nothing is going to happen-”

“ _Pleeeease_ ,” 

“I have a facemask on!” Kevin protested, tutting when it cracked slightly. 

“Kev, what would you do if Connor was pregnant?”

"What would I do if my biologically male husband was pregnant? I don't know, man, I think I'd be quite worried,"

“Kevin, _pleeeease_ ,” 

“Fine,” Kevin grumbled, “but if my skin fucks up because I had to take this face mask off early, it’s on you,” 

When Kevin eventually got to Arnold and Nabulungi’s apartment, she seemed quite confused as to why he was actually there. When he informed her that it was because the man she was choosing to spend the rest of her life with might be clinically insane, she sighed and stood to the side, letting him. 

“If you’re here, can you put the dirty laundry in the washing machine?” she asked, “and load the dishwasher?”

“I’m not your housekeeper, Naba,” Kevin said. 

“I’m growing a human, Kevin,”

Kevin sighed, “Do you want me to clean the apartment top to bottom whilst I’m here?”

“If you’re offering,” 

Kevin was halfway through folding clean laundry when his phone rang. Expecting it to be Connor ringing during intermission like always, he answered without looking. 

“Arnold is officially insane,” 

“Pardon?” 

He gasped and almost dropped the plate he was holding, “Mom? Sorry. Oh gosh, I thought - I thought you were Connor. Sorry. I didn’t - I didn’t look when I answered my phone. Sorry. Is, um, is everything OK?”

“Why is your brother no longer coming to Church with us?”

Kevin frowned, “Um...I don’t - I have no idea. Why would I know why Jack isn’t going to Church? I barely see him. We dont even live in the same state,”

“Because you’re a terrible influence on him, Kevin! Rather like that Arnold Cunningham is a terrible influence on you! And I see that he’s gotten that African girl pregnant without marrying her!”

“The ‘ _African girl_ ’ has a name, mom,” Kevin snapped, “Nabulungi, remember? And they don't want to get married, they're happy as they are,” 

His mom sighed down the phone, “What have you been saying to your brother? You know he’s always looked up to you. Heavenly Father only knows why he still does now-”

“Jack doesn’t look up to me,” 

“He’s _always_ tried to be like you, and now he’s stopped going to Church! What does that mean for his marriage? For Lily?”

“Connor and I don’t go to Church and our marriage is-”

“Your marriage isn’t real,” she said as though it was a completely normal thing for a mother to say to a son, “and it’s _killing_ your father,” 

Kevin wanted to point out that the thing killing his father was actually cancer, but decided against it. 

“I don’t know what you want me to do,” Kevin said, “I’m already paying for his treatment!” 

“Stop influencing your brother!” 

“Mom, he’s an _adult._ It’s not like he’s twelve!”

“It’s hurting your father. If you had any decency about you, you would set a good example for your brother by going back to Church! And then you would find a nice girl to settle-”

“ _Decency_ ?” Kevin asked, “If I had any ‘ _decency’_ about me? I’m paying for dads health insurance! Why is nothing I ever do enough for you, mom? Do you have any idea how much money I’m paying to-” 

His mom sighed, “It’s not about money, Kevin,”

“No, I’m pretty sure it _is_ about money. _My_ money, _Connor’s_ money. The money that we both worked hard to get!” 

“He barely works,” his mom scoffed, “he just puts makeup on and prances around a stage,” 

“That’s not - that’s not even _slightly_ true,” Kevin groaned, “Look, Mom, I have to go, but I’m sorry for whatever it is that I’ve done to upset you, OK?” 

“If you were truly sorry you’d repent,” 

Kevin rolled his eyes at the ceiling, “Right. Sure. I’ll do that. Bye,” 

He shoved his phone back into his pocket and took a moment to give the ceiling the finger, as though his mom might sense it all the way back in Utah. Once he felt as though he had calmed down passed the point of breakdown, he finished loading the dishwasher and walked back into the living room. 

“Were you just on the phone?” Nabuluni asked him. 

“Just my mom,” 

Nabulungi raised her eyebrows at him, “What did she want?” 

“Just to shout,” 

“Why?” 

“Because apparently _I’m_ the reason that Jack has said that he isn’t going to Church anymore,” Kevin said, lying down on the sofa and resting his head on her lap, “Which has lead to my dad being even more ill, according to her. So, it’s somehow my fault that my dads probably incurable lung cancer has become even more incurable. Even though I’m already paying to keep the dickhead alive,”

Nabulungi sighed and began to run her fingers through Kevin’s hair, “You know you don’t have to keep on paying, don’t you?”

“It’s not that simple,” he muttered, “ _Nothing_ is that simple. And how is it my fault that Jack doesn’t want to go to Church anymore? We’ve only just started acting like normal brothers again! It could easily be Abby’s fault! She hasn’t been going to Church for like 5 years!”

“She hasn’t?” Nabulungi asked. 

“No, she lies and tells my mom that she goes to a temple in Provo or something,” Kevin said, “not that I could tell mom that, so _I_ had to take the blame!” 

“Have you ever considered that maybe the reason Jack doesn’t go to Church anymore is just because he doesn’t want to?” Nabulungi said lightly, “and that it’s actually his choice?” 

“Why do you have to be so logical about everything?”

“Because if I wasn’t, you, Arnold, Connor, Chris and James would have been dead in a ditch years ago,” 

Kevin sighed, “Yeah...” 

They fell into silence after this. Kevin closed his eyes against the feeling of Nabulungi running her fingers through his hair as he tried to make sense of everything. Part of him liked to think that the reason his mom called him for no other reason than to shout at him was because she wasn’t in the right headspace because of his dad, but the other part of him was being more realistic and telling him that she would be that horrible to him even if her husband wasn’t dying of cancer. 

“What would you do, Naba?” Kevin asked, “if you were...if you were in my position,” 

“It doesn’t matter what I would do, Kev,” she said, “it matters what you’re going to do,” 

“I can’t just...I can’t cut off all contact with my parents. Not right now,” Kevin muttered, “it’d probably kill Jack,” 

“He would understand,”

Kevin shook his head, “No, Naba, you don’t - you didn’t see him when were at Falsettos. I don’t think he’d be able to handle it,” 

“You wouldn’t be selfish, you know, putting yourself first,” she said, “I know you don’t want to go back to the way you were when you were 19, and I get it. I don’t miss Elder Price anymore than you do, but removing yourself from your family wouldn’t be selfish. It would probably be the best thing for you,” 

“It’s just...it’s _hard_ ,” he whispered, “seeing Arnold and his parents and Connor and his...it’s all I want, and I know I’m never gonna get it but I - there’s a stupid part of me that thinks I still will. That they might magically change their mind,” 

“It’s not stupid,” Nabulungi said, “it’s admirable,” 

“I don’t know what to do,” 

“There’s a lot going on right now, Kev. You’re trying to start a family and your dad's ill...maybe just...maybe wait it out. See what happens,” she said, “take it one step at a time,” 

“Yeah...” 

“But you better promise me right here, right now that you’re going to cut off contact with your family when the time comes,” she said firmly. 

“Yeah, yeah, I promise,” 

“Pinky swear?” 

Kevin laughed as they intertwined their pinkies. There was no one on Earth who took pinky promises as seriously as Nabulungi Hatimbi. 

“Now get off me, I’m about to throw up,” 

* * *

Most of the time, Kevin loved his job. He loved being able to help patients and their families. He loved the bond he had with all his colleagues. He loved the pride he felt whenever he introduced himself as Doctor McKinley. 

But there were days when it tore his heart into pieces. Days like today, when there had been a five car pile up on the highway - of which there might only be two survivors.

His breath tumbled out of him in shaky gasps as he performed CPR on a young woman. He could do this. He could save her. He _had_ to save her. 

“Come on,” he muttered, “Come on, come on. You can do this, come _on_ ,” 

“Doctor McKinley, you’ve done all you can,” a Nurse said to him, placing her hand over his, “You need to call it,” 

“No, no, no,” he said, “Get the paddles! Charge to - Charge to 200! I’ve lost too many people today, _please_! Why is no one getting me-”

“You need to call it,” she repeated firmly, “You’ve done all you can,” 

Kevin sighed and took a step back from the patient, his arms fell to his sides limply, “Time of death...3:45...”

“I’m sorry,” 

Kevin shook his head and left the room, wandering over to where Katie was still shouting orders. It was mayhem, but more so than usual. 

“I’ve lost another one,” he said quietly, leaning on her desk, “The _third_ today. God, I must be the worst-”

“Don’t,” she said firmly, “Don’t call yourself the worst Doctor. You know you’re not. It’s been a hard day on us all,”

“Where’s my patients family?” he asked. 

“Consult Room 1, but you don’t have to do it, Kev. This is your third today, I’ll get-“ 

“No.” He said, “No. She was my patient. I’ll go.” 

“You can go home after this, alright? All victims have been accounted for,” she said, putting her hand over his, “Your shift should have ended two hours ago, anyway,” 

For the first time in his life, Kevin was too tired, too worn down to try and argue for extra hours. Instead, he just nodded his head, grabbed a clean lab coat and made his way over to Consult Room 1. He tried to come up with a plan of what he would say to this poor family, but could think of nothing to ease the pain. 

He paused for a moment outside of the door, resting his forehead against the cool wood. It didn’t matter how many times he did this; there was no easy way to tell a parent that their child wouldn’t be coming home. 

“Hello, I’m Doctor McKinley. Are you - Are you Elizabeth’s parents?” 

A woman, who probably wasn’t much younger than his own mom, looked up at him, “She’s gone, hasn’t she?”

Kevin cleared his throat and sat down, “I’m very sorry, Mrs Rodriguez, she-” 

He was cut off by the girls father letting out the worst sound that he had ever heard. Mr Rodriguez slumped forward, his entire body shaking with sobs. Kevin bit the inside of his lip, willing himself to be the calm, cool, collected Doctor that he had been trained to be. 

“I am _so_ sorry. She suffered with severe bleeding on the brain, and the stress caused a cardiac arrest, there was nothing we could do,” Kevin said, speaking as softly as he could over the sound of Mr Rodriguez wailing, “I’m very sorry for your loss,” 

Mrs Rodriguez nodded slowly, “Thank-you, Doctor, for...for treating her,”

“Would you like to see her?” Kevin asked. 

“Please,” 

“OK,” Kevin said, “OK, I can - I can get someone to take you through soon,”

Kevin quickly left the room and wordlessly walked by Katie with a shake of his head. He made it to the break room without bursting into tears, but the moment the door shut behind him, he fell onto the sofa with his head in his hands.

Before he could even think about getting ready to go home, the door burst open. 

“Doctor McKinley! Your husband’s here,” 

Kevin’s elbows slipped off his knees, his heart in his mouth. Not Connor. It couldn’t be Connor. Connor barely drove. Katie had said that all the victims had been treated. Why hadn’t Connor been sent here sooner?

“W-Where?”

“Waiting room,” 

Kevin tore out of the ER and into the waiting room, immediately spotting Connor stood by the doors. 

“Con!” Kevin yelled, running over to him and grabbing him by the shoulders, his eyes travelling up and down his body, “Where does it hurt, love? Do you know where you are? Do you know who I am?”

“Kev, what are you- _ah_! That’s cold!”

Kevin wasn’t listening as he thrust his stethoscope underneath Connor’s t-shirt. His heart was beating faster than usual, but there was nothing particularly abnormal about it. He ripped the stethoscope from his ears and shone a light in Connor’s eyes. 

“Jesus, you’re going to blind me!” Connor exclaimed, grabbing Kevin’s wrist and pointing the light away from his eyes. 

“You’ve not...you’ve not been in a car crash?” 

“Um...no?” Connor said, “You know I’ve barely drive. My driving licence expired like three months ago,” 

“You dickhead!” Kevin exclaimed, hitting him on the arm and then immediately pulling him in for a hug as tears sprang to his eyes, “You absolute dick! You’re literally so - _ugh!_ Such a dickhead!” 

“I have no idea what’s going on,” Connor said as he hugged him back, “but the hug is nice,” 

“Sorry,” Kevin muttered, “I didn’t mean it. Bad day,”

“Are you OK?”

“So many people, Con. I lost too many. It’s too much,” 

“It’s OK,” Connor said gently, hugging him tighter, “I, um - I have news but it might...it might be a bad time,” 

Kevin pulled away from him, “It’s fine. I’ve finished work now,”

Connor bit his lip for a second, “Go and get your stuff and meet me outside,”

“Is everything OK?” Kevin asked. 

“Fine. Just meet me outside,”

It was with some trepidation that Kevin went to find Connor in the parking lot. He found him, eventually, stood under a tree and rocking backwards and forwards on the balls of his feet. 

“Connor,” Kevin said softly, taking his hand in his, “Whatever has happened, it’s OK. We can fix it;” 

“No, no, it’s not something that needs to be fixed,” Connor said, cupping Kevin’s cheek and grinning, “Kev, I...I can’t believe it,”

Kevin frowned, “Have you been offered a new job?” 

“You could say that,” 

“What?”

“Laura's pregnant,” 

Kevin raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips, “Right...”

“Our surrogate, Kev,” Connor said slowly, “She’s pregnant...with our baby. We’re gonna be dads,” 

“I’m - ok...I think - right,” Kevin stuttered, running a hand through his hair, “I - Connor, I think - I’m pretty sure....I think I’m having a panic attack? Yeah, no, I - Con, I’m having a - oh, _god_ \- I’m gonna - fucking hell, Connor, please - get - is it dark? Has it just got really dark? Oh, no, that’s - that's climate change, isn’t it? Oh, no, is the world ending? I bought a plastic water bottle yesterday because I forgot my metal one at home, this is my fault - oh, god, ”

Connor’s face swam in and out of focus as the world around him darkened. As his legs gave way underneath him, he saw Connor lurch forward, his arms outstretched. 

* * *

“He’s fine, isn’t he?” a panicked voice asked, “even though he isn’t awake? It’s normal for him to not he awake, right? And his head is fine? There’s no brain damage or-“

“Connor, I told you, he’s fine,” a soothing voice replied, “he’ll be good to go in a few hours,” 

Kevin’s eyes fluttered open in a room that was painfully bright. He groaned and shut them again, feeling a dull throb at the back of his head. 

“Doctor McKinley? Doctor McKinley, can you hear me?” 

“What’s...what’s going on?” his throat was dry and scratchy, “why am I - where am I?” 

“The Hospital. You’ve been unconcious for about four hours,”

“Did I fall asleep on shift?” Kevin asked, he opened his eyes and realised that he was seeing the treatment room from a completely different angle that he was used to. His supervisor, Doctor Remmy, was stood looking through his charts whilst Connor was perched on the edge of the bed, holding his hand. 

“Wait, why am I - I’m a Doctor, I shouldn't be in the bed,” Kevin said. He paused, suddenly quite unsure of himself, “I am a Doctor...right?” 

“Why doesn’t he remember?” Connor whispered, “Are you sure he hasn’t got a brain injury?”

“He’s just a little confused, that’s all,” Doctor Remmy said, “Do you know your name?”

“Oh, uh...Kevin McKinley,”

“Who’s the current president?” 

Kevin scrunched his face up, “I don’t like to talk about it,” 

Connor laughed, “Oh, yeah, he’s definitely OK,”

“You fainted, Kevin,” Doctor Remmy told him, “Just outside work. It’s not surprising, really, you’ve been working an awful lot recently, and this coupled with your dad being ill...I’m just surprised it didn’t happen sooner,”

Kevin groaned and scrubbed a hand over his face, “Did I hurt myself? My head feels like hell,”  
  
“We had to stitch you up,” Doctor Remmy explained, “I'm gonna keep you in for a few more hours, monitor your blood pressure, your blood sugar, keep you on a drip, make sure you're hydrated, the usual but you’ll be out before long. And I want you take the next two days off,”  
  
“Right...” Kevin sighed, “Thank-you, Doctor,”  
  
When Doctor Remmy had left the room, Kevin turned to Connor, frowning at the troubled look on his face.  
  
“I’m fine, babe,” Kevin said gently, “I only fainted. It’s been a weird day,”  
  
“No, I know. I know,” Connor said quietly, “I just - I worry about you, Kev,”  
  
“You don’t need to, I promise,” Kevin whispered, knowing where he was going with this, “I just overworked myself, I think,”  
  
“That’s not - that isn’t why you fainted,” Connor said, “Well, you _do_ overwork yourself but that wasn’t it,” 

“It isn’t?”  
  
Connor laughed, “Do you not remember what I told you?”   
  
“No, I -“ he broke off in a gasp, “Wait. Laura is - Laura is pregnant, isn’t she?”  
  
“Yeah,”  
  
Kevin burst into laughter before pulling Connor towards him. It was probably unprofessional, kissing his husband like this in the middle of his workplace, but since he was a patient, he felt he could let himself go a little.  
  
“How did you find out?” Kevin asked.  
  
“Laura missed her period and rang me screaming down the phone. I had to go and buy a pregnancy test and then she came over,” he grinned, “most nerve wracking thing I’ve ever done,”  
  
“I can’t believe it,” Kevin said tearfully, kissing Connor on the forehead, “It’s finally happening,”  
  
“I know,” Connor said, “I can’t wait for our future, Kev,”  
  
"It can't come quick enough,” he paused for a moment, “Please don’t tell the others I fainted,”

Connor grimaced slightly, “It’s sort of...it’s sort of too late for that. It was horrible! You went really pale and limp and I - I panicked and thought you’d _died_ ! So I had to call Chris because - well, when you think your husbands died you call your best friend, don't you? And I was like, ‘ _oh my god, I think I’ve just become a widow,’_ and then Chris started to panic and was like, ‘ _oh my god, what if he’s just had a brain aneurysm,’_ and I was like, ‘ _oh god, my husband has just had a brain aneurysm!’_ And then an EMT came over and was like, _‘he’s only fainted, it’s OK,’_ and asked how you’ve been so then I explained that our surrogate was pregnant and you were in shock but I forgot that I was still on the phone to Chris so he heard it all and then started laughing because _that’s_ why you fainted. So, maybe don’t look at the group chat for a while?” he said all this in one big breath, and Kevin was struck by both his remarkable lung capacity and how when Connor McKinley panics, he _panics_.

“You’re adorable,” Kevin laughed, shuffling to the side and making space for him, “Come here,”

“I don’t think we’ll fit,” 

Kevin rolled his eyes, “Nineteen year old Connor McKinley never let a single bed stop him,” 

“Nineteen year old Connor McKinley had also been living off a very small diet for almost a year,” Connor pointed out, "and this was way before his best friend became a baker,"

“We managed at my parents,” Kevin countered, “and if you suffocate me, at least we’re at a hospital,” 

It took them awhile to get comfortable but only because Connor was terrified of giving Kevin a brain aneurysm. 

"Connor, you can't just give someone a brain aneurysm," 

"I don't even know what a brain anuerysm is,"

"Basically, it's a bulge in a blood vessel that's caused by a weakness in the wall of the blood vessel," he explained, "most people die in like 2 weeks but if they don't, they'll get severe - _hey!_ Where are you going?"

Connor had dove off the bed and was stood on the other side of the room, "I'm not giving you a brain aneurysm," 

"Once again, you can't just give someone a brain aneurysm. It's not like herpes," Kevin said calmly, "It's caused by stuff like high blood pressure, and my blood pressure is _perfect._ You and Chris are just hypochondriacs," 

"Are you sure?" 

"Connor, I'm a _Doctor._ It's sort of my job to know these things," Kevin sighed, "Now can you please come and cuddle me?" 

He waited for a moment before walking back over to the bed and settling himself next to Kevin, resting his head on his shoulder and tangling their legs together. 

“Comfy?” Kevin asked, placing a kiss to the top of his head. 

“Oh, _god_ ,” Connor groaned suddenly. 

“I swear to god if this is about brain aneurysms-”

“No it's not - we look like Marvin and Whizzer,"

Kevin laughed, “I always thought I’d be a good Whizzer,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou for reading!


	10. Life and Death

“What if I don’t find the baby cute?”

Kevin glanced at Connor out of the corner of his eye, trying to focus on the road and not his husband being generally weird, “Like, when it’s born or-”

“No, I mean on the ultrasound,”

Laura sniggered from the back seat, “Don’t worry, when I went for my first scan when I was pregnant with Freya, I thought she looked like a disfigured eggplant. She sort of looked like one when she was born, actually.”

Kevin tutted, “Great, now I’m worried that we’re going to have a disfigured eggplant for a baby,”

“Your sperm, not mine,” Connor muttered.

“I don’t think sonograms are meant to be cute, anyway,” Laura said thoughtfully, “it’s just like - ‘hey, here’s your almost baby!’”

“Whenever I’ve done a sonogram, it’s always because someone is gravely injured,” Kevin said.

“Keep it light, love,” Connor sighed.

When they got into the maternity ward, Kevin devolved into a bundle of nerves. His brain helpfully provided him with all the things that could possibly go wrong; _what if she was never actually pregnant in the first place and the pregnancy test had been wrong? What if there was no heartbeat?_ What would they do then? Kevin wasn’t sure that he’d be able to handle something going wrong, and judging by the fact that Connor was singing show tunes under his breath, he didn’t think that he would, either.

“Chill, both of you,” Laura said, clearly sensing their anxiety, “It’s going to be OK,”

“But if it isn’t-” Kevin began.

“Then we deal with it,” Laura said confidently.

The sound of the sonographer calling their names made Kevin’s heart skip a couple of beats. Feeling rather light headed, he followed Connor and Laura into the room, trying not to think about how much he really, _really_ hated the maternity ward. He couldn’t understand why anyone in the world would want to work there, but decided it would be best to not ask the sonographer this for fear of causing offence.

Kevin gripped onto Connor’s hand so tightly that his knuckles turned white as he watched the sonographer squirt the gel onto Laura’s stomach. Connor ran his free hand up and down Kevin’s arms in a way that might have been comforting if it weren’t for the fact that Kevin could feel his hand shaking. 

“Everything looks fine,” the sonographer said, “Look here on the monitor, gentleman and you’ll be able to see your baby...there’s the tiny hands and feet....”

“Oh, my god..” Connor whispered, gripping onto his arm, “Kev, look, that’s our _baby_...”

In his life, Kevin had seen many a sonogram; whether it be excited cousins shoving theirs under his nose, Jack texting Eleanor’s first one to him or in his career, but none had brought a tear to his eye like this one. He stared at the grainy black and white mass on the monitor, at their _child._

“ _Jesus Christ_ ,” Kevin breathed, he turned to look at Connor, tears sparkling in his eyes, “It’s actually happening,”

“It’s actually happening,” Connor giggled.

“So, you’re around 12 weeks now, which means that your due date will be around February 10th,” the Sonographer explained, “I’ll have you come back in at around 20 weeks, OK?”

Outside the hospital, Kevin couldn’t help it and burst into laughter, jumping up and down on the spot before throwing his arms around Laura.

“Thank-you, thank-you, _thank-you_ ,” Kevin babbled, “What you’re doing for us, it’s amazing, _thank-you_ ,”

“ _Please_ don’t get sentimental on me...” Laura groaned.

“I’ve been asking that for that for the last eight years,” Connor said, though he kissed her on the cheek, “thank-you though, seriously,”

“This is very sweet guys, but I think I’m about to throw up,”

Kevin jumped back from her at once, “I have a bottle of water in the car if you-”

She laughed and grinned at him, “Just kidding, I wanted to stop you from being so sappy,”

“ _Every time,_ Kev, you fall for that _every time_ ,” Connor sighed.

* * *

“I can’t believe all of my friends are pregnant,” James sighed.

Kevin turned to him with raised eyebrows, “Well, we aren’t _all_ pregnant. It’s actually only Nabulungi who’s physically carrying a child,”

“Have I ever mentioned that you're annoying?"

“You mention it quite a lot, actually,”

They were at Arnold and Nabulungi’s apartment, celebrating their Gender Reveal party. When Arnold had first told Kevin they were hosting such a party, his first reaction was to scoff and say that he would never have one, but now that he was looking around at all the decorations that Connor had put up for them, and was really _thinking_ about it, he wasn’t sure they were all bad.

“It’ll be you and Chris next,” Kevin said, nudging him with his elbow.

“Chris and I are very happy in our childless marriage, thank-you very much,”

“Do you not want a mini Poptarts?”

“I already have a mini Poptarts, I really don’t need another one,”

“Fuck you too, Jamie,” Chris said, popping up seemingly out of no where, “Why wouldn’t you want two of me?”

“Do you want all my reasons as a list or a powerpoint?” James asked, “or maybe in the form of an interpretive dance?”

“Oh, a dance, _definitely_ ,”

“Please don’t start this when I’m stood right next to you,” Kevin groaned.

“Because you and Connor are _never_ like this,” Chris laughed.

Before Kevin could argue back, Connor clapped his hands together and placed a massive balloon in the middle of the room, rocking backwards and forwards on the balls of his feet.

“Are we all ready?” he asked excitedly and gesturing for Arnold and Nabulungi to come to the middle of the room, “Are the Cunninghams still on FaceTime? Kev, hold the IPad so they can see,”

Kevin picked the IPad off the sofa and waved at the very excited faces of Mr and Mrs Cunningham, “Hi mom, hi dad,”

“Before we do this, I think we should all guess if baby Hatimbi-Cunningham is going to be a boy or girl. I mean, I already know but it’s still fun,” Connor beamed, “Chris?”

“Uhh...girl,” Chris said.

“Boy,” James said, “No, girl. No - ah - boy. I’m saying boy,”

“Grandma, Grandpa?” Connor asked.

“Girl!” the Cunninghams said in perfect unison.

“I’m saying boy,” Kevin said.

“Mommy and daddy?” Connor asked, “boy or girl,”

“Boy,” Arnold said confidently.

“Mhmm, girl,” Nabulungi said.

Connor all but skipped over to Kevin, standing next to him and linking their arms. Kevin wanted to point out that there was no need for him to be so excited since it wasn’t their child, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it; there was nothing as cute as an overexcited Connor McKinley.

“What happens if we can’t tell if it’s a boy or girl?” Arnold asked.

“Because the confetti inside is either blue or pink,” Connor said, “even though gender is a social construct and neither blue nor pink should specify whether the baby is-”

“Not now, Con,” Chris sighed, “just let them pop the fucking balloon,”

“Sorry, pop the balloon,” Connor muttered.

When blue confetti fluttered from the balloon, Arnold jumped around the living room screaming, “ _Mini Arnold! Mini Arnold! Mini Arnold!_ ” Connor looked up at Kevin and kissed him on the cheek.

“Gender isn’t real, but I still want to know what we’re having,”

Kevin laughed and kissed him, “Yeah. Me too,”

* * *

Connor’s final show at Falsettos came around a lot quicker than Kevin had thought that it would. He was, of course, upset that he wouldn’t be able to watch Connor play Whizzer again, but there was another quite selfish part of him that was very happy to have him back. Connor not being in a show was the closest they ever got to having similar schedules and actually having free time to spend together.

“I’m gonna miss the shorts,” Kevin pouted, watching Connor do his hair in the dressing room before the show. 

“Your obsession with me wearing those shorts would be borderline creepy if it weren’t for the fact that we’re married,” Connor said.

Kevin rolled his eyes, “Connor, you literally have a Mormon kink. That’s a lot creepier than me thinking your ass looks good in a pair of shorts,”

“I don’t have a Mormon kink,” Connor said, “I have an Elder Price kink,”

“That’s...weirdly sweet,” Kevin said. He looked down at his phone when it started ringing, “Oh, god, it’s Jack,”

Connor grimaced at him through the mirror, “How long was he crying for last time?”

“About three hours,” Kevin sighed, pushing himself off the sofa and heading towards the door, “I’ll be back in a sec,”

“Have fun,” Connor said.

“Hey, man,” Kevin said as cheerfully as possible when he answered the phone, “You good?”

“Uh, yeah...” Jack said quietly, “Um, I need to - I need, uh-” he broke off in a shaky breath, “Dad’s dying, Kev. He only has two weeks left. If that,”

Kevin closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the door, “I’m sorry,”

“Can you...can you come home?” Jack asked, his voice barely audible, “Sorry, that’s a stupid question, I know you don’t-”

“It’s OK, bud,” Kevin said, “I can, um - I can come home, yeah. I’ll be there, I promise,”

Jack sniffled down the phone, and Kevin felt his heart break a little bit, “Thanks, Kev. See you soon,”

“See you,”

Kevin slowly put his phone back into his pocket and exhaled deeply, running a hand through his hair.

“OK,” he muttered to himself, “OK. This is - this is completely fine, a hundred per cent fine. Everything is going to be fine. I’m good, I’m fine, I’m _not_ having a panic attack. I am going to go back in there and _not_ have a panic attack, because I am _not_ having one. You’re fine, McKinley, completely _fine_ ,”

“Everything OK, love?” Connor asked when Kevin walked back into the room.

Kevin looked at his husband, his hair perfectly set, shirt unbuttoned and eyes bright. He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t mar the last performance of his dream show with this.

“Fine,” Kevin said, walking over to him and looping his arms around Connor’s neck, kissing his cheek, “He was just checking in like he does. Told you to break a leg,”

Connor laughed and leaned back into Kevin, picking up one of his hands and kissing the back of it, “I can’t believe this is my last show,”

“I really am gonna miss those shorts,”

“I’ll ask if I can take them home,” Connor said.

Kevin snorted and rested his chin on top of Connor’s head, “Thanks, babe,”

You Gotta Die Sometimes hit differently that night.

* * *

In a true show of things coming full circle, Connor spent the morning after his closing night in the same way he spent his morning after opening night; hungover and feeling sorry for himself. Kevin had managed to avoid being hungover and was feeling rather smug about it.

Connor had, at least, managed to make it to the kitchen table though he was sat with his forehead resting on his arms and groaning intermittently. Kevin, on the other hand, was living his house-husband fantasy and cooking them breakfast, apron and all. (The apron was, perhaps, one of his favourite purchases. It said ‘fuck the cook’ in elegant, slanted writing and his immature brain found it much funnier than it probably was).

“I’m aching all over, Kevin,” Connor groaned, “Everything fucking hurts,”

“That’ll be the tequila, love,” Kevin said.

“Why did you let me do shots of tequila?”

“Because I’m not a controlling husband?” Kevin said.

Connor groaned, “But you know that tequila doesn’t agree with me!”

“I did say that,” Kevin said, “but you told me to fuck off,”

“ _U_ _gh_ ,” Connor moaned, “I’m gonna start listening to you when I'm drunk,”

“No, you’re not,” Kevin said, putting bacon pancakes in front of him.

“No, I’m not,” Connor agreed with a sigh, “Thanks for the breakfast, sweetheart,”

Kevin glanced down at his phone, wincing when he saw that he had texts off both Jack and Abby. He sighed and unlocked it, expecting the worst and not at all being shocked when did see the worst.

** 3 People **   
  
** Abby **  
Are you coming home?   
You don't have to  
He's gotten worse, I think he has less than two weeks  
 ** Jack **  
I know you hate it  
This all sucks Im sorry  
It's fine I just need to speak to work but I'll be there for you guys

“Kev?” Connor said quietly, reaching across the table and grabbing his hand, “What's wrong?”

“I, um, last night when - when Jack called, it was because - it was to tell me that my dad has two weeks left to live,” Kevin said, staring down at his pancakes, “and Jack and Abby have just text to say that...well, it’s probably less, now,”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Connor asked in a hushed voice.

“I didn’t want to ruin your night,” Kevin whispered.

“God, Kev, you should have - you should have told me!” Connor exclaimed.

He stood up from his chair and walked around to the other side of the table, perching himself on Kevin’s lap and putting his arms around him.

“Sorry,” Kevin muttered, burying his face in Connor’s shirt, “Sorry. It was - it was a bit of a shock. I don’t know what...I don’t know what I’m meant to do. I don't...I don't really feel _anything,_ ”

Connor sighed and kissed the top of his head, “If you’re not...if you’re not _heartbroken_ , it doesn’t make you a terrible person,”

“I told them that we’d fly over,” Kevin mumbled.

He felt Connor tense underneath him and he felt his bottom lip begin to tremble.

“Sorry, I know you - I know you hate going there. But I’m not - I’m not going back for _him_. I’m going back for Jack and Abby and even Isabel. I can’t not be there for them, I’m still their big brother,” he said, “Sorry, you don’t have to come back with me, I can go on my own,”

Connor tutted and held him tighter, “I’m not making you go on your own, you idiot. What sort of husband would I be if I did that? I’m gonna be there for you, Kev, I’m _always_ gonna be there for you,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was a bitch to write no one ever talk to me about it again


	11. Father to Son

Usually, Kevin was a big believer in not ‘turning it off’ but when faced with his fathers impending death and being too scared to work out _exactly_ how he felt about it, he was more than happy to push any feelings he had about his dad to the back of his brain. His last day at work before leaving for Utah was full of sympathetic looks, the occasional hug and co-workers telling him that they would be thinking of him. 

“I’m OK,” he would say with his usual cheerful smile, “I’m more worried about my siblings,” 

“Doctor McKinley, can I speak to you for a moment?”Kevin raised his eyebrows at the sight of Doctor Remmy waving him over, and desperately tried to think of all the things that he could have possibly done wrong. He was quite sure that he hadn’t done anything, but wasn’t ready to rule out the possibility that his sleep deprived self had done something terrible. 

“Everything OK?” Doctor Remmy asked. 

“Oh,” Kevin said, both relieved and annoyed about the conversation they were about to have, “Yeah. I’m fine. I’m good,” 

“Did you sleep at all last night?”

“Uh, yeah...” Kevin said, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other. 

“How many hours?” 

“Connor snores,” Kevin said quickly.

“How many hours, Doctor?” 

Kevin ducked his head, “Two,” 

Doctor Remmy sighed, “You need to go home, Kevin,”

The use of his first name was a clear sign of the shift from a professional, to a personal discussion. 

“I’m fine,” Kevin said, “Honestly. I’m flying back to Utah tonight, anyway,” 

“You’re in no fit state to work. Go home,” Doctor Remmy said firmly. 

“I can’t!” Kevin exclaimed, “I’ve missed too much work recently! I had all that time off at the end of last year, and then I had time off after I fainted and-”

“I don’t want to hear it,” Doctor Remmy interrupted, “You’ve had a difficult time recently, and I don’t want you to make yourself ill. Go home and I’ll see you back next week. It’s not up for discussion,” 

Begrudgingly accepting defeat, Kevin slouched off to the breakroom to collect his things. Before he left, he sent a text to James and regretted it almost immediately.

James  
  
**Kevin:** Where are you?  
  
**James:** Mentally, spiritually, emotionally or physically?  
  
**Kevin:** 🙄  
**Kevin:** Physically.  
**James:** Home  
**James:** Why?  
**Kevin:** Can I come over?  
**James:** Is this a booty call?  
**Kevin:** Dude  
**Kevin:** Can I come over or not  
**James:** Sure

“Woah, you look like shit,” was the first thing that James said when he opened the door, sketchbook in hand. 

Kevin clicked his tongue, “Great to see you too, James. You have something on your face,”

“You literally look like you’ve just risen from the dead,” James said, rubbing at the smudged pencil on cheek and somehow making it worse, “tough day at work?”

“I barely had a day at work. I got sent home after three hours,” Kevin muttered, throwing himself down onto the sofa and groaning into the cushions. 

“You shouldn’t really be working right now,” James said, “How's your dad?” 

“I don’t know. Dying, I guess,” Kevin said, “Dying and leeching off me. Whenever I ask Jack he just says, ‘I don’t know, I’m not a doctor’ and Abby will just say ‘he’s gotten really bad,’.” 

“Sorry, Kev. This all sucks,” 

“Such is life,” Kevin grumbled. 

He sat up and glanced over at the far wall where James had hung up portraits that he had drawn of friends and family. Kevin frowned slightly, his eyes roaming over the pictures, there was no family up there - no blood-related family, anyway - apart from his mom. 

“James?” 

“Mhmm?” 

“You know your - well, I mean....when you came out to your - I don’t even know if you ever did, actually, I just - mine isn’t _great_ and I know that yours - you don’t like talking about him, I know but - uh...um - your mom was fine, I know, but-”

“Are you trying to ask me about my dad?” James asked, dropping his sketchbook to the floor and turning to look at him. 

“They key word here is trying,” 

James snorted, “What’s up?”

“If he - if he died would you...would you feel bad?” Kevin asked quietly. 

“No,” James said promptly, “I wouldn’t. I’d say good riddance, actually. Maybe even sing Ding Dong the Witch is Dead. Or, Wizard, I guess. I haven’t seen him since the day we got back from Uganda. My mom had left him, but he offered to pick me up from the airport. I got off the plane and he was being... _nice._ I went to his new flat and we spoke about Uganda. I was a convert, so my parents never really understood the whole Mormon thing and _definitely_ didn’t understand the whole Arnoldism thing. Not that I really did. Anyway, I was showing him all those pictures that I’d been drawing since we were there, and for the first time in my life, he was showing interest in my art and not calling me a fag for it,” 

“Because drawing is _extremeley_ gay,” Kevin said sarcastically. 

“I mean, it’s the gayest thing out there, isn’t it? Gayer than having sex with another man,” James said, “So, I was just flicking through one of my sketchbooks and I’d completely forgotten that I’d drawn a picture of me and Chris where I was kissing Chris on the cheek and-” his voice broke, “he hit me a bit and then threw me out of the flat. Last time I ever saw him. He could be dead for all I know. I sort of hope he is,” 

“I didn’t - I didn’t know that,” Kevin mumbled, “Sorry.”

James shrugged, “I sort of knew it was all a show when he turned up at the airport,” he glanced over at him, “You don’t have to beat yourself up if you don’t feel sad for you dad,” 

“I feel sad for Jack, Abby and Isabel,” Kevin said, “I just - I don’t know if I’m going to be sobbing when he dies,” 

“I won’t be,” James muttered, “I mean, I’ve never met the guy but I would happily fight him,”

Kevin laughed, “It’s generally frowned upon to punch a cancer patient,” 

“Him having cancer doesn’t automatically mean that he’s free from criticism,” 

“I know, but it feels slightly _wrong_ to be talking shit about him,”

James frowned, “Does it?”

* * *

“They don’t know Laura’s pregnant,”

Kevin took a sip of his iced coffee, pondering this quite worrying fact as he and Connor sat in JFK at an ungodly hour of the morning. 

Connor yawned into his coffee, his eyes drooping slightly, “Do you think we should tell them?” 

“Probably shouldn’t,” Kevin sighed, giggling slightly when Connor’s head dropped right onto the table and he started snoring slightly. He nudged him slightly with his foot, “Wake up, sleepy head. We’re boarding in five minutes,” 

“Why doesn’t coffee work on me anymore?” Connor groaned. 

Kevin squinted at his cup, “Because you ordered decaf,” 

“Why did I do that?” 

“I have no idea, love,” Kevin said, pushing his drink towards him, “Finish mine if you want,”

“Must be true love if you’re sharing your coffee,” Connor mumbled, “maybe that’s how we should convince your parents that we do really love each other,” 

“What, telling them that I let you finish my coffee?”

Connor nodded, “I think it’d work,” 

“Or I would just be an even bigger disappointment because I’m both gay _and_ addicted to caffeine. A gay caffeine addict. That's a Mormons worst nightmare, right?” 

“You’re not _addicted,_ you just drink a lot of it,” 

Kevin laughed, “I think we should just carry on pretending that I drink the occasional cup of coffee in work when I’m on a long shift,” 

“So we shouldn’t mention your Starbucks loyalty card?”

“We shouldn’t mention my Starbucks loyalty card or the fact that Laura is pregnant,” 

"We probably shouldn't talk about how much dick we suck either," 

Kevin groaned, "Please stop bringing that up. I was drunk," 

* * *

Abby was waiting for them in arrivals. Kevin had told her that they’d make their own way over, but she had insisted. It was only when Connor pointed out that she probably just wanted to get out of the house that he agreed 

“Kev!” she exclaimed, throwing her arms around his neck, “was the flight over OK?”

“Fine,” he said, “it was fine. Are you alright?”

He felt her tense slightly and he tightened his grip when he felt something drip onto his shoulder. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, “I didn’t mean to make you cry,”

“No, it’s fine,” she muttered, pulling away and hurriedly wiping her eyes, “Isabel has been on at me all week because I’ve not cried,” 

“How’s Isabel?”

“Probably sobbing,” she said, “She hasn’t really stopped. Saying that, neither has Jack. I think...I think he feels guilty,” 

“Guilty?” Connor asked, “about what?”

“Dad, I guess,” she shrugged, “He’s upset that he’s dying but I don’t think he wants to be so upset because of you two,” 

Kevin glanced at Connor and grimaced slightly, “I don’t - he shouldn’t feel...it’s _ok_ if he’s upset, it’s ok if you’re both upset. He was a different dad to you,” 

Abby’s bottom lip began to quiver and she looked away from him, “I guess. We should - we should probably go,” 

The car journey to the house was completed in silence. Kevin had wanted to stay at a hotel, but when he had mentioned that to Jack over the phone, he had started crying and he resigned himself to the fact that he’d just have to stay in his least favourite house in the world. 

He sat in the passenger seat, obsessively changing the radio stations until Abby swatted his hand away and threatened to break his fingers. Kevin tutted and sat back in his seat, taking his phone out and texting Connor. 

Tony Winner, Connor McKinley  
  
**Kevin:** This is going to be the worst couple of days of our lives  
  
**Connor:** We'll get through it together  
  
**Kevin:** As long as Grandpa keeps his comments to himself, we'll be fine  
**Connor:** Do you think thats gonna happen?  
**Kevin:** Course not but I can dream

When they pulled up outside of the house, Abby turned to look at him. 

“It isn’t nice,” she said, “he’s in the living room,” 

“I know what to expect,” Kevin said, “He’s not the first cancer patient I’ve seen in my life,” 

“I know but...yeah, no, you’re right,” she muttered, “Come on, then. Grandpa will throw a fit if we take any longer,” 

Kevin had a feeling she had meant to say, “ _I know but it’s different when it's your dad’._ And maybe it would be different, or maybe it would just be like looking at a patient. Though he probably felt more when his patients were dying that he did his own dad. 

“Go and put your bags in your room,” Abby said in a hushed voice, “Connor’s staying with you,” 

“I am?” 

“He is?” 

Abby rolled her eyes, “Mom made the room he usually stays in into a nursery for Lily. Jack bought you an air bed,” 

Kevin kissed her cheek and gave her another hug before going upstairs. Connor held his hand the entire time, and Kevin had a feeling that it was because he was anticipating an almighty breakdown. 

“Ooh,” Connor said when they walked into the room, “a _double_ air bed,”

“Thank-you, Jack,” Kevin muttered. 

He took his time putting his bags down, slowly unpacking his things and hanging them up in his closet. If Connor noticed, he didn’t say anything. He just sat and waited patiently, humming quietly under his breath. 

“Ready to go down?” Kevin asked quietly. 

“Never mind me,” Connor said, standing up and taking his hands, “Are _you_?”

“Like I said, it’s nothing I’ve never seen before,” 

“I know but...no matter how you feel about him, no matter how much of a dick he is, it is your dad,” Connor said softly, cupping his cheek and sweeping his thumb over his cheekbone. 

“I know,” Kevin whispered, “I know, but...I’ll be fine. I’ll be OK,” 

Connor kissed him so softly that he probably wouldn’t have even noticed if he wasn’t paying attention. 

“Ugh, do you have to do that here?”

Kevin leapt away from Connor and turned around to find Isabel stood in the door. 

“Jeez, I only kissed him,” Kevin said, “it’s not like I was suc-“

“ _Nope_ ,” Connor hissed, poking him in the back.

She glared and Kevin was suddenly taken aback by how much they looked alike. 

“Whatever. Mom wants you downstairs,” 

“Quick question,” Kevin said, “are you gonna complain to mom about us sleeping in the same room before or after dad dies?” 

Behind him, Connor gasped and hissed, “ _Kevin!”_

“You’re horrible,” 

Kevin sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “I’m sorry, Izzy. Are you - are you doing OK?” 

“Take a guess, Kevin,” she snapped before storming down the stairs. 

“You shouldn’t have said that, Kev,” Connor said quietly. 

Kevin turned around to face him, “She’s said worse,” 

“I can’t - I can’t actually argue with that,” Connor muttered. 

The living room was silent except for the sounds of Thomas Price’s strained breathing and the gentle beep of the heart monitor. Kevin glanced over at it and bit the inside of his lip; his father had next to no time left. He glanced over at the doctor who was standing with his head bowed slightly, presumably praying. Kevin fought the urge to roll his eyes - there was nothing he hated more than religion and medicine mixing.  
  
Kevin glanced over at Jack; he was sitting in a chair next to their dads bed and looked less like a 25 year old, and more like a 45 year old. He seemed to be taking it worse than anyone. Isabel was stood next to their mom, neither of them looked at him when he walked into the room. He didn’t bother looking over at his grandparents.  
  
“Sit here, Kev,” Jack said, offering his seat.  
  
“Oh, no, I don’t-“  
  
“Take it,” Jack said. 

It was the last place that he wanted to sit, but he had a feeling that this was the case for Jack, too. 

“Hey, dad,” Kevin said quietly, slowly sitting down next to him.  
  
Father and son looked each other in the eye for a mere few seconds before Thomas simply shook his head and turned his head away from Kevin.  
  
“Dad...” Kevin whispered, putting his hand on his arm, “Please, dont - don’t do this. Not now,”

  
For a moment, there was no movement and then Thomas moved his arm out of Kevin’s grip.  
  
“I love you,” Kevin whispered, his throat tightening, “Sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you wanted me to be. I’m sorry,”  
  
Connor was by his side in an instant, putting his arms around him and gently helping him out of the chair. He led him out of the living room and onto the porch, whispering something in his ear as they went. The moment the warm summer air hit him, Kevin dropped to the front step, his head in his hands.  
  
“Kev, baby, talk to me. Come on, love. Talk to me,”  
  
Kevin shook his head and instead leant into Connor, sobs tumbling out of him.  
  
“Alright, alright,” Connor soothed, kissing his head and holding him closer, “it’s OK. You’re OK,”  
  
“He hates me,” Kevin sobbed, “After - After Everything! He still hates me!”  
  
“Do you want to go home?” Connor asked. 

“We should probably stay,” Kevin muttered, “at least until...at least until after the funeral,”  
  
Eventually, they moved from the front step to the stairs and huddled together. Kevin sat with his head bent low, his body turned towards Connor and holding onto his hands like his life depended on it. In a way, his life probably did depend on it. 

  
Finally, after hours, Kevin heard the familiar sound of the heart monitor flatlining and his blood ran cold. Next to him, Connor let out a shaky breath and kissed Kevins cheek.  
  
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,”  
  
Kevin shook his head, “Don’t be. I’m not,” 

The living room door swung open suddenly and Jack appeared, eyes swollen and cheeks bright red.  
  
“I don’t know what to do, Kev,” Jack whispered, “I don’t know what I’m meant to be feeling,”  
  
Kevin sighed and stood up, holding his arms out to his brother.  
  
“It’s OK, bud. You’re allowed to be upset,”  
  
Jack stared at him for a moment and then burst into tears, flinging his arms around Kevin’s middle like he used to when they were younger. This simple act brings another lump to Kevin’s throat and he wrapped his arms around his brother, trying to think about what he was meant to say. It was strange; his job required him to know what to say to those who were grieving, but he suddenly didn’t. 

"I'm not gonna be like him," Jack said, "I promise, Kev, I won't - I won't ever be like him,"

"What?"

"When Lily grows up, I don't care who she falls in love with, whether it be a boy or a girl or no one, I just - as long as she's happy, I will be. I promise. I won't be anything like him. I never will be. I'll never be like dad," Jacks' voice was bordering on frantic and Kevin hugged him a little tighter, glancing over at Connor who looked shocked beneath the tears dripping down his cheeks. 

"I never thought you'd be like him," Kevin said quietly. 

"And when - when your kid comes, I promise that I'll love them. I'll be the best uncle to them, I swear," 

"I know you will be, bud," 

The creak of a floor board alerted Kevin of someone’s presence. His eyes flickered up to meet his moms. She stood frozen for a moment, looking at the sight before her like it was completely alien and Kevin felt his heart break a little; she had managed to turn her own sons against each other to such a degree that the sight of them merely hugging was strange.  
  
She opened her mouth as though to say something but then shook her head and walked away.  
  
He might not have been able to be the son that Thomas Price had wanted, but he could at least be the brother that his siblings needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is depressing


	12. Not His Father's Son

Kevin cocked his head to the side slightly as he stared at the picture of his dad that now sat on the fireplace. It was from when he was younger, and Kevin was struck about how much they really did look alike. He looked up into the mirror and tilted his head from side to side, eyes scanning every part of his face.

They shared the same jawline, the same eye shape, the same eyebrows. Eyes narrowed slightly, he ran a hand through his hair, pushing it into the same style that his dad wore in the picture. He stared at himself for a second longer before he shook his head and let his hair fall back over his forehead. The last thing he wanted was to have any resemblance to him.

“Hey, Kev,”

Something grabbed at his shoulder and he turned around to see Lily stretching towards him from Jack’s arms. Everyone else - even Abby and John - were at Church.

“Unc Kev! Unc Kev!” she babbled, “Unc Kev!”

“She still hasn’t quite wrapped her head around the fact that some words have more than one sylabble,” Jack sighed as he passed her over to him.

“As soon as she’s older, I’m going to teach her the concept of a ‘guncle’,”

“A what?” Jack asked.

“A guncle,” Kevin said, “A gay uncle,”

Jack laughed and flopped down onto the sofa opposite, stretching his legs out and groaning as he did so, “Where’s Connor?”

“Sleeping,” Kevin said, “or avoiding coming downstairs. Or both,”

“I shouldn’t have made you stay here. Sorry,”

Kevin shook his head, “It’s fine. I don’t mind,”

He looked down at Lily who had become quite transfixed by his wedding ring. She grabbed his finger and yanked it up to eye level, slowly spinning the ring around it. It broke his heart, knowing that he probably wouldn’t always be around for her.

Just as he looked over at Jack to tell him this, his brother shook his head and held his hand up.

“I know,” Jack said, “You don’t have to tell me. I know you’re not coming back after this,”

“I’ll still be around, just not here, and probably not with mom. I’ve got to-”

“-think about Connor, and think about the baby. I know,” Jack interrupted, “I’m not your stupid little brother anymore,”

“Yeah you are,”

Jack laughed, “Which is slightly worrying now that I have a whole baby to look after,”

“A whole baby as opposed to half a baby?” Kevin asked, giggling when Lily turned her attention from his wedding ring to his watch.

“Are you gonna tell mom and dad - I mean, are you gonna tell mom about the baby?”

Kevin shrugged, “I don’t know. I’ve tried not to think about it,”

When Grandpa Joe walked into the living room and saw Lily sat on Kevin’s knee, he snatched her up and held her close to his chest because freaks like you shouldn’t be around innocent children.

“Grandpa!” Jack shouted, jumping up and taking Lily back, “She’s not your daughter! You don’t get to decide who holds her and who doesn’t! Kevin is her uncle and-”

“Leave it, Jack,” Kevin muttered resignedly, “He’s not going to change his mind about freaks like me,”

On the brightside, Grandpa Joe’s ever present homophobia and taught him a valuable lesson: the rest of the Price family most definitely didn’t need to know that he and Connor were going to have a baby in six months time.

* * *

Kevin had spent the large majority of his teenage years lying wide awake in bed when he should have been asleep, staring blankly at the ceiling. It was depressing then, and it was depressing when he was doing it at 3 AM on the morning of his dad's funeral. Though it was made slightly easier with the presence of his husband sleeping soundly beside him - or rather, on top of him, despite the fact that the air bed was big enough for the two of them.

Absentmindedly, Kevin brought his hand up to Connor’s hair and ran his fingers through it, mulling over everything that was going on in his head. He didn’t understand half of it, and was sort of thankful for that. He didn’t think understanding it would make him feel any better.

“Connor,” Kevin whispered, “Con! Wake up!”

Connor grunted in response and rolled off of him, one arm falling across his eyes.

“Is it time to get up?”

“No,” Kevin said.

“Why am I awake, then?”

“Do you think I’m gonna go bald?”

“What?”

“Do you think I’m gonna go bald?” Kevin repeated.

Connor reached up and flicked on the lamp that sat on the bedside table before rolling back over to him, “Where’s this come from?”

Kevin shrugged.

He reached up and ran his fingers through Kevin’s hair before pulling his fringe back, “You’re good. You’re not receding. Bit grey, though,”

“I only started going grey when we got married,” Kevin said.

“Shut up,” Connor muttered, ruffling his hair.

Kevin thought back to the picture of his dad, twirling a strand of his hair around his finger and marvelling at the way that his dad had always managed to keep a full head of hair.

“He never went bald,” Kevin said, “Not before he was ill, anyway. It was the chemo.”

“All Price men do have great hair,” Connor said, shuffling closer to him, “Where's all this come from?”

“I don’t like looking like him,” Kevin admitted, “I wouldn’t look as much like him if I didn’t have hair,”

“Please, for the love of god and our sex life, don’t shave your head,”

Kevin gasped in mock offence, “Are you telling me that you only have sex with me because I have good hair?”

“I like how much you moan when I pull your hair,”

“Please don’t talk about that when we’re in my childhood bedroom,” Kevin muttered, his face going red.

“How much do you think Elder Price would freak out if he could see us now?”

“Poor kid would have a panic attack,” Kevin sighed, “and probably go running to his dad,” he fell silent for a moment, “I used to love it, you know, looking like my dad. I really wanted to be him when I was older,”

"All sons want to be like their dad when they're a kid," 

“Every time I look in the mirror, I see him,” Kevin said quietly, “I don’t - I don’t want to see him,”

“I don’t see him,” Connor said, resting his head on his shoulder, “Do you want to know what I see?”

“You’re gonna tell me even if I say no,” Kevin grumbled.

“I’ll tell you what I don’t see, then,” Connor said, “I don’t see Thomas Price,”

“Well, no, because he’s dead,”

Connor tutted, “I see someone who is intelligent, funny, kind, a very good doctor and an even better husband. I see someone who let his dad join his health insurance without so much of a second thought because he has the biggest heart in the world. I see _Kevin McKinley_ , who is worth one million of Thomas Price,”

Kevin blinked back tears and sniffled, chewing at the inside of his lip. Connor’s arms tightened around him and he slowly kissed along his jaw.

“Sorry, my love. I didn’t mean to make you cry,”

“It’s not you. I wish he could have seen this,” Kevin said quietly, “I wish he could have seen how happy you make me. I wish he could have just seen us as a normal couple instead of just two fags, as he used to so lovingly call us,”

“Your dad didn’t smoke, did he?”

“What? Of course not!”

“Shame. We could have said that it was the fags that killed him in the end,”

Kevin laughed, “You stole that joke, didn’t you?”

“Yeah,” Connor sighed, “It’s from Kinky Boots,”

“Remember when you went to see that without me?”

Connor rolled his eyes, “Are you ever gonna drop that?”

“Not until you take me to see it,”

“I don’t think you’d survive it,” Connor said, “one of the main characters last name is Price and he sings a song about how he’s not his father's son,”

“Yeah, we can never see that show,” Kevin sighed, “but if you ever want to kill me, you know how,”

“I’ll keep that in mind,”

“I’m scared, I am gonna end up like him though,” Kevin admitted, “That one day I’m just gonna change and become the person he always wanted me to be,”

“That’s never going to happen, Kev,” Connor said, “You know it isn’t,”

Kevin shrugged, “He wasn’t always like that. Grandpa Joe used to tell me. He was super progressive for a Mormon and just...normal,”

“You’re not going to turn into him, I promise,”

“What if I end up like him though? When I’m older? All right wing and-”

“Kevin, you literally voted for Bernie Sanders in the last election,” Connor laughed, “I think you’re going to be OK,””

“I don’t want our baby to grow up and have this sort of conversation with their spouse. I don’t want them to hate me,”

“Oh, baby, they won’t,” Connor promised, “They’re gonna love you, you know they will,”

Kevin scrubbed a hand over his face, “I wish I’d have been brave enough to leave the family sooner,”

“You _are_ brave Kevin,” Connor said firmly, “You dared not to be your father's son, and that’s beyond brave. Braver than anything that I’ve ever done,” he kissed him on the cheek and pulled him into his chest, tangling their legs together, “Try and get some sleep,”

“Sing to me?” Kevin asked, “I’m sad,”

Had Elder Price known that one day, he would fall asleep in his _parents_ house, of all places, to another man singing What More Can I Say? quietly in his ear, he probably would have spent a whole weekend praying for Heavenly Father to change him.

Kevin McKinley, however, wouldn't change it for the world.

* * *

The journey to the graveside the next morning was an awkward one. He and Connor ended up in a car with Uncle Tom. The last time Kevin had had a conversation with him was after a cousins wedding when he was profusely apologising for a drunken Connor calling him a ‘ _Tiny dicked dollar-store Mike Pence_ ’. And if the way he was glaring at the two of them through the wing mirror was anything to go by, he definitely hadn’t forgotten.

The only thing that was getting him through the journey was the constant flow of messages to the group chat. He knew that they were only doing it as a distraction, but he appreciated it all the same.

** Latter Day Satanists **   
  
** Poptarts **  
Arnold cried for four hours yesterday when I was helping him put the crib up for the baby  
He just sat in the middle of the room and cried  
For four fucking hours  
** Arn **  
YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T TELL ANYONE  
Poptarts  
Soz  
Nabulungi  
Me and James could hear you from the kitchen  
Tony Winner, Connor McKinley  
Me and Kevin could hear you from Utah  
James and I* Kevin and I* James  
One of these days Im actually gonna fight you  
You cant fight someone whos grieving James  
Thats why I said one of these days fuckface  
It won't be the next time I see you but definitley some time after that

“Thanks for the ride, Uncle Tom,” Kevin said, hastily shoving his phone into his pocket as they got out of the car (because heaven forbid any family member saw the name ‘Latter Day Satanists).

Uncle Tom ignored him and stormed off.

“No problem, Kev! Great to see you again, dude! Oh, by the way, Connor, congratulations on winning the Tony!” Kevin muttered sarcastically, “God, I don’t know why I fucking try,”

Connor hit him on the arm, “Stop swearing, we’re on the grounds of a temple,”

“Fuck. Shit. Dick. Bitch. Bastard. Piss. Motherfucker. Cun-”

“Hello, Kevin,”

Kevin gasped and he stumbled slightly as Bishop Wentz held a hand out towards him, smiling pleasantly. It was the same smile that he had worn when he very politely explained to Kevin that _if you kneel here and pray for the whole day, the Lord will allow you to atone_.

“Hello,” Kevin said, fighting to keep his voice level as he shook his hand, “Um, this is - this is my hus - my, uh...he is my - this is Connor, we’re um...he’s my - we’re...uh...we’re marri- um, I’m - this is-”

“I’m Connor McKinley,” Connor interrupted with his very best missionary smile, “I’m Kevin’s husband,”

Wentz stared between the two of them for a few seconds before he sighed and rested a hand on Kevin’s shoulder, looking him right in the eye. For a moment, Kevin swore he could feel the phantom pain of his knees aching from kneeling on hard floor for twelve hours. 

“It’s not too late, Mr Price,” He gave him one last smile - the kind that he had nightmares about for years - and walked away.

“McKinley,” Kevin mumbled, at his retreating back, “Mr McKinley,”

Connor put a hand on the small of his back and reached up to kiss his cheek, but Kevin moved away with a shake of his head.

“Not here,” he said.

“Kevin-”

“Not here,” Kevin snapped, harsher than he wanted to.

Connor took a step back from him with raised eyebrows, “OK. I’m sorry. You don’t need to speak to me like that,”

Kevin groaned and ran a hand through his hair, “No, I know. I’m - I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. It’s just Bishop Wentz, he’s-”

“I know,” Connor said quietly, “I know. It’s OK.”

They took their seats - three rows behind the rest of the family - and Kevin tried to meld his face into a look of relative sadness, even if he wasn’t feeling it. Sat besides the casket was a picture of the Price family. Thomas and Olive stood proudly in the middle, Abby and Isabel on their mothers side, and Jack on his fathers. Kevin focused on the elbow that was resting on Jack’s shoulder, for it was his elbow and someone - presumably Isabel - had cut him out.

“That’s your elbow, isn’t it?” Connor asked quietly.

“Yeah,” Kevin whispered.

“Bastards,” Connor muttered.

“What happened to not swearing?” Kevin asked, intertwining their fingers.

“What happened to not doing this?” Connor asked, holding their hands up.

Kevin shrugged, “Don’t know. Don’t care,” he glanced sideways at him, "I love you, you know, even though I couldn't tell Bishop Wentz that we're married," 

"I know you love me, babe," Connor said quietly, "I love you, too," 

Listening to Bishop Wentz was difficult. Not because he was the source of most of Kevin’s trauma, but because everything he was saying was such _bullshit_. According to him, Thomas Price was a loving, holy man who worked harder than most to spread the word of God, and who was no doubt reaping the rewards of a long life of service to Heavenly Father.

Kevin didn’t believe in Heaven or Hell anymore, but if they did indeed exist, he had a feeling that Thomas Price wasn’t reaping any rewards. It was a strangely comforting thought.

“And now, we will hear from one of his beloved daughters, Isabel,”

“Here we go,” Kevin muttered to Connor.

It was strange, really, knowing that in another life, it would have been him making this speech. It would have been him standing in front of his family and friends, talking about what an amazing man his father was.

“We are gathered here today to celebrate the life of my father and his passage to paradise at the side of our Heavenly Father. He dedicated his life to the Church, raising his three children to live holy, righteous lives-”

“Three children?” Kevin hissed at Connor, “Three children? Do I just not exist anymore?”

Connor sighed and squeezed his hand, “I’m sorry,”

Kevin scoffed and shook his head, staring down at their joined hands. He couldn’t bear to listen to Isabel anymore and did his best to tune her out. Still, he couldn’t tune it out completely and a few phrases floated over to him; ‘ _loving father_ ’, ‘ _the best father I could have asked for_ ’, ‘ _he always knew what to say to make me feel better_ ,’ , ‘ _he encouraged me to be the best version of myself_ ,’.

“Bullshit,” Kevin said to Connor once the service ended and Thomas Price was six feet below, “Fucking bullshit, the whole thing. ‘ _He never once discouraged me from anything I wanted to do_ ,’. I’m pretty sure he discouraged me from being happy every day since I was seventeen,”

“It’s over now,” Connor whispered, taking his hand, “We don’t have to worry about it anymore. It’s done,”

Kevin nodded, “Yeah. Over.”

All they had to do was get through one last meal with the family. What could possibly go wrong?”

Kevin sat in between Connor and Abby, jigging his knee up and down and willing everyone to eat faster so he could get out of there. He had made sure to pack their bags the moment they got home, just in case they needed to make a quick getaway. Connor put his hand on his knee under the table and squeezed slightly. And even though he hadn’t said anything, Kevin understood the _calm down, love_ loud and clear.

“All I want is some good news,” his mom sighed, putting her head in her hands.

Kevin looked up at her and frowned. Maybe now was the time. Maybe this would be the day that she would finally understand that there’s nothing wrong with him and Connor.

“I have some,” he piped up, dropping his fork to his plate.

“Kev, maybe...maybe not right now?” Connor said in a panicked whisper, squeezing his thigh, “I don’t know if - I don’t think you should - I thought we said we weren’t telling them?”

“You aren’t telling us what?” Isabel asked.

Kevin glanced over at Connor, trying to silently apologise before turning back to the table and taking a deep breath.

“We have a surrogate and she’s pregnant,”

An awful silence fell over to the table and Kevin didn’t know what to think, where to look. He reached over and grabbed Connor’s hand, trying to focus on the feeling of his hand and not the obvious yet horrific realisation that his family would be devastated at hearing this news.

“Pregnant?” his mom whispered, “She’s pregnant?”

Kevin nodded, “Yeah. She’s...she’s due in February,”

“Well,” Grandpa Joe grunted, “There’s some states that’ll still allow termination,”

“Excuse me?” Connor snapped, “What did you just say?”

“There’s some states that’ll still allow termination,” Grandpa Joe repeated.

“Are you - are you being serious?” Kevin asked, “You took me on like 10 anti-abortion marches when I was a kid!”

“It’s better for it to go to the arms of Heavenly Father than the arms of your or him,”

“You fucking dick,” Kevin snapped before he could stop himself, “You’re such a fucking hypocrite, it’s unreal.”

“Don’t talk to me like that!”

“What, so it’s OK for you to call me a fag and every other foul name under the sun but I can’t call you a dick?” Kevin asked, “Would you prefer cunt, instead? I can’t do that. I don’t mind,”

“Kevin!” his mom explained, “I did not raise you to - there is no way you can raise a child with that sort of language!”

“Do you - do you know what you’re having?” Isabel asked hesitantly.

“Not yet,” Kevin said, the adrenaline of having called his grandfather a cunt racing through his body, “But I was...I was the donor so it might look like-”

“You’re the donor?” his mom interrupted.

“Yeah,”

She nodded and turned to Abby, “You’ll take the baby, won’t you?”

Abby frowned, “Um...to - to babysit?”

“It’s not fair to have a child grow up without a mother,”

“Mom, are you trying to - are you trying to give away our baby?” Kevin asked.

His mom turned to look at Jack, who rather looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him up.

“What about you, Jack? Lily would like a sibling, no?”

“I’m not stealing my brothers baby, mom,” Jack said, “Which I feel should be obvious,”

“I can’t believe this,” Kevin said quietly, “I can’t believe you hate me so much that you’re trying to give my unborn child away. How could you? Seriously this is - this is beyond anything!”

“Kevin, I don’t doubt that you’ll be a good father, but the baby needs a mother-”

“No, no, no!” Kevin yelled, “No! No! The baby needs me and Connor! Because we’re their parents! And we’ll both be good parents! Not that you’d know anything about that,”

His mother gasped and held a hand to her heart, tears sparkling in her eyes, “How dare you talk to me like that! To suggest that I’ve not been a good mother-“

“You sent me to conversion therapy, mom! You made me hate myself! Do you know how hard that was for me? Do you know how hard it was for me to meet Connor and be terrified of falling in love with him because you’d told me it was wrong? The day I realised I loved him I cried because I didn’t want to! I didn’t want to be in love! Do you know how fucked up that is for a nineteen year old kid to think? All I wanted was for you to be there for me! I just wanted you to hug me and tell me that it was OK. That you still loved me. There were so many times in Uganda when I just wanted to call you and-” his voice broke, “There’s _so much_ you don’t know. _So much_ happened, and all I wanted was a hug from you or dad!”

Grandpa Joe scoffed, “Living with him has made you a drama queen, kid,”

“I’m not that dramatic,” Connor muttered.

“I’m sorry for getting traumatised after a warlord shoved a book up my ass!” Kevin yelled, slamming his hand down onto the table.

Abby gasped and clapped a hand over her mouth whilst Jack jumped and accidentally knocked his drink over, his eyes wide as he stared at Kevin.

“What?” Jack asked, “After a warlord did - what?”

“What happened, darling?” his mom asked.

“Don’t act like you give a shit,” Kevin snapped, “Don’t - don’t pretend. It happened, it's in the past and you weren’t there! None of you were there! But do you know who was there? Connor was there. Arnold was there. Chris was there, James was there, Nabulungi was there, all the people you hate were there for me!”

“Babe,” Connor said quietly, “Babe, I think - I think we should just go. I don’t think we need to be here anymore, let’s just-”

“See, he’s controlling,” Isabel exclaimed, pointing at Connor, “He’s tearing you away from your family?”

“He is my family! He should be your family, too,” Kevin yelled, “Why don’t you get it? Why don’t you understand that I’m happy?”

“I don’t understand how you can be happy with him!”

“I hope you never become a doctor,” Kevin snapped.

Isabel gasped, “What a horrible thing to say!”

“I mean it! What are you gonna do when a patient comes in with her wife? What are you going to do when a kid comes in and he’s been beaten up because he’s the one gay kid in school? What are you gonna do then? Are you gonna tell him that he deserves it?”

“If I don’t agree with his lifestyle-“

“That isn’t what being a doctor is about!” Kevin yelled, “Just last week, I had a patient call me a fag, a fairy, a queer and one million other things! And do you know what I did? I saved his life because that’s my _job_!”

“It’s not my fault you’re going to Hell, Kevin.”

“I’m not going to - oh, fuck this,” Kevin groaned, jumping up and pulling Connor with him, “Seriously, _fuck_ this and fuck all of you. I don’t give a fuck anymore. I’m done. Ever since I came back from Uganda, I’ve been killing myself trying to please you all but I don’t care anymore. I’m too happy, to fulfilled to worry about whatever the fuck you think of me,”

“Your fathers dying wish was for you to get better,” his mom said, “Please, darling, for him. Think of your-”

“Mom, I’m sorry to tell you this, but I am a flaming homosexual who is going to go home and suck my extremely gay husbands dick for a while, and then I’m going to ride said dick for hours,”

At once, Jack burst into laughter, throwing his head back and clutching his stomach. Even Eleanor had to suppress a giggle whilst Abby had gone red in the face from trying not to laugh.

Connor beamed, “Well, I’m certainly looking forward to going home,”

Grandpa Joe tutted, “Some people are just destined for Hell,”

“I completely agree, Grandpa” Kevin said, "tell dad I say hi when you get there, will you?”

Hours later, they were sat in the first hotel room that they had found. Kevin sat on the edge of the bed, staring down at his hands as he tried his best to wrap his head around everything that had happened; Jack and Abby had already text him with reassurances that they weren’t going to disown him. Jack had then rang him, laughing hysterically down the phone; “‘ _Sorry mom, but I’m a flaming homosexual_ ,’ God, Kev that was - that was _genius_! Best thing I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth, honestly,”

“Are you alright, love?” Connor asked quietly, sitting next to him.

“Yeah,” Kevin said, “Yeah. I’m...I’m good,” he looked up at his husband and grinned, “I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders,”

Connor grinned, “So...you were saying something about sucking my dick?”

Kevin smirked and launched himself at Connor, intending to take full advantage of the fact that he didn’t have to follow the ‘ _No hickeys when I’m in a show_ ’ rule.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I know I usually update like every two/three days but work has been kicking my ass recently so I aplogise for the lack of updates lmao 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	13. Baby McKinley

Kevin felt as though he had never known what it was like to just  _ relax.  _ Even as he rushed around in work, jumping from one patient to the next with no break for almost seven hours, he was still at ease. For the first time in a long time, or perhaps for the first time  _ ever,  _ he was going to be able to leave his stress at work. He’d be able to go home, collapse into Connor’s arms and not worry about anything but where they would go for breakfast the next morning. 

“I’m loving this, Kev,” Katie said to him as he leaned against her desk and filled out discharge papers. 

“Loving what?” Kevin asked distractedly. 

“You,” 

“Oh. I love you too, Katie,” 

Katie tutted, “No, that’s not what I meant,” 

Kevin looked up at her, affronted, “That’s a horrible thing to say to your work son,” 

“I mean I love seeing you happy,” she said, “You just seem...lighter,” 

“Turns out my dad dying is the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Kevin shrugged, “Everything seems to be going right for once. Oh, by the way, gender reveal party on Saturday. Are you coming?”

“I thought you said gender wasn’t real?”

“It isn’t, but I still want to know,” 

Katie laughed, “Of course I’ll be there. What kind of mother would I be if I missed out on that?”

_ A cardboard one,  _ Kevin thinks to himself. 

* * *

“Do you think the baby is gonna look like me?”

“Kevin, how many times do I have to tell you not to speak to me when I’m drawing?” James snapped, throwing his pencil to the desk in his art studio and glaring over at him, “I can’t multi task,” 

“But do you think the baby is gonna look like me?” Kevin asked again. 

“I don’t think it’s gonna look like Connor,” 

Kevin rolled his eyes, “Yes, I’m aware of that. Do you think it's gonna look like me?” 

“Considering you’re the biological dad, I’m going to say yes,” 

Kevin sighed and slumped in his seat, resting his chin on his hand. 

“Why is that a bad thing?” James asked with a frown, “I thought you wanted to use your sperm so it would look like you?”

“It’s a lot of pressure, that’s all,” 

“What is?” 

“Looking like your dad,” 

“I know,” James said quietly, “I look like mine,” 

Kevin frowned, “You do?”

James stood up from his desk and walked over to one of his cabinets, rifling through it until he took out a photo album and handed it to Kevin. 

“There’s a photo of him in there that looks exactly like me,” he said. 

Kevin flicked through it until he landed on the photograph that James was talking about. And if it weren’t for the fact that Kevin knew him so well, he might have thought that he was looking at a picture of James. 

“Wow.” Kevin said, “You could be twins,”

“Unfortunately,” James sighed, “I don’t like looking like him, but I can’t change it, can I?” 

“There’s always plastic surgery,” 

James snorted, “Yeah, I think I’ll pass on that one.” 

Kevin stared down at the photograph, “Do you ever worry you’re going to be like him?”

“Every single day,” James said, “I’m terrified that one day I’m going to snap and hit Chris. I know I won’t but...” he trailed off and shrugged, “before I met Chris, the only sort of relationship I ever knew was the sort where one hits the other and I just assumed it would happen to me, you know? The first time Chris and I ever fought, I thought he was gonna hit me the entire time. I was just sitting there, waiting for it. He obviously never hit me, but now when we argue...I don’t ever think about hitting him, I never  _ would  _ hit him but my dad must have thought that at some point, right? He must have thought that he’d never hit my mom,” 

Kevin sat up a little straighter, “That’s how I feel! My dad wasn’t always racist and homophobic but then one day, he just changed and what - what if that happens to me? What if one day I do turn into him?” 

“Then I’ll finally fight you like I’ve been threatening to since the day I met you,” 

“You wanted to fight me the day you met me?” Kevin asked. 

“God,  _ yes _ ,” James said, “you were so fucking annoying. I didn’t start liking you until we had that District 9 reunion,” 

“But that was...that was like two years after we left Uganda,”

“You were  _ so  _ annoying.” 

Kevin glared, “I don’t like you,” 

“Love you too, pal,” 

* * *

There was nothing that brought Kevin as much joy as waking up before Connor just so he could be completely weird and stare at him for a while. Sunlight filtered through their curtains and fell across his face, one cheek was squashed up against the arm that it was resting on and one side of his hair was stuck up in a way that would definitely infuriate him when he woke up. 

One of his hands was still resting on Kevin’s chest from when they had been cuddling at the beginning of the night before moving away in their sleep. Kevin picked it up and brushed his lips along his knuckles. Connor stirred slightly, but still didn’t wake up. 

“Hey,” Kevin whispered, scotting forward and kissing his forehead, “Wake up,”

He giggled when Connor grunted and shook his head, the tiniest bit of drool collecting at the corner of his mouth. 

“Come on,” Kevin said, kissing the tip of his nose, “We have stuff to do today,” 

Connor’s eyes fluttered open as he stretched, his back arching off the back, “‘m tired,”

“We’re finding out the gender of the baby today, remember?” Kevin said, pulling a jumper over his head as he got out of bed, “And you need to decorate the living room,”

“‘m tired,” he said again. 

“Alright. I’ll do it,” 

Connor’s eyes shot open, “Not a fucking chance, McKinley,” 

“Get up then,” 

As with Christmas decorations, Halloween decorations and whatever other event Connor felt the need to decorate the apartment for, Kevin was more of a hindrance than a help. He had been under the impression that tying three balloons together and then attaching them to the ceiling would be easy, but that was before Connor kept on making him take them down and put them up again. 

“Like this?” Kevin asked, balancing precariously on a pair of stepladders. 

“No,” Connor said, “more to the left,” 

Kevin clenched his jaw and moved them to the side, “This?”

“No. More to the right,”

“Connor-”

“Just do it!” 

“Like this?” 

Connor stood back slightly and stared up at them, his head cocked to the side, “Yeah. That’s right. Will you blow these up for me?” he held up another packet. 

“Can’t you?” Kevin asked. 

“I have an audition tomorrow, I’ve got to keep all my breath in my body,” 

“That’s not how breath works,” 

“How would you know? You’re not a singer,”

“No. I’m a doctor,” 

Connor rolled his eyes and thrust the balloons into his hands, “Please? I need to make a banner,” 

Kevin sighed, “Fine, but I don’t think people are going to be paying attention to your banner,” 

“It’s going to be quite a spectacular banner, actually. _Everyone_ will be paying attention to it,” Connor said. 

“You’re infuriating!” Kevin called to him as he left the room. 

“Love you!” 

Kevin tutted and ripped open the packet of balloons, “Love you, too,” 

* * *

He could barely sit still when he watched Chris set the cake that he had baked on a table in the middle of the living room, explaining that the icing inside was either blue or pink.

“Let’s take guesses!” he said brightly, “James?”

“Girl,” James said. 

“Same,” Nabulungi said, glancing over at Laura, “She’s carrying differently to me,” 

“I want it to be a boy,” Arnold sighed. 

Connor frowned, “You know this isn’t about you, right?” 

“Yeah, but I want you to have a mini Kevin to match my mini Arnold,” Arnold said, “I’m saying boy,” 

“It’s a boy,” Katie said confidently, “I’ve never gotten this wrong,” 

“Grandma, Grandad?” Connor asked, looking over at his parents. 

“Girl,” Sandra said. 

“Boy,” Jeff said, “I think,” 

“Dads?” Chris asked, looking over at them, “Boy or girl?”

“Boy,” Connor said, “I’m convinced. Call it mother's intuition,” 

“I don’t think you have mothers - never mind,” Kevin said, “I think it’s a girl,” 

“Cut the cake, cut the cake!” Chris said excitedly, holding the knife out to them. 

“Ready?” Kevin whispered in Connor’s ear, putting his hands over his on the handle.

“No, I’m absolutley fucking shitting myself,” Connor muttered, “I can’t move my arms. You’re going to have push down,” 

Kevin laughed and cut into the cake, pulling out a piece and almost screaming the apartment down as blue icing dripped out of it. Connor burst into tears and threw his arms around Kevin’s neck, yelling, “ _ It’s a boy! It’s a boy! It’s a boy _ !” in his ear as though he wasn’t aware. 

He pulled away from Connor, laughing hysterically and wiping tears from his eyes, “You  _ do  _ have mothers intuition!” 

“Congrats, guys,” Laura said, kissing Kevin on the cheek, “A teeny, tiny Kevin!”

“That’s actually terrifying,” Chris said who was holding onto Connor and looking like he was never going to let go, “A mini Kevin  _ and  _ a mini Arnold? I’m moving country,” 

Kevin gasped and turned around to face Arnold who screamed and launched himself at Kevin, sobbing into his shirt. 

“I hope they both grow up and create a whole new religion together,” Arnold sobbed, “it’s all I want for them,” 

“No pressure, then,” James laughed, clapping Kevin on the shoulder, “Congrats, Kev,” 

Kevin looked up at James and smiled, albeit a little sadly, “I don’t want him to look like-”

“I know,” James interrupted, kissing him on the cheek, “I know. You’ll be alright.  _ He’ll  _ be alright,”

Whilst everyone was distracted, Kevin slipped away and went into the kitchen. Casting a furtive glance over his shoulder, he took his phone out and text his mom, despite the fact that the sensible part of his brain was telling him that he most definitely shouldn’t be doing that. 

  
Mom  
  
**Kevin:** Hey, I wanted you to hear off me that we're having a boy. I wasn't sure if Jack or Abby would have told you.  
  
**Read** 1:20 PM

He scoffed and shoved his phone back into his pocket, standing with his head in his hands. He had barely thought of her since his dad's funeral, and now it seemed that his brain was catching up on all those horrible thoughts; how she hated him, how she had been more than happy to give his own baby away, how she would probably hate the baby once he was born. 

“Kevin?” 

“Oh, hey, Jeff,” he said, straightening up when his Father-in-Law walked into the kitchen. 

“You look quite upset for someone who’s just discovered they’re having a son,” 

“I miss my mom,” he blurted before he could stop himself, “I miss my mom and I wish she were here, and I wish she cared, and I wish she didn’t hate me, and I wish I didn’t look like my dad and I hope that the baby doesn’t look like me because I don’t want him to grow to hate it. And I’ve been trying to act like I don’t care that I removed myself from the family but I-” his voice broke and he barely managed to whisper, “I just want my mom,” 

“It’s hard, I know,” Jeff said quietly, “but you are better off without her,” 

Kevin sniffled and wiped his eyes, “It doesn’t make it any easier,” 

“I know, dude,” Jeff said, “but one day, you’re going to look back at today, and you aren’t even going to think about your mom. You’re going to think about how dang excited you were about finding out you’re having a little boy. And you are excited, aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” Kevin whispered, his heart swelling at just the  _ thought _ of his son, “I already love him,” 

“Course you do. I loved Connor before he was born,” Jeff laughed, “You’re gonna be a great dad, Kevin. You both are,” 

“Everything alright, love?” Connor asked, suddenly walking into the kitchen, “You sorta disappeared and-” he froze, looking between Kevin and his dad, “Am I...am in interrupting something?”

“No,” Jeff said, walking over to the refrigerator and getting a bottle of water out, “Your mom wanted a drink,” 

“Kev?” Connor asked in a small voice when they were alone, “Why do you look so sad?”

“I’m fine,” Kevin reassured, “I just needed a minute. It’s a lot, right?” 

“Amazing though, right?” Connor asked anxiously. 

Kevin smiled and held his hand out towards Connor, “Amazing,” 

Connor took Kevin’s hand and used the others to cup his cheek, “You’re gonna get your mini Kevin,” 

Kevin didn’t know what to say, because what he really wanted to say was that he didn’t know if he wanted that. He didn’t know if he wanted his son to grow to hate looking like him. So he just leaned down for a kiss, praying to a god that he didn’t believe in that everything would be okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, sorry for the lack of updates but I somehow got roped into working 6 days the last two weeks so and I unfortunatley can't tell my manager that I can't come into work because I have to write about gay mormons 
> 
> anyway 
> 
> thankyou for reading!!


	14. Christmas Blessings

Life often felt like one big race that Kevin could never keep up with. He felt that things happened too quickly, and they were gone before he could stop to try and enjoy them.

And yet, as he sat in Connor’s parents living room, surrounded by his friends -no, his _family_ on Christmas Eve, he was okay. He felt as though he was actually winning the race, and that he could sit back and enjoy the moment.

He watched as Nabulungi and Sandra swapped stories about being pregnant, no doubt traumatising poor James who was listening in with wide eyes. Arnold and Chris entertained themselves with stupid Instagram filters whilst Jeff looked on in complete and utter confusion, asking _what’s the point in making your face look like that? I don’t understand what it achieves?_

“Hey, you,” Connor said, sitting next to him and handing him a coffee, “You’re unnervingly quiet. What are you plotting?”

“I’m not plotting anything. I’m just happy,” Kevin said, stroking a sleeping Fiyero who was curled up on his lap, “Why do you always assume the worst of me?”

“Because you proposed to me on a plane when my best friend was having sex in the toilet behind us,”

Kevin rolled his eyes, “I technically proposed to you outside the airport because you wouldn’t let me propose to you on the plane”

“Because I have standards,”

“And yet you married me,”

“Like I said, _standards_ ,” Connor said, leaning forward to kiss him, “And you’re of a _very_ high standard,”

Kevin smiled and rested his head on Connor’s shoulder, “I can’t wait for this when the baby is born,”

“Christmas?”

“I can’t wait to do the whole Santa Claus thing,” Kevin said excitedly, “I’m gonna make sure there’s no way he doesn’t not believe in him,”

“Don’t worry, Kev,” Connor said with a giggle, “All kids believe in Santa. It’s not that hard to make them believe,”

Kevin shrugged, “I never believed,”

Connor tutted, “Yes, _of course_ baby Kevin Price wouldn’t believe in Santa. Did you manage to work out that he wasn’t real by the time you were five?”

“No, I mean my dad told me that he wasn’t real,” Kevin said, “We were never brought up to believe in him. That isn’t what Christmas is about, is it? It’s about Christ and the Church. Not presents and Santa,”

He felt Connor tense next to him, “Did you...did you not do Christmas?”

“We did it, just without the fun parts. There were no presents or anything. We would go to Church and then my mom would cook a nice dinner and then we'd study scripture. That was it,” Kevin said, idly taking a sip of his coffee, “I never had a Christmas like the ones you probably did,”

“Kevin! Are you being fucking serious?”

“Why are you shouting - _what?_ ” Kevin asked.

An awkward silence fell over the living room as everyone turned to stare at them.

“Boys,” Sandra said carefully, “It’s Christmas, let’s not argue-”

“You didn’t have a proper Christmas?” Connor asked impatiently.

“Who didn’t have a proper Christmas?” James asked.

“Kevin!” Connor exclaimed.

“No, it’s not that-” Kevin broke off in a sigh, “It’s just...we just had a very _Mormon_ Christmas. I’m sure...I’m sure everyone else did the same.”

“When you say Mormon Christmas...” Chris said.

Kevin shrugged, “We didn’t do presents or anything. We didn’t believe in Santa, we didn’t-”

“Sorry, what?” Sandra asked, “What do you mean you didn’t believe in Santa?”

“I mean, my parents told us that he didn’t exist when we were young so-”

“Nope, nope, nope,” Connor muttered, taking the mug out of Kevin’s hand and pulling him to his feet, “Come on. We’re doing Christmas properly. God, if ever I see your mother again I’m going to punch that lady so hard-”

“ _Connor_!” Kevin yelled, “That’s my mom you’re talking about!”

“She didn’t let you believe in Santa!” he snapped, “Come on, we’re doing all the traditions you should have done. First, we’re going to buy Christmas Eve pyjamas, then we’re going to leave food out for Santa and the reindeers, then we’re going to write him a letter and then we’re going to sit up all night watching the Santa tracker,”

“Connor-”

“No ifs, no buts, McKinley,” he snapped, “We’re doing this.”

Kevin expected to not enjoy the day, but that was before he’d been dragged around a packed Maceys by Connor to buy the ugliest pyjamas they could find, followed by buying everything they needed to cook Christmas cookies - despite the fact that neither of them could bake - and food to leave out for Santa.

“You know that isn’t even close to how you bake cookies?” Chris said, idly walking into the kitchen.

“What would you know, Poptarts?” Connor asked distractedly.

“About baking? I don’t know. I’ll ask my “ _Best Bakery in New York City_ ,” award,”

Kevin turned around to face him with raised eyebrows, “You won that? You never talk about it,”

“Four years in a row, Kevin. Never forget it,” Chris said, flicking a piece of dough at him, “that’s too watery, by the way. Add more flour and - no, Con, that’s too much flour,”

“No such thing,” Connor said from beneath a cloud of flour.

Chris sighed, “I’m walking away. You’re both stressing me out,”

And Kevin soon found himself just as stressed as Chris when Connor forced him to sit at the kitchen table and absolutely refused to let him move until he wrote a letter to Santa Claus.

“Come on,” Connor said impatiently, “Write to him,”

“Connor, I am 27 years old. I’m not writing a letter to Santa,”

“Everyone else is writing to him!” Connor explained, “Arnold’s on his fourth page!”

“I’ve asked for those cookies that Chris bakes once every thirty fucking years even though he knows that they’re my favourites,” James said, “oh, and also a blowjob,”

“You’re getting neither,” Chris muttered, “I’ve asked for a blowjob, too,”

“Hey, this is a two-sided relationship. If I’m sucking your dick-“

“Such a sweet couple,” Nabulungi sighed, “I asked for Arnold to stop snoring,”

“I can’t help it!” Arnold protested, “it’s not my fault my nose is the way it is!”

“Can I write that I want a less annoying husband?” Kevin asked, “or at least one who understands that he has his own side of the bed, so doesn’t have to come to my side,”

“Be realistic about it, dear,” Connor sighed.

“ _‘Dear Santa,_

_For Christmas I would like everything to stay just as it is, but with two babies. I have everything that I need._

_Love,_  
 _Kevin,’_ ”

Kevin folded his letter up and shoved it into an envelope.

“Happy now?” he asked, looking up at Connor.

Connor beamed, “Very! Now you’ve had the Christmas that you deserve,”

“So do we send these off or-“

“Obviously not, Kevin,” Chris said with a roll of his eyes, “Santa isn’t real,”

“Why’d I just write this then?”

“Because it’s Christmas? That’s what people do at Christmas,” Chris shrugged, “Me and my sister did it every year and we’d give them to our parents and then they’d ‘ _send them away_ ’ to Santa. It was cute. They’d leave them in the back garden and in the morning they’d be gone,”

“My Grandad used to call and pretend to be Santa after I sent mine off,” Arnold said happily, “I didn’t even realise it was him until I was like-“

“-25?” Connor laughed.

Arnold glared, “15, actually,”

“Santa used to send me a letter every year after I wrote to him,” James said. When everyone turned to stare at him, he rolled his eyes, “My dad was a dick but my mom wasn’t. She used to pour her heart and soul into Christmas for me,”

When Sandra and Jeff came home from doing some last minute shopping, they immediately launched into stories from Connor’s childhood Christmases; how they would take him to see Santa with his cousins and then they would go ice skating, how his Grandma used to make the most horrible Christmas jumpers but they’d wear them anyway and how he would wake them up at 4 AM on Christmas morning.

“You were an annoying kid,” Jeff sighed. “Not that that's changed”

Connor rolled his eyes, “Believe me, I will _not_ be waking up at 4 AM tomorrow,”

Kevin was beginning to think that maybe his childhood was more fucked up than he had ever allowed himself to think.

* * *

“Merry Christmas, love,”

Kevin’s eyes fluttered open when he felt the arms around his middle tighten and lips gently brushing against the back of his neck. He smiled and turned over, falling in love with the sight of a still half asleep Connor McKinley.

“Merry Christmas,” he said, leaning forward to kiss him.

“Ugh. Ew. Morning breath,” Connor mumbled, poking him in the chest, “Get away from me,”

“I love how affectionate you are in the morning,” Kevin laughed, softly kissing his cheek, “Wanna get up?”

“No,” Connor mumbled, nuzzling his head into Kevin’s chest, “This is the last Christmas where we’re not going to be woken up at 5 in the morning. I’m savouring it,”

Kevin frowned for a moment, quite unsure of what he meant before it hit him; next Christmas, they would be parents. They’d have a little bundle of joy to look after. An almost _one year old_ bundle of joy.

“Jesus Christ,” Kevin whispered, “It’s not gonna be the same, is it?”

“No,” Connor said, “but I can’t wait,”

Kevin giggled at the thought of a tiny baby crawling all over them, “Yeah. Neither can I.”

“I’m gonna buy us all matching Christmas jumpers,”

“I just want to make sure he knows we love him. I don’t want him to ever have to question it,” Kevin said quietly.

“He won’t ever question if you love him or not, Kev. He’ll know,”

“I just worry,”

Connor shuffled up the bed slightly and sat up, pulling Kevin with him as he did, “Wanna talk about it?”

“I don’t think I ever realised how depressing my childhood was. We didn’t do Easter, either.” Kevin said, “Easter was about Jesus, not chocolate. When all my friends were doing Easter egg hunts, I was at home, studying scripture. Imagine that, an eight year old kid studying the Book of Mormon instead of just...instead of just being a kid. It’s no wonder I’m fucked up,”

“Don’t talk about yourself like that, Kev,” Connor said firmly, “You’re not fucked up. You’ve just - you’ve been through a lot. But you came out the other side,”

“I’ve never been trick or treating,” he said with a frown.

“I’m sorry,” Connor whispered, kissing the top of his head, “I didn’t know. Why did you never tell me?”

Kevin shrugged, “I thought it was normal.”

“You enjoyed yesterday though, didn’t you?”

“I did,” Kevin laughed, “Even if those cookies were disgusting,”

“We should just leave the baking up to Chris, I think,” Connor laughed, “What did you ask Santa for?”

Kevin leaned over him and grabbed the letter off the floor, handing it over to Connor who opened it, tears welling in his eyes as he read over it.

“Now I feel stupid for asking for a blender,”

Kevin laughed, “Hopefully Santa has been listening to your _very_ subtle hints about wanting a blender,”

Connor rolled his eyes, “I just think I’ll enjoy eating fruit more if it’s all blended together. I need to get rid of my pudge,”

“ _Noooo_ ,” Kevin pouted, wrapping his arms around Connor’s stomach, “I like your pudge,”

“You’re only saying that because it’s isn’t your pudge. Because you have no pudge,” he mumbled, “I hate my pudge,”

“Stop it,” Kevin said, kissing his cheek, “I like your belly.”

“Isn’t your job as a doctor to tell people to lose weight?” Connor asked.

“Only if they need to for health reasons, which you don’t,” Kevin said, clambering on top of him, “it’s a lot easier to straddle you, you know. The only thing that pokes me is the one thing that I want to poke me,”

Connor makes a face, “Kev, please, we’re in my childhood bedroom,”

“I know. That makes it hotter, no?” Kevin asked, slowly rocking himself backwards and forwards, “Unless you don’t want-“

“I’m gonna lock the door, and then I want head,”

Kevin didn’t give Connor time to come back to bed and instead crossed the room in two strides and pinned him against the door, hands massaging the flesh at his hips. Connor groaned and Kevin smirked as he dropped his lips to his husbands neck, sucking hard enough to make him moan, but not enough to leave a mark.

“K-Kev,” Connor groaned, “Can you just - will you hurry up and suck my dick?”

“Bossy,” Kevin whispered but dropping to his knees anyway. He kissed along Connor’s stomach, nibbling and biting as his hand rubbed him over his underwear, “I love your pudge,”

Connor whimpered and nodded, “Yep, sure, whatever. Just hurry up and- _oh_ ,”

Fifteen minutes later, Kevin pulled away triumphantly, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand and getting to his feet.

“Merry Christmas, Con,”

Connor did not reply, he simply pushed Kevin over to the bed and thrust his hand down his boxers. It did not take him long to come over his hand and he sat half slumped into Connor, panting heavily.

“I can’t believe we just did this in my childhood bedroom,” Connor said, wiping his hand on Kevin’s t-shirt, “15 year old Connor would lose his mind,”

“And 15 year old Kevin would lose his mind if he knew that he married someone who smears his cum on his t-shirt every fucking time,” Kevin muttered angrily, pulling his t-shirt over his head and rummaging around in his bag until he found another one, “ _Honestly_ , just get a tissue, Connor,”

“Fine, I won’t jerk you off in the future. Do it yourself,” Connor said, “Ready to go down?”

“I’ve already gone down on you,”

Connor glared, “Downstairs, Kevin. Get your mind out the gutter,”

“I’ll be downstairs in a sec,” Kevin said, “I’m just going to the bathroom,”

Kevin leant against the bathroom sink and took his phone out of his pocket, scrolling through his texts. He replied to Katie’s texts that were telling him how angry she was that she was working Christmas without him, text Jack and Abby back and giggled at all the mindless nonsense that James and Chris were providing for the groupchat.

Glancing around the bathroom as though someone might see him, Kevin sent a quick text to his mom - despite the fact that she had not replied to the last one that he had sent her. Even as he sent it, he knew that it was pointless and couldn’t quite understand why he was still trying to convince himself that she cared. When the dreaded read receipt appeared, he scoffed and shoved his phone back into his pocket.

Mom   
  
**Kevin:** Merry Christmas x    
  
**Read** 8:53 AM

Downstairs, Connor was sat cross legged in the middle of the living room, giggling over something in his hands.

“This is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life!” Connor squealed, “Oh, and look at this little rainbow! This is definitely what we’re going to dress him in when we take him home from the hospital. Don’t you think, Kev?”

Kevin frowned and sat beside Connor on the floor, Fiyero immediately jumping into his lap as he did so.

“Look at this!” Connor said excitedly, thrusting a romper into his hands, “is that not the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?”

He looked down at it, head cocked to the side slightly; it was white with a tiny rainbow embroidered on it. He was suddenly finding it quite difficult to speak and finally settled with looking between Connor and Sandra and Jeff.

“It’s so...small,” he said finally.

Jeff frowned at him, “Babies are generally quite small, Kev,”

“Is - Is he going to be this small?” Kevin asked, slightly panicked, “I can’t - I can’t remember how small babies are. Is he really going to be this small?”

“Somewhere around that size, yes,” Sandra said slowly, “Are you - is everything ok, Kevin?”

“He’s going to be tiny,” Kevin whispered, tears boiling behind his ears, “Oh, god, he’s going to be adorable,”

“Kevin, you don’t have to cry - never mind,” Connor sighed when he burst into tears, covering his face in his hands.

“He’s going to be tiny,” Kevin sobbed, “Oh, god, what if we - what if we lose him? What if we put him down and then can’t find him again? We’ve done that with Fiyero before! If we lose the dog sometimes, we’re definitely going to lose the baby and-”

“Okay, Kev, you’re - you’re spiralling,” Connor said, running a hand up and down his back, “We’re not going to lose the baby. It’s OK. And we only ever lose the dog when he hides from us,”

“You really are overreacting, Kevin,” Jeff said kindly, “Parents don’t tend to lose babies, it’s okay,”

“Sorry,” Kevin mumbled, wiping his eyes, “I don’t mean to - sorry. I don’t know what's wrong with me. I don’t know why - I don’t know why I’m crying. Sorry. I know babies are small. Obviously I know babies are small, I’m a doctor. I’ve seen babies before but-”

“It’s your baby so it’s different,” Sandra said, “It’s okay, Kevin. You’ll cry over the strangest things when he’s growing up. You both will,”

“Like his first solid poo,” Jeff said with a nod of his head, “You’ll be so proud of him,”

“Dad...” Connor sighed, “Stop saying weird things,”

Kevin snorted and glanced down at his phone, screaming when he saw a text off Arnold.

** Latter Day Satanists **   
  
** Arn **   
Nabulungi has had a baby   
Our baby   
Which means Im a dad   
A padre, if you will   
I DONT KNOW HOW TO THROW A BASEBALL   
** James **   
****???   
** Arn **   
Dads teach their kids how to throw baseballs dont they?? I dont know how to throw a baseball!!!! Help??? Someone????   
** James **   
****Dude, chill. You've been a a dad for like 2 minutes. You're not going to have to teach him anything for a while

“Oh, my god,” Kevin said, jumping to his feet (much to Fiyero’s annoyance), “Oh, my god. Nabulungi has had the baby,”

Connor gasped and snatched his phone off the floor, “Oh, my god. Nabulungi has had the baby. Jesus Christ, _Arnold Cunningham_ is a _dad_ ,”

Suddenly, the read receipt under the text to his mom didn’t seem to matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thankyou for reading!


	15. Ajani Hatimbi-Cunningham

“I don’t know how to throw a baseball,” Kevin said as he drove to the hospital to meet the new baby on Boxing Day.

Connor was fast asleep with his head resting against the window after indulging in too much gin the day before. Only Chris replied from the back seat.  
  
“What?”  
  
“I don’t know how to throw a baseball,” Kevin repeated, “Arnold’s right to panic about not knowing how, because who’s going to teach the kid? Who’s going to teach _my_ kid?”  
  
“Throwing a baseball isn’t the be all and end all to parenting, Kevin,”  
  
“I know but what if one day he asks how to play baseball and I’m have to be like - _Sorry son, I don’t know how, but I can tell you how to set bones!_ \- and then he asks Connor who’s like - _Sorry son, I don’t know how but I can tell you how to tap dance!_ and then he-“  
  
“If it’s bothering you that much Kev, I’ll teach you how to throw a baseball,” James said, “and then you can pass on the knowledge to McKinley Junior. Or I’ll just teach him how,”  
  
“But you’re not his dad!”  
  
“No, I’m his favourite uncle,”  
  
“Favourite?” Chris exclaimed, “I don’t think so - I’m pretty sure that _I’m_ his favourite! I’ll bake him nice cakes!”  
  
“I’ll draw for him!”  
  
“He isn’t even born yet, chill out,” Kevin sighed, “I’m sure he’ll love you both equally,”  
  
“But he’ll love me that little bit more,” James muttered. 

"That's not what equality is you dickhead,"

When Kevin pulled up outside the hospital, he tried to wake Connor up in the nicest way possible but Chris soon got bored and settled with smacking his forehead with an unnerving amount of strength for such a small person.  
  
“Ouch!” Connor yelled, his eyes shooting open, “Christopher!”  
  
“You have a nephew to meet,” Chris said impatiently, getting out of the car.  
  
“You could have just woken me up like a normal person!” Connor snapped, hitting Chris around the head.  
  
“Children, _please_ ,” James sighed, “you’re gonna give me a headache,”  
  
“Tell Chris to stop being a dick then,” Connor muttered angrily.  
  
“I still don’t know how you two managed to live together in Uganda,”  
  
“Same,” Connor and Chris said in unison.  
  
Arnold was waiting for them outside of the maternity ward, rocking backwards and forwards on the balls of his feet, grinning wider than Kevin had ever seen him grin before. When he saw them, he screamed and ran over to them, throwing his arms around Kevin.  
  
“I’m a dad! I’m a dad! I’m a dad! I’m a dad!”  
  
Kevin laughed, “I know you are, bud. How’s Naba?”  
  
“Great!” He exclaimed, grabbing Kevin’s hand and pulling him inside, gesturing for the others to follow him, “she’s _amaaaazing_. She was so calm in the labor! She just got on with it! Barely cried!”  
  
“Did you cry?” James asked.  
  
“ _So_ much,” Arnold said solemnly, “and then my mom and dad came and I cried a bit more. And I’m probably gonna cry again at some point,”  
  
“How’s baby?” Connor asked.  
  
Arnold froze in his tracks and turned to look at them, tears sparkling in his eyes.  
  
“The cutest goddamn baby I’ve ever seen in my entire life,” he said seriously. He grinned again and tugged on Kevin’s hand, “come on! He should be awake by now. He’s been sleeping a lot,”  
  
“I wonder who he gets that off,” Kevin muttered.  
  
Inside their room, Nabulungi was sat up in bed, gazing down at a tiny bundle in her arms. Mr and Mrs Cunningham were sat next to the bed, cooing and waving.  
  
“Kevin’s here!” Arnold exclaimed excitedly.  
  
“And the rest of us,” Chris sighed, “it’s so obvious he’s the favourite,”  
  
“How’re you feeling, Naba?” Connor asked, leaning down to kiss her cheek, “Oh, that _is_ the cutest goddamn baby I’ve ever seen in my life,”  
  
“Like my body has been ripped in half,” Nabulungi said bluntly, “you boys don’t realise how lucky you are to never have to give birth,”  
  
“Look!” Arnold said to them excitedly, “he has my hair!”  
  
Chris frowned, “He barely has any hair,”  
  
“Yeah, but the hair he does have is black! Like mine!”  
  
“Do you think he realises that Naba’s hair is also black?” Connor muttered.  
  
“Don’t ruin it for him,” James sighed.  
  
“Want to hold him, Kevin?” Arnold asked.  
  
Kevin squealed and hurried forward, taking him in his arms.

“His hair is a bit curly,” Kevin said reasonably. 

“I wonder why that is,” Nabulungi said sarcastically.  
  
“What’s his name?” Kevin asked, “please tell me you didn’t call him Luke Skywalker,”  
  
“I put a stop to that very quickly,” Mrs Cunningham said, “as soon as Arnold told me he was going to have a baby, I made him promise not to call him anything Star Wars related,”  
  
“Ajani Kevin Hatimbi-Cunningham,” Arnold said.  
  
Kevin’s head snapped up to look at his best friend, “ _What?_ ”  
  
“Well, Naba wanted him to have an African name and I agree. He might grow up in America but we still want him to know his heritage and-“  
  
“No, not that. His middle name,” Kevin said, “Why did you - why did you give him that middle name?”  
  
Arnold shrugged, “Cause your my best friend and I wouldn’t be mad if he grew up to be a little bit like you,”  
  
“ _Okaaayyy_ ,” Chris said, taking Ajani into his arms, “I’m just gonna hold him whilst you deal with this,”  
  
“But - there's so many other - you know loads of - there’s loads of people who - what about Mafala or-“  
  
“Ajani was my father's middle name,” Nabulungi said, “we are still honouring him,”  
  
“Okay, but what about your dad? Or - your name? Or like - I don’t know - George Lucas? Or, uh - you know - Stan Lee! You love Stan Lee!” Kevin stuttered, “I feel like - I feel like you could have named him after someone better or someone - I don’t know - someone else!”  
  
“Kev, you’re my best friend and I love you,” Arnold said slowly, but with a hint of amusement in his voice, “why wouldn’t I give him your name?”  
  
“Cause I - cause I - I don’t know,” Kevin frowned. He looked over at Ajani who was neatly nestled in Chris’ arms, looking up at him with wide eyes.  
  
Seconds later, he and Arnold were sobbing in each other’s arms. Behind them, Connor sighed.  
  
“I really don’t think he’s going to be able to function when ours is born,”  
  


* * *

The arrival of Ajani seemed to drive home the fact that they were actually going to have a baby, and that they should actually think of names. Most nights when Kevin wasn’t working, they lay together on the couch, trying to come up with names. Some were genuinely good ideas - Jonathan, Fred, Alex, Joshua, Ben - others, not so much.  
  
“What about Whizzer?” Connor asked.  
  
Kevin frowned up at the ceiling and then down at Connor who was laying on his chest, scrolling through his phone whilst Fiyero had nestled himself between their legs.  
  
“I’m not naming my first child after Whizzer Brown,”  
  
“Okay then, what about your second child?”  
  
“I’m not naming any child after Whizzer,”  
  
Connor sighed and shrugged, “I’m out of ideas then,”  
  
Kevin returned his gaze to the ceiling, chewing the inside of his lip, “Enjorlas?”  
  
“I’m not naming our child after a Les Mis character you want to fuck,”  
  
“I just think he’s hot,” Kevin mumbled, “what about Brigham?”  
  
“Please say you’re joking,”  
  
Kevin laughed, “I am,”  
  
“Maybe we should go the Irish route,” Connor said thoughtfully, “Since his last name is gonna McKinley,”  
  
“Maybe...” Kevin said, “I like the name Owen. That’s Irish, isn’t it?”  
  
“Yeah, but we’d have to spell it the Irish way or I think my ancestors would haunt me,”  
  
Kevin frowned, “How else do you spell Owen?”  
  
“With an E,”  
  
“There’s already an E,”  
  
“No, at the beginning,”  
  
“What?”  
  
“E-O-I-N,”  
  
Kevin stared at him, eyes narrowed, “Are you kidding?”  
  
“No. My name isn’t really spelt the way I spell it. My parents changed it when I was like ten because it was too confusing for people,” Connor said, “but my grandparents insisted we ‘stick to our roots’,”  
  
“Connor’s like the easiest name to-“  
  
“C-O-N-C-O-B-H-A-R,”  
  
Kevin sat up, bringing Connor with him.  
  
“Fuck off. That is not real!”  
  
“That’s how I used to spell my name but then we changed it because Americans are dumb,”  
  
“I’m gonna start spelling my name with useless vowels in solidarity,”  
  
Connor frowned, “Babe, your name is Irish...”  
  
“What? No it isn’t. My family came from Wales,”  
  
“Kevin is an Irish name. My Grandad was called Kevin, remember?” Connor laughed, “Do you wanna know how he spelled his name?”  
  
“Probably with a random B and H,”  
  
“C-A-O-I-M-H-I-N,”  
  
“Okay, we’re not doing Irish names I have a headache,”

Connor snorted and rested his head in Kevin’s lap, “Like I said, Americans are dumb,” 

Kevin rolled his eyes, “How do you expect me to know that ‘M’ and ‘H’ make a ‘V’ sound? 

“You just should,” Connor yawned, “ _Oooh_ , The Bachelor is on now,” 

“Fun for no one,” Kevin muttered, taking his phone out of his pocket in a bid to ignore the crap on television. 

With Connor suitably distracted by The Bachelor, he opened his one-sided text conversations with his mom and sent yet another pointless text. 

Mom   
  
**Kevin:** Struggling with baby names. Any suggestions?   
  
**Read** 8:04 PM 

Kevin knew that she would have ideas, he just wasn’t a worthy person to share them with.

* * *

“The fuck is this, Kevin?” 

He sat up from where he was curled up on the sofa to look over at Connor who was holding his phone up. 

“My phone?” Kevin said with a frown. 

“I mean these text messages!” Connor snapped. 

Kevin raised his eyebrows at him, “If you’re accusing me of cheating on you, I’m going to be _very_ confused because the only people I text outside of you is the groupchat, Katie and Jack and Abby,”

“And your mother, apparently,” Connor said impatiently, “ _‘Hey, I wanted you to hear off me that we’re having a boy,’, ‘Merry Christmas’, ‘Struggling to come up with baby names. Any ideas?’_ Are you serious right now, Kev?”

“Sorry, since when was it okay for you to just look through my phone?” 

“I wasn’t looking - I was trying to find that picture of Ajani that Arnold sent you because my mom wanted to see it! And then I saw those texts and - _why?_ ” Connor asked, “Why are you still trying with her? I thought you were done with her?”

“I miss her, alright?” Kevin snapped, cheeks turning red. 

“You _miss_ her? What the fuck do you miss, Kevin? The homophobia? The genuine hatred she has for me? The conversion therapy?” 

“You don’t get it! Your mom and dad are different!”

Connor tuted, “I’m not having her in the kids life. I’m not subjecting him to those sorts of people!” 

“How do you know she’s going to be like that when he’s born?”

“Common sense, which you clearly have _none_ of,” Connor snapped, dropping Kevin’s phone to the sofa, “Whatever, I’m taking Fiyero on a walk. I’ll be back later,” 

When the front door slammed shut behind him, Kevin groaned and picked up the cushion nearest to him, screaming into it. His first instinct was to text Arnold, only to remember that he had a new born baby and was probably slightly distracted. Not wanting to bother Chris or James with stupid arguments, he settled with walking into the bedroom and burrowing under the covers, feeling sorry for himself. 

He loved his husband, more than anyone in the world, but sometimes Kevin wished that he could understand what it was like to have to grow up in the Price household. It was not something that was easily explained, rather something that had to be experienced. 

What felt like hours later, he heard the front door open and the sound of Connor talking to Fiyero. 

“Hey! No, come here you little shit, I need to take your lead off!” he snapped, “No! Fiyero! Fiyero! God, do I actually need to sing No Good Deed to you? For fucks sake, come here and - you’re the most annoying dog I’ve ever met in my life,” 

Kevin laughed quietly to himself as he heard the telltale sound of Fiyero running towards the bedroom - his nails clicking against the floor and his leash trailing behind him. 

“Hey, you,” Kevin said when Fiyero barrelled through the door and dove onto the bed, “Missed me, huh?” 

“I did,” 

Kevin looked over at the door where Connor was stood, albeit a little awkwardly. 

“I thought you were pissed off at me?”

Connor sighed and crawled into bed next to him, gently kissing his cheek, “I’m always a little pissed off at you, Kev.” 

Kevin laughed as he tangled their legs together, holding his arms out so that Connor could nuzzle his face into the crook of his neck. 

“I’m sorry,” Connor said quietly, “I didn’t mean to get so angry. I just don’t want you putting yourself through all that again. I hate seeing you so sad,” 

“I know,” Kevin said, “I know. I don’t like being there, either. I don’t like _you_ being there, but I - I don’t like the thought of him never knowing her or Izzy, you know?” 

“I understand,” Connor said, “we can - if you want her in his life, then we can, okay? We’ll figure something out,” he paused, “Did she ever give you name suggestions?”

Kevin laughed, “No,” 

“Damnit,”

“I’ve always liked the name Alex,” Kevin said quietly.  
  
“Yeah...yeah, me too,”  
  
“Alex Connor McKinley,”  
  
Connor frowned at him, “What’s with that middle name?”  
  
“I want him to have your name,” Kevin said, “it’s only fair, isn’t it?”  
  
Tears brimmed in Connor’s eyes and he leaned up to kiss him, “Alex Connor McKinley,”  
  
“He seems a little more real now, doesn’t he?”

Kevin laughed and nodded, pulling Connor closesr to his chest and trying his best not to think about how happy the Cunninghams were to meet Ajani, and how unhappy his mom would probably be to meet her grandson. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank-you for reading!!!!!!!!!  
> I also started writing the birth of baby mckinley being born today and not to toot my own horn but hooo boy


	16. The Eighth Wonder of the World

Had Kevin known that February would be such a stressful month for him, he might have booked it off work. As soon as February 1st came, he became a nervous wreck, convinced that the baby would be born and he wouldn’t be around to see it happen.

“Kev, you’re not going to miss him being born,” Connor would tell him, “He’s being born at your hospital, remember? You’ll be there,”

After a week of Kevin panicking, Connor tutted and rolled over in bed to face him. They were meant to be having a relaxing day together, but Kevin was not doing much relaxing.

“Why are you getting so worked up over this?” Connor asked.

“Because my da - never mind,” Kevin blushed, “It doesn’t matter,”

“Course it matters, love,” Connor said, “What is it?”

“My dad missed me being born, that’s all,” Kevin said, “because he was too busy working and it never was - it never felt great, you know?”

“And you’re worried that you’ll miss Alex being born because you’re working?”

“Yeah,” Kevin whispered, “I know, it’s stupid,”

“You’re not,” Connor assured him, stretching up to kiss his cheek, “You’re being sweet,”

“I don’t want to be like him,”

“I know, my love,” Connor whispered, “I understand,”

“Sorry for always talking about it,”

“Don’t apologise,” Connor said firmly, “I’d rather you talk to me about it then keep it bottled up,”

They fall into silence for a while; Connor lies with his head in Kevins lap, lazily playing tug of war using one of Kevin’s socks with Fiyero. Kevin absentmindedly runs his fingers through Connor’s hair, letting his mind wander - he thought about his dad, and how he hated that he looked like him, he thought about his mom and the ignored text messages, and his son, that he was so close to finally meeting.

“You still remember how to cut hair, right?”

“What?” Connor asked, “Agh! Fiyero!”

The dog had launched himself at Connor’s face after he had mistakenly held Kevin’s sock to close to it.

“You little shit,” Connor muttered, dropping the sock to the bed so that Fiyero could get to it, “What were you saying, Kev?”

“You can still remember how to cut hair, can’t you?” Kevin said.

“I did three months of hairdressing school before I got Wicked. I barely remembered then,” Connor said, “why?”

Kevin shrugged, “I want to cut my hair,”

“Is this still about your dad?”

“Yeah.” Kevin said, deciding to at least be honest.

Connor sighed and sat up, running his fingers through Kevin’s hair, “But I like your hair,”

“So do I,” Kevin said, “but it’ll grow back. I don’t want it really short, just not like...not like how my dad had it in that picture at their house. We both grew our hair out after our missions,”

“Course babe,” Connor said, leaning over to kiss him, “Whatever you need,”

Once Connor had found his old scissors, Kevin sat sat on a chair in the middle of the kitchen whilst Connor stood behind him, simply running his fingers through his hair.

“It’ll grow back,” Kevin said, “I’m only going as short as our missionary haircuts,”

“I know,” Connor sighed, “but I love how much hair you have,”

“They’ll still be some for you to pull,”

Connor tutted and nudged his shoulder, “That’s not all I care about, you know,”

Kevin laughed and leaned his head back into Connor’s chest, “Can you hurry up and get snipping?”

“You could just go to an actual hairdresser,”

“Yeah, but I think I might cry,” Kevin said.

“Me and you both,” Connor muttered.

A haircut that would have usually taken 45 minutes, took four hours. By the end of it, Kevin’s butt was hurting from having to sit down for so long and Connor had managed to cut each of his fingers at least five times.

Still, there was something strangely empowering about having his haircut, about feeling the clippings of his hair ticking his cheeks as they showered down around him. And as cliche as it sounded, and as stupid as he felt for even thinking about it, it did feel like a new start; a better life.

“There you go,” Connor said quietly, placing his hand on Kevin’s shoulder, “I think I’ve done,”

Kevin put his hand over Connor’s and picked it up, kissing it softly.

“I love you, you know,”

Connor laughed quietly, “I know you do. I love you, too,” he paused for a moment, “You might hate me when you see your hair, though,”

“Don’t say that,” Kevin groaned, jumping up from the chair and brushing the hair from his shoulders.

“What do you think, Fiyero?” Connor asked, scooping the dog off the floor, “Do you think dads hair looks nice?”

Fiyero simply nuzzled his face into the crook of Connor’s arm. Kevin grimaced.

“He hates it,”

“He’s also a dog, love,” Connor pointed out, “When he looks at you I don’t think he thinks, “ _Wow, his hair is great_!” I think he thinks, “ _Why isn’t he giving me food?_ ” I actually think both those things when I look at you,”

Kevin looked at himself in the mirror, running a hand through his freshly cut, if slightly uneven, hair.

“Is it OK?” Connor asked anxiously, “I can call a salon and try and get them to fix it if-”

“No, no,” Kevin said hurriedly, “I like it. Thank-you, babe,”

He turned back to the mirror and smiled. For the first time since his death, he could see no trace of Thomas Price.

* * *

“How’s Laura?” Katie asked whilst they were on their break.

“Very pregnant,” Kevin said, “Actually, I should probably text Connor, make sure she hasn’t gone into labor,”

Katie rolled her eyes, “Kev, darling, don’t you think Connor would have text you if she’d have given birth?”

“He’s very forgetful,” Kevin said, “When we woke up on the morning of our wedding, he tried to get me to get back into bed because ‘ _We don’t have anywhere to be today, Kevin’_.”

** Tony Winner, Connor McKinley **   
  
**Yesterday** 10:15 AM  
**Connor:** Saved any lives yet, Doctor?  
  
**Kevin:** Not yet :/ someone kicked me in the balls though  
**Mom:** Fear of needles is no joke babe  
**Connor:** Need someone to kiss them better?  
  
**Kevin:** If you're offering love  
**Today** 2:23 PM  
**Kevin:** Lauras not given birth has she?  
**Kevin:** Connor!!!!  
**Kevin:**?????  
**Kevin:** Hellloooooooo?  
**Connor:** First of all, I was napping  
**Connor:** Unemployment sucks  
**Connor:** Second of all, she has not. I will tell you when she has, I promise

“Has she had the baby?”

Kevin shook his head, “No,”

“Surprising,” Katie said lightly.

Kevin sticks his tongue out at her and scrolled up through his and Connor’s text messages until he found the picture of their last scan. He looked down at it, still quite unable to believe that he was looking at his _son._

“What was it like?” Kevin asked, “When your daughter was born?”

“Jeez, Kev, you’re asking me to think back 15 years...” she laughed, “I honestly don’t remember much, I was in so much pain and on like, every drug that was offered. Throughout the pregnancy I was one of those “ _oh the birth is going to be all natural_ ” moms but the moment I felt that first contraction I said to my husband, “ _If you don’t find me every drug in this hospital in the next fifteen seconds, I’m going to divorce you_ ,’”

Kevin snorted, “Laura’s already said that she’s not doing it unmedicated,”

“I don’t blame her,” Katie said, “I don’t really remember much of the actual birth, but I do remember her being put onto my chest for the first time and she opened her eyes and looked up at me and-“ she broke off in a wistful sigh, “I can’t describe the feeling, Kev,”

“I can’t wait,” Kevin said, “I just - I want him here now,”

“It’s gonna be the longest wait of your life,” she said, “but when he gets here...you’ll just fall in love. It’s a love like no other,”

“Sorta makes you wonder how my own parents could hate me so much,”

Katie sighed and put her hand over his, squeezing slightly, “I’m sorry your mom isn’t here for you,”

“It’s fine. I’ve got you,”

“Watch it you,” she snapped, “I’m not old enough to be your mother,”

“You sure? You’re like....55, 60 aren’t you?” Kevin asked.

“Kevin McKinley, you better be joking, you know I’m only 43,”

He snorted, “I know you are, you’re just very easy to annoy,”

Katie tutted, “I’m gonna make sure that you get all the shitty patients now. The moment someone needs a dildo dislodging from their ass, you’re doing the dislodging,”

* * *

“I’ve felt so weird all day,” Laura sighed, stretching herself out on the sofa and stroking her stomach, “I hate the last trimester,”

“Only three days till the due date!” Connor said, “and then you get your body back!”

“I don’t, actually,” she said bluntly, “because then I have to recover which can take ages,”

Kevin snorted, “You’re so optimistic,”

“Talk to me when you’ve grown a whole baby in your stomach, dude,” she muttered, “this child moves so much, it’s not normal. It’s like he’s tap dancing, sometimes,”

“That’s my boy!” Connor said happily, “my tiny little tap dancer. Oooh, do you think that there’s mommy and baby tap dance classes?”

“First of all, you’re his dad, not his mom,” Kevin said, “Second of all, I doubt it. I don't think he'll be able to tap dance for a while. And if he inherits my dancing skills, then he'll never be able to tap dance," 

“I’m gonna google-”

Connor was cut off by a sharp gasp from Laura. Kevin glanced over at her with a frown.

“What is it?”

“My water just broke,”

“Huh?”

“My water just broke,”

“No it didn’t,” Kevin said, “Don’t say - no it didn’t. Did it really?”

“There’s a massive wet patch on my jeans, Kevin!” she snapped, “My water just broke and - _ah_ \- okay, contractions are - oh, _fuck_ \- they’re close togeth - _ah_ \- closer together. OK, that's why I've been feeling - feeling weird. I've been - shit - I've been having contractions,”

Kevin stared at her, his mouth hanging open slightly because this wasn’t how it was meant to be. He’d already had it all planned out; he would be in work and get a page from the maternity ward, telling him that he had to go up there immediately. He would run up and find Connor who would be ecstatic to tell him that she had gone into labour and that everything was going smoothly.

“Kevin!” Connor exclaimed, punching him in the shoulder, “Why are you just sitting there? Do something!”

“Because I - I don’t want to do,” Kevin said softly, “I don’t know how to - how am I meant to-”

“Babe, you’re a fucking Doctor,” Connor snapped. 

“What? Oh, yeah, okay,” he leapt up and took a deep, calming breath, “Alright, Connor, lock the dog in our bedroom and go and get as many towels as possible and some pillows from the spare room, okay? Put some of the towels in warm water so we can clean him when he’s born. Oh, and take the shower curtain down,”

“Kev, now isn’t the time for redecorating the fucking-”

“No, no. She can lay on it. It’s better,”

“Oh, right, obviously,” Connor muttered before hurrying away.

Kevin hurried over to Laura and crouched down in front of her, “How close are the contractions?”

“Every - every few minutes,” she gasped, “I think you’re gonna have to deliver him, we don’t - we don’t have time. Ah, fuck, I hate this,”

“I’m sorry, I don’t have any pain relief and-”

“Don’t talk about pain relief, or I’ll start fantasising about - shitting fuck - I’ll start fantasising about an epidural,” she groaned, squeezing onto his hands, “Jesus, Kev, I think - I need to start - I need to start pushing,”

“Alright, alright, don’t panic,” he said soothingly when Connor reappeared with the shower curtain and more towels than were possibly necessary, “I’m gonna take your jeans off, and then I’ll lie you down, okay? Laura, is that okay? Laura, you need to tell me if it’s-”

“Fuck, it’s okay!” she yelled, “it’s not like I can back out now, is it?”

“Procedure to ask for consent,” he muttered, unbuttoning her jeans and gently pulling them down. He flung them to the side and helped her over to the shower curtain, making sure she was as comfortable as possible with cushions underneath her, “How you feeling?”

“Like I’ve been run over with a tank,”

“Great!” he said, “Right, I’m gonna - I’m gonna check how dilated you are...um...sorry? This is weird, I didn’t think - I didn’t think this was going to end with my fingers in your vagina,”

“You’re gonna put your fingers where?” Connor asked, holding a pile of sopping towels.

“I need to see how far she is away from giving birth,” Kevin said hurriedly, “It’s not like - it’s not like _that_. Will you get the lube? And some gloves, please?”

“Do I even want to know why you have sterile gloves?” Laura asked.

Kevin tutted, “Connor doesn’t like taking the trash out with his bare hands,”

“We don’t have a lot of lube left,” Connor said, “Because, um...well - it’s my fault, I use too much, but - we have enough,”

“Alright,” Kevin said, “Okay, you're 10 cm. You need to start pushing, alright? I got you, we can do this,” he turned to Connor, “Call an ambulance,”

“Right, ambulance, yeah, an ambulance,” Connor stuttered, “An ambulance, yes I know how - I know how to - I know the number for an-”

“911, Con, 911,” Kevin said.

“Yeah, I knew that,” Connor muttered. 

As Kevin talked Laura through the delivery, he was constantly reminded of why he didn’t like working on the maternity ward. Delivering babies really wasn’t his strong point as his brain was constantly reminding him.

“Right, what do you want me to do, love?” Connor asked, coming back into the room.

“Go and kneel by her head, hold her hand,”

“But I actually want to see him born,” Connor pouted.

“You’ll faint,”

Connor tutted and knelt beside him, “No, I won’t,”

He was knelt next to him for not even three seconds before paling and scooting over to Laura’s head, “I think I’ll just hold your hand,”

Kevin had no idea how long it lasted; his back was aching like it had never ached before and he had long since lost feeling in his knees from kneeling down so much. All he could do was try and ignore the fact that he was going into this blind. He had no idea if the baby was safe - if his heart rate and blood pressure were where they should be, or if Laura was the same. She could easily bleed out, and there would be very little they could do about it and _why_ had the ambulance not turned up yet? And _why_ was their midwife not around? And _why_ did Kevin not get a little more experience in the maternity ward?

“He’s crowning, he’s crowning!” Kevin exclaimed, shifting his weight onto one knee, “Come on Laura, you can do this, you can do this,”

“I’m nearly done?” Laura panted.

“Nearly done. Just one last push, Laura, come on,” Kevin said, sweat pouring down his face, “He’s almost out! Come on, you can do it, you’re doing so well, on the count of three, okay?”

Kevin gently put his hands on the baby, not letting himself think about the fact that he was staring down at his son. Not letting himself think about the fact that his son had just opened his eyes and was staring right at him.

“One....two...three - _push!”_

He dropped right into Kevin’s arms, still staring up at him.

“Oh, my god,” Kevin choked out, tears mingling with the sweat pouring down his face, “Jesus, I don’t - I don’t know what to - Con! Cut the cord, cut the - Jesus Christ. Cut the cord,”

“What? Oh, yeah,” Connor scrambled to stand up. He gasped when he knelt next to Kevin, “Fuck. That’s - oh my god. That’s our baby,”

“The cord, Connor!”

His hands shook as he cut the cord, and Kevin couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe that he was holding his son, who he had just _delivered_.

“Are you alright, Laura?” Kevin asked as Connor cleaned the baby, sobbing as he did so. 

“Fine, I’m fine. An ambulance would be nice, though,” she groaned, “how fucked is my vagina?”

Kevin glanced down and winced, “It’s not great,”

“I hate you so much right now,”

“Yeah, I do not blame you,”

Kevin did _not_ cry when they got to the hospital and a nurse took the baby off him, and he did _not_ threaten to sue the hospital until he remembered that he was in his hospital and that he too had had many new parents shout this sort of thing at him.

“Babe, chill. They’re just checking over him,” Connor said, kissing him on the cheek.

“I know,” he muttered, though his arms felt strangely empty without him.

“Wanna hold him again, dad?” the nurse asked, returning with Alex, “He’s okay. You did a good job for someone who’s an ER doc,”

Kevin gratefully took him in his arms, “I’m not actually going to sue you,”

“I know. I’ve heard worse, believe me,” she laughed, “Congratulations, Doctor. He’s adorable,”

They spent the rest of the day in hospital with Laura, who was no company. She fell asleep the moment the doctors left her alone. Not that Kevin could blame her, of course. Alex was fast asleep in Connor’s arms and Kevin was more than happy to just stare at him like he was the eighth wonder of the world.

Their first visitor came in the form of a very flustered Katie. She burst through the door, face red and chest heaving.

“My baby has had a baby!” she exclaimed, rushing over to him and enveloping him in a hug, “Oh, I can’t believe it! I remember when you started here when you were just a medical student! And look at you now! A Doctor and a dad! Oh, I just can’t believe it!”

“I’m not your baby,” he grumbled.

“Yes you are. You’re my work baby,” she said, pinching his cheek, “Oh, just look at him! He’s adorable!”

“Here, hold him,” Connor said, handing him over.

“Did you decide on a name?” Katie asked, “it took us three weeks to name Ruby,”

“Alex Connor McKinley,” Kevin said happily, “Cute, right?”

“Very,” Katie said, nodding her approval, “Oh, I am just - I’m so happy for you both,”

“I can’t believe how much hair he already has,” Kevin giggled, reaching out to stroke the top of his head.

“He got that off you,” Connor said, resting his head on Kevin’s shoulder.

“Price men have great hair, what can I say?”

“McKinleys had the baby?” a frantic voice asked, making Kevin jump. He looked around Katie to see Doctor Remmy standing in the doorway.

“Well, I haven’t had him. But I did deliver him,”

A look of panic flashed across Doctor Remmy’s face and he hurried over to Alex, looking down at him.

“And he’s fine?”

Kevin frowned, “Yeah. Why?”

“You’re a great Doctor, McKinley but we’ve all seen you on the maternity ward,”

Connor snorted, “He was surprisingly calm and collected. At first he wasn’t, he forgot he was a doctor,”

Kevin glowered at his husband, “Don’t embarrass me in front of my boss,”

“You embarrass yourself in front of me all the time, buddy,”

“Don’t embarrass me in front of my son, then!” Kevin exclaimed, “I’m gonna be the cool dad!”

The first time Alex cried, Kevin cried right along with him, and he had to resign himself to the fact that maybe he wouldn’t be the cool dad.

** Latter Day Satanists **   
  
****Alex Connor McKinley, born today at 3:17, 7lb 8oz. He's healthy, Laura is healthy and me and Connor are very very very very happy!!!  
** James **  
WHAAAAAAAT  
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!  
I just cried all over my sketchbook and all my work is ruined but I dont care im too happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
** Naba **  
GUYS!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! WE CANT WAIT TO MEET HIM!!!!!  
** Arn **  
cnt s e keybrd, am cryn ro muchi!!11! con g rats!!!11!  
accidentally woke my baby up whoops  
** Poptarts **  
oh my godddddddddddd congratulations!!!!  
does he like cake? im gonna bake him a cake  
** Naba **  
****Chris hes a baby he cant eat solid food yet

****I'll take the cake though chris

"All that worrying about you not being there when he was born was for nothing, then," Connor said quietly, kissing him on the cheek, "You were incredible, Kev," 

"I love him," Kevin whispered. 

"I love him too," 

The next few weeks consisted of various family and friends coming to meet Alex, coupled with barely sleeping and being constantly covered in poop and sick. And whilst this might not have been much different from Kevin’s normal life, it was a far cry from the bright lights of Broadway. The first time Alex projectile vomited on Connor, Connor projectile vomited on Kevin.

“Oh, god. I’m sorry,” Connor groaned, “I wasn’t aiming for you, I was aiming for the floor,”

Kevin sighed and took his t-shirt off, “it’s a good job I love you,”

Life was perfect. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took a little longer than usual, I wanted to get it right and also had to do a load of research into how birth works and have decided that I never ever want to push a child out of my body 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	17. Parenting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2.

Parenting was nothing like it was nothing in the movies.

In Hollywood, it seemed to be all sunshine and daisies all round; the kid only ever cries once in the whole film, and the only thing that suggested that said kid ever has a mammoth shit is the dad smelling the diaper, and then passing the baby onto the mom.    
  
In reality, it was a lot more than that, and Alex was  _ definitely  _ nothing like those stranely serene babies. He never shied away from screeching at the top of his lungs when he was hungry or tired, and sleeping right through the night seemed to be something that he was incapable of doing. 

“He’s got this off you,” Connor had grumbled at Kevin at three AM when Alex was refusing to go to sleep. 

“Got what off me?” Kevin had asked, sleepily warming up some milk. 

“Not sleeping,” Connor muttered, “I used to have to rock you to sleep in Uganda,” 

Kevin had retaliated by splashing milk in his face. 

Another thing that Kevin had not been prepared for was the days when Connor was not at home and Kevin had to look after a whole baby on his own. 

He stood over 3 month old Alex, his hands on his hips. Alex had been bawling for an hour, and Kevin was almost sure he was solving the problem by changing his diaper. 

“How the heck have you shit so much? You’re _ tiny _ ,” he paused for a moment and grimaced, “don’t tell daddy I swore in front of you, he’ll shout at me,” 

In the time it took for him to turn his back and throw the diaper in the trash, Alex had found another thing to cry about. 

“What now?” Kevin asked with a groan, scooping him into his arms and rocking him backwards and forwards, “You’ve got _nothing_ to cry about. You’re living the life. All you do is eat and sleep and poop all day. Do you know how many people would kill to hae your life? I’d kill to have your life!”

Alex stopped crying in favour of staring up at Kevin, a funny look on his face.    
  
“You think I’m a bit weird, don’t you? Well that's okay, because I am a bit weird,” Kevin sighed, lying down on the couch and placing him on his chest, “Not nearly as weird as your Uncle Arnold, though. Now that’s a strange man...”    
  
Just as he said this, Alex burped and then proceeded to vomit all over Kevin’s t-shirt.    
  
“Do you act up this much for your other dad, or is it just me? Is this because I don’t sing to you?” Kevin asked, picking him up again and carrying him into his nursery, “are you bitter because all I can talk to you about is hospitals and daddy can reenact all of Les Miserables? Watching him do a one man One Day More might be cute now but after years of it...” he broke off in a sigh as he changed Alex into cleaner clothes and threw his own t-shirt into the laundry, “it stops being cute eventually,”   
  
Alex responded with some garbled noises that Kevin was convinced was a sign that he’d be a great orator one day. He hummed as he picked Alex up again and wandered back into the living room, suddenly convinced that he was holding a future president of the United States.    
  
“You need a nap, Mr. President,” Kevin said to him before pausing, “And so do I, because your daddy is an old, old man even though he’s only 28. By the time I’m 30, I’ll be one of those old people who has to wear diapers. See, that’s what working does to you, son. Makes you old. That's why you need to be the President. So I can stop working and live in a big house. You'd let me live in the White House with you, wouldn't you? Yeah, course you would...”    
  
Kevin settled down on the sofa again and let Alex curl up on his chest. Fiyero jumped onto the couch and settled himself on Kevin’s thighs.  The three of them were asleep within minutes, only to be awoken an hour later by Connor walking through the door.   
  
“Well, aren’t you adorable,”    
  
“Thanks, babe,” Kevin mumbled, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.    
  
“No, I was talking to Alex,”    
  
Kevin scowled, “He looks like me. I’m taking the compliment. How was class?”    
  
“You know, I thought I was gonna hate teaching workshops but it’s fun,” Connor said thoughtfully, “I miss being onstage, though. I also miss people applauding. Is that narcissistic? Eh, doesn't matter, I'm an actor, I'm allowed,"    
  
“I told you, go back to work.” Kevin said, “Start auditioning,”    
  
“ _Noooo_ , not when this one is so little,” Connor cooed, taking Alex into his arms, “How was he today?”    
  
“A little shit,”    
  
“Really?”    
  
“No, he was fine. He did have a _massive_ shit, though. And then wouldn’t stop crying. And then was sick on me. But apart from that, good as gold,” Kevin said happily, “I think he’s gonna be President one day.”    
  
Connor laughed, “Imagine that...President McKinley,”   
  
“I think he’d be the greatest President to ever live,”    
  
“Course he would. As long as he’s got your brains, he’ll be alright,” Connor said, kissing Alex’s forehead, “well, your brains but not your impulsiveness. Lord knows I don’t need another impulsive man in my life,” 

Kevin forced a laugh and suddenly became quite interested in Alex’s hair, gently smoothing it into place. Connor looked at him with narrowed eyes.

“What have you done?” Connor asked. 

“Have I ever told you how much I love you, babe?” Kevin said, “because every morning when I wake up and I roll over and see you all cuddled up under our covers I’m like... _ wow,  _ I really am the luckiest man in the world and having Alex has just amplified how much I love-”

“What have you done?” 

“So, I was with Arnold-”

“I hate this already,” 

“I was with Arnold having uh...having a little dad date, as we do. And you know like Arnold has developed a weird obsession with Guinea Pigs?”

“I  _ really  _ hate this,” 

“Well, there’s this shelter for them so we went with the kids and then I saw this Guinea Pig sat all on his own because the others were ignoring him and he looked really sad and then Alex saw him and started giggling and you know I can't deal with him giggling, it's just _too_ cute. So I adopted him. He’s called Moroni,” 

“Kevin Thomas McKinley, you best be lying to me,” 

Kevin grimaced slightly; it was not often Connor pulled out his full name so it was a sure sign that he was in a ridiculous amount of trouble. 

“Where is he?” Connor asked with a sigh. 

“Spare room,” 

“So when we have guests over, they’ll share with a rodent?” 

Kevin glared, “No, because I think we should move them - him to the living room-” 

“Kevin,” Connor said slowly, speaking in his angry district leader voice, “How many guinea pigs are in this apartment?” 

“Okay, so we have two,” Kevin admitted, “but the lady said that they were best friends and I didn’t want to split them up! He’s called Brigham,”    
  
Connor slowly exhaled and closed his eyes, “So we now have a dog, a child and two guinea pigs named after figure heads of the LDS Church,”   
  
“Come meet them!” Kevin said, tugging on his arm, “and you’ll fall in love!”

Up in the spare room, Connor stood a considerable distance away from their new pets as Kevin held them up to him with his most charming smile. The smile melted off his face when he remembered his husband's great fear of rodents. He had once had to call out of Falsettos at intermission when he had seen a rat in his dressing room and had a massive panic attack. 

“You have a phobia of rodents,” Kevin said intelligently. 

“Thank-you for remembering, dear,” 

“But they’re...they’re barely rodents! Look at them! They’re adorable!” Kevin exclaimed, “Moroni likes to fall asleep on peoples shoulders and Brigham did this really cute thing where he climbed into the hood of my hoodie and just stayed there!”

“Kevin..." 

“Please can we keep them? Please, please,  _ pleeeeease? _ ” Kevin pouted, "I can't send them back! It'll eat me up inside for the rest of my life!"

“I suppose...I suppose they  _ are  _ kind of cute,” Connor said. He looked between Kevin and the guinea pigs for a few moments before sighing, “Fine. We can keep them,” 

“Oh, thank god for that,” Kevin said, “there’s a no returns policy,”

Connor tutted and looked down at Alex, “If you end up being as impulsive as your daddy, you better marry someone as understanding as me or you’ll probably get divorced like 25 times,”

Kevin scoffed, “Like you’d ever divorce me,” 

Connor sighed, “I know, I’m stuck with you and these stupid guinea pigs for the rest of my life,” 

"Don't call our sons stupid," 

"We are not reffering to them as our children," 

Kevin gasped and held them closer to his chest, "Ignore your daddy. He's just in a bad mood. He loves you really," 

Connor held Alex closer to his chest as he walked out of the room, "Ignore your daddy. He's just a little bit crazy. You'll learn to deal with it," 

As Kevin placed Moroni and Brigham back into their hut, he wondered when would be a good time to tell Connor that he had also bought two fish. 

* * *

“Happy Fathers Day, daddy,” 

Kevin smiled when he felt Connor’s arms snake around his middle as he cooked them breakfast. 

“And a Happy Fathers Day to you too, babe,” Kevin said, turning round to kiss him, “Thank-you for the flowers,” 

Connor looked over at the kitchen table where they were two sets of bouquets, “We should probably discuss our Father's Day flowers in the future. Two massive bouquets feels a bit excessive,”

Kevin pursed his lips, “Mhmm...especially since Alex has no idea what day it is. Or who we are, probably,” 

“No, I think he knows who we are,” Connor said, “Providers of food. So, Happy Providers of Food Day,” 

Kevin laughed and kissed Connor again, “Pancakes?”

“All of them and more, please and thank-you,” Connor said, checking on Alex who was sat in his rocker and seemed quite mesmerised by the mobile hanging above him. 

For as long as Kevin could remember, Father’s Day had always been an odd day for him. His own dad never liked to celebrate it, choosing instead to dedicate the day to Heavenly Father and spend more time than usual studying scripture with his children. At the time, Kevin had thought that this was just how he showed love, but he had long since realised that it was so he didn’t  _ have  _ to show much love or affection. It was because of this that Kevin had never thought much about how he might one day spend Father’s Day and now that he was there, he wasn’t really sure how he was meant to. 

He glanced over at Alex who was clinging onto Connor’s little finger and looked away again. Now, more than ever, he couldn’t understand why his dad had been the way he was. 

“What’re you thinking about, Kev?” Connor asked quietly. 

Kevin looked over at him, “What?” 

“You have the look on your face. The sad one,” 

Kevin shrugged, “It’s my first Father’s Day without my dad, isn’t it? So...I’m just...I don’t know. It’s weird. I always used to text him, even if he didn’t always reply,” 

“I know,” Connor said quietly, “It’s hard,” 

“I actually...I don’t know if it is,” Kevin muttered, “I mean, I don’t - it’s weird but I’m not...I’m not upset about  _ him _ , I’m just...” he trailed off and glanced over at Alex again. 

“You don’t want Alex to go through what you’ve had to?” Connor said, forever posessing the ability to read Kevin's mind. 

“Yeah,”

Connor smiled at him, “You know he won’t though, don’t you? You’re a great dad, Kev. And I know how much you love him. It’s impossible not to notice,” 

Kevin nodded and hastily wiped his eyes, “I know. I just worry that I’m going to end up like him and that one day Alex isn’t going to want anything to do with me,” 

Just as he said this, Alex dropped Connor’s finger and reached a tiny hand out to Kevin. 

“I think you’re gonna be alright, love,” Connor laughed. 

* * *

Getting a 10 month old baby to walk was a lot more difficult than Kevin had anticipated. He had just been under the impression that one day, he would just stand Alex up and then he’d be strutting up and down the living room like Naomi Campbell. 

Instead, Kevin would stand Alex up and then he’d fall right back down again. 

On their joint days off, Kevin and Connor would sit facing each other with the tiniest bit of space between each other, hoping that Alex would make the journey from one dad to the other. 

“Come on bud, you can do it,” Kevin said, gently standing him up again, “And... _ go _ !” 

Alex would just fall back down to his bum with a giggle and then crawl over to Connor. 

“Maybe he doesn’t want to walk,” Connor said, picking him up and placing him on his lap, “maybe he just wants to crawl everywhere for the rest of his life,”

Kevin tutted, “He can’t just crawl everywhere for the rest of his life, come on, try again,” 

Connor sighed as he stood Alex up again, “Your daddy is very annoying sometimes isn’t he, buddy?” 

“Shut up,” Kevin mumbled before smiling at Alex and holding his hands out towards him, “Come on, bud! Come give me a hug!”

“Maybe he just doesn’t want to hug you,” 

“Yes he does. Who  _ doesn’t  _ want to hug me?” 

“Sometimes I don’t want to hug you,” 

“Well sometimes  _ I  _ don’t want to hug  _ you _ ,” Kevin said, “Actually, whilst we’re on the subject of you and your hugs, you do this thing where you only hold for like two seconds.”

Connor frowned at him, “This coming from the person who still doesn’t like being touched all the time,” 

“I know, but I’d still appreciate at least ten seconds,” Kevin countered, picking Alex up and putting him on his lap, “Is it so much to ask that my husband gives me a decent hug-”

“Kevin.” 

“What?”

“You’re holding Alex,” 

“Yeah, I know,” Kevin said, “I’m not - oh my god, I’m holding Alex,” 

They stared at each other, eyes wide and mouths hanging open. 

“I can’t believe we just missed his first steps,” Connor said in a small voice. 

Kevin tutted, “Well if you were better at hugging, we wouldn’t have been distracted!” 

* * *

Children’s birthday parties were stressful, to say the least. Kevin cringed as he watched one of Alex’s friends manage to spill water all over himself and was glad that Connor had been smart enough to hire a room. The thought of fifteen four year olds running riot in their apartment was enough to make Kevin want to lock himself in his room and never come out again. 

“Oh my god,” Connor groaned, dropping down into the chair besides Kevin and resting his head on his shoulder, “Musical chairs is fucking painful,” 

“Don’t swear!” Kevin exclaimed, “Children repeat things,” 

“Musical chairs are fudging painful,” Connor corrected himself, “So are children, actually. Ajani keeps on calling me Uncle Leprechaun,” 

Kevin snorted, “Arnold definitely taught him that. Or Chris,” 

“Yeah, and I’m definitely going to fight them,” Connor muttered angrily. 

They fell into silence as they watched Alex, Ajani and Lily run around after each other, giggling madly as he went. 

“He really loves his cousins, doesn’t he,” Kevin said quietly. 

“Yeah,” Connor said, “it’s cute. They’re almost like siblings, aren’t they?”

“Mhmm,” Kevin said. He watched for a few more minutes before he glanced at Connor out of the corner of his eye. Slowly reached over and grabbed his husband's hand, “Want another one?” 

Connor leaned over and kissed him, “I do indeed,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this has been at the end of all my chapters recently, but I really am sorry for the lack of updates. I was just planning the upcoming chapters and then got distracted by real life :( but we'll be back to regular updates soon!
> 
> Thank-you for reading!


	18. Guilt

For Kevin, days off had changed from doing absolutley nothing to trying to battling a headache caused by Alex's need to ask him one million questions that were rather unanswerable. They had covered everything from Santa Claus ( _ “Of course he exists, buddy, you met him last Christmas!” _ ), to the Easter Bunny ( _ “You saw his paw prints, remember?”)  _ and why Uncle Arnold and Auntie Naba had Ajani but Uncle James and Uncle Chris didn’t have children ( _ “because they don’t want children, they’re more than happy with you and AJ,”).  _

Kevin sat Alex on the kitchen counter and handed him a bowl of banana in the hopes that he would be too distracted by his favourite food to ask Kevin too many questions whilst he tried to make lunch. Connor was in their bedroom napping, and usually much better at answering Alex’s strange questions. 

His attempt to keep Alex quiet lasted an impressive three minutes before Alex was tugging on his hand, trying to get his attention. 

“Daddy?” 

“Mhmm?” 

“You know like I have two daddies?” 

Kevin looked over at him with a slight frown, “...yes,” 

“And other daddy has a mommy and a daddy like Ajani?” 

“Um...yeah,”

“Why don’t you have two daddies or two mommies or a mommy and a daddy?” 

Kevin paled, wondering how on Earth he was meant to answer this sort of question. He abandoned the chicken salad that he was making and turned to Alex, leaning against the counter on his forearms. 

“I do have a mommy and a daddy,” 

“You do?” 

“Yeah, but my mommy...my mommy wasn’t very nice to me,” Kevin said slowly, “and I didn’t want to be around her. I didn't you or daddy to be, either.” 

“Why wasn’t she nice to you?” 

Kevin straightened up and smoothed down Alex’s hair, wondering how best to explain the concept of homophobia to a four year old. Kevin and Connor had gone out of their way to make sure he wasn’t exposed to anything of the sort, but neither of them were stupid enough to think that he would go his entire life being sheltered from it. 

“She didn’t like that I married daddy,” Kevin explained slowly, “because some people think that two men shouldn’t get married, but they’re wrong, okay? There’s nothing wrong with two men or two women getting married,” 

“I know,” he said, nodding his head solemnly, “like daddy says - love is love!” 

Kevin laughed and nodded, “Love is love, you’re right,” 

“So...if...if you’re mean to me then I don’t have to speak to you?” Alex asked. 

“No, you don’t. But I’m never gonna be mean to you, bud. I promise,” 

“What about your daddy?” 

“He, uh...just before you were born, he got poorly,” Kevin said carefully, “and the doctors couldn’t make him better, so he died,” 

Alex shuffled closer to Kevin, gripping onto his arm, “How old were you?”

“Oh, uh, I was...I was 27, I think,” 

Kevin knew it was going to happen before it did; Alex’s bottom lip began to tremble and his face scrunched up as his eyes welled up with tears. Kevin sighed and picked him up, allowing him to sob into his shoulder, his little legs kicking off his stomach. 

“Oh, bud, I’m - I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Kevin said soothingly, stroking the back of his head, “it’s okay,” 

“I don’t - I don’t want to be 27!” he all but screamed, “I don’t want you and daddy to die!” 

It wasn’t often that Kevin felt like he was doing this parenting thing right but he could, at least, work out when he was being irrational. And he was almost sure that he wasn't irrational in thinking that making his four year old son think he was going to be orphaned at 27 was a mark of bad parenting. 

“We’re not gonna - we’re not gonna die when you’re 27,” Kevin said weakly, “I - I promise. We’re still gonna be here, bud,” 

But Alex didn’t seem to want to listen to him, and his crying only increased in volume. Kevin tried his very best to soothe him though he assumed that a toddler thinking about the fact that his parents would one day was quite distressing. 

“Alright, alright, I’m sorry, Alex,” Kevin said as soothingly as he could whilst casting a furtive glance over at the kitchen door and praying that Connor wouldn’t wake up, “ _ Shh, shh,  _ you’re gonna wake daddy up,” 

Kevin moved from the kitchen and into the living room in the hopes that Fiyero would cheer him up, but when he set Alex on the ground besides the dog, he simply face planted on the floor and continued to cry. Kevin somehow suppressed all the curse words that he wanted to scream and lay besides Alex, running his hand up and down his back lightly. 

“Hey, bud,” he said softly, “Look at me,” 

Alex shook his head, mumbling something into the rug. Kevin sighed and sat up, crossing his legs beneath him. He rested his chin on his hand for a while and ran his fingers through Alex’s hair, hoping that he would eventually tire himself out but he just kept on crying and crying and  _ crying.  _

Eventually, Kevin managed to coax his son off the floor with the help of Moroni the Guinea Pig. Alex sat leaning against one of their sofas, sniffling slightly as he stroked Moroni. Kevin sat opposite him, letting Brigham sit in the hood of his hoodie whilst he tried to convince Alex to actually speak to him instead of sniffle in his general direction. 

“And how are my favourite boys?” 

Kevin’s head snapped up at the sound of Connor’s voice, inwardly groaning because he was  _ definitely  _ going to be lectured about this later. Alex spun around upon hearing Connor’s voice and gently set Moroni back on the floor before rushing over to him, wrapping his arms around one of his legs. 

“I don’t want you to die!” he exclaimed, “I don’t want you to die!” 

Connor stared down at him for a moment before looking back up at Kevin, his eyes ever so slightly narrowed as he scooped Alex into his arms, “Uhm...do you wanna explain this?”

Kevin bit the inside of his lip and picked Brigham up off the floor, slowly stroking him with the tip of his index finger, “He asked where my dad was? And I told him the truth?” 

“Right...” Connor said with a sigh, “I see why that would cause a four year old to sob hysterically,” 

Kevin grimaced a little, “He was fine once he had Moroni...” 

“Come on, you,” Connor said to Alex quietly, “I think you need a nap. You’ve gotten yourself worked up over nothing..” 

He continued to talk to Alex as he walked away, and Kevin sat and listened for a while before snapping out of his haze and placing the guinea pigs back in their little hut. He dragged himself over to the sofa and lay down, feeling his eyes starting to flutter shut. He felt as though no one had ever warned him of how tiring parenting could be. He had stupidly thought that being a Doctor and being more than used to working long hours would prepare him for life as a parent, but had never been so wrong about something in his life; work was something that he was able to walk away from, parenting was not. He scoffed a little just as he thought this, rolling onto his side and curling up slightly. His parents had walked away from parenting, after all. 

Just as his eyes started to close, Connor leapt over the back of the sofa and landed right on top of Kevin. 

“Ow,” Kevin mumbled, “Your elbow is practically up my ass,” 

“You never complain about other parts of my body being up your ass,” Connor countered, shifting so he was lay right on top of him, “Alex is napping,” 

“How did you make him fall asleep?” Kevin yawned, rolling onto his back. 

“The same way I make you fall asleep when you’re overthinking. I sang to him,” Connor said, nuzzling his face into Kevin’s neck, "that child is so like you. It's unnerving," 

Kevin hummed and wrapped his arms around Connor. The further into parenthood that they got, the more he looked forward to moments like these. It had become less about trying to find a quiet moment to have sex, and more about finding a moment to just exist in eachothers company without being draggered here, there and everywhere by a four year old. 

“I might have an audition next week,” Connor said. 

Kevin gasped and his eyes shot open, “Wait, really? I thought you didn’t want to audition yet?” 

“I’m still not convinced,” Connor admitted, “but my agent rang me and told me about a show that's coming back to Broadway,”

“Do you exclusively do revivals now?” Kevin laughed, “You should go for it, love. I miss seeing you on stage,” 

“I don’t know,” Connor sighed, sitting up and straddling Kevin, “it’s a very dancey show,” 

“Yes, because you  _ hate  _ dancing, don’t you?” Kevin said sarcastically, lightly brushing his hands up and down his sides, “is it a show I know?” 

“Mary Poppins,” 

Kevin gasped and sat up, “Mary Poppins? Mary Poppins as in my favourite film ever, Mary Poppins?” 

“God, Kev, don’t get too excited,” Connor laughed, “I might not get it,” 

“ _ Pleeeeeease,  _ audition! I want to meet Mary Poppins!” 

“You’re more childish than Alex, sometimes,” 

Kevin responded by rolling his eyes and flicking his ear, “But I love Mary Poppins,” 

“Really? I’ve never noticed. The way you made sure that the first film Alex ever watched was Mary Poppins never suggested that it’s your favourite film ever,” 

Kevin sighed and gently brushed his fingers through Connor’s bangs, “Please audition. You’re not very good at being unemployed,” 

Connor laughed, “Are you saying that I’m a bad house husband?”

“The last three times you’ve cooked dinner, you’ve almost burned the apartment down,” 

“The keyword there, darling, is  _ almost _ ,” 

“Just audition,” Kevin said, “You know you miss it,” 

Connor sighed, “I know, but I feel guilty,” 

Kevin frowned and picked up his hands, “Guilty?”

“About Alex,” Connor mumbled, his cheeks turning slightly red, “I don’t want to - I don’t want to miss out on anything,” 

“We both work, love, I think we’re bound to miss out on stuff,” Kevin said soothingly, “It’s not like we’re never going to be in his life, is it? And if it bothers you that much, I’m sure you could ask for one show off a week, just so you can spend some time with him. And I might be able to convince Doctor Remmy to give me the same day off,” 

Connor nodded, but he still looked anxious, “Yeah. Maybe,” 

“Why are you so worried about this?” Kevin asked quietly. 

“It’s stupid,” he mumbled, “but the other day when I took Alex to the park, I got talking to this mom and she said that I was so kind for giving my wife a break from him, and I told her that I don’t have a wife to give a break to, and she got...she got so  _ weird.  _ You know that thing that people do when they’re trying their very best to not be homophobic but they’re really struggling with it?” 

Kevin laughed, “When they look away and just say ‘ _ oh’  _ really quietly?” 

“Yeah,” Connor said with a tiny smile, “and she said that she hoped that we can still manage to be good parents...as though having gay parents will fuck him up!” 

“You know who has straight parents?” Kevin asked. 

Connor frowned, “Who?"

“Me. And look at how I turned out!” 

Connor tutted and shoved his shoulder, “You turned out fine, Kevin! Stop staying that. What I’m trying to say is that we’re always going to be judged harder on our parenting skills, aren’t we? Because we’re two men. And I - I don’t want people to think that I care more about being famous than Alex,” 

Kevin frowned, “Con...no ones gonna think that. And even if they did, it doesn’t matter. I know you care about Alex more than anything,  _ you  _ know that you care about Alex more than anything, that’s all the matters. Fuck everyone else. They’re not important. That Karen  _ certainly  _ isn’t important,” 

“It really pisses me off when you’re being reasonable and I’m not,” Connor grumbled, standing up and tugging on his hand, “Wanna make me lunch?” 

“Do I have a choice?” 

“Nope!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I know that I said I was going to start uploading more regularly and then just....didn't, so I'm sorry. And I'd say that I'm going to upload more regularly given the whole lockdown thing but I've discovered that I don't like pandemics and they make me want to hide in my bedroom all day and not do anything, so I'm not going to promise anything. 
> 
> ANYWAY. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Stay safe, wash your hands, social distance x


	19. Hysterically Ecstatic

Kevin had always prided himself on having a relatively thick skin. It came with the territory of everything going wrong when he was 19, being gay in an extremely homophobic family _and_ being a doctor. Most insults went over his head now, but the one thing that _didn’t_ go over his head (despite not even being an insult) was his favourite med student casually dropping into conversation that she wouldn’t be doing her residency in the ER. 

“ _What_?” he asked, dropping his fork to the table in the breakroom, “You’re joking, aren’t you?” 

Maria frowned at him, “No. I’m not doing my residency here. I thought - I thought you knew?” 

“You mean you’re doing an ER residency in a different hospital?” 

“No, I’m staying here, just not _here_ ,” she gestured around the breakroom, “I’m going into-”

“If you say cardiology I’m going to scream,” 

“Better start screaming then,” 

Kevin groaned, “ _Why_ does everyone go into cardiology?” 

Maria laughed, “Because it’s interesting! And I really enjoyed by rotation on the cardiology ward,” 

“So you haven’t enjoyed your time here?” Kevin asked. 

“Yeah! I mean - it’s...it’s a great place to work I just...I couldn’t imagine doing it everyday?” Maria shrugged, “I feel like patients families are meaner here,” 

“They’re not that bad!” Kevin exclaimed, “Some of them are nice!”

“Didn’t you tell me that someone kicked you in the balls once?”

“No, it was an accident,” Kevin said flippantly. He paused for a moment and frowned, “Actually, there was this one time when someone did it on purpose but he _was_ on like...15 different drugs and was hallucinating and thought I was trying to kill him,” 

“See?” Maria said, “That seems stressful,” 

“It wasn’t stressful,” Kevin muttered, “It was painful,” he sighed, “Is anyone staying on here?” 

Maria grimaced a little, “I don’t - I don’t think so. I’m sure Doctor Remmy said you had no new residents,” 

“ _None_?” Kevin asked, mouth gaping, “Why?”

“I don’t know,” she said with a shrug, “I wouldn’t take it personally, though,” 

“Well I am,” Kevin mumbled, picking at his food. 

The good thing about working a job like this was that he was usually too busy trying to keep people from dying to worry about what was bothering him. It would only be when his shift finally ended and he stepped foot outside the hospital that it would all hit him at once. He knew it was stupid to worry about their lack of reisdent - because someone would more than likely turn up - but he still felt offended on behalf of every ER Doctor in the country. 

Tony Winner Connor McKinley  
  
**Kevin:** No one wants to work in the ER anymore :(  
  
**Kevin:** We don't have a resident  
  
**Connor:** Maybe all the med students saw you and were like nah I don't want to work with him  
**Con:** Is Maria not even staying on?  
**Kevin:** NO  
**Kevin:** She's going into cardiology  
**Kevin:** I don't know why people go into cardiology  
**Kevin:** I blame those stupid medical dramas  
**Kevin:** Didn't you want to be an ER doctor because of that tv show with George Clooney?  
**Kevin:** That isn't the point  
**Kevin:** The point is that Greys Anatomy is stupid and no one should watch it because it's nothing like real life and someone should tell every single med student that  
**Con:** but Mcdreamy😍  
**Kevin:** I want a divorce  
**Connor:** Kay but will you bring McDonalds home? I don't believe in cooking on a saturday  
**Kevin:** I don't believe in fastfood  
**Con:** okay you cook then  
**Con:** me and Alex want chicken nuggets  
  


The novelty of walking through his front door and immediately being accosted by his son had yet to wear off for Kevin. It was what usually got him through his days and made walking through the front door that little bit more fun. 

“Dads home!” Kevin called, kicking the door shut with his foot. 

“ _Daaaaddy!”_

Alex launched himself off the sofa and onto Kevin, who just about managed to pick up with one arm, his other hand full with their food. Fiyero scampered out from behind the sofa, jumping up at both him and the food. 

“Hiya, bud,” Kevin said, kissing his cheek, “Did you have a good day?” 

Alex nodded, “Uh huh! We saw Gran an’ Grandad and then we went to the park with Fiyero! And daddy bought me Ice Cream an’ then we came home and watched Tangled and Daddy cried!” he said all this in one big breath, making Kevin feel lightheaded even though he hadn't spoke. Alex paused for a moment and then leaned forward, sniffling Kevin's neck, “ _Eww,_ you smell funny,” 

Kevin laughed as he set Alex down on the counter in the kitchen, “It’s because I’ve been at work. We can’t all spend our days eating Ice Cream,” 

“Hello, love,” Connor said, giving him a peck on the lips and taking the food out of his hands, “Ugh. You smell of hospital.” 

“Well, I _am_ a Doctor,” Kevin said, “I’m going to shower. Can you save me a chicken nugget?” 

Connor tutted, “Fine.” 

When Kevin had showered and was sufficiently devoid of the hospital smell - a scent that he had long since become immune to - he joined Connor and Alex at their dining table, happily munching on his one chicken nugget and occasionally swiping fries from Alex when he wasn’t looking. 

“Tired, kiddo?” Connor asked as Alex pushed his plate away and rubbed his eyes. 

Alex mumbled sleepily in response, his eyes already starting to close. 

“I’ll take him to bed,” Kevin said, standing up and lifting him into his arms. 

Connor yawned, “‘kay. He’s had a shower, those pyjamas are clean,” 

“Come on, you,” Kevin said, “you look exhausted,”

“Not tired,” Alex mumbled, though his head was resting against Kevin’s shoulder. 

Kevin laughed as he kicked his bedroom door open with his foot and laid him down in bed. Immediately, Alex burrowed underneath his covers and clutched Barry the Bear to his chest, looking up at Kevin for a moment.

“Are you working tomorrow?” he asked. 

“No,” Kevin said, perching on the edge of the bed and running his fingers through his hair, “I’m here all day tomorrow _and_ the day after that. So we can do something fun together,” 

Alex grinned up at him sleepily, “Okay. Love you, daddy,” 

“Love you too, buddy,” Kevin said, sitting with him until he was fast asleep. 

Once he was certain that Alex was okay (not that he was paranoid or anything), Kevin slowly crept out of the room and back into the living room where he found Connor as he often did when his husband was panicking more than usual; swaddled in a blanket and elbow deep in a family-sized bag of doritos. He was still waiting to hear back about the Mary Poppins audition and was reacting to it in the same way that someone might deal with waiting to find out if they got the death penalty or not. There was a lot of pacing, a lot of staring at his Tony whilst muttering about how his five minutes of fame were over before they had even begun and a whole lot of crying when Alex had gone to bed. 

“Hey,” Kevin said softly, crawling under the blanket with him, “What’s on your mind?” 

Connor shrugged and shuffled closer to him, resting his head on his shoulder, “I feel like a fraud,” 

“A fraud?” Kevin echoed. 

“I dunno. I left Falsettos four years ago and I’ve not had another job since, have I? Nothing on Broadway, nothing off-Broadway, nothing off-off-Broadway, not a workshop or _anything._ Maybe it was just a fluke. Maybe I’m just a one role wonder,” Connor mumbled. 

“Don’t say that,” Kevin whispered, “You took the time off to be a dad and that’s ok,” 

“I know,” Connor said, “and I don’t - I don’t _regret_ doing it, and I don’t regret all the time I’ve got to spend with him, I just wish I’d have known how hard it would be. It can be - it’s _lonely._ When you go off to work and Arnold and Naba are writing all day and James is busy with his art and Chris is busy...I get lonely, not speaking to someone who isn’t a four year old, you know? But that - that sounds terrible because it’s like I don’t like spending time with him but I _do,_ I just-”

Kevin’s arm tightened around Connor and he kissed the top of his head, “I know you love him, and I know you love spending time with him. I know not working is hard, but you’ll be back on Broadway again, love. And who knows? You might get the part in Mary Poppins. You don’t know what's gonna happen. How long were you out of work between Little Shop and Falsettos? 2 years, wasn’t it?”

Connor sniffled slightly, “That’s not the same as four years though, is it, Kev?” 

“I know,” Kevin sighed, shifting them both so they were lying down, Connor’s head resting on his chest, “but this isn’t going to last forever,” 

“If it does, I’ll quit acting and be your new resident,” Connor sighed, sitting up and straddling his stomach, “or your PA. Actually, no, I don’t want to be your PA. I don’t like you telling me what to do,” 

Kevin smirked, “You like telling me what to do though, don’t you?”

Connor hummed and leaned down to kiss ham, hands trailing up and down his chest. He sat up after a few minutes, a small frown on your face. 

“Is that your phone digging into my thigh or your dick?” 

Kevin pursed his lips, “Umm...both? I think?”

Connor smiled down at him and ran his fingers through Kevin’s bangs, “Are we about to have sex on the couch?”

“I’ll clean it afterwards,” 

“Okay,” Connor said with a shrug and sitting up on his knees to tug Kevin’s joggers down. 

* * *

The next morning, Kevin was not unceremoniously awoken by his dog or his child like he usually was, but by a very frantic Connor. Kevin groaned and rolled away from him, burying his face in their pillows and muttering about how he didn’t want to wake up before he needed to. 

"Kevin, wake up!” Connor exclaimed, poking him in the back. 

“Is Alex okay?” Kevin asked. 

“He’s not even awake yet,” 

“Is the apartment on fire?” Kevin asked. 

“Uh...no?” 

“Fuck off, then,” 

Connor groaned and grabbed his shoulder, forcing him to roll over. Kevin huffed and opened his eyes, glaring up at his husband as much as his sleepiness would allow. 

“Are you trying to get me to divorce you?” Kevin asked impatiently. 

“Every day, darling,” Connor said flippantly, “No, I need you to go out today and take Alex with you,” 

“Yeah, I’ll take him to the park after lunch,” 

“Sooner rather than later, please,” 

Kevin frowned, “Why?”

“Because my agent just emailed me and said that I’m most likely going to hear about Mary Poppins today and I don’t want Alex to be around if it’s bad news,” Connor said, “I don’t like him seeing me cry so much,” 

Kevin’s voice softened as he reached up to cup Connor’s face, “I don’t want to leave you alone if you’re panicking so much,” 

“I’m a big boy, Kevin, I think I can handle it,” Connor said, picking up the hand stroking his face and kissing it. 

“Will you at least get Chris to come and keep you company? For the sake of my sanity?” Kevin asked softly. 

“If it stops you texting me every thirty seconds, yes,” Connor laughed. 

“I’ll text you every sixty seconds, instead,” 

At first, Alex seemed quite upset at the thought of having to leave the house with just one of his dads (“ _But it’s not fair! You’re both here!”_ ) but cheered up a considerable amount when he realised it meant he could see his Uncle Jamie. Just as Kevin opened the door to leave, Alex hurried back into his bedroom to grab his little drawing pad. 

“Wanna show Uncle Jamie that I’ve been drawing like him!” he said happily. 

“Oh, that is _so_ cute,” Chris said, ruffling Alex’s hair. 

“What can I say? I make cute kids,” Kevin grinned. 

“Nah. That didn’t come from you. That came from the egg donor,” 

When Alex was busy saying goodbye to Fiyero, Kevin flipped Chris off and stuck his tongue out at him. 

“Real mature, Kev,” 

Kevin flashed him a smile before holding his hand out to Alex, “Come on, kiddo. Got places to be, people to see,” 

By the time they got to Chris and James’ apartment, Alex was practically vibrating with excitement. Kevin was glad; for one, he liked it when his son was happy, but he also liked it when his son tired himself out and went to bed early. 

“ _Aaaaand_ here’s my favourite nephew called Alex!” James exclaimed when he opened the front door, stooping down to pick him up, “Hiya, pal!” 

“Hi!” Alex said happily, holding up his drawing pad, “I’ve been drawing like you!” 

“Oooh, I can’t wait to see!” James said happily, setting him back down on the floor. “Hey, Kev,” 

“Hey,” Kevin said, following him down the hallway, “He is excitable today,” 

“Yeah, I can tell,” James laughed, “My moms here by the way,” 

“Evelyn!” Kevin exclaimed when he walked into the living room, “My favourite member of the Church family!”

James tutted and hit him around the back of the head, “I will kick you out of my apartment,” 

Kevin rolled his eyes and flopped down onto the sofa next to her, kissing her on the cheek, “Your son is mean to me, do you know that?” 

“He’s awful, isn’t he?” Evelyn sighed as they watched James sit cross legged on the floor with Alex as he showed him his drawings. 

“Honestly one of the worst people I’ve ever met,” 

Evelyn smiled and turned to look at him, “How are you? I feel like I've not seen you for ages,” 

Kevin shrugged, “I’m good. Just working a lot. As always,” 

“How are Jack and Abby?” she asked. 

Kevin nodded, “Yeah. Good. I mean, I don’t - I don’t see them that much because they still...they still live in Utah and see my mom. So I...I sort of stay out of the way,” 

“I don’t blame you, dear,” she said, “There’s no point in torturing yourself by being near them, is there?”

Kevin nodded and turned to look at Alex who was giggling hysterically at something that James had said to him. As Alex had gotten older, Kevin had started to pull away from his siblings despite promising that he never would; but it was easier that way. Jack and Abby’s lives were very much in Utah, where his was in New York and it was hard to stay connected when Kevin pointblank refused to go anywhere near his home state and they both found it difficult to get away. Apart from the occasional FaceTime, Kevin couldn’t remember the last time he had seen his siblings. 

“I don’t want Alex growing up around that sort of stuff,” 

“I understand,” Evelyn said quietly, “You should try and stay in touch with your siblings, though,” 

“Yeah,” Kevin said, “Yeah, I know I should,” 

He was saved having to overthink how terrible of a sibling he was by an hysterically ecstatic Connor screaming at him through FaceTime whilst Chris popped open a bottle of champagne behind him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I know it's been ages since I updated and I'm not even got sit here and say that the next update will be sooner, because it most likely will not be because I'm bad at time management when I don't have anything to lmao 
> 
> Also I have no idea if loads of med students go into cardiology I just needed to say that for a plot later on 
> 
> ANYWAY 
> 
> Thanks for reading!  
> <3


	20. Fan-Fucking-Tastic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw/Mentions of sexual assault

There were many things that Kevin had not anticipated about being a dad, but one thing that he had not given any thought to at all was the fact that getting drunk with his friends was going to be a lot harder than it used to be. Every so often, however, the stars would align and Connor’s parents would take Alex for the night and Arnold and Nabulungi would find a babysitter for Ajani, meaning they could get suitably drunk without worrying about any small children.

Kevin always looked forward to these nights in the same way that a teenager might look forward to their first houseparty where their parents had promised to buy them alcohol. Whenever a colleague would ask if he was doing anything over the weekend, he would excitedly tell them that he was going to Chris and James to drink too much and probably regret it in the morning.

“You’re acting like you’ve never drank in your life,” Katie said to him.

“How often do you think we all get to have a night together without children?” Kevin asked, “It’s hard to get drunk when you have a kid!”

“I know it is,” Katie said, “I am a mom, remember? Where are you going, anyway?”

“We’re only going to Chris and James’,” Kevin said, “They have a nice little roof terrace so-”

“So you’re not even going out-out?” Katie laughed, “God, Kev, you’re officially a parent now, getting excited about going to sit in someone else’s apartment.

“Yeah, but on a _roof,_ ”

“Whatever,” Katie said, waving him away, “You can go on your lunch now,”

“Thanks!” he said brightly, all but skipping off to the breakroom.

** Latter Day Satanists **   
  
** Chris **  
SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS  
 ** Tony Winner, Connor McKinley **  
SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS  
 ** Arn **  
SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS  
 ** Naba **  
SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS  
 ** James **  
****I mean ****I will not be drinking but SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS on your behalf ****SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS  
 ** James **  
****If anyone is sick anywhere but the toilet, I'm never speaking to you again  
 ** Arn **  
is that aimed at me???? cos that was 1 time  
 ** James **  
****Yes.

When Kevin got home to an Alex-free household, his excitement evaporated as it always did, only to be replaced by guilt at the fact that he was abandoning his son in favour of getting drunk. It was only when Connor had reassured him that Alex had been very excited when his grandparents had come to pick him up and Kevin had FaceTimed him just to make sure that he was okay that he got excited again.

“This is the last time I’m going to drink for ages,” Connor sighed in the cab over.

“It is?” Kevin asked, “Why?”

“Because we’re starting rehearsals next week,”

Kevin frowned, “Okay...”

“And I don’t really want to drink when I’m in the show,” Connor said, “it’s a very dancey show. I’m gonna be upside down at one point!”

“Ah,” Kevin said, “You mean you don’t want to get drunk and then be hungover the next day and vomit all over Mary Poppins?”

“Shut up,” Connor muttered, flicking his nose. 

Chris answered the front door, as he always did, with a tray of cocktails of his own creation.

“What's in here?” Kevin asked, hesitantly sniffing it.

Chris shrugged, “I don’t know. I stopped paying attention at one point,”

Kevin grinned, “Great! If I have to have my stomach pumped, can we not go to the hospital I work at?”

“Can’t promise anything,” Chris said brightly, “Arnold and Naba are already here,”

Whenever the six of them were together, Kevin could not understand how he had ever functioned without them in his life. Though he supposed that he never really did function before his mission. As Arnold had them all in stitches whilst telling a story about Ajani, Kevin sat back in a beanbag that he knew he would never be able to get out of thanks to Nabulungi's bright idea of doing shots of Tequila, he realised - and not the first time - that family really was more than shared DNA.

Connor nudged him gently, “Whats up?”

“Nothing,” Kevin said with a smile, “I’m just enjoying the night,”

Connor grinned and kissed him, only to be broken apart by James throwing a chip at them.

“Don’t have sex on my beanbag,”

Kevin rolled his eyes, “We were only kissing!”

“Don’t do that either. I’m still scarred from that one time I walked in on you,”

Chris snorted, “Which time?

“We’re married, it’s allowed,” Connor said flippantly.

“Married or not, I don't need to see it,” James said with a shudder, “I never really wanted to know what Kevin looks like when he’s giving head, and unfortunately I do,”

“Yeah,” Kevin said with a shrug, “Hot,”

“I don’t like it when you’re drunk. Your ego comes back,” Chris sighed.

“I don’t think it’s egotistical to say that I look hot when I give head!” Kevin exclaimed, “ _Connor!_ Tell them!”

“He does look hot,” Connor said with a shrug.

Arnold groaned, “Can we _please_ change the subject?”

“Yep!” Chris said, jumping up at once, “I’m going to get more Tequila,”

They got through so much Tequila that Kevin managed to miss the panicked text off Katie, and only noticed it when he woke up the next morning feeling like someone had hit him over the head with a hammer.

** Katie **   
  
**Yesterday** 10:15 PM   
**Katie:** Call me!!!!   
**Today** 9:47 AM   
**Kevin:**??? Whats up   
**Kevin:** I'm not on call am I???   
**Kevin:** I'm hungover   
**Kevin:** There was Tequila :(   
**Katie:** Stop drinking Tequila, Kevin.   
**Katie:** When are you back in work?   
**Kevin:** Tomorrow at 7   
**Kevin:** Is everything ok?   
**Katie:** We just have a new resident and you're on induction.   
**Kevin:** I dont know why you're panicking, I can handle an induction you know   
**Katie:** Yeah I know

Kevin dropped his phone to the bed and rolled over to face Connor, who’s forehead was just visible beneath the covers. He leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to his hairline. Connor stirred slightly, his eyes fluttering open.

“Why did I drink Tequila?” he groaned.

“I don’t know,” Kevin sighed, “Remember the days when I could drink without getting hungover?”

Connor laughed and shuffled closer to him, nuzzling his face into the crook of his neck, “We don’t have to pick Alex up until five. Mom and dad are taking him to the Zoo.”

“Is that your way of saying we’re not getting out of bed?”

“Yep,” Connor yawned.

* * *

Having developed a bad habit of forgetting things around the age of 29, Kevin completely forgot about his promise to Katie to get to work earlier than usual and took his sweet time in the morning thanks to Connor offering to drop him off at work. Ever since Connor had re-took his driving test and passed, he had wanted to show off by driving anywhere he could. 

“Have a good day, babe,” Connor said when pulled up outside the hospital.

“You too,” Kevin said, leaning over to kiss before turning around and waving at Alex, “See ya later, kiddo. Love you, be good for Daddy,”

It was only when Kevin stepped foot onto the ward and caught Katie glaring at him for the nurses station that he remembered his promise.

“Sorry!” he said, hurrying over to her, “It completely slipped my mind and Connor dropped me off at work,”

Katie frowned at him, “I can’t believe you managed to find a husband who drops you off for the early shift,”

Kevin shrugged, “He was taking Alex to some weird mommy-child dance class. And for some reason, he’s always surprised when he’s the only dad there,”

“Do all the moms love him?”

“Oh, 100%. You know how straight women get around gay men,”

Katie nodded, “The only reason I’m friends with you is because you’re gay,”

“Ha, ha,” he said sarcastically, “So is everything ok with the new resident? Where is she?”

“Yes, it’s fine. I just - can you meet her, please? And try not to - don’t-” she’s cut off by her pager beeping, “Ah, shit. Okay, you have a patient incoming. Take him to treatment 3,”

“Got it,” Kevin said just as the doors burst open, “Wanna help?”

“Only cause it’s you, my love,”

Kevin grinned and hurried over to where an EMT was wheeling in an hysterical patient; a teenage boy lay curled up on his side, hiding his face in his hands.

“Talk to me,” Kevin said.

The EMT shrugged, “I would love to, but he won’t tell us anything. Won’t let us take anything, no idea what his BP is or his heart rate is.. Won’t tell us what happened, _nothing_. Member of the public found him in Central Park and called 911,”

“Do you want to get the new resident?” Kevin asked Katie.

“Uh, no,” Katie said, “She is - She’s busy,”

Kevin frowned but decided not to press it any further, far too concerned with his patient to worry about anything else. When they moved him onto the bed, he winced and cried out in pain, gripping onto his knees and burying his face into the pillow. Kevin pulled on a pair of gloves, faltering wjen he got his first proper look at the patient, his eyes immediately drawn to the name tag hanging off the pocket of his shirt.

“Where’s his Book of Mormon?” Kevin asked frantically.

“What?” Katie asked.

“His Book of Mormon! Where is it? It’s a little blue book! Where is it?” Kevin asked, “Where is-”

“He’s holding it,” Katie said quickly, “Why do you - Why do you need to know?”

Kevin let out a sigh of relief, biting down onto his lip as he shook his head, “N-Nothing. It’s fine.”

“Do we need to put another Doctor on the case?”

Kevin shook his head and crouched down by the patient's head, determined to get through this without having a breakdown, “Hey, bud. My name is Doctor McKinley. What’s your name?”

The patient shook his head, “N-No. Leave me - Leave me alone,”

“I can’t do that, Elder-” Kevin peered closer at the nametag, gently lifting it up, “Elder Parker,”

Elder Parker’s hand shot out of nowhere and shoved Kevin away, pushing him to the floor, “Don’t touch me!”

“Okay, I’m sorry,” Kevin said, his eyes travelling down to Elder Parker’s trousers that were hanging low on his hips. His mind was travelling to a place that he didn’t like it to travel to, “We won’t touch,”

“Maybe we should restrain him,” A nurse whispered as Kevin clambered to his feet.

“No!” Kevin said quickly, “No. It’ll make it worse,”

“He just _pushed_ you,”

“I don’t care,” Kevin said, “If he doesn’t like being touched, how do you think he’s going to react to being restrained?”

“Do you want me to get a psych consult?”

Kevin nodded as he stared down at Elder Parker, feeling as though he was looking at his nineteen year old self. He bit the inside of his lip and dug his nails into his palms, trying his very best to keep his breathing under control.

“Can you tell me how old you are, Elder Parker?” Kevin asked quietly, crouching in front of him again.

Elder Parker shook his head, planting his face into his pillow. Kevin sighed and stood back up again, looking over at Katie who just shrugged. He looked back down at him again and suddenly got an idea.

“Okay, then,” Kevin said, “My name is Elder Pri - Elder McKinley.”

“You’re - You’re LDS?” Elder Parker whispered.

“Yeah,” Kevin said, “Did my mission and everything. I mean, I wasn’t very good at first but I got there in the end. Can you tell me how old you are?”

“Nineteen,” he whispered, “I’m - I’m nineteen. It’s only - I’ve been on my mission a week. I’m gonna - I’m gonna be in - s-so much trouble. I g-got separated from my c-companion and I - gosh, what did I do wrong?”

“N-Nothing,” Kevin said quietly, feeling a wave of nausea wash over him, “You haven’t done anything wrong. I promise. You won’t be in trouble. We can call your zone leader, they’ll understand. Can you - Can you tell me what happened?”

Elder Parker shook his head, “N-No. I can’t. I can’t - ‘s too - ‘s too much,”

Elder Parker sniffled, his face suddenly contorted into a look of pain. When the door opened and one of their phycologists walked in, Kevin hastily waved them away. He didn't need a physciatrist barging in and taking over when he had finally won over his trust. 

“Elder, I need you to tell me what happened, or I can’t help you,” Kevin said softly.

“I - I was proylsteising and I - I got separated for my companion by this - this guy and he - I didn’t - I couldn’t stop him,” Elder Parker whispered, breaking off with a sound like a wounded animal, “he - he ra - he - rap - I can’t...I can’t say it. Don’t make me say it,”

Kevin swallowed and nodded, “Okay. You don’t need to tell me anything more. I understand. Will you let me check over you? The longer we leave it, the worse it might get,”

Elder Parker’s eyes widened, “You want to - _there_? N-No. Please, don’t - don’t-”

“Hey, hey, buddy,” Kevin said soothingly, “You will be in complete control the whole time, okay? If you want me to stop, I will. You can punch me, kick me, whatever to make me stop. Do you trust me?”

Elder Parker nodded, “Y-Yeah. I trust you,”

Kevin had lost count of the amount of time he had been in similar sorts of situations to this. He had been up close and personal with so many people that it usually never bothered him, but this was different. This time, it was like he was with his nineteen year old self; in pain, terrified and alone. It was some comfort to know that he might have been dealing with this better than Gotswanna had.

“Okay,” Kevin said quietly, “You’re all done. You did really well there, Elder,”

Elder Parker nodded as he settled down in the bed again, his face stained with tears, “Is it - am I okay?”

“Yeah,” Kevin said, “There's not lasting damage, it's just going to hurt for a few days, I’m sorry. I can give you some painkillers, though. Would you like to file a police report?”

“I don’t - I don’t know,” he whispered, “Would you?”

 _If I had the chance, yeah._ Kevin thought to himself.

Instead, he shrugged, “You do what you think is right. Would you like me to call someone for you?”

“Can you..my zone leader. Will you call my zone leader?” he asked quietly, “and maybe - can you find my mission companion, as well? Elder Collins. I want to know he’s okay,”

Kevin nodded, “Of course. Do you mind talking to another Doctor or do you want us to leave you alone? We won’t be offended if you tell us to leave you alone. I wish _I_ could tell Doctors to go away, and I am one,”

Elder Parker cracked what might have been a smile, “Can I - Can I just have some time on my own?”

Kevin nodded, “Whatever you need. There’s a call button behind you if you need someone, or just shout for me. I’ll call your Zone Leader and take it from there, okay?”

“And, uh, Elder McKinley? Are you...Are you still LDS?”

Kevin shook his head, “No. Not for a long time,”

“Okay. I just...I just don’t understand,”

“Understand what?”

Elder Parker blushed a little, looking down at the Book that he had been holding onto since he had arrived, “I’ve never done anything wrong in my life, I’ve always followed the Book of Mormon word for word...why did - why did Heavenly Father still let this happen to me?”

Kevin smiled sadly at him, “I can’t answer that for you. I’m sorry,”

“I don’t - I don’t know if I want to worship a God who lets this happen,” he spoke so quietly, that Kevin almost didn’t hear him.

“Listen to me, Elder,” Kevin said gently, “I can’t tell you what to believe, that's a decision you’re going to have to make for yourself. What I can do, however, is suggest that you don’t carry on your mission right now, and go home,”

Elder Parker sniffled a little, wiping his eyes, “I’m gonna - I’m gonna really struggle, aren’t I?”

“I don’t know,” Kevin said, even though he was quite sure that these next few months were going to be the worst of his life, “you can get help though. Talk to the psychiatrist here, start therapy. It might feel like the end of your life, but it doesn’t have to be. It won’t be. Okay?”

“Yeah,” Elder Parker said quietly, “Y-Yeah. Thank-you, Elder McKinley,”

The moment Kevin stepped foot outside of the room, Katie appeared out of nowhere, shouting at him about a new patient.

“Treatment 1. 63 year old man, heart attack,”

“Got it,” Kevin said, “Shall I take the new resident?”

“No,” she said, “Get a nurse,”

For the rest of the day, Kevin was so busy that he had completely forgotten about the new resident. Whenever he tried to sit down for a break; whether it be to eat or just get off his feet, something else happened; another heart attack, a car crash, _another_ heart attack. And when he wasn’t trying to resuscitate someone, he was with Elder Parker. He ended up having to speak to both the Zone Leader and the Mission President (they were a lot nicer than the ones he had to deal with in Uganda), and Elder Parker’s parents who promised to get onto the next flight over from Michigan.

When his shift finally came to an end, he was exhausted. He dragged himself over to his locker, barely paying attention to anyone else in the room whilst he texted Connor.

Tony Winner Connor McKinley   
  
**Kevin:** Finished, can you come pick me up?   
  
**Con:** Sure, but Alex is asleep so if he wakes up it's on you   
  


There was a small knock on the break room door and Kevin frowned over at it as he shrugged his coat off and put it into his locker.

“Um, come in?” he said, turning back to his locker, “You don’t have to knock, you know. You can just walk in,”

“I know, but I didn’t want to freak you out,”

“What?” Kevin asked, shutting his locker and looking over at the door.

A girl, who looked far too young to be wearing a Doctors uniform, was standing there, smiling at him a little. Kevin stared at her for a few moments before his brain finally caught up with what he was seeing.

“What the fuck,” he said, “Why are you here?”

Isabel grimaced, “I - I’m the new resident. I’m sorry. I didn’t realise you worked here until yesterday. I requested a transfer but it got denied. I’m sorry. I just - I saw you, today, with that - with that missionary. You were really good with him,”

Kevin scoffed and shook his head, “I cannot believe this. Out of all the hospitals in the country, why this one?”

“Because it has a good ED!” she exclaimed, “And I - well, you made me want to work in Emergency medicine,”

“Oh, fuck off,” Kevin snapped, “Don’t try and act like we’re actual siblings now. I don’t want anything to do with you. I thought I made that much clear after dad's funeral!”

“Kevin, please-”

“I’m off shift,” Kevin said, “I don’t want to hear it. Good-night, Doctor Price,”

He stormed out of the breakroom and over to the nurses station where Katie was standing.

“Isabel,” he said, “fucking _Isabel_ ,”

“I know, darling,” Katie said, “No one realised it was here until she started. You look so alike,”

Kevin shook his head, “That’s the only thing we have in common, believe me. Is she in work tomorrow?”

“Yes. I’m sorry. You know how much first-year residents work. You’ll most likely always see her,”

“Fantastic,” Kevin said, “ _Fan-fucking-tastic_. I’ll see you tomorrow,”

Connor was parked outside by the time Kevin got out of the hospital. He all but threw himself into the car, slamming the door so hard behind him that it was a wonder he didn’t wake Alex up who was fast asleep in his carseat.

“Babe?” Connor said, putting a hand on his thigh, “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”

Kevin felt his throat constrict and he looked down at Connor’s hand, chewing on his bottom lip.

“I have had the _worst_ day,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank-you for reading!!!!!


	21. God Complex

Connor suggested he take the next day off work, just to give himself time to prepare for seeing Isabel again. Kevin thought that it was a terrible idea; it would just make it harder when he would eventually have to go back to work. Nabulungi offered to fight her on his behalf with Arnold promising to cheer his wife on from the sidelines. Chris, on the other hand, had apparently had poisoned cupcakes at the ready for the past five years and James said that they could apologise for Isabel’s murder by illustrating nice funeral invitations. As much as he appreciated his friends for always looking out for him, it did make him worry that they were all secretly serial killers and that it had somehow gone unnoticed. 

In a bid to distract himself from both his murderous best friends and his homophobic sister, Kevin called Jack on his drive into work, assuming that his advice would not involve murder. 

“Hey, Kev!” Jack said brightly, his voice ringing out from the Bluetooth speaker, “How’s life?”

Kevin simply groaned in response, making Jack chuckle, “That bad?” 

“We have a new resident in the ED,” Kevin said, “Guess who it is?” 

“Connor had a career change?” 

Kevin snorted, “I wish. No, it’s Isabel,” 

“ _What_?” Jack exclaimed so loudly that Kevin almost crashed the car, “No! No way! I mean, I haven’t - I don’t really speak to mom or Isabel anymore but...I - I feel like I’d know if she moved to New York!” 

Kevin sighed, anxiously drumming his fingers against the steering wheel. The reality of working with one of his least favourite people in the world was starting to set in. And it wasn’t as though he had never worked with people he disliked before - it had taken him a good few months to warm up to Doctor Remmy - but there was a difference between being slightly intimidated by your attending and working with someone who hated everything about you. 

“My job is hard enough as it is without fucking _Isabel_ being there. You know I’m her attending and she’s basically going to be working under me?” Kevin said, “and it’s not - it’s not even me I’m worried about! What happens if she gets a gay patient, huh? What is she gonna do then? Tell them that she can’t treat them because she doesn’t ‘agree with their lifestyle’?” 

“Surely if she’s like that then she’ll get fired,” Jack said. 

“Yeah but...what if it’s too late? What if she just let someone die?” Kevin said. He sighed as he pulled up outside of the hospital, looking up at it with more trepidation than he usually would, “Right, I’m here. I’ll talk to you later, bud,” 

“I’ll speak to Abby, see if she knows anything. Just let me know how it goes,” Jack said, “Love you, Kev,” 

“Yeah...love you too, J,” he mumbled. 

He stayed in the car for longer than was strictly necessary, wondering if he should just call in sick. It was only when he picked his phone up to call in sick that he realised he was being stupid; he was an _adult,_ he had dealt with worse people than Isabel.

Finally, he dragged himself out of his car and into the hospital. Despite telling himself he was not nervous whatsoever, he walked with his head bowed as though that made him invisible. His hope at staying invisible for the day was shattered, however, the moment he stepped foot in the ward and Katie greeted him as loudly as she always did. Once he had replied with a meek little wave, he all but ran into the breakroom. 

“Good morning, Doctor McKinley!” Doctor Remmy said brightly. 

“Is it?” Kevin grumbled, stomping over to his locker and yanking it open. 

Doctor Remmy raised his eyebrows, “This is why I don’t like going on vacation. I think Gods punishing me for having a nice week in Hawaii. Never again will I do nothing but drink Mojitos for one week straight, because now I have a Charge Nurse in a bad mood, two Nurses who have called in sick, a missing Psych doctor and now I have you acting like a moody teenager!”

“I am not acting like a moody teenager!” 

“Whatever you say,” Doctor Remmy chuckled, “What's the matter with you, son?”

Kevin sighed, “Have you met the new resident yet?” 

“Doctor Price?” Doctor Remmy said, “She’s sweet, very promising and keeps on asking for more hours. She’s a lot like you, actually,” 

“Yeah, people have said that our entire lives,” Kevin muttered. 

Doctor Remmy frowned into his mug of coffee, “Am I missing something here?” 

“She’s my sister,” Kevin said. 

Under any other circumstances, the way Doctor Remmy very nearly spilled his coffee all down his front might have been funny, but Kevin didn’t much feel like laughing. 

“I’m sorry, Kev,” he said miserably, “I didn’t realise. She seems so...nice,” 

“That’s the amazing thing about hyper-religious people, they’ll manage to convince you that they are as all loving as they claim their God is, and then damn you to Hell the moment you don’t agree with their ideology,” Kevin said. He sighed and shrugged his coat on over his scrubs, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to drop everything on you. I didn't - I didn't think it was going to be so hard..."

“It’s fine, Kev,” Doctor Remmy said gently, “I understand that your relationship is complicated and that you have a lot to be angry at her about, but you can’t let it get in the way of your work,” 

“I would _never_ let her get in the way of my patients!” Kevin exclaimed, offended that Doctor Remmy would think so low of him, “She isn’t important to me. My _patients_ are important to me,” 

“I know,” Doctor Remmy said, “But just remember you’re her attending. You’re gonna be working with her a lot,” 

“Can I take an indefinite leave of absence?” Kevin asked hopefully. 

“You can take an indefinite leave of absence from the breakroom,” 

“Yes, sir,” Kevin sighed, grabbing his stethoscope and slinging it around his neck. 

The moment Kevin stepped foot outside the door of the breakroom, his eyes darted around the ward as though Isabel was going to descend on him spouting off verses from the Book of Mormon. Walking as though he was sneaking out of his parents house to go to a party, Kevin hurried over to Katie and bent down slightly behind her.

“Is there a reason you’re hiding behind me?” Katie asked. 

“No, I’m just bending down so that we’re the same height. Equality and all that. You know how I feel about equal rights, I’m all for them,” Kevin said, forcing a laugh in the same way that Arnold would, “ _Sooo,_ you got any patients for me? Anyone who I could treat on my own? I will take the worst patient we have. If there is someone having explosive diarrhea with a sex toy stuck somewhere, I’ll take them,” 

“You are disgusting sometimes,” 

“Where’s my explosive diarrhea sex toy patient?” Kevin asked, “Is it a couple? _Ooh,_ what about a throuple? That’ll really take up my time,” 

Katie sighed and turned to look at him, “Funnily enough, we have no patient of the sort,” 

“What about one in another hospital? Another state? Oh, what about another country? I’ll travel, I feel like I’m due a vacation,” 

“There is a patient in treatment 1 who is complaining of stomach pain if you want to deal with what is potentially gas,” she said, “Want to take anyone with you?”

Kevin shook his head, “No, thank-you. If a particular first year resident even looks my way, I’m going to-” 

“-not do anything because you’re a professional and don’t let your personal life get in the way of your work life,” Katie said firmly. 

“Yes, mom,” he muttered. 

“ _But_ ,” Katie said, dropping her voice, “if she dares say anything to you, I have never been below getting into a fight,” she winked at him and then straightened up, her voice brightening as he handed him an IPad, “Treatment 1, Doctor McKinley,”

Kevin took the IPad off her with a grin, “Thank-you, Nurse Katie,” 

Thanks to some miracle - possibly performed by a certain Charge Nurse - Kevin managed to get through the entire morning without having to see Isabel. In fact, between all of his patients - three of whom vomited on him - he completely forgot about her. It was only when Kevin walked back into the breakroom after changing his scrubs for the third time that day he remembered she existed. 

“You’re not in uniform,” Isabel helpfully pointed out when he walked into the room again. 

“Aren’t you smart,” Kevin muttered, pulling his scrubs on over his t-shirt. 

Isabel tutted, “Whether you like it or not, we’re working together, get over it,” 

“Being colleagues doesn’t mean we have to act like best buddies,” Kevin said, “We don’t have to talk unless theres a patient in front of us,” 

“Aren’t you a little ball of sunshine today?” she muttered. 

Kevin was about to snap back at him until he remembered that he was an adult and bit his tongue. He turned his back on her and grabbed the pasta that Connor had made for him the night before. Before he started to eat it, he took a picture of it and sent it to Connor, chuckling at the picture that Connor sent back of him in rehearsals for Mary Poppins. 

Still chuckling, Kevin looked up, “You know, my husband is the goofiest-” he very quickly stopped himself, remembering that the only other person in the room with him was Isabel, “Never mind,” 

“You’re, um, you’re still married?” 

Kevin rolled his eyes, “I’m not in the mood, Isabel. I am still married, and I think I will be for the rest of my life, whether you like it or not,” 

Isabel sighed and looked back down at her lunch, “I’m engaged,” 

“I don’t care,” Kevin said, though deep down he was quite sure he felt his heart break at the thought of his little sister getting married without him being there. Even more so when he realised that had things been different, he would probably be the one walking her down the aisle. 

“Kevin-” 

“Doctor McKinley,” Kevin interrupted. 

“What?” 

“I’m your attending, we’re not on a first name basis,” he snapped, “it’s Doctor McKinley to you,” 

“Are you joking?” she asked. 

“Not even slightly,” 

Before Isabel could reply, presumably to snap at him, the door burst open and Katie stuck her head through the door, clicking her fingers at them both. 

“There’s been a massive pile up on the highway. Multiple casualties coming in. All hands on deck,” she said quickly, “Come on. Up you get. Both of you take the first patient into Treatment 3,” 

Kevin dropped his fork and hurried out of the room after Katie, “B-Both of us?” 

“We’re down two Nurses and have a Doctor stuck in traffic, I am not in the mood right now, Kevin,” Katie snapped, “Treatment 3. _Now.”_

“Fine,” Kevin mumbled, “Come on, Doctor Price,” 

“So, she’s allowed to call you by your first name and order you about? Or does your superiority complex only apply to me?” Isabel asked. 

Kevin clicked his tongue but decided to take the moral ground in ignoring her and instead focused on the more pressing matter of his patient. Nothing the EMT was saying to him sounded good, and his mind was already jumping ahead to the dreaded conversation he might have to have with this patient's family. 

“I need a nurse!” Kevin yelled as they transferred the patient onto the bed. 

“Will I do?” Katie asked, pulling on a pair of gloves, “There’s no one else,” 

“You’re not quite the eye candy I was hoping for,” Kevin said as he listened to the patient's heart, “Can you get me a chest X-Ray?” 

Katie tutted, “You’re the worst, McKinley,” 

Kevin winked at her and turned to look at the X-Ray, chewing on his lip. He sighed and turned to Isabel, deciding that he would approach his residents the same way that Doctor Remmy did - by throwing them in the deep end. 

“Right, what do you see?” Kevin asked her. 

Isabel flinched slightly, “What do I - What do I see?” 

“Yes. What do you see?” Kevin asked impatiently, already gesturing at Katie to get exactly what they needed, “Quickly!” 

“Oh, uh...there’s - there’s fluid on the lungs so we should - we should, uh...I don’t - I don’t know,” 

Kevin tutted, “He needs a chest tube! Put one in!” 

Isabel stared at him as though she had never seen him before, “I’ve - I’ve only ever done it in school and once here but it wasn’t a - the patient wasn’t as critical as this one,” 

“For fucks sake, Isabel!” he snapped, pushing passed her to do it himself. 

Katie cleared her throat, “She isn’t going to learn that way, Kev,” 

“I’m not having my patient die because she can’t put a chest tube in,” Kevin snapped. 

Isabel very quickly became more of a hindrance than a help; she was slow to obey every order that Kevin gave her and kept on getting in his way. Twice, they bumped into each other and at one point, she almost fell right on top of the patient. 

And for perhaps the first time in his career, Kevin felt like he couldn’t focus properly. It wasn’t like he had never had panicking med students or first year residents working with him before; but this was different. They had always shared the same dream, had both always wanted to be Doctors and used to talk about it all the time, how they would both work together one day. Kevin just hadn’t expected it to be like this. 

And perhaps it was because he hadn’t seen her for years, or because he had been up all night torturing himself by looking at old family pictures, but he had never realised how much Isabel looked like their dad. Every movement, every look, was reminiscent of Thomas Price and it was extremely distracting. 

“He’s stabilising, Doctor McKinley,” Katie said to him.

“Page the ICU, tell them we’re coming-” 

“Kev, he has a broken hip,” Katie said, frowning at him. 

“What? How did I - How do I miss that? Ah, never mind - Doctor Price, set his hip,” 

“Can you talk me through it? I don’t want to mess it up,” Isabel said. 

“I’ll just do it myself,” Kevin muttered, shoving her out of the way. 

“ _Kevin!_ ” Katie hissed, “That is not how you treat-” 

“I don’t tell you how to do your job, Katie. Don’t tell me how to do mine,” he snapped, “Page the ICU,” 

With one last withering glare at the two of them, Kevin ripped his gloves off and walked out of the room, immediately jumping onto the next patient he came across and trying his best to not think about how he had missed something as simple as a broken hip. With Isabel away from him, he found he could at least focus properly and was not nearly as snappy as he had been. 

When the last car crash patient had come in, Kevin let out a sigh of relief and lent against the wall, breathing heavily. It was only when he noticed Katie glowering at him from across the ward that he remembered his outburst and briefly wished for a car to hit him so he wouldn’t have to listen to her yell. 

Groaning a little, he walked over to her, plastering his most charming smile onto his face. From the look on her face, it was quite clear that she didn’t see through his little act and as soon as he was close enough, she hit him on the arm. 

“Ouch!” Kevin yelled, “I’m sorry! I didn’t - I didn’t mean to yell at you! You’re weirdly strong!”

“I did _not_ raise you to speak to your colleagues like that, Kevin McKinley,”

“You know you’re not actually my mom, don’t you?” Kevin said, “Like, you didn’t actually raise me,” 

“No, but I took you under my wing when you were a tiny little med student and I know for a fact that I never told you to treat anyone the way you were treating me _or_ Doctor Price!” she snapped. 

“You and her are two very different people and you know that!” Kevin exclaimed. 

Katie sighed, her voice softening, “I know, darling, I know. I’ll just - I’ll try and keep you separated, okay?”

“Thank-you,” he muttered, “and I’m - I’m sorry for snapping at you,” 

“It’s fine, but you’re on coffee duty tomorrow as a penance. And I want the larger than large size, McKinley,” 

Kevin pouted, “but they cost six dollars!”

“And you’re rich,” she said, “You can afford it,” 

Their conversation was cut short by Isabel appearing at his shoulder, quietly asking for a word. Kevin just about managed to stop himself rolling his eyes as he turned to look at her. 

“I thought the point of my attending was to help me?” she asked furiously. 

“I’m not your babysitter,” Kevin said, “You froze up back there! What would you have done if I wasn’t there, huh? How can you be a resident and not know how to put in a chest tube? Or how to set a broken hip?” 

“Kevin, I haven’t even been here a week, I-” 

“ _Why_ are you so incapable of listening to me?” Kevin yelled, “It’s _Doctor McKinley,_ to you! If you can’t even get a name right, how the Hell do you think you’re going to treat patients?”

“Is your ego so fragile that you can’t even deal with someone calling you by the wrong name?” Isabel asked. 

Katie started to tug on his hand a little, “Kevin, I am not having you yelling in my ED. Take this outside, _now_ ,” 

“This has got - it has got _nothing_ to do with my ego!” Kevin said, completely ignoring Katie, “This has got to do with looking after patients and making sure-”

“No, this is about the fact that you’re still butthurt about the way you treated mom and dad-”

“About how _I_ treated mom and dad? What about the way mom and dad treated me?” Kevin asked, “Have you forgotten about mom and dad abandoning me when I was barely an adult?” 

“ _Kevin!_ ” Katie snapped, hitting him on the arm again, “Get yourself out of this ED or so help me God I will-”

“Doctor McKinley, is there a reason you are screaming my ED down?” 

Kevin turned around and just about managed to bite back a groan when he was met with the icy glare of their Chief Administrator. Kevin had never gotten on the wrong side of Mr Charles, and had always been quite proud of the fact, though he was almost certain that he had just landed himself in hot water. 

“It’s nothing, Mr Charles,” Kevin said, “It’s just - It’s a slight disagreement,” 

“I want to see both of you in my office in five minutes. _Don’t_ be late,” 

Kevin turned to Isabel, “Thank-you for that, Doctor Price,” 

“It’s hardly my fault you have a god complex,” she snapped, “My first day here, Katie told me that my attending was really nice and really patient. Maybe she was talking about someone else,” 

“That’s funny, because Doctor Remmy told me that the new resident was very sweet. Maybe _he_ was talking about someone else,” 

Isabel glared at him, “You have blood on your face, by the way,” 

“Because I actually treated the patient and didn’t just stand around like I’d never stepped foot in a hospital in my life,” he said. 

Katie cleared her throat loudly, immediately shutting the two of them up, “If you two don’t get you asses up to Mr Charles’ office in the next two minutes I will personally drag you up there myself,”

Just to be petty, and because he knew that it bothered Isabel, Kevin took the stairs three steps at a time and openly laughed when she tripped up trying to keep up with him. It was only when he knocked on Mr Charles’ door that Kevin remembered he was 31 years old and should probably act like it. Especially when he was standing right outside his bosses door. 

“Do you feel like we’re about to get shouted at by dad?” Isabel asked quietly when Kevin knocked on the door. 

“Well, if it goes the way it used to when Dad used to shout, I’ll end up in trouble and you’ll get away with it,” 

“I’m trying to be nice,” Isabel muttered. 

“Please don’t,” Kevin whispered when Mr Charles shouted them in. 

“Sit down, you two,” he said, staring between the two of them with narrowed eyes. 

Fighting the urge to glare at his sister, Kevin sat down and tried his best to meld his face into what he hoped was a polite smile despite wanting nothing more than to break something. Mr Charles cleared his throat and sat up in his chair a little. 

“Would you like to explain what happened, Doctor McKinley?” 

“We were working on the same patient, but Doctor Price was about as unhelpful as said patient,” Kevin explained.

“It’s my first week!” Isabel exclaimed, “What do you expect?”

“You were in med school for four years!” Kevin snapped back, “Should I expect you to not know what to do when I ask you to put a chest tube in and then set a broken hip? Did you not listen to anything that-”

“Thank-you, Doctor McKinley!” Mr Charles said loudly, “I have _never_ known you to treat anyone like this, and I certainly don’t expect you to treat one of your residents like it!” 

Kevin clenched his jaw, “The patient was in critical condition, there was no way that I was going to leave him to-” 

“And you _yelling_ at me was not helpful!” Isabel shot back, “you are so condescending, it is unreal!”

“I didn’t realise trying to save a man's life was condescending!”

“You and that stupid god complex...” 

“I don’t have a-” 

One look from Mr Charles had Kevin quickly shutting up. He bit the inside of his lip and patiently waited for what he predicted to be quite a long and scathing lecture. 

“You two are siblings, aren’t you?” Mr Charles asked after a lengthy silence. 

Isabel said _Yes,_ just as Kevin said _No_. Mr Charles tilted his head to the side ever so slightly, looking at the two of them expectantly. Kevin turned to look at Isabel, who was staring at him with slightly glassy eyes. 

“Biological siblings,” Kevin explained, “We haven’t acted that way for years, though, because that's what happens when you’re gay and grow up in an unfortunatley Mormon family,” 

Isabel tutted, “Your prejudice against Mormons is-”

“ _My_ prejudice?” Kevin asked, “ _Mine?_ The last time I spoke to you, you told me that I was going to Hell!” 

“I gather that you’ve had quite a complicated relationship,” Mr Charles said, “And I understand how hard that must be for you, Doctor McKinley, but you need to be able to separate your personal life from your work life, and _not_ have a shouting match in the middle of the ED. It is unprofessional and quite frankly embarrassing for both of you. _You_ more than anyone, Doctor McKinley,” 

Kevin frowned, “I was looking out for the welfare of my patient! Doctor Price didn’t know how to put in a chest tube _or_ set a broken hip!” 

“Whilst you are one of our best Doctors right now, you were not always. Once upon a time, you were a struggling resident too, and I don’t think that Doctor Remmy treated you like you have treated Doctor Price today,” Mr Charles said firmly, “I expect better of you, Doctor McKinley,” 

“Yes, sir,” Kevin muttered.

“Does Doctor Price need to be taken off your residency service?” 

Kevin shook his head, surprising himself as much as he was probably surprising Isabel, “No, sir. If Doctor Price agrees, I will carry on working with her in a professional manner,” 

“Doctor Price? Do you agree?” 

“Yes, sir,” Isabel said quietly. 

Mr Charles nodded, “Good. And Doctor Price, I expect you to keep your religious beliefs off the ward. Understood?” 

Isabel nodded, “Yes, of course,” 

“As for you, Doctor McKinley, I would like you to take the next week off,” 

Kevin frowned, “Oh, no thank-you, sir. I’d rather work,” 

“I’m not giving you an option, Doctor. Give me your pass, please,” 

“What?” Kevin asked, “Are you - Are you _suspending_ me?” 

Mr Charles sighed, “Your behaviour was unacceptable. You’re an attending physician, not a teenager. Your pass, now.” 

“You're suspending me for an _argument_?” 

“Your pass, Doctor McKinley,” 

Kevin scoffed and stood up, yanking his pass off his scrubs and throwing it down onto the desk. Without waiting to be dismissed, he turned on his heel and stormed out of the office, making a point to slam the door shut behind him. He didn’t bother to stop and answer anyones questioning looks as he grabbed his things and left, not trusting himself to not burst into tears in front of everyone. All his brain was telling him was that he needed to speak to Connor, and didn’t stop and try to think rationally as he pulled out of the hospital parking lot. 

And had Kevin married someone else, they might have been pissed off when he burst into the rehearsal room for their next Broadway show and then promptly burst into tears. Thankfully, he had married Connor McKinley who didn’t seem to mind too much. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to upload this last night but then my laptop crashed so just be grateful this actually happened and then we never have to speak about it again  
> Thanks for reading though lol


	22. History Repeats Itself

Kevin had not realised how much of his personality was based around being a doctor until suddenly he wasn’t allowed to be one. 

Usually when he had a week off work, it was because he and Connor had booked time off to spend together with Alex and  _ not  _ because he had been suspended. The fact that Connor was in rehearsals every day and Alex had a better social life than him didn't help with his mood either; there were constant playdates that Kevin was driving all over town for and he had even had to suffer through a really quite terrible mother-child dance class that had ended very quickly after he accidentally tripped up a small child. (“It’s very clear why your husband is on Broadway, and you are not,” was what the instructor very coldly said to him.)

Alex was the only reason that Kevin hadn’t completely lost his mind. For once, it was nice to be the dad who could stay in bed and cuddle instead of having to be the one to put him in a bad mood by leaving. 

Whenever Alex did crawl into bed with him for another half an hour of sleep, Kevin was overcome with guilt because maybe he did spend too much time away from him. Perhaps he  _ was  _ just as bad as his own dad; valuing work over his own family. 

Kevin looked down at his son, one cheek squished against his shoulder, drool dripping down his chin - the exact way Connor usually fell asleep on him. Everyone always said that Alex looked like a mini Kevin, and Kevin wasn’t going to deny that, because it was true. There was a picture of Kevin as a toddler that looked exactly like Alex, but he was starting to feel like that was where their resemblance ended; everything else about him was Connor. And Kevin liked that Alex was as much Connor as he was him, but he still felt that the reason that Alex had so much of Connor’s personality was because Kevin didn’t spend enough time with him.

And whilst Thomas Price might not have been the best dad, they had at least been able to rely on the Church to bond. Kevin wasn’t sure that he and Alex had anything in common. 

He was pulled out of his daily spiral of anxiety by Alex slowly waking up; his eyes fluttering open and yawning quietly as he nuzzled his face against Kevin’s arm. He stretched a little and opened his eyes, smiling up at Kevin. 

“Morning, buddy,” Kevin said. 

Alex grunted in response, cuddling Kevin’s arm as his eyes fluttered shut again. Kevin snorted and brushed his fringe out his eyes, waiting until he woke up again. Slowly, Alex sat up and rubbed his eyes, yawning a little. 

“We’re going to see Uncle Arnold today, is that okay? Uncle Jamie and Uncle Chris are gonna be there, too,” 

This seemed to be enough to wake Alex up. He perked up and jumped off the bed, tugging on Kevin’s hand and trying his very best to drag him out of bed. 

“Come on! Come on! Come on!” 

“Alright, alright,” Kevin laughed, “I’m getting up,” 

As soon as Arnold opened the door when they got to his apartment, Alex threw his arms around his middle and ran into the apartment, presumably to find Ajani and whoever else he might find as he went in. 

“Hey, man,” Kevin said, grunting when Arnold threw his arms around him, “ _ Ouch!  _ Arn, you’re - you’re suffocating me, buddy,” 

“I’ve asked you to hang out twice and you said no!” Arnold exclaimed, “I missed you!” 

Kevin grimaced a little, “I know, I’ve been - I’ve been busy,” 

Arnold pulled away, his eyebrows raised, “Ah, yes, because you’ve had  _ so  _ many shifts recently, haven’t you?” 

Kevin punched him in the arm, “Shut up,” 

“You’re alright though, aren’t you?”

Kevin shrugged and muttered something underneath his breath. Arnold stared at him with narrowed eyes for a moment and then nodded, putting his hand on his shoulder and squeezing slightly. 

“Ah, so we’re doing that thing where you don’t talk about your feelings?” 

Kevin stuck his tongue out at him and stomped down the hallway and into the living room where the others were. Alex and Ajani were sat cross legged on the floor together, babbling about something that went completely over Kevin’s head. It was only as he watched them that he realised that they were probably just as confusing as he and Arnold were. 

“Hey,” Kevin said, dropping down next to Chris, “Can I have a cupcake? I’m only asking to be polite, I’m going to take one no matter what you say to me,” 

Chris rolled his eyes and held the tray of cupcakes out to him, “Only because you’re sad,” 

“Sad?” Kevin asked, picking up the biggest one, “I don’t think I’m sad,” 

Chris scoffed, “Sure thing, buddy,” 

“It’s a good job Kevin has an actual therapist and doesn’t just rely on you,” James muttered. 

“Shut up, James,” 

James smirked over at his him, “Make me,” 

“Children are present!” Nabulungi exclaimed. 

Kevin snorted and turned back to his cupcake, pretending to be interested in whatever Alex and Ajani were doing and not the fact that Arnold was looking at him in a way that suggested that he was looking to conduct his own therapy session.

“When are you back in work, Kev?” Nabulungi asked. 

“Wednesday,” Kevin said, keeping his eyes firmly trained on the kids, “but I have to go in early for a ‘catch up’ with Mr Charles. And by ‘catch up’, I mean the same lecture that I’ve already gotten off Doctor Remmy and Katie,” 

“And Connor?” Chris snorted. 

“No, actually,” Kevin said, “The lecture I got off him was a lot nicer. And had a happy ending because I was oh so sad,” 

Nabulungi threw a cushion at his head, almost knocking the cupcake out of his hand, “ _ Kevin!”  _

“Did Isabelle get in trouble?” James asked, sniggering at Nabulungi. 

“She got written up, that was about it,” Kevin said, “because  _ technically  _ it was my fault. I’m an attending, I should have put a stop to it and not yelled at her in the middle of the ED. And, as Doctor Remmy pointed out, if I’m serious about being Chief of Emergency Medicine one day, I  _ shouldn’t _ argue with residents and get suspended ,”

Chris sighed, “Still unfair. What did your therapist say?” 

“Oh, he, um - he said...he just told me to, uh -” Kevin cleared his throat, “He told me to...ignore her. Yeah, he told me to ignore her,” 

James raised his eyebrows, “When was the last time you went to therapy, Kev?” 

Kevin looked over at him and tried to meld his expression into one of innocence, “I go for weekly sessions at work, you know that,” 

“You’re  _ meant  _ to go for weekly sessions, but when was the last time you actually went?” James asked impatiently. 

“I haven’t been for - well, you know - I’m busy and the ED is - it’s  _ always _ rammed and sometimes I can’t get away,” Kevin stuttered, “and when I - when it’s scheduled on my day off, I don’t want to - I don’t want to go and leave Alex in daycare at the hospital,” 

Nabulungi sighed, “Kevin, you  _ need  _ to go to therapy,” 

“I don’t  _ need _ to-” 

“I can’t believe that you’re a Doctor and saying you don’t need therapy,” Chris said.

“I’m a Doctor of Emergency Medicine, not Psychiatry,” Kevin snapped, “I don’t - I don’t _need_ therapy. I’ve just had a bad week,” 

“What’s Connor said?” Arnold asked. 

Instead of replying, Kevin picked up another cupcake and scooped some of the icing off with his finger. Chris tutted and shook his head, plucking the cupcake out of his hand and slamming it back down on the table. 

“No cupcakes for you until you get your ass to therapy,” 

* * *

Kevin didn’t like to bother Connor when he was rehearsing for something new, and  _ definitely  _ not the day before opening night. And although he knew that he should probably tell Connor that he felt like things were getting bad again, and he was quite sure that he’d hadn’t slept for more than three hours a night since being suspended, he still kept it to himself. 

“What’s on your mind, darling?” Connor asked when they were getting in bed. 

Kevin pulled his t-shirt over his head and shrugged, “Not a lot, why?” 

“Stop trying to distract me with your abs, Kevin,” Connor said, “What’s wrong?”

“I’m not trying to distract you with anything!” Kevin exclaimed, climbing into bed next to him. 

“You very obviously are because you’ve still not got a shirt on, you haven’t gotten underneath the covers and now I’m  _ very  _ distracted!” Connor exclaimed, “Why aren’t you telling me what’s wrong?”

Kevin sighed and got under their covers, secretly upset that he hadn’t managed to distract Connor from a conversation that he didn’t want to simply by being shirtless. 

“I just haven’t enjoyed being suspended, that’s all,” 

Connor sighed and leaned over, kissing his cheek, “I know. But there's only three days left and then you can put all this behind you,” 

Kevin nodded and looked down at his hands, “And, um, I haven’t been - I haven’t going to therapy,” 

“I know,” 

“Who told you?” Kevin asked, automatically assuming that Chris or Nabulungi had called him. 

“No one, I can just tell,” Connor said casually, “I was waiting for you to feel comfortable to tell me,” 

Kevin sighed and shuffled closer to him, curling his legs underneath him and resting his head on his chest, “I’m sorry,” 

“It’s okay,” Connor said gently, kissing the top of his head, “Why aren’t you going?” 

“I feel like now I’m a dad, I shouldn’t,” Kevin muttered, “because I don’t have an excuse to feel a bit shit sometimes, and I should be grown up enough to deal with things on my own,” 

“Kev, that’s not true. You know it’s not true. Becoming parents didn’t solve every problem in the world, did it?” Connor said, his fingers trailing up and down his back, “It’s okay if you feel a bit shit. You’re human. You have feelings. And it’s okay, no matter how old you are. You’ve been through a lot, love, and it’s okay if you need help to deal with it,” 

Kevin nodded, his arms tightening around Connor, “I’m scared I’m turning into my dad but I don’t want to tell my therapist because I know I sound like a broken record,” 

“How are you turning into your dad?” Connor asked quietly. 

Everything came spilling out of him very quickly; how he was terrified that he was prioritising work over Alex, and that it was going to make them grow apart and Alex would never know him like he knew Connor. Connor was patient as he listened, resting his head on top of Kevin’s and occasionally turning to press a kiss into his hair. 

“History repeats itself, doesn’t it?” Kevin said, “And I feel like - I feel like I’m doing what my dad did. Only instead of spending all my time at Church, I’m at work. And I feel like - I feel like I’m leaving you to look after him alone and it’s not fair on you!”

“I don’t feel like a single dad if that’s what you’re worried about,” Connor said gently, “And I don’t think you’re anything like your dad was. You know that I would tell you if I did, don’t you?” 

Kevin nodded, wiping his eyes, “I’m sorry, this conversation is so  _ boring.  _ I feel like we’ve been having it since we got married,” 

Connor laughed and kissed him softly, “I don’t mind. You know I’d rather talk about it than you keep it all bottled up,” 

“I know,” Kevin said quietly, “And I - I can’t stop thinking about that kid who came in...that missionary,” 

“Which is  _ why  _ you need to be going to therapy, love,” Connor said. 

Kevin groaned and buried his face into Connor’s chest, “I don’t like talking about my feelings...” 

“Bad luck, babe,” Connor said, “I think the point of therapy is that you talk about your feelings,” 

* * *

“Do you think I’ll get to meet Mary Poppins?” Kevin asked as they took their seats in the theatre, half directing the question to Alex and Ajani to try and make himself look less childish.

“You know she isn’t real, don’t you?” Chris said, “Like, it’s just an actor?” 

“Don’t be awful, Christopher,” James said, “Let him believe she’s real,” 

“Sorry, are we talking about Kevin or the kids? I’m confused,” 

“Ha, ha,” Kevin said sarcastically, watching as Alex immediately clambered onto Jeff’s lap the moment he sat down and demanded all of his Grandpas attention. It made him wonder how terrible his own dad would have been at being a Grandad, or if he would have found it in himself to be the sort of Grandad that Alex deserved.

Everytime Connor booked a show, Kevin convinced himself that he would never watch a show as good again, though the only reason that the show was ever that good in the first place was because of his husband. Connor constantly told him that he wasn’t ever the sole reason for a show being so good, but Kevin didn’t believe him for a second. After all, all of the best shows he had ever seen were shows that Connor had been in. 

Mary Poppins was no different. The moment the overture started playing, he felt the sting of tears, but when Connor walked onto stage and began to sing _ Chim Chim Chere-ee,  _ Kevin burst into tears so loudly that Arnold jumped and accidentally spilled his drink down himself and Alex started to giggle. 

“For fucks sake, Kev,” James sighed as Kevin cried into his shoulder, “You need to stop doing this,” 

But Kevin found it really quite difficult to keep it together - even though he told himself that he was going to do so for Alex. Thankfully, he seemed to find his dad sobbing uncontrollably funny rather than traumatic. And Kevin was quite sure that Ajani rolled his eyes at him in a way that was very reminiscent of Nabulungi. 

Mary Poppins being the best Disney film (or just best film in general) was the hill that he had been prepared to die on since the age of five, and he was sure that Mary Poppins being the best musical was another hill that he was going to be prepared to die on. He was also beginning to think that Dick Van Dyke as Bert might have been the first crush he ever had when he was 10, and he most definitely had a crush on Connor McKinley as Bert. There was just something about Connor being covered in fake chimney soot that did something to him. 

By the time the show had finished, Kevin had managed to give himself a headache from crying so much and the family sitting behind them snapped at him for crying. Chris had then snapped at them for having sticks up their ass and almost got them thrown out of the theatre of antisocial behaviour before James somehow managed to diffuse the tension. 

“ _ Ohhh nooo,  _ this is worse than after Falsettos,” was the first thing out of Connors mouth when Kevin walked into his dressing room and collapsed into his arms, sobbing. 

“You were so good,” Kevin cried into his neck, “and you’re really hot when your covered in soot,” 

Connor pulled away to frown, “I understood your obsession with the white shorts but... _ soot _ ? Really, Kev?”

“Shut up,” Kevin mumbled, wiping his eyes, “You have a Mormon kink,” 

“No, I have an Elder Price kink,” Connor whispered before picking Alex up, “Enjoy the show, kiddo?”

Alex nodded, “Daddy wouldn’t stop crying and Uncle Chris kept on laughing at him,” 

“Sounds about right,” Connor laughed, “And since we’re all here _ ,  _ there is someone that I would like you to meet,” 

Kevin knew that the actress playing Mary Poppins had stayed in both costume and character for Alex and Ajani, but was well aware of the fact that Connor had probably asked her to do it for his benefit.

* * *

In a true fashion of history repeating itself, Connor woke up the morning after opening night with a terrible headache, and Kevin woke up feeling as though he hadn’t drank anything at all. He was just glad that Sandra and Jeff had been kind enough to take Alex for the night, because judging by the way that Connor was groaning from somewhere underneath their covers, he wasn’t going to be much company. 

“I have Aspirin,” Kevin said, poking the lump that was his husband.

Connor’s hand shot out from underneath the covers, “Thank-you,” 

Kevin rolled his eyes, “Sit up. You’re not swallowing it dry,” 

Connor groaned and slowly sat up; his eyelids drooping and hair sticking up all over his head. Kevin smiled and kissed his cheek, handing him the Aspirin and a glass of water. 

“ _ Why  _ do I drink?” Connor asked, slumping sideways into Kevin. 

“Because Chris was there and you don’t like him outdrinking you?” 

“Are you hungover?” 

“No, I feel fine,” Kevin said. 

“Fuck you,” Connor mumbled. 

Kevin shrugged, “It’s not like we have anywhere else to be,” 

Connor tutted and wrapped his arms around Kevin’s waist, pulling him closer. Kevin trailed his fingers lightly up and down Connor’s arm, his head resting on top of his. 

“Remember the morning after you opened Falsettos and we decided we wanted a baby?” Kevin said quietly, “and now we have our little boy? Even though he’s growing up far too fast for my liking,”

Connor laughed, “Yeah...is this where you announce you want another one without any warning?”

“No,” Kevin laughed, “I mean, I do want another but we don’t really have the time, do we?” 

“Probably not yet. In another year, maybe,” Connor said, “maybe when you’re Chief of Emergency Medicine,” 

Kevin snorted, “You do realise that it’s going to be a long time before I’m even  _ considered _ for head of department, don’t you?”

“You could sleep your way to the top,” Connor said, “Wanna practice?”

“That’s a really weird way of telling me you want to have sex.” 

“Did it work?” 

Kevin grinned as he clambered on top of Connor, “Yes, it did,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank-you for reading!!   
> Only 2 more chapters left (


	23. Mass Casualty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw/ gun violence - very brief, non-descriptive.

Mr Charles very much reminded Kevin of the sort of teacher in school who was kind yet strict; that one teacher who you never wanted to disappoint, regardless of how much you liked their lesson or not - and Kevin had committed the cardinal sin by disappointing him. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat as Mr Charles gave him a searching look during their meeting on his first day back in work after his suspension had ended. 

“You know I like you don’t you, Doctor McKinley?” Mr Charles said. 

“Uh...I - I’ve honestly never thought about it, sir,” Kevin said. 

“You really are a fantastic Doctor. Probably one of the best in the hospital, and I can see you as Chief of Emergency Medicine one day. That is where you want your career to go, isn’t it?” 

Kevin nodded, “Yes. I plan to stay in Emergency Medicine for the rest of my career and hopefully this hospital,” 

“Even if your sister decides to do the same thing?” Mr Charles asked, “If she decides to stay at this hospital for the rest of her career?” 

Kevin sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “I’d had a really bad day her first day here and then-” 

“-you hadn’t been going to your therapy sessions,” 

“Have you spoken to my husband recently?” Kevin frowned. 

Mr Charles laughed, “No, but I did speak to your therapist. Your sessions are mandated by the hospital. Doctor Williams tells me when you’ve missed more than one appointment,” 

“I know you worked in psychiatry before but I-” 

“-don’t like therapy,” Mr Charles said, “Yes, I’m aware of that, Doctor, but it’s for your own benefit,” 

“Yeah, I know,” Kevin said, “I am going to be there on Wednesday. I promise,” 

“If I find out that you miss your appointment, I am going to call your husband. Or maybe that friend of yours who made all those cakes for the opening of the new maternity ward last year,” 

“Chris seems like a really nice person when you meet him for the first time, but he’s actually the devil incarnate,” Kevin said quickly. 

Mr Charles chuckled, “I’m not going to put this suspension on your permanent record. Have a nice day, Doctor McKinley,” 

“You too, sir,” Kevin said. 

He practically ran all the way down to the ED, not realising how much he had really missed it. As soon as he spotted Katie standing at the nurses station, he bounded over to her and threw his arm around her shoulder, making her jump. 

“So, how much have you missed me?” he asked. 

“Not even slightly, darling,” Katie muttered, “How was your week off?” 

Kevin shrugged, “I don’t know. When Alex and Connor weren’t there I was bored out of my mind. You know Alex has a better social life than me and he’s not even five yet!” 

“You work in the ED, Kevin. We don’t have social lives. We have work and then we sleep and then we do it all over again,” Katie said before turning to him and smiling, “I did actually miss you, though. It’s not been the same without you. Do you know how many bitching sessions I’ve had?” 

“How many?” 

“ _ None,”  _ Katie said, “I tried with Doctor Remmy but he just kept on saying,  _ “I don’t get involved,”  _ like the boring old man he is. You’ve missed out on  _ a lot.  _ You know like I was convinced that Marty the Security Guard is having an affair with Freddie the Security Guard?” 

“They are actually having an affair?” Kevin asked. 

“I saw them doing  _ something _ behind an ambulance. I’m not entirely sure what though and-” she hit Kevin in the arm just as he opened his mouth, “I don’t need a lesson in gay sex, Kev,” 

“I’m gonna invite them to pride this year,” Kevin said, “Any fun patients for me?” 

“Lady in Treatment 4 for you,” she said, “Dislocated shoulder, you need to pop it back in for her,” 

“Fun!”

Kevin hummed as he walked over to Treatment 4, smoothing his hair down and trying to remember how he was meant to talk to patients. One week with only a 4 year old for company meant that his vocabulary had noticeably downsized and he was worried that his patient might think he was being condescending if he accidentally used his baby voice - something that happened a lot when he came back off paternity leave. 

“Good Morning, Mrs Jones!” Kevin said cheerfully as he slipped through the curtain, “My name is Doctor McKinley, how are you feeling?” 

“Hello,” Mrs Jones said, wincing a little, “Just a lot of pain, really,” 

Kevin smiled at her as he looked down at her X-Ray, “Luckily for you, it’s nothing too severe. All I need to do is pop it back into place, okay?” 

“Is it going to hurt?” she asked.

“Unfortunately,” Kevin said, “but it’ll only take a few minutes,” 

“ _ Minutes? _ ” she asked, “I thought it’d take seconds!” 

“Two minutes tops,” Kevin said, “You’ve had painkillers, haven’t you?” 

Mrs Jones nodded, “Yeah, but it’s - it’s still going to hurt isn’t it?”

“Just focus on me,” Kevin said, gently putting his hand on her shoulder, “So how did you manage this? Is it a funny story? I have heard the strangest stories whilst being a Doctor. Some drunk, some sober. Somehow the sober ones are funnier,” 

Mrs Jones laughed, “No, it wasn’t - it wasn’t particularly exciting. I just fell getting out of bed,” 

“It happens,” Kevin sighed, frowning as his eyes travelled down her arm, noting bruising around her wrists, “I always trip over my dog, guinea pigs or child. Occasionally my husband, actually,” 

“I’m just clumsy,” she said, “I always have been,” 

Kevin nodded and looked down at her legs, her jeans were just a tad too short, showing off even more bruising. He looked back over and smiled, grunting a little as he popped her shoulder back into place. 

“Sorry,” he said, “There’s no way to make that comfortable,” 

Mrs Jones smiled and shook her head, “No, it’s okay. I’m used to pain,” 

“Okay,” he said quietly, “I’m going to get a Nurse to put a sling on and then I’ll get your dispatch papers ready. I’m also going to give you a referral to Orthopedics to come back in a few days and make sure that everything is good, okay?” 

As soon as he was out of the room, Kevin hurried over to Katie, frantically tapping her on the shoulder until she turned around. 

“Sometimes I think that you don’t understand that I’m not your personal charge nurse. I work for the whole ED, not just you,” she snapped, “I’m  _ busy _ ,” 

“My patient, Mrs Jones, did she come in on her own?” Kevin asked, “Or was her husband with her?”

“Her husband was with her,” Katie said, “Why? Do you need to speak to him?” 

“No,” Kevin said quickly, “You just need to - you need to keep him away from her for like 2 minutes,” 

Katie frowned, “Why?” 

“She’s bruised, I think we have a domestic abuse case,” Kevin said quickly, “Just don’t let him near her and- I’ll be right back. Keep her husband away!” he hurried over to a nurse who was heading in the direction of the room and tugged a sling out of his hand. 

“Are you feeling okay, Doctor?” the nurse asked. 

“Fine,” Kevin said quickly, “I just - I feel like putting a sling on today. You ever feel like that?” 

The nurse stared at him incredulously and then shrugged, turning on his heel and walking away. Kevin took a deep breath as he slipped back into the room; these sorts of cases were never easy and sometimes made him question why he ever wanted to be a Doctor in the first place. 

“I thought you said a nurse was coming to put a sling on?” Mrs Jones said. 

“I felt like doing it,” Kevin said, “I’m not very busy. Do you mind?” 

Mrs Jones shook her head, “No, not at all,” 

Kevin smiled at her as he put her arm in a sling, perhaps being more gentle than he usually would be, not wanting to put her through anymore pain. 

“Is that comfortable?” he asked. 

“Perfect,” she said, “Thank-you,” 

“Oh, I see some bruising on your wrists,” he said carefully, gently picking up the arm that wasn’t in the sling, “How’d you do this?” 

“It’s nothing,” Mrs Jones said quickly, “Don’t worry about it,” 

Kevin sighed and pulled up a chair, “I understand that you might be scared, but you don’t need to be. I will do everything that I can to keep you safe and get you the help that you need to-” 

Mrs Jones stared at him for a moment and then burst into laughter, taking Kevin by surprise, “Oh, Doctor McKinley, you are the sweetest,” 

Kevin frowned, “I - I am?”

“My husband doesn’t abuse me, if that’s what you’re worried about,” she giggled, “No, we uh...we’re not very vanilla,”

“You’re not very vanil - _oh my god_ ,” Kevin muttered, cheeks flushing, “Oh my god. I am - I’m so sorry. I thought - Mrs Jones, please forgive me, I didn’t mean to pry. As long as you’re safe and happy and - you don’t need a sex ed lesson off me, do you? I’m really sorry,” 

She giggled again, “It’s okay, Doctor,” 

“You know, I think you could probably - uh, put - put like foam underneath the, uh, the restraints to stop the bruising,” Kevin stuttered, trying to overcome his embarrassment, “Or, would you maybe like an ice pack?”

“It’s okay, Doctor McKinley. I like the bruising,” 

Kevin blushed even deeper and nodded, jumping up from his seat, “Okay. Cool. Like I - Like I said, um, I’ll get your dispatch papers and then, um, refer you to - to orthopedics for a check up,” 

With one last smile at her, Kevin hurried from the room and over to the breakroom where Katie was sitting on the sofa with Doctor Remmy. Kevin groaned and collapsed onto the sofa with his head in her lap. 

“What on Earth is wrong with you?” she asked, “I thought you were worried about a domestic abuse case?” 

“I got it wrong. I got it  _ so  _ wrong,” he mumbled, “I’ve never gotten something so wrong in my life. I think I need to quit. Actually, I definitely need to quit. I am quitting. I’m done. I can never show my face in this ED again,” 

“Are you - Are you joking?” Doctor Remmy asked, “I can’t tell if you’re joking or not. What did you do? You haven’t accidentally killed someone, have you?” 

“There were bruises on my patient and I - I panicked and I assumed the worst,” Kevin said, “So I - I told her that we could get her the type of help that she needed and the bruises they are - they are consensual,” 

“What?” Katie asked, “What do you mean?” 

“I mean that Mr and Mrs Jones are into BDSM,” Kevin said miserably, “and she likes bruises,” 

The room is silent for a moment until Katie and Doctor Remmy burst into laughter. Kevin groaned again and covered his face with his hands, not sure if he himself wanted to burst into tears or laughter. 

“Oh, honey,” Katie laughed, “I’m so glad you’re back. No one else provides this sort of entertainment,” 

“Wouldn’t you cover them up before you came somewhere, though?” Kevin asked, “I mean, I guess she didn’t have the time but stil! Do you think she has them on show all the time? Is that part of the kink?” 

“I don’t know, Kev,” Doctor Remmy said, “I recall a time after one of your wedding anniversaries where you had some suspicious marks on your wrists,” 

Kevin sat up and turned to stare at him, his eyes wide, “Hey! You said - You said that we’d never bring that up again!” 

“ And  I can see a little something on your neck,” Katie said, reaching over and poking it a little. 

“No you can’t!” he exclaimed, clapping a hand over his neck, “C-Can you? Connor said they were all covered up!” 

Katie snorted, “I was joking, but it’s nice to know parenthood hasn’t ruined your sex life,” 

“I’m going back to work,” Kevin said, jumping to his feet, “And can we  _ please  _ stop talking about my sex life?” 

Somehow, Kevin had managed to forget about Isabel until after lunchtime all thanks to the fact that the rest of his patients seemed just as strange as the first; there were a lot of broken bones, a child who had managed to crack his head open but found the whole thing quite hilarious and a very drunk man who seemed quite convinced that Kevin was his husband. 

“Hey, sweetheart, can you get me a glass of water?” he asked, batting his eyelashes. 

Kevin managed to suppress a groan, “Sir, I’m not your husband. I’m your Doctor,” 

The man chuckled and pointed at Kevin’s hand, “ _ Noo,  _ I put that ring on your finger on our wedding day! I remember!” 

“Sir, I can assure you that that was not me,” Kevin said as patiently as he could. 

“No, it was! Because you hate silver, so you insisted that we get gold,”

Kevin sighed, “Okay, I will go and get you that glass of water,” 

“What about a kiss?” 

“Water,” Kevin said firmly, “You’re getting water,” 

Katie laughed when Kevin stomped over to her, “How is your husband?” 

“ _ Don’t _ ,” he muttered, “I am not in the mood. He asked me for a glass of water and a kiss,” 

“Your husbands here? Is he sick?” 

Kevin turned around to see Isabel staring at him, a strange look on her face - but he couldn’t quite tell if it was one of sympathy or not. He glanced over at Katie who shrugged, muttered something about going to get a glass of water and hurried away.

“Connor’s fine,” Kevin said stiffly, “My patient is extremely drunk and is convinced that I am his husband,” 

Isabel raised her eyebrows, “Seriously?”

“Yep,” Kevin sighed, “Maybe you’d like to go and meet him? I’d like you to be get along with at least one of my husbands,” 

When she opened her mouth to reply, Kevin shook his head and held his hand up, “No, forget it. Ignore me. I just - can we try to be professional and pretend like - pretend like-” 

“-We aren’t siblings?” 

Kevin nodded, “Yeah. Colleagues, that’s it,” 

“Colleagues,” she agreed, “but I think that mom wants to-” 

“ _ Listen up!”  _ Katie bellowed out of nowhere, almost making Kevin spill his coffee all down to himself, “There’s been a shooting at Manhattan Mall, mass casualty. We’ve got incoming,” 

Kevin dropped his coffee to the desk and hurried over to Katie, “Where do you need me?” 

“Take this first patient to Treatment 1,” she said, “Remember mass casualty protocol - no resuscitation,” 

“I hate-” 

“I know you hate it, but we don’t have time to argue about it.  _ Move _ ,” Katie snapped. 

Kevin soon couldn’t remember left from right, up from down. All he could hear was blood thumping in his ears and Katie yelling room numbers at him. He jumped from one room to the next, trying to ignore the fact that his brain was keeping a tally of how many people he wasn’t saving. His scrubs were drenched in blood, vomit and sweat. 

“Time of death, 15:45,” Kevin said, stepping back from yet another patient. 

In a sick sort of way, constantly announcing the time of death helped him stay in the moment. The first wave of victims had come in at 13:35, he had lost his first at 13:44. And there were still more to come. He didn’t even know what wave of patients it was anymore. He had lost track around the third or fourth wave, all whilst trying to stop himself from thinking about where Connor and Alex might be. But when he wasn’t thinking about Connor and Alex, he was thinking about Arnold, Nabulungi and Ajani. And when he wasn’t thinking about Arnold, Nabulungi and Ajani, he was thinking about Chris and James. 

“Treatment 6, Kev,” Katie said to him, “I’ll come with you,” 

He nodded mutely and followed her over, pulling on a pair of gloves and immediately descending on his patient who looked as though they had been dipped in a vile of blood. The girl somehow pulled through, though there was an unwelcome ‘for now’ echoing around his brain and she was wheeled up to surgery. 

“Fuck,” he said, “Fuck, Fuck,  _ Fuck _ . Fuck this stupid fucking country,” 

“Kevin.” Katie said firmly, snapping her fingers in his face, “Not now. There is a time and a place, but it isn’t now. Patients first, politics second, okay?”

Kevin nodded, wiping sweat from his brow and accidentally smearing himself with blood, “I don’t know where Connor - he - he takes Alex to the mall sometimes. There's an Ice Cream place there he’s obsessed with. What if - What if they - and Chris’ bakery is near there and I - I don’t want to - what if they come in? I’ve barely saved anyone today, I can’t - what if -” 

Katie shook her head, “No. Don’t let your brain go there. I’ll try and get through to Connor for you, okay?” 

“Y-Yeah, I - yeah. Thank-you,” Kevin whispered before he was dragged over to another room by another Nurse. 

By the time it was over, Kevin’s shift had run over by two hours and he would have liked nothing more than to crawl into bed and not get out again for at least another decade. 

“Katie,” Kevin said, grabbing her hand, “Have you spoken to Connor?” 

“They are fine,” she said quickly, “And so are Arnold, Naba and Ajani  _ and  _ Chris and James. Everyone is safe, you have no need to worry. Go and get changed and go home,” 

Kevin nodded and wiped his eyes, “Y-Yeah. See you later,” 

If there was anything that Kevin could have told his med-student self it was that mass casualties never got easier. He remembered his first shooting when he was a student doctor, and knew that he’d remember this one - and the next - for the rest of his life. 

Once Kevin had gotten changed out of his scrubs and thrown them into the trash, he slowly walked over to the breakroom, freezing slightly when he saw Isabel crying quietly. 

“Isabel,” Kevin said quietly. 

She looked up at him and hastily wiped her eyes, turning to her locker and quickly opening it, “I’m okay. I’m tired. I should have been home hours ago,” 

“First shooting?” he asked. 

“I - I saved the shooter,” she whispered brokenly, “I saved the shooter but there were - there were innocent people who I couldn’t save. And I know that you can’t save everyone but...there were people who - who did nothing wrong...” 

Kevin sighed, “It’s your job. We save everyone, no matter who they are or what they’ve done. I’ve saved terrible people before, too, but you’ve gotta overlook that. That’s what we do, isn’t it?” 

Isabel’s bottom lip trembled, “There was a fifteen year old girl, she told me that - she told me that she wanted to be a Doctor and then she just...her heart stopped and I couldn’t - I wasn’t allowed to resuscitate and-” she broke off in a sob, “-and then the  _ shooter _ ...” 

“C’mere,” Kevin whispered, holding his arms out to her, “It’s okay...” 

She stared at him for a moment and then all but collapsed into his arms, sobbing in a way that he had never heard her cry before. Kevin sighed and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, running his hands up and down her back. 

“How are you getting home? Is your fiance coming to pick you up?” 

Isabel shook her head as she pulled away from him, “No. He’s gone away for his bachelor weekend. He’s skiing,” 

“Do you have a friend who could pick you up? Maybe someone to stay with?” Kevin asked. 

"No. No one,” 

Kevin bit his lip for a moment before resigning himself to the fact that Connor might make him sleep on the sofa. 

“Stay with us tonight,” he said. 

“Oh, I don’t need to-” 

Kevin shook his head, “No, you’ve had a hard day. Come and stay with us,” 

“Will Connor not mind?”

“Nah,” Kevin lied, “He’ll be fine,” 

Usually after days when Kevin had lost more patients than he had saved, he liked to get home as quickly as possibly but he couldn’t help but feel like he was on the verge of a panic attack the entire drive home - he didn't think that Connor was going to react well to Isabel staying the night. For once, he was aware of how terrible his impulsivity was. When they stopped by Isabel’s apartment so she could get a change of clothes, Kevin almost considered driving home without her before he realised that he couldn’t do that to even her. 

“Connor doesn’t like me,” Isabel said when they pulled up outside Kevin’s apartment, “And you don’t like me, either,” 

“I don’t want to talk about it now,” Kevin muttered, getting out of the car, “It just isn’t good to be alone after a day like this. You need to be around people,” 

“Connor is going to mind really, isn’t he? Even though you said he wont,” she continued as Kevin unlocked the front door. 

“It doesn’t matter if -  _ oof!”  _ he staggered backwards slightly when one set of arms wrapped around his neck and another around his leg. 

“I’m sorry,” Connor whispered, stroking the back of his hair, “I should have text you and told you that we were okay, I don’t know why I didn’t, it just - it completely slipped my mind,”

“It’s fine. I was preoccupied, anyway. I couldn’t exactly check my phone,” Kevin said, bending down so he could pick Alex up and press a kiss to his cheek, “Hiya, bud. Have a good day?”

Alex nodded, “Yeah! Daddy didn’t go to work today because he said that you would want us all to be together when you got home so we watched-” 

“The heck is she doing here?” 

Kevin grimaced a little and turned to see Connor glaring at Isabel, his jaw clenched so tightly that Kevin could see a muscle twitching. Isabel stared between Connor and Kevin, her eyes occasionally flickering over to Alex who was frowning a little. 

“He, um, he really looks like you, Kevin,” Isabel whispered. 

“Alex,” Connor said quietly, “Why don’t you go and play in your room for a while? Your daddy and I need to have a chat,” 

“‘Kay!” Alex said happily, completely unaware of the tension in the room. He kissed Kevin’s cheek and then wiggled out of his arms before disappearing down the hall. 

“Connor,” Kevin said, reaching out to grab his hand, “Today has been - it’s been one of the worst days I’ve ever had at work. I can’t even begin to tell you the - the things I’ve seen today...she shouldn’t be on her own. It was her first shooting, and you - you know how I was after mine. Just - one night. She’s staying one night,” 

“She’s  _ staying?” _ Connor asked, ripping his hand out of Kevin’s grip, “You’re letting her stay in our  _ home _ ?” 

“I can’t let her go home alone,” 

“You can’t let her go home alone but she and your mother let  _ you _ do everything alone,” Connor snapped, “God, Kevin! Why do you do this? Why do you constantly bend over backwards for people who don’t give a shit about you?” 

Isabel cleared her throat, “I can - I can just go home and-” 

“No, it’s fine,” Kevin interjected, “You don’t have to do that. Your room is down the hall and second door on the left,” 

Connor groaned and ran a hand through his hair and turned to Kevin when she was gone, “I’m doing this for  _ you,  _ not her. But if she says  _ anything  _ about Alex needing a mom and a dad or whatever it is homophobes are pissed off about these days, I’m not giving her another chance,” 

“I know,” Kevin said hurriedly, “I’m sorry,”

“It’s fine, love,” Connor said quietly, “You’re just too good to people who don’t deserve it,” 

“I know she wouldn’t do the same. You don’t have to tell me,” he said. 

"Do you wanna talk about today?" Connor asked, picking his hand up again and kissing the back of it. 

Kevin shook his head, "No. Not yet. I just want to - I want to order some food and then go to bed. I'll go and get Isabel," 

“I’m gonna make sure that Alex is okay,” Connor said, “I just hope that she doesn’t say anything to Alex,” 

“She won’t,” Kevin said confidently. 

“How’ve you worked that one out?” 

Kevin smiled leaning down to kiss him, “Because she’s terrified of you,” 

Connor looked quite proud of himself, “Good.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank-you for reading!


	24. Loud Voices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw:/ (very) brief mention of suicide

There were many things that Kevin had admitted in therapy that he was not proud of, but admitting that he missed his mom and old life back in Salt Lake City was somehow worse than when he had to explain exactly what happened in Africa. Thankfully, Doctor Williams was a lot better at his job than the terrible therapist that he had somehow managed to afford during his first year of college.

“N-No,” Kevin stuttered, “I didn’t - I don’t _miss_ my old life! I love Connor and Alex and - I don’t need to tell you that, do I? It’s obvious, so I - um...I...what were we talking about?”

Doctor Williams didn’t say anything, he just sat back in his chair and smiled pleasantly at Kevin.

“See, I know what you’re doing,” Kevin said, “I might have been terrible at Psychiatry but I remember my classes in med school. You’re doing that thing where you stay silent and let me talk my way into an ‘unstable’ diagnosis. Well, I’m not unstable and you’re not talking me into anything! It's just...Isabel working here reminded me of the life that I used to have and how my parents used to be and how - _dammit._ You did thing and it worked,”

“You’re not unstable, Kevin,”

Kevin blinked at him, “Right. Yeah,”

Doctor Williams sat up in his chair a little and cleared his throat, “You said something about how it’s obvious that you love Connor and Alex,”

“Obviously it’s obvious. Why - Why wouldn’t it be obvious?” Kevin asked quickly.

“I don’t know. Why wouldn’t it be?”

“There’s no point in me saying it because you already know what I’m going to say,” Kevin said impatiently. 

“No, I don’t,”

Kevin shifted in his seat, _“Fine._ My dad wasn’t very affectionate when I was growing up and I’m scared that I’m going to turn into him and Alex will grow up thinking that I don’t care about him and that Connor won’t think that I love him. And I - I do love them both I'm just...I’m not very good with feelings, you know? Sometimes I think I’m only affectionate when I’m drunk or having a panic attack,”

“You and Connor have been together since you were nineteen, do you not think that he’s aware of that?”

“Okay, but Alex has only known me four years. He's actually _barely_ four, so maybe he hardly knows me and-”

“Do you love him?” Doctor Williams asked, “Alex, I mean,”

Kevin scoffed, “He’s my son, of course I love him! He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me! But that isn’t - that’s not the point!”

“What is the point, then?”

“The point is that I’m scared that I’m going to turn into my dad,” Kevin said, “And I sound like a broken record, I know. I don't know why I’m still talking about it,”

“Because it’s important to you,” Doctor Williams said.

“I don’t want to turn into him,” Kevin said, a little desperately, “I have - I have nightmares about it, about - about Connor divorcing me and - and Alex growing up to hate me and - and - I’m boring myself,”

“Tell me why you think you’re going to be like him,”

“Because he _was_ like me,” Kevin said impatiently, “He was the rebellious Mormon that I was! He used to be more liberal and I know for a fact that he knew what voguing was! What straight Mormon knows what voguing is? _I_ barely know what voguing is! And I don’t - I don’t want to carry on that cycle,”

“The fact that you’re so scared about the cycle carrying on means that you’re going to break it,” Doctor Williams said, “Do you believe that you’re anything like your dad? Deep down?”

Kevin sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “I don’t - I don’t know. Sometimes I think that - that maybe it would have been easier if I had lived the life that he wanted me to,”

“Why would you want that?” Doctor Williams asked.

“Because then...then I would - then I would...I don’t know...” Kevin trailed off and felt his cheeks flush, “I miss my mom. And if I didn’t leave Salt Lake City, then I - I wouldn’t miss my mom. But, if I - if I did stay in Salt Lake City then I would - I would probably have gone back to conversion therapy and then I wouldn’t have been with Connor and...I’m spiraling because I miss my mom like a fucking child,”

“There’s nothing wrong with missing your mom, Kevin. You’re human,”

Kevin bit the inside of his lip, "I know but I know that's she's a terrible but I still miss her, and it...it makes me worry that I still think like her. That even though I'm older and married to a man who I have a kid with, I'm still just as homophobic as I used to be and that's why I want to see her," 

"Do you think you're homophobic?" 

"No," Kevin said, "No. I don't. I'm proud of who I am," 

"I think you're just scared of admitting that you want to see your mom again," 

Kevin glowered a little and looked down at his hands, "Isabel said she wants to see me again. My mom, I mean," 

“And how do you feel about that?”

“Happy, I think. And... _scared_ , because whenever I go back to Salt Lake, I feel trapped,” Kevin said.

Doctor Williams nodded, “Who said anything about you having to go all the way to Salt Lake City? If you want to see your mother, do it on your own terms. Have her make the journey, invite her to your home. That way, you have the upper hand should something go wrong,”

Kevin frowned and looked down at his hands, “I don’t know. I guess I never thought about it that way,”

"Think about it," Doctor Williams said, "You don't have to do anything on her terms anymore," 

* * *

Kevin had never thought that there would be a time in his life where he would be happy to see Isabel again. It really was true what they said about tragedy; it brought people together. Connor didn’t understand it, Chris thought that he was having another breakdown and Arnold had groaned for a solid fifteen seconds after Kevin had told them that they were close again, but he didn’t care. She seemed to have changed.

And she certainly seemed to have changed when she slid a wedding invitation over the table one day when they were eating lunch together.

“You want me to come?” he asked, staring down at it.

Isabel laughed, “Of course I do! You’re my brother, aren’t you? And I need someone to walk me down the aisle,”

“Why don’t you ask Grandpa Joe?” Kevin said, “I think he’d like that,”

“No, Kev, I want - I want _you_ to walk me down the aisle,” she said, “Dad isn’t around to do it, is he?”

Kevin grinned, “I'll be there. Connor and Alex, too?”

Her smile might have faltered for a second before she nodded, but Kevin was too excited thinking about how adorable Alex would look in a suit to care much.

* * *

“You have got to be _fucking_ kidding me,” Connor snapped, throwing the invitation down onto the kitchen table, “I will strip in the middle of Times Square before you get me to go to her wedding,”

Kevin had not thought that Connor would react well to being invited to the wedding, but he also didn’t think that he would react so badly. Although as Connor got more and more angry, Kevin was beginning to think that he shouldn't have told him about the wedding an hour before he had to leave for a matinee. 

Kevin sat at the table, watching as Connor paced up and down the kitchen and vaguely worrying about him burning off all his energy before the show. 

“It’s a _temple wedding_ , Kevin! We’re gay!” 

Kevin sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “Why are you so shocked that a Mormon is getting married in a temple? Were you expecting her to get married in a Mosque?”

“I wasn’t expecting to be invited to the wedding! We’re not going,”

Kevin scoffed, “Sorry, I wasn’t aware that you dictated our social life! Was that one of our wedding vows? ‘ _I promise to go exactly where you want me to go, and miss out on family events when you decide I shouldn’t be there’_ ,”

“They aren’t your family!”

“You don’t get to decide who my family is, Connor!” Kevin yelled.

“Family don’t make you try to kill yourself, Kevin!”

Kevin opened his mouth with the intent to say something and then quickly closed it again, realising he wasn’t sure what he wanted to say; that was something he never spoke about, and Kevin had thought that his _husband_ , of all people, would have it in him to respect that.

“What’s that got to do with the wedding?” Kevin asked quietly, not quite looking him in the eye.

“It has - it has _everything_ to do with the wedding!” Connor exclaimed, tears sparkling in his eyes, “it was your parents who drove you to that! You know it was! And I'm not prepared to walk into the bathroom and find you trying to swallow god knows how many pills again!”

"You're not going to!" Kevin snapped, "who I was at 22 is very different to who I am at 31!”

Connor groaned and snatched his bag up off the floor, “Whatever. I’m going to work. Don’t forget to pick Alex up from daycare,”

Usually, fights in the McKinley household lasted an hour at the most. Kevin would always end up going to Connor with a pouty lip and puppy dog eyes until he gave in with a roll of his eyes and a kiss on the forehead.

Doing that was made quite difficult, however, when Connor was halfway through a show. For some reason, Kevin didn’t think that the stage manager would appreciate him storming onto the stage just so he could pout at his husband until he gave him attention. Or Mary Poppins, and Kevin didn't think he was mentally prepared for disappointing Mary Poppins. 

He went about his day as normally as he could; he picked Alex up from daycare, entertained his strange conversation about whether the guinea pigs and Fiyero understood that they were different to humans, cooked him dinner and read him the same story fifteen times until he finally fell asleep.

“Night buddy,” Kevin whispered, kissing his forehead and creeping out of the room.

And even though his shift started at 8 AM the next morning, Kevin dumped as many blankets as he could find on the sofa and burrowed underneath them, eyes flickering over to the front door as though Connor was somehow going to get home before the show was even finished.

Just as he was falling asleep with Fiyero snoring on his stomach, his phone pinged. Expecting it to be Connor telling him what time he was going to be getting home, he glanced down at it and gasped so loudly that Fiyero woke up with an angry yelp.

** Mom **   
  
**Today** 10:45 PM  
**Mom:** Isabel told me that you two are getting close again. I'm glad.  
  
**Mom:** I don't know if she'll have mentioned that I want to see you  
**Mom:** This has gone on long enough, don't you think?  
  
**Kevin:** You did disown me   
**Kevin:** Like you took me off the will   
**Kevin:** I don't know if you remember  
**Mom:** Can we not try, at least?  
**Mom:** It's important to me, and I know it is to you, too  
**Kevin:** I'll have to speak to Connor, we're busy  
**Read** 11:02 PM

Kevin dropped his phone to the sofa and stared up at the ceiling. He was starting to think that maybe Heavenly Father did exist, but only to confuse the Hell out of him. He picked his phone up again and read through the texts again, just to make sure that he hadn’t read them wrong. He reread it over and over again until his eyes started to blur and his head started to ache. Swearing under his breath, Kevin dropped his phone onto the sofa again and rolled onto his side, ignoring Fiyero’s angry whine as he moved to get comfortable on top of him again.

“Kev? Why are you awake? You’re in work at 8,”

Kevin jerked up, squinting through the darkness at Connor, “Why are you home so early?”

“I’m not,” Connor said slowly, “It’s 1 AM. I’m late. There was a fight on the subway or something,”

“Oh,” Kevin mumbled, trying to remember if he’d done anything but stare blankly at the ceiling for two hours, “I didn’t realise what time it was...”

“Are you okay?” Connor asked, sitting next to him, “It was only a little fight, babe. We’ve had worse. And I'm sorry for mentioning, you know...”

“No, it isn’t that,” Kevin said, “My mom text me,”

He felt Connor tense next to him and squeezed his eyes shut, fists clenching and unclenching in the blanket. Connor sighed and put his hand over his, kissing his cheek.

“Talk to me, love,” he whispered.

“I don’t - I mean...is it such a bad idea?” he muttered.

“Is what a bad idea?”

“Seeing her again?” Kevin asked, “She wants to - to talk. And so do...so do I. I think I deserve it,”

“You don’t deserve it,”

Kevin jerked away from him, “W-What?”

Connor sighed, “I mean, you don’t - you don't deserve to be around her. You’re worth better than that. You know you are,”

“She’s my _mom_ ,” Kevin whispered.

“Exactly,”

Kevin shook his head, “Why do you - Why do you always do this? Every time we talk about my mom, you shoot it down and-”

“Because I know what she’s like!” Connor exclaimed.

“You barely know her!”

“Yeah, and we’ve been together for _12 fucking years,_ Kevin!” Connor snapped.

Kevin jumped up from the sofa, “She’s my mom, and if I want to see her, then I will! And if I want to introduce her to Alex-”

“No,” Connor interjected, “No, you’re not introducing her to Alex. I’m not going to let that happen,”

“That’s not fair!”

Connor groaned, “This happens every time she tries to worm her way back into our lives. You convince yourself that she gives a shit about you, but she doesn’t,”

“If she didn’t give a shit about me, why is she trying to get back into contact?”

“I don’t know! She’s probably trying to get you to go back to conversion therapy!” he sighed and his voice softened, “I’m only looking out for you, Kevin. I know how this is going to end, and you do, too,”

“No, I don’t,” Kevin snapped.

“Fine,” Connor said, “ _Fine._ Do whatever you want. It’s not like you’re going to listen to me anyway,”

“I'm a grown adult, Connor. I don't have to listen to you!”

“It’d be great if you acted like it sometimes,”

They stood glaring at each other for a few seconds before Connor threw his hands in the air and stormed off. Kevin groaned and dropped back down onto the sofa, his head in his hands.

The rational, rarely listened to part of his brain was making a great case for how Connor was right and he was the one was overreacting, but the stubborn and much less rational part of that Kevin listened to most was telling him quite the opposite.

Besides, he wasn’t planning on forgiving his mother. He just wanted to give her a chance. Was there something so terrible about that?

“Daddy?”

Kevin whipped around on the sofa to see Alex standing in the doorway, rubbing his eyes.

“Hey, buddy,” he said softly, “What are you doing awake?”

“Heard loud voices,” he mumbled, clambering onto the sofa next to him, “are you and daddy angry?”

Kevin shook his head, “No, we’re just tired,”

“‘Kay...’m tired, too...”

“Let’s get you back to bed, then,” Kevin whispered, picking him up and carrying him back to his bed, “I’ll see you when I get home from work tomorrow,”

Alex nodded sleepily and pulled Barry the Bear closer to him, his eyes slowly fluttering shut. Kevin sat by his bed for a while, stroking his hair and trying to remind himself that his nightmares weren’t real, and that Alex didn’t hate him and Connor wasn’t going to divorce him.

When the clock on Alex’s dresser flashed 1:45 at him, Kevin pressed a kiss into Alex’s hair and slowly made his way over to his bedroom. Connor’s eyes were shut, but Kevin knew he wasn’t really sleeping.

Sighing to himself, Kevin climbed into bed and softly kissed Connor’s check before rolling onto his side and preparing himself for what would probably be a terrible night's sleep.

"Kev?

Kevin stayed with his back to him, staring at the wall, "What?"

"I'm sorry for getting angry. I just worry about you sometimes," 

"I know," Kevin said, "But we don't need to talk about it now. I do need to be up in like...four hours," 

"Okay," Connor replied, "Good night. I love you," 

Kevin hid his face into his pillow even though Connor couldn't see him smile, "I love you, too," 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to come out!! Thank-you for reading!!


	25. Sunflowers and Roses

“Delivery for you, Kev,” 

Kevin froze on the threshold of the ED, looking back into the waiting room to see if Katie was talking to someone else. He was quite sure that he hadn’t ordered anything and even if he had, he didn’t think that he would have ordered it to the hospital. 

“Me?” Kevin asked, a little bleary-eyed, “But I haven't ordered anything,” 

“No, but I think Connor did,” 

“Connor?” 

“Yes, your husband, do you remember him? Short, ginger, a bit loud?" Katie said, "Did you have a fight?"

Kevin stared at her, “Huh? How did - How did you know?” 

She laughed and picked up a massive bouquet from her chair. So large, in fact, that a patient with a knife sticking out of his arm stopped in his tracks to look at them. 

“...how did he get them here so quick? It’s not even 8 AM, and he was sleeping when I left!” 

“They came last night, apparently,” Katie said, “He did good. I always like sunflowers and roses together,” 

“They were our wedding flowers,” Kevin smiled, running a rose petal through his fingers, “I wanted sunflowers, he wanted roses.”

“So, what did he do to piss you off?” Katie asked, “I know it’s not really any of my business but at this point, all of your business is my business,”

“I want to see my mom and we had a fight about it,” 

“I’ll book you in for a brain scan later today, make sure everything is working up there,” she said ruffling his hair. 

“Right, so you think it’s a bad idea, too,” Kevin said, ducking out of the way of her hand, “What do you think I should do?” 

Katie sighed, “You’re an adult, love. You need to make up your own mind, but you’re also a _married_ adult. You need to think about Connor, too. And Alex,” 

Kevin nodded as he picked up the flowers, carrying them over to the break room and waving off all the funny looks that he was getting. Casting a furtive look around the room even though he knew he was the only one in there, Kevin picked up the card that was sticking out of the bouquet and ripped it open. 

_I’m sorry for being such a dick, I was tired and cranky. I love you more than anything. Love, Connor. Xxx_

Giggling like a teenager, Kevin slipped the note into his pocket and skipped out of the room. He didn’t even get pissed off when knife-man accidentally punched him in the face when Kevin pulled the knife out of his arm. 

“ _Owww_ ,” Kevin whined as he walked back into the break room and tried to keep his nose in the air. 

“The heck happened to you?” 

“I got punched,” Kevin grumbled at Isabel, gratefully accepting a tissue off her, “How’s your morning been?” 

Isabel shrugged, “No one’s punched me, but those flowers are making my allergies act up,” 

“Sorry,” Kevin said, “They’re mine from Connor. We had a fight. It was - It was kinda stupid, actually. Well, no, it wasn’t _stupid,_ we’re just both very opinionated and - I don’t know why I’m telling you this,” 

“Do you guys fight...often?” Isabel asked, very obviously choosing her words carefully. 

Kevin looked up at her, eyebrows furrowed a little. As happy as he was to have a real relationship with his sister again, he had been even happier to not be at a point where they spoke about their personal personal life. He still didn’t feel comfortable talking to Jack or Abby about his marriage, never mind _Isabel._

“No,” Kevin said, choosing his words just as carefully, “We’ve been together for so long that when we piss each other off it never really lasts. You’ll get there with Dave one day,” 

“Who’s Dave?” Isabel asked. 

Kevin frowned, “Your fiance?” 

“He’s called Joshua,” 

“Oh,” Kevin mumbled, “Sorry. Maybe that patient punched me harder than I thought,” 

“Well, on the subject of Joshua, he would like to meet you,” Isabel said. 

“Oh,” Kevin mumbled again, “Oh. Okay. Cool,” 

“ _And_ mom is flying over in a few weeks to help me with wedding dress shopping,” 

“Oh, you don’t want me to do that,” Kevin said quickly, “Wedding dress shopping, I mean. I don’t have any sense of fashion. If it were up to me, I’d wear my scrubs all day, every day,” 

“No, that’s not what I was asking,” Isabel laughed, “Remember when you invited us around to dinner and you told us that you and Connor were engaged? Mom wants to try again, but _really_ try again,” 

“ _Oh_ ,” was the only word Kevin seemed capable of saying. 

“So, you’ll...you’ll talk to Connor about it?” Isabel asked. 

“Uh...yeah,” Kevin said, “I’ll talk to him about it when I get home,” 

When Kevin did get home, he felt like Connor took the news that the ‘Wicked Witch of the West’ was coming to New York -and possibly their home - a lot better than he expected. Though Kevin was sure that he was controlling his anger by imagining what Wizard of Oz characters they could all dress up as. 

“Do you think Alex would look cuter as the Lion or the Scarecrow?” Connor asked as he cooked them dinner, “Actually, scratch that. _You’re_ dressing up as the Scarecrow. If you were less brainy and could sing, you’d be a great Fiyero. Actually, scratch _that,_ you’re already as brainless as him. I’ll be Dorothy, obviously,” 

Kevin scowled, “Are you finished?” 

Connor smiled and kissed him softly, “We can talk about it later, okay?” 

“You’re not actually going to dress up as Dorothy, are you?” Kevin asked anxiously. 

“Obviously not, darling,” Connor said, “But you’re not really against role playing, are you?” 

“ _Not_ in the kitchen," Kevin snapped, "Alex is here," 

Kevin spent most of dinner trying to come up with a good enough argument for his mom to come for dinner. Every argument seemed as weak as the last and led to the same one - he missed her. Glowering, he pushed his pasta around his plate and nodded along to whatever Connor and Alex were having an obscure conversation about. 

“I’m going to put Alex to bed and then we’ll talk,” Connor whispered, kissing his cheek. 

Kevin nodded and stood up with a sigh, quickly clearing the table and loading the dishwasher, still trying to desperately come up with a good argument as he poured two glasses of wine. 

He jumped a little when arms wrapped around his middle, a hand reaching out to grab a glass of wine. 

“Do you want to hug me or drink wine?” 

“Both,” Connor said, taking his hand and tugging him towards their bedroom, “You okay? I know that flowers don’t really solve anything,” 

“They were nice,” Kevin said, carefully climbing into bed without spilling his drink, “I liked them. Thank-you,” 

“I know this is important to you,” Connor said softly, “and I love you so much and I want you to be happy, but I worry because-” 

“-I tried to kill myself that one time,” Kevin said, setting his glass on the bedside table, “and it was because of my mom. I know.” 

“I know you’re not there anymore but-” his voice broke and he looked down at his lap, “When we used to go to your parents at Thanksgiving, you’d have this look in your eye and it was the same one you did back then and when you stopped going to therapy...” 

Kevin bit his lip and took Connor’s hand, “I’m back in therapy and I promise I’m not there, I’m not - I’m not even close. You know that, don’t you?” 

“Yeah,” Connor said quietly, “But I just worry about you, and I - I really hate your mom,” 

Kevin laughed, “I understand, but this is really important to me, Con. And I - I want to give her a chance. One last chance,” 

“You said that at your dads funeral,” 

“I know I did, but having Alex has changed how I think about everything,” Kevin said softly, “And if there’s a chance that I can introduce him to his other Grandma and his Auntie Isabel and Uncle David,” 

“Who’s David?” Connor asked, “Do you have another brother that I don’t know about? How many Price’s are there?” 

“Isabel’s fiance. Keep up, Connor,” 

“He’s called Joshua, Kev. How can you expect to invite him into our home when you don’t even know his name?” 

“My mom never really bothered to learn your name, did she?” 

“I’m sorry,” Connor whispered, "I shouldn't snap at you so much," 

Kevin shook his head, “It’s okay, I should have been more open with you about the fact that I wanted to see her again instead of doing that thing where I don’t talk about my feelings,” 

“I knew what I was getting into when I fell in love with maybe the most emotionally closed off person I’ve ever met in my life,” 

“I’m not that emotionally closed off! I kissed you first and I proposed!” Kevin exclaimed. 

“And how long did it take for you to say that you loved me back?” 

“Only like two weeks,” Kevin said. 

Connor laughed and kissed his temple, “All I want is for the dinner to be okay, and for her to not say anything to Alex,” 

“The moment she says anything even slightly homophobic, she’s out. I promise,” Kevin said, sighing as he stood up, “I’m going to go and call mom, tell her that she can come if she wants,” 

“Tell her that she can park her broomstick outside if she wants,” 

Kevin rolled his eyes as he left the room, hesitating for just a moment before he actually called her. He chewed on his thumbnail as the phone rang, half hoping that she wouldn’t pick up.

“Hello, Kevin,” 

“Hey, mom,” Kevin said, “I, uh...you’re going wedding dress shopping with Isabel, aren’t you? And I thought that when you were done you could come and - you could come and have dinner with Connor, Alex and I,” 

"Really?” she asked, “I can meet my Grandson?” 

“Yeah,” Kevin said, “I think he’d be really excited to meet you. He loves his other Grandparents so I think it’s only fair that he knows you, too,” 

“Well, I would love to come,” she said, “I think it’s what your father would have wanted,” 

Kevin sighed, “Yeah. Sure. I’ll see you soon, mom,” 

“Was it terrible?” Connor asked when Kevin walked back into the room. 

“No,” Kevin said, climbing back into bed, “It was fine. I think she’s more excited about meeting Alex than anything else,” 

“Obviously,” Connor said, “Who wouldn’t want to meet the cutest kid in the world?” 

“My dad, probably,” Kevin muttered, “I don’t think she’d be doing this if he was still alive,” 

“Well, if he was still alive, I think I’d have punched him by now,” 

“You’re not really the fighting type, Con,” 

“Yeah, but I can high kick like no one’s business, can’t I?” 

They fell into silence after this, Connor humming under his breath as he scrolled through his phone. Kevin picked his wine glass up again and rested his head on Connor’s shoulder, occasionally looking up at him to try and get his attention, though he seemed more interested in whatever was happening on Twitter. 

“Hey, Con,” Kevin said, finally getting bored of not being the center of his attention. 

“What?” Connor asked, “Oh, look at that - that girl I was in Jersey Boys with is pregnant,” 

Kevin set his glass down and sat up straighter, wrapping his arms around Connor’s waist, pulling him closer. They still hadn’t made up in the way that Kevin usually liked to, and felt as though they’d be heading for another fight if he didn’t get his well-earned make up sex. Kevin smirked as Connor dropped his phone to the bed and turned to look at him. 

“What’s gotten into you?” Connor asked. 

Kevin shrugged in what he hoped was an innocent way. He slowly trailed his finger down Connor’s chest, coming to a stop at the waistband of his sweatpants and tugging slightly. 

“Alex is sleeping,” Kevin said. 

“Yeah, and I was about to do the same,” 

“Really?” Kevin asked in a low voice, slowly starting to rub Connor over his sweatpants. 

“ _Ah,_ nope. Never mind. Sleeping can wait,” Connor groaned as Kevin started biting along his neck, “H-Hey! No hickeys when I’m in a show! Why do you always forg- _ah_ -forget that?”

"We got away with it in Falsettos," 

"I'm in a fucking Disney musical, Kevin!" 

Kevin simply nuzzled his face into the crook of Connors neck and sped up the movement of his hand. Connor groaned and bucked his hips, eyes slowly fluttering shut. 

“If we’re doing this, you’re topping,” Connor murmured. 

“Ugh, _why?_ I topped last time!” Kevin pouted as Connor pulled him on top of him. 

“Because my back hurts,” Connor said, his hands sliding up and down Kevin’s back.

“Do you not want to fuck me like the bad boy I am?” Kevin whispered in his ear, grinding their hips together. 

Connor scoffed, “ _Puh-lease,_ we haven’t had sex like that since before we had Alex!”

“But I’ve been a _bad_ missionary, Elder McKinley,” Kevin continued, still moving his hips, “Making you so angry like that,” 

Connor glared at him for a moment but then his face slowly melded into a smirk - something that both excited and terrified Kevin. He grabbed Kevin’s hips and flipped them over, biting and sucking at his neck. 

“Why don’t you fuck yourself like the bad boy you are?” Connor asked, his breath hot against Kevin’s ear. 

“ _Oooh,_ now we’re talking!” Kevin said excitedly, “I’ll go and get the lube and - _oh, god, Connor -”_

When Connor had unexpectedly shoved a hand down the front of his pants, he made a sound so embarrassing, there was a part of his brain that was complaining about the fact that Connor would probably never let him live it down. The rest of his brain was a bit too preoccupied by Connor’s hand to care much. 

“ _F-Fuck,”_ Kevin groaned, his back arching off the bed, “Oh, god, Connor -”

“Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!”

Connor stopped moving his hand, “Did you just call me Daddy?”

“Ew, _no_ ! It’s too weird, you’re an _actual_ dad and - oh my god,” Kevin hit Connor in the side, “Alex is stood at the end of the bed,” 

“Shit,” Connor muttered, taking his hand out of Kevin’s boxers and furiously wiping it on his t-shirt, “Hey, bud, I thought you were sleeping?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Alex muttered sleepily, Barry the Bear clutched tightly in one hand whilst the other rubbed his eye, “Are you and daddy friends again?”

“Course we are, son. We’re always friends,” Connor said gently, casually dropping a pillow onto Kevin’s crotch. 

“Thought you were wrestling,” 

“No, no,” Kevin said quickly, “We weren’t wrestling, we were...um...we were...cuddling.” 

“Oh. OK.” 

“Come on, you,” Connor said, gently ushering him out of the room, “Let’s get you to bed, yeah?”

Before he left the room, Connor turned back around to Kevin. 

“When I get back, you’re going to ride my dick,”

“Yes I am,”

“And I’m expecting you to be in full uniform, _Elder,_ ” he said with a wink before shutting the door behind him. 

“Oh, _Lord_ ,” Kevin muttered to himself, scrambling to grab his old uniform from his closet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank-you for reading!


	26. Pulling on the String

Kevin forgot that sometimes, James was just as mean as Chris. Possibly even more mean where the Price family were concerned.

Whilst James launched into his long lecture about how the decision to see his mom again was stupid, Chris sat on the floor with the kids, occasionally looking up at Kevin to give him the ‘ _he’s right, you’re an idiot_ ’ look that he had been on the receiving end of countless times before. The fact that Arnold wasn’t even speaking up in defence was not making him feel good about his decision.

“I really struggle to understand how the smartest, most intelligent person I know can be so _dumb!_ ” James exclaimed, angrily jabbing his pencil in Kevin’s direction, “I watched you learn Swahili in less than 6 months, watched you go through NYU and _Harvard_ and be a really great Doctor and all without a shred of common sense. Does anything actually happen up there apart from medical stuff?”

Kevin sighed, “Are you finished?”

“I don’t know yet,” James muttered, looking down at his sketchbook, “ _Brilliant_ , you’ve made me ruin my drawing,”

“I know none of you like my family-”

“I would punch every single one of them,” Nabulungi said, “Out of love for you, of course,”

“-but this could be the start of repairing my relationship with my mom!” Kevin said.

“We don’t know what’s going to happen until it does,” Connor said, “I’m not _thrilled_ with the idea but...who knows? My parents struggled at first when I came out,”

“The difference is that it took your parents a year to come to terms with it. Not almost a decade!” James said, “They are horrible people, Kevin. They made your life Hell for-”

“Can we not talk about this whilst the kids are here?” Kevin interjected, even though he knew that neither of them were actually listening, “I know you’re all worried but you don’t have to be. It’s going to be fine, whatever happens. _I’m_ going to be fine,”

“You’re still dumb,” James muttered, “and you made me smudge my drawing. I don’t like you right now,”

“All I’m saying, is that that poem I sent you years ago made you cry,” Arnold said carefully, “because it was true then, and it’ll probably be true now,”

And it seemed that everyone in his life thought that he was dumb; Katie almost started crying when he told her that his mom was visited and even _Mr Charles_ had told him that perhaps he wasn’t making the smartest decision when he overhead Kevin talking about it with another Doctor. Jack and Abby were supportive enough, but still happy to gang up on him a little.

** 3 People **   
  
Have I told you that mom is coming to dinner with Isabel and her fiance? ** Abby **  
Please say you're joking  
You better be joking  
Kevin.  
 ** Jack **  
What?  
Why are they doing that?  
Because I invited them I think it'll be good for us Abby  
Oh my gosh  
I don't see how this is good for anyone  
Jack  
Eleanor said you're an idiot  
I also think you're an idiot  
Thanks I've already made up my mind But it really seems like they've changed Abby  
Well, I'll be here to pick up the pieces  
Jack  
Me too

But it didn't matter how many people told Kevin that he was making a mistake because he wanted to do it - _needed_ to do it. He wasn’t under any illusion that he and his mom would be the best of friends after one dinner, but that didn’t mean that he was going to let go of the dream that it might happen one day.

Besides, he had never really been very good at following anyone's advice but his own.

* * *

“You’re leaving already?” Kevin asked, walking into the break room and finding Isabel packing her bag.

“I booked half a day,” Isabel told him, “Wedding dress shopping,”

“ _Ooh_ ,” Kevin said, “What are you going for? Mermaid cut? A-Line? Ball gown?”

Isabel frowned, “How do you know what any of that means?”

“Connor watches all those terrible wedding shows,” Kevin said, “He doesn’t like mermaid cut, by the way. He likes a ball gown as long as the bride wears the dress, and it doesn’t wear her. Also, he finds black suits boring. So tell Joshua to wear something other than black,”

Isabel laughed, “I didn’t realise Connor was so, uh...”

“Gay?” Kevin helpfully suggested.

“I was going to say opinionated,”

Kevin shrugged as he took his lunch out of the refrigerator, “He’s both,”

“Well, see you tomorrow,” Isabel said, softly kissing his cheek before she left.

Kevin turned back to his lunch with a frown, wondering if Isabel was being genuine or was more manipulative than he thought. Shoving that thought out of his mind because it seemed just a little dramatic, he happily dug into his salad without much more thought on the subject and getting distracted by an adorable video of Lily that Jack had sent him.

When Kevin stepped out of the break room, he began to make his way over to Katie, already bored with the afternoon.

“Anything fun happening?” Kevin asked her, stealing a chip when she wasn’t looking.

“Nope,” she sighed, “There seems to be a lack of emergencies today. Which is great for the general public, but not great when you work in the Emergency Department,”

Kevin scrunched his nose up, “Boring. I don’t have anything to do,”

“Yes you do,” Katie said, “Do your notes,”

Kevin groaned and stomped over to one of the computers. There was nothing he hated more than typing up his patients notes, mainly because he was notoriously bad at it and Doctor Remmy would no doubt end up snapping at him for being so lazy with them.

“Does hypotension have a hyphen in it?” Kevin asked one of the nurses as he passed.

“No,” he said, “and you ask me this like three times a week,”

“I forget these things!”

“How did you graduate from Harvard?”

Kevin shrugged and went back through all his notes, taking all the hyphens out of the word hypotension and then double checked how to spell Gentamicin before he exposed himself for the dyslexic that he probably was.

Just as he was finishing his final set of notes, a familiar voice caught his attention. Frowning, he looked up and toppled straight off his chair when he saw Connor being wheeled in on a stretcher.

“Connor!” Kevin yelled, scrambling to his feet and hurrying over to him, “What happened? Are you okay? Do you know where you are? Do you know who I am? Who’s the president?”

Connor turned his head to look at him, “George W Bush,”

Kevin gasped, “Has he got a head injury-”

“It was a joke, Kevin,” Connor sighed. He turned to the EMT, “I told you not to bring me to the hospital where my unhinged husband works,”

“What happened?” Kevin demanded, peeling back a bandage on his head and gasping again, “Are you okay?”

“Accident on stage,” the EMT said to him, “a harness snapped and he fell,”

Kevin stumbled a little, his mouth hanging open, “Oh my god. Oh my god. He fell on his head? He’s going to die!”

“Oh my god,” Connor groaned, “You’re overreacting,”

“You are,” the EMT said as they transferred him from thee stretcher to the bed, “It’s just a broken ankle and a gash on his forehead,”

“ _Just?_ ” Kevin exclaimed, “How is it _just_ -”

“Kevin!” Connor yelled, “Can you _just_ shut up and get me some fucking painkillers?”

Hospital policy meant that Kevin could not treat Connor, but it didn’t mean that he couldn’t stay in the room with him. He hovered around Doctor Remmy as he worked, knowing that he was getting in the way but not caring enough because the last thing he wanted was for Connor to be in more pain than he needed to be.

Unsurprisingly, Kevin cried more than Connor did when Remmy set his ankle and then cried a bit more when he stitched the cut in his head. He then cried again when a nurse helped him into his boot and started talking him through using crutches.

“You can take the rest of the day off, Kev,” Doctor Remmy said, “I’ll get his discharge papers sorted,”

Kevin sighed and perched on the edge of his bed, carefully running his fingers through Connor’s fringe.

“Is someone going to get in trouble for the wire snapping?”

“No, it wasn’t human error. Just bad luck,” Connor said, “I wasn’t that far off the ground, anyway. It’s a good job we were only in rehearsal and not actually doing a show,”

“That’s one way to traumatise kids, isn’t it? Almost kill Bert,” Kevin snorted.

Connor laughed and rested his head on Kevin’s shoulder, “And now I get 6 weeks off work. Just before Tony nominations,”

“They’ll still take you into consideration, won’t they?”

“They should,” Connor said, “but all the Tony voters are coming to shows from next week, so I think I’m going to miss out on the nomination. And possibly the actual Tony’s if I’m not better by then,”

“At least I won’t have to suffer through another red carpet,” Kevin said. He looked down at Connor, “You wanna cancel my mom coming to dinner?”

Connor shook his head, “No, I’m okay. She can still come. I just won’t be able to kick her if she annoys me,”

“You don’t have to be there if you don’t want to be,” Kevin said, pretending to be interested in Connor’s (quite impressive) blood pressure as he spoke, “You can take Alex to your mom's if you want to. Also, you have near perfect blood pressure. I'm impressed," 

“It's called being healthy, Kev. And why would I miss out on dinner?” Connor asked, “You’re not doing it on your own, I’ll be there with you. Plus, Alex is quite excited about meeting his other Grandma,”

“Are we bad parents for exposing him to her?” Kevin said quietly, “If she - If she does say something horrible? And then he starts to think that-”

“I don’t think Alex is going to grow up to be homophobic if that's what you're worried about,” Connor said quickly, “He has two gay dads and two gay uncles. He probably thinks being straight is weirder than being gay,”

Kevin laughed, “I know that we’ve had the conversation with him about homophobia but he’s never actually seen it happen, has he? So why are we putting him in a situation where-”

“When we get home, we can ask him if he wants to be there,” Connor interrupted, “and it’s like you said - we don’t know if she’s actually changed her opinion. How do we know that she isn’t more accepting now? She might surprise us,”

Kevin nodded, still more than aware of the fact that he was kidding himself into thinking that dinner was going to be okay.

* * *

When Kevin woke up two days later with a text from his mom telling him that she couldn’t wait to see him later, he ran to the bathroom to throw up. Connor hobbled after him to sit on the edge on the edge of the bath and stroke the back of his head.

“It isn’t too late to cancel.” Connor whispered as Kevin sat with his back against the bathroom wall, breathing heavily.

“It is,” Kevin muttered, standing up to rinse his mouth. He turned to Connor and tutted, “You’re not wearing your boot. You should be on your crutches,”

“I hopped,” Connor shrugged, “I’m fine,”

Kevin shook his head, “Stay here, I’ll get your crutches,”

“No!” Connor said quickly, “Get my boot. I fucking hate crutches. Someone said I should be Crutchie in Newsies. The _cheek_! Everyone knows I’m a Jack Kelly!”

“Uh,” Kevin said, “Is that the one with that song about San Diego?”

“Santa Fe,” Connor corrected, “It’s a Disney musical, Kev! You should know this,”

“There’s no princesses, I’m not interested,” 

As much as Kevin was not really looking forward to dinner that night, it was worth it just to see how excited Alex was. He told Kevin all about the new clothes that he had picked out with other daddy, and how he and Uncle Jamie had drawn three pictures; one for Grandma, one for Auntie Isabel and one for Uncle Joshua.

He just hoped that Alex wasn’t going to be terribly disappointed by his Grandma.

It was strangely easy for Kevin to stay calm right up until the moment he heard a knock on the door. Connor froze in the act of placing the knives and forks on the table, looking over at Kevin who realised that they couldn’t be making a worse impression with the stitches on his forehead, a massive bruise on his cheek and his foot in a boot.

“Do you want me to answer-” Connor began but Kevin shook his head.

“I will,” Kevin said, holding his hand out towards Alex, “Come on, son,”

Alex took his hand, bouncing up and down a little as they walked to the front door whilst Kevin desperately tried not to burst into tears and embarrass himself in front of everyone.

Resigning himself to the fact that he might just start crying, he opened the door with a shaking hand and tried to remember how to smile properly.

“Hi,” Kevin said breathlessly, his brain struggling to compute the fact that his mom was standing in front of him, in the home that he shared with his _husband_.

She had aged, which Kevin supposed wasn’t that odd because she probably thought the same thing about him. There were more streaks of grey in her hair than he remembered and she was looking at him in a way that he had not looked at him in years. It took him a moment to realise that she was smiling at him and tried not to think about how fucked up it was that he found it so strange.

“Hello, Kevin,” she said, immediately pulling him into a hug and kissing his cheek. She pulled away and smiled at Alex, “and this is-?”

“Oh, yeah, this is Alex,” Kevin said, snapping out of his daze to bend down and pick him up, “Say hi, buddy,”

Alex hid his face a little as he waved at his Grandma, shyness suddenly overtaking his excitement.

“This is, uh, Joshua,” Isabel said, pointing at the man stood next to her, “My fiance,”

Kevin smiled and shook his hand before inviting them into the dining room, eyes immediately drawn to the little pride flag that Connor had stuck into the vase of flowers on the table. Kevin widened his eyes at Connor, silently saying _what the fuck have you done that for?_ Connor gave him a tiny shrug back that quite plainly said t _he flag is staying, and you’re not moving it_.

“Hello, Connor,” his mother said brightly, actually hugging him and kissing his cheek as though this was normal behaviour for her.

“Hi, Mrs Price,” Connor said, looking as though someone had hit him over the head.

“Please, dear, call me Olive. You and Kevin have been together long enough, haven’t you?”

Connor stared at her and then nodded, “Guess we have...”

Alex hopped down from Kevin’s arms and wandered over to the counter, grabbing the drawings that he had done before hesitantly walking over to their guests. Kevin watched as Joshua crouched down in front of him with a smile, ruffling his hair and telling him how great of an artist he was.

Everything going so smoothly seemed to be worse for Kevin’s anxiety. He was so used to his mom being awful to him that he found it difficult to talk to her about normal things. For the first time since he was 19, she was _interested_ in his life; she wanted to know how he was finding work, how well Alex had settled into daycare, how Connor was finding being in Mary Poppins and even asked how Arnold, Nabulungi, Chris and James were. The fact that she had remembered their names despite only having met Arnold once blew Kevin's mind.

The fact that she had even done something as simple as complimenting Connor’s cooking was shocking. Not that this stopped him from expecting someone to ask if eating food that a gay person cooked would make them gay.

“You’re coming to our wedding aren’t you?” Joshua asked, smiling over at them.

Kevin glanced at Connor out of the corner of his eye who suddenly seemed very interested in something on the ceiling. They hadn’t really spoken about the wedding since Isabel had invited them.

“If, uh, if I can get the time off work,” Kevin lied, “It’s been really hard to get days off recently, there’s a shortage of physicians. It's been all hands on deck,"

“You can get the time off for your _little sister's_ wedding though, Kev,” Isabel said with a roll of her eyes, “Doctor Remmy loves you and so does Katie. They’d give you a day off for anything,”

“Y-Yeah,” Kevin said, trying to ignore the fact that Connor was now glaring at him, “I guess. So, how’s planning going? Did you get your dress?”

Isabel beamed and nodded, “First one I tried on! It was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be. We just need to figure out what our first dance is going to be to,”

“We had _I Could Have Danced All Night_ from My Fair Lady,” Connor piped up, “My idea, obviously,”

“How to make a gay wedding even gayer,” Kevin said before he remembered where he was. He looked up at his mom and grimaced a little, “Sorry. Stupid joke,”

“Is that really a good joke to make around Alex?” his mom asked lightly.

Connor frowned, “It’s not a dirty word. He knows we’re gay, don’t you, buddy?”

“Yeah! Daddy and daddy love each other like Auntie Naba and Uncle Arnold love each other! And Uncle Chris and Uncle Jamie. And Uncle Jack and Auntie Eleanor. And Auntie Abby and Uncle John.” Alex said happily, “Daddies always say love is love, I have a t-shirt that says it!”

Kevin stared down at his son, slightly taken aback. He had never realised that they had accidentally raised a gay rights warrior.

“You let your child wear a political statement?” his mom asked.

“Aren’t you the one who used to take your children on anti-abortion marches?” Kevin asked quietly.

“And love isn’t a political statement,” Connor added angrily, “It’s just-”

“Can we not talk about it right now?” Kevin interrupted, not wanting to have to explain exactly what an abortion was to his four year old son, “Let’s just enjoy our food,”

Steering the conversation away from politics and into something more family friendly reminded Kevin of a line from that stupid poem that Arnold had sent him all those years ago - ‘ _Pulling on the string that makes my cardboard mother more motherly_ ,’. And maybe everyone had been right, maybe this had been a terrible idea. 

It seemed that years away from family dinners meant that Kevin wasn’t nearly as good at keeping conversations civil as he used to be. A harmless conversation about Connor breaking his ankle somehow mutated into something much worse.

“I did want to ask about that,” his mom said, her eyes flickering over to Kevin, “I understand why you did it. You’re frustrated,”

“I didn’t do anything,” Kevin said slowly, already knowing where the conversation was going and hating it, “Connor just told you, there’s a bit where he goes upside down and one of the wires snapped. It was an accident,”

She set her knife and fork down and reached over the table, putting her hand over his, “I’m not proud of you for doing it, but I understand. You’re upset that you’ve wasted 12 years of your life on a stupid phase from when you were a teenager, and you took it out on him,”

“I didn’t do anything to Connor!” Kevin exclaimed, “I can’t believe that you think I would be capable of doing that!”

“We spoke to Bishop Wentz. He said that at first it’s going to be hard leaving him at first, for both you and Alex, but you’ll adapt, both of you,” Isabel exclaimed calmly.

Alex frowned and looked up at Kevin, tugging on his shirt a little, “We’re leaving daddy? I don’t wanna leave him!”

“No,” Kevin said quickly, ripping his hand out of his mom's grip, “We’re not - We’re not leaving him, I promise,”

“He’s _your_ child, Kevin. Not Connor’s,” his mom said.

“Daddy isn’t my daddy?” Alex asked quietly.

“He is!” Kevin said, “We’re both your daddies. Grandma is just - she doesn’t know what she’s talking about,”

Kevin turned to look at Connor, wanting to say something to make it better, to apologise for bringing her back into their lives, into _Alex’s_ life, but had nothing to say. Connor stared right back at him, tears sparkling in his eyes and although he didn’t say a word, Kevin heard exactly what he was saying.

“It’s not too late,” Joshua said, “I was like you once, I had a boyfriend. I met him on my mission, just like you two did. But it’s not normal. It’s not how you’re meant to live,”

Kevin threw his napkin down to the table and stood up, fighting to not lose his cool in front of Alex.

“I think it’s time for you to leave,” he said, “Come on. Up you get,”

He practically chased them down the hall, hands shaking and blood pounding in his ears. Once they were at the front door, his mom turned to face him, her eyes wide and tearful.

“Please, Kevin, I know this is what you want,” she said, “We can all be together again! Little Alex, too. You can be happy without him,”

“I can’t,” Kevin snapped, “Connor is my husband and I love him! I’m not coming back to Utah with you!”

“Think about it, son! Don’t you miss the Church? The sense of community you had there?”

Kevin stared at her, his eyebrows furrowed slightly. If there was one thing he missed about being LDS, it was the sense of community, knowing that there was a place where he truly belonged.

“Remember the LDS Hospital?” Isabel said quickly, “There’s a vacancy there for Chief of Emergency Medicine. That’s where you want to end up, isn’t it? Head of department?”

“Really?” Kevin asked quietly.

Isabel nodded, “I know you don’t have that much experience compared to other Doctors, but you went to Harvard and you already worked in the busiest ER in New York! And you’d get a great reference off Doctor Remmy, wouldn’t you?”

Kevin thought about it for a moment; even he could not deny that the thought of achieving his biggest career aspiration before he was 40 was enticing.

It was only when he heard Connor singing to Alex - presumably to distract him from what was happening in the hall - that he realised how stupid he was being. He had everything that he needed in New York, and no fancy hospital job was going to pull him away from his family.

“Come home with us, Kevin, please,” his mom pleaded, “We can get you help!”

“I really wanted you to be better,” Kevin said, “I wanted you to just be a mom for once and love me and love Connor and love Alex,”

“I do love you and Alex, but-”

“No, you don’t!” Kevin exclaimed, “If you loved me and Alex, you’d also love Connor and you wouldn’t be trying to get me back into conversion therapy! I nearly _killed_ myself because of what you and dad put me through, do you know that?”

“Loving you would be easier if you were dead,”

“What a completely normal thing to say to your son,” Kevin scoffed, “Do you know how fucked up you are? How fucked up this whole thing is? You’re letting your daughter marry a gay man! That’s not normal!”

“I’m not gay,” Joshua said quickly.

“I feel sorry for you,” Kevin said to him, “Truly. You deserve better,”

“Joshua is proof that you can live the life that Heavenly Father wants you to live!” Isabel exclaimed.

“I don’t give a fuck about Heavenly Father!” Kevin yelled, “I don’t care if he wants me to never drink coffee and marry a woman and give 10% of my earnings to a Church that is rich enough without my money! He can fuck off and take all of you with him!”

“You don’t know what you’re saying,” his mom said, “You’re clearly distressed and-”

“I’m not. I’m happy, I’m gay and I’m bored of this conversation,” Kevin interrupted. He turned to Isabel, “I better not see you in the ED on Monday,”

Isabel scoffed, “I’m not quitting my job because of you!”

“You can demand a transfer though. I’m not working with you,” Kevin said firmly, "I've worked too damn hard to to get to where I am for you to ruin it for me!"

“You’re seriously giving up your chance of living a righteous life for Connor?” Isabel said.

“I’d give up _everything_ for him,”

Joshua shook his head, “I’m going to be praying for you, dude,”

“And I’m going to be praying that you get dicked down,” Kevin said before slamming the door in their faces.

Breathing deeply through his nose, Kevin leaned forward and rested his forehead against the door. He could still hear them talking and quickly locked the door, taking a step back from it as though they might try and break in to get to him.

Hastily wiping his eyes, he walked back into the dining room, but found it empty. Assuming Alex was upset and Connor was mad at him, he slowly cleared the table and put the dishes into the dishwasher, actually having to bite down on his hand at one point to stop himself from sobbing too loud.

He was quite sure that there was no one in the world more naive, more _stupid_ than him. How could he get to the age of 31 and still entertain the idea that his mom loved him despite the fact that she hadn’t shown any real love towards him since he was 19? Though he supposed that it had been longer than even that or else she would have never agreed to send him to conversion therapy. He frowned as he wiped down the dining room table, wondering if either of his parents had ever truly loved any of their children.

Exhausted with everything and not looking forward to the fight that he and Connor were probably about to have, Kevin slowly walked to their bedroom, peeking inside and smiling at the sight before him. Connor and Alex were already in their pyjamas, Alex looking up at his dad with wide eyes as he told him a story. Kevin watched until Connor finished and Alex had burst into laughter, all snuggled up to his side.

“Oh, here’s other daddy,” Connor said, looking over at him, “We thought you’d got lost,”

Kevin shook his head and changed into his pyjamas, sitting on the edge of the bed and running his fingers through Alex’s hair.

“Are you okay, buddy? I’m sorry you had to listen to Grandma being mean,”

“I don’t want to leave daddy,” Alex mumbled.

“You don’t have to,” Kevin promised, “We aren’t going anywhere. And even if we were going somewhere, daddy would be coming with us,”

Connor nodded, “Yeah, I’m not going anywhere,”

“Okay...” Alex said, “I don’t like Grandma,”

Kevin laughed, scooting over to him and putting his arm around him, “It’s okay. I don’t like her either, but I love you and I love daddy, and that’s all that matters, yeah?”

Alex smiled and rested his head on Kevin’s chest, his eyes beginning to close, “Love you too...”

Kevin didn’t say anything to Connor straight away, wanting to make sure that Alex was in a deep sleep before he did.

When he started snoring quietly, Kevin looked up at Connor and smiled.

“I’m really sorry,” he said, “I don’t know why I thought it would be a good idea for her to come over. I was so stupid. I shouldn’t have put you and Alex through that. I understand if you’re mad at me. I’ll sleep on the couch tonight, I don’t-”

“You’re such a drama queen,” Connor sighed, “I’m not mad at you. I’m okay and Alex is okay and you’re okay. That’s all that matters to me. You just wanted your mom, I understand,”

“I don’t anymore,” Kevin said, “I don’t need her or Isabel. I have everything I need. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren’t enough for me,”

“I never felt like that,” Connor said softly, “I know you think that you’re cold and distant like your dad, but you’re not. You’re a big softy, Kev,”

Kevin laughed and leaned over to kiss him, “I love you,”

“I love you too, darling,” Connor whispered, “You are okay, aren’t you?”

Kevin looked down at his sleeping son and then back up at his husband, taking a moment to revel in the fact that he was lucky enough to spend the rest of his life with someone like Connor. 

“Yeah. I’m okay,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank-you for reading!!   
> Only the epilogue left now :(


	27. Epilogue

All Kevin McKinley wanted was to not have to deliver his new baby. 

Delivering Alex in their living room had been stressful and borderline traumatic, delivering their second baby in the _car_ when Connor had managed to drive into a traffic jam had _definitely_ been traumatic and he’d ended up with mild concussion after hitting his head on the roof of the car when his daughter had dropped into his arms - as though a baby was something shocking to see after someone had gone into labor. 

“You’re a Doctor of _emergency medicine_ and you panicked when you were in an emergency?” Katie had asked him when he was lying in bed in hospital. 

“Nurses aren’t meant shout at patients,” Kevin muttered, “My head hurts,” 

Katie tutted, “If you ever have another baby, I hope you don’t deliver it,” 

“Don’t worry,” Kevin said, “We’re done now,” 

And they had been done, until they weren’t.

Being brought up Mormon, Kevin had always imagined that he would have more than two children. Whenever he thought this, however, he would quickly remind himself that he had also thought that he would have more than two children with a _woman,_ and that he was under no obligation to try and live his life in a way that would make the LDS Church happy anymore. 

This didn't mean that he and Connor hadn’t talked about having more children, but it just always seemed to be the wrong time. They had seriously considered it until Kevin was promoted to Chief of Emergency Medicine earlier than expected (on his 34th birthday, to be exact) and then Connor got cast in a sitcom and having another baby amidst all of that seemed like too much. 

More importantly than that, they had been blessed with Alex and Sophia, and wanting for more felt wrong. 

And then, when Sophia wasn’t even 2 years old, Connor got an email from an adoption agency and neither of them really knew what to do. 

It was an agency from back when they were thinking about adopting before they had even had Alex. There was a pregnant 16 year old girl who wasn’t ready for a baby, and for some reason, the agency thought that Kevin and Connor would be the most perfect parents. 

“But she’s still a _baby_ ,” Kevin said to Connor, holding up Sophia as though he wasn’t aware. 

“I know,” Connor said, “but, I mean...we’ve thought about it, haven’t we? And we both want another!” 

Kevin looked down at Sophia as she became suddenly interested with his tie, running it through her fingers and chewing on the end of it, “I know but Alex was so much older by the time this one was born!” 

“But you’re thinking about it, aren’t you?” 

“Yes...” 

And then thinking about it turned into agreeing to the adoption which then turned into Kevin going into a blind panic because Sophia really was very young and Kevin had a hard job and Connor was still working and Alex was growing up too quickly and what if Kevin had to deliver _another_ child? He had gone into emergency medicine in the hopes that he would never have to deliver a baby, and had somehow ended up delivering two of his own!

When he told Connor that he was petrified at the prospect of having to deliver another baby, he had just shrugged and said that if either of them had to deliver the baby, he would rather it be the doctor and not the actor. Kevin would rather it be a gynaecologist than the doctor who was much better at dealing with his patients taking their last breaths, than them taking their first. 

And when he wasn’t petrified of having to deliver their baby, he was petrified of having to tell Alex. They had already ‘told’ Sophia, but she was too young to really understand and had just nodded and crawled into Connor’s lap after discovering they both had the same coloured hair. She giggled and turned to Kevin, pointing at his head. 

“Poo-Poo!” she laughed, “Poo-Poo!” 

Kevin sighed, looking over at Connor, “Did you teach her that?” 

“Of course I didn’t, Poo-Poo,” 

Thankfully, Kevin had to leave for work and wouldn’t have to listen to anyone call him Poo-Poo all day. Though he wouldn’t put it past any of his patients - or Katie - to call him Poo-Poo or something worse at some point in the day. 

His day ended up being quite slow, with a lot of earaches, runny noses and a heart attack just to keep him on his toes. His last patient of the day was a drunk 18 year old boy who vomited on Kevin every single time he walked into the room. He was, at the very least, apologetic which was much better than most of his drunk patients. 

“It's only half eight, how's he already drunk?” Katie asked when Kevin stomped over to her to type up notes. 

“The impression I get that he's a lightweight. First time drinking, I think,” Kevin sighed, “Do I smell of sick?”

“Yep!” Katie said brightly. 

Kevin groaned, “I wish we didn’t have that stupid rule about not being able to wear aftershave,” 

“It’s not a _stupid_ rule, Mr Chief of Emergency Medicine,” Katie said, “It’s a rule to make sure our already ill patients don’t get even more ill by going into anaphylactic shock,” 

“Thanks for explaining that to me,” Kevin said, “You know, after all these years of being a doctor, I’ve never quite understood that concept,” 

“Always happy to help you with any other medical issues,” she said, “Have you told Alex about the new baby yet?” 

Kevin shook his head, “Nope. Too scared,” 

“Why?” Katie asked, “He loves being a big brother,” 

“He does,” Kevin agreed, “to _one_ sibling. Kids struggle to adjust sometimes, don’t they? Remember that kid we had last week who threw himself down the stairs because his parents had another baby?” 

“Has Alex thrown himself down the stairs since you’ve had Sophia?” 

“No, but-” 

“So you’re worrying about nothing,” Katie interrupted, “He’s going to be okay,” 

Kevin hummed noncommittally as he carried on typing his notes. He was terrified that Alex was going to feel like the forgotten child, much like he did when growing up. His father had been of the opinion that as the eldest child, Kevin could fend for himself and didn’t need help off anyone - even on the days when sometimes all he wanted was a hug off his parents. 

“Hey,” Katie said quietly, “What’s up?” 

“I don’t want to treat Alex the way my dad treated me,” Kevin said, keeping his eyes firmly on the computer screen even though he wasn’t typing anything. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I’m the eldest, aren’t I?” Kevin said, “By the time Isabel was born, they were so busy with her and Abby that they didn’t worry about me. My terrible relationship with him didn’t start when I came out, it was when I realised that he just...didn’t care,” 

“Do you care about Alex?” 

“Of course I do!” 

“So...what do you have to worry about?” 

Kevin sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “I don’t know. I just...I worry,” 

“The thing with parenting is that you don’t ever stop worrying or panicking about whether you’re doing a good job or not. But for what it's worth, I think you're doing a great job,” Katie said, “Why don’t you just go home? You’re only gonna miss the last half an hour of your shift,” 

“No, I’ll stay, I’ve still got to do-” 

“Why are you still in my ED, McKinley?” 

Kevin turned to her and raised his eyebrows, “ _Your_ ED? I think you’ll find that it’s my ED,” 

“Are you sure about that?” Katie asked. 

Kevin pointed at his pass, “I believe that says, ‘ _Kevin McKinley, MD. Chief of Emergency Medicine’,”_

“Oh, _honey_ , we only gave you that title to make you feel special,” Katie sighed, “You know it’s not real, don’t you?” 

Kevin tutted, “You’re not funny,”

"The truth rarely is,"

By the time Kevin got home, he was as exhausted as he usually would have been after a properly busy day in the ED. When he pulled up outside of the house, he took a moment to rest his forehead against the steering wheel and groaned loudly. 

“Bad day?” Connor asked when Kevin walked into the living room. 

Kevin shook his head, “No, it was fine, actually,” 

“Oh,” Connor said, “You look like shit,” 

“Thank-you, darling,” Kevin sighed, “I’m going to have a shower. I was sick on three times today,” 

Connor snorted, “Lovely. The kids are sleeping though, so don’t be loud,”

When Kevin had scrubbed his skin within an inch of its life to get rid of the lingering smell of vomit and had checked that both kids were sleeping peacefully, he walked back into the living room and immediately cuddled up to Connor’s side on the sofa. 

“Are you worried about Alex?” Connor asked quietly. 

“How do you know?” 

“Psychic,” Connor said, “I can practically hear your overthinking. Whatever happens, we’ll deal with it,” 

Kevin nodded, “Yeah, I know we will,” 

* * *

They decided to tell Alex about his new sibling after soccer practice in the hopes that he would be too worn out to get upset. He had been very happy when Sophia was born, but the last time Kevin had asked him how he felt about another brother or sister, he didn’t seem too thrilled about the idea. 

Jack had then reminded Kevin that when he was told that his mom was pregnant with Isabel, he had cried for 5 hours, and that didn’t make him feel better about anything. It did, however, make him think that maybe he had psychic abilities because 20 years later, those tears had been justified. 

“Do you think he’s going to be alright?” Kevin asked 

“Yeah," Connor said, bouncing up and down on the balls on his feet and being the campest soccer dad that America had ever seen, “Why wouldn’t he?” 

“I dunno,” Kevin shrugged, “And he’s eight in like two weeks! Are we taking his day away from him?” 

Connor shook his head, “No. It’s not like we’re telling him _on_ his birthday, is it?”

“Guess not...still, it’s a big thing having another sibling, isn’t it?”

“I wouldn’t know, I’m an only child. It’s why I’m an actor. I crave the attention I never got from siblings,” 

“Thank god he’s not going to be actor then,” 

Connor elbowed him in the side, “What’s wrong with being an actor?”

“Would you like a list or a power-point?"

“Shut up,” Connor muttered, “I make us money,” 

“Because, famously, a doctor's salary is terrible,” 

By the time Alex’s practice had finished, Kevin had spiralled back into a panic and was considering staging a medical emergency at work until Connor all but shoved him into the car, clearly sensing his need to run as far away from the problem as possible. 

“You’re being weird, dad,” Alex said. 

“Me?” Kevin asked, “I’m not being weird. _You’re_ being weird. I’m perfectly normal,” 

“Everyone knows that’s not true,” Connor snorted, turning around to look at Alex, “We’re going to get lunch,” 

“What about Sophia?” he asked. 

“Grandma and Granddad are looking after her for the afternoon. Is that okay?” Connor asked, “We thought it’d be fun to have a boys day,” 

Alex nodded and turned to look out of the window. Kevin’s hands tightened on the driving wheel as he drove, trying to think about everything but the fact that he had chosen the worst day to forget to take his anxiety meds. 

When they took their seats in the restaurant, Connor had to keep his hand on Kevin’s thigh to stop him from bouncing his leg up and down so much. It worked for a few seconds until Kevin realised that he could just bounce his other leg. Connor’s quiet threat to chop both his legs off didn’t work because at least then, Kevin would be too distracted by his lack of leg to worry about having to tell Alex that he was going to be a brother again. 

“So, Al, we have something to tell you,” Connor said. 

Alex looked up at them with a frown, “What? Are you getting divorced?”

Kevin choked on his salad, “No! Why do you - Why do you think we’re getting divorced?” 

“Because Billy’s mom and dad took him to a restaurant to tell him that they were getting divorced,” 

“Well, we aren’t getting divorced,” Kevin said, “We are...um, we’re...Connor? You want to tell him?” 

Connor tutted and kicked Kevin under the table, “We’re going to have another baby,” 

When Alex didn’t say anything, Kevin’s heart dropped to his stomach, convinced this meant that he didn’t want another sibling and that he would grow to hate Kevin and Connor for bringing another baby into the family even though it made him unhappy. 

“Alex?” Connor said gently, “Did you hear me?” 

“Yeah,” Alex said, “You’re having another baby,” 

Kevin glanced over at Connor and then back at Alex, clearing his throat a little. 

“And...?” he coaxed, “You can tell us how you feel, we won’t get angry,” 

Alex frowned down at his food and then back up at his dads before shrugging.

“Aren’t you _excited_ to be a big brother again?” Kevin asked. 

Alex shrugged again, “You’re not gonna - You’re not gonna forget about me are you?” 

At once, Kevin jumped to his feet and hurried around to Alex’s side of the table, sliding into the booth next to him and putting his arm around his shoulders. Connor frowned a little, reaching over the table and squeezing Alex’s hand. 

“Why do you think that we’re going to forget about you, buddy?” Connor asked, “Do you think we’ve forgotten about you since Sophia was born?” 

“No,” Alex mumbled, “but what if - what if you do?” 

“We’re not going to forget about you, bud,” Kevin promised, “We could have 300 kids and still wouldn’t forget any of you,” 

“Promise?” 

“Promise,” Connor said, “Nobody is forgetting anyone in our family,” 

“So, are you excited about being a big brother again?” Kevin asked. 

Alex rested his head on Kevin’s shoulder and nodded, his face splitting into a grin. Kevin let out a sigh of relief and kissed the top of Alex’s head. He had not thought of a plan to deal with what might have happened if Alex had hated his youngest sibling, but he didn’t think that whatever plan he came up with would be a good one. 

“This new baby...is it from you or dad?” Alex asked. 

“Neither,” Connor told him. 

Alex frowned, “So it...it’s not gonna be like us?” 

“No, it is going to be like us,” Kevin said hurriedly, “You aren’t biologically related to other dad but that doesn’t make you any less his son, does it? And Sophia isn’t biologically related to me, but she’s still my daughter, isn’t she? We’re going to be adopting the new baby,” 

“Okay...is it a boy or girl?” 

“We don’t know yet,” Connor said, “We’ll find out soon though,” 

“I want a brother,” Alex said promptly. 

“You’ve got a 50/50 chance of that happening.” Connor laughed, “You’ll love them whether they’re a boy or a girl, right?” 

“Yeah, but I’d prefer them if they were a boy,” 

“You know you can’t control that, right?” Kevin said. 

Alex frowned and looked down at his food before looking back up at his dad, “How are babies made into boys or girls?” 

Kevin perked up at this, ever since Alex had started first grade, he had been trying to convert him into a little scientist. Chris and James thought that this was the best way to to try and convert him into hating science, but Kevin argued that it was much better than trying to convert him to being heterosexual. Chris had then shouted at him for making a terrible joke and thrown flour in his face. 

Connor groaned and slumped down his seat, “Alex, what have I told you about talking to your dad about science?” 

“The same thing that dad says about talking to you about musicals,” 

Kevin waved them both down and launched into his explanation of X and Y chromosomes. Connor groaned and rested his head on his arms. Alex, on the other hand, seemed genuinely interested in what he had to say, giving Kevin hope that he was indeed raising a scientist. 

“You’re _so_ boring, Kevin,” Connor sighed when he had finished talking. 

“Biology is not boring!” Kevin exclaimed, “It’s not boring is it, Al?” 

Alex shook his head, “Nope!” 

Connor rolled his eyes, “I _haaated_ biology in high school. I got dropped from AP Biology,” 

“I took AP Biology in freshman year,” 

“No you didn’t,” Connor scoffed, “how could you take AP Biology if you hadn’t even taken biology before?” 

“Because I did Honors Bio in eighth grade,” Kevin said. 

“ _Why_ would you do that?” Connor asked. 

“Because I was smart and I had the option!” Kevin exclaimed, “Also my dad forced me to do it,” he frowned for a moment and then looked down at Alex, “and I’m _never_ going to force you to take any classes that you don’t want to take,” 

“Kay,” Alex said, obviously already bored with the conversation and not paying attention to anything but his fries. 

Connor looked over at him and grinned, "See, you were worried about nothing," 

Kevin looked back down at Alex and smiled, “Yeah, guess I was,” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank-you so much to everyone who's read/commented/kudos'd this fic!! It really does mean a lot to me!! <3


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